Hi again! Thank you so much to those who read the last chapter and to those who reviewed thank you it really means a lot. I'm really enjoying writing this and so it makes me really happy that you're enjoying reading it. Thank you again!
It had been ten days since Jess had been released from the hospital and today she was sat nervously in the waiting room waiting to see her doctor. She'd been in the hospital for most of the morning, having scans and getting blood drawn and now she was waiting for the results. She knew she was healing well on the outside, that she was worried about, but she was worried about what they might find with her one precious remaining kidney and healing liver. She hadn't said anything to Don but she'd been having a lot of pain in her stomach, which she feared was a serious problem.
"Miss Angell, Doctor Gomez will see you now." The young nurse called into the waiting room. Jess stood and took a nervous breath before entering the small clinic room.
"Jessica, please have a seat. How are you feeling?" Doctor Gomez asked gently. Doctor Gomez was in his early 50s, what hair he had left was greying and he spoke with gentle tones which calmed even the wildest of Jess's nerves.
"Good I think…I hope. I've been having some pain, not bad but noticeable. I decided to take some physical therapy, I was finding I had a lot of muscular pain but that's gone now. It's really just the stomach pain that's worrying me." Jess explained, her restless hands pulling at the fabric on her cotton yoga pants.
She really hadn't wanted the physical therapy but she accepted that, if she wanted to go back to work and chase down suspects, it was something she found herself with no choice but to do.
"That's good news about physical therapy and the muscle pain. I have reviewed all of your scan images and blood work from today, your kidney function is normal and the remaining kidney has grown exactly as we would have expected. Your liver has begun to repair, this may be what is causing your pain. As new tissue grows on the scarred tissue this can sometimes be uncomfortable. I see nothing on the scans to be concerned about. You are a little anaemic, this is to be expected after such a major trauma so I'm going to write you a script for an iron supplement. I am happy to stop all your other medicines today. Are you still needing to take the pain medications?" Dr Gomez spoke. Jess was relieved by his words, slightly worried she had heard him wrong when he had said things were going well.
"No not really, I haven't had any for a few days." Jess replied.
"I think we should give you another two weeks of those, just in case. I have to say Jessica, your progress is remarkable. There was a very real chance you might not have survived the injuries you had." Dr Gomez exclaimed, still amazed by how quickly Jess had recovered.
"I know, I can't explain it. I was…I was very lucky." Jess concluded, feeling anxiety wash over her again, igniting all of her nerve endings and causing a shiver down her spine.
"Do you have any questions?" The doctor asked.
"Actually I do. When can I go back to work, when can I go back to the gym and when can I have a glass of wine?" Jess asked, she didn't drink often but she missed having a glass of wine or beer in the evenings.
"You may go back to the gym from today but no contact sports for another few months. I would like you to stay off work for another four weeks to properly recover. I know you're eager to go back Jessica but your body has suffered a major trauma, you can go back in four weeks to desk duty and we can discuss returning to active duty after that. As for the alcohol, your liver needs some more time to heal. In two weeks you may start having a small amount, I don't think I need to remind you that everyone should be limiting how much they have." Dr Gomez advised gently, knowing that not being able to go back to work would upset Jess. She was very disappointed that she wouldn't be going back for another two weeks.
"I understand, I'll take it easy at the gym and no work for a month." Jess confirmed as she gathered up her things and said thank you to the doctor before leaving.
It was approaching the end of June and the oppressive city heat and humidity hit Jess full force as she stepped out of the comfortably air conditioned hospital. She couldn't decide how she was feeling after her appointment, she was of course relieved but also frustrated and disappointed. What was she going to do without work for another month? Don had been hoping to come with her to see the doctor but he hadn't been able to get away from work, with the 12th precinct being one second grade detective down everyone was picking up extra work.
Jess continued to stroll slowly uptown on 5th avenue when her eyes fell on her favorite salon. Angelique's; run by a larger than life woman from the Bronx, Angelique Rodriguez, had been Jess's favorite salon since she had been a teenager. The tiny room, with only space for three chairs, hadn't changed at all over the years, it was a comforting piece of calm in the craziness of the city.
"Well, well, well if it isn't the walking miracle from God herself. How are you Doll?" Angelique's distinctive South Bronx accent spoke loudly as the doors chimed, signalling Jess's entry into the small shop. Angelique was unmissable amongst the two other women working in the store, her ever changing elaborate weave was her signature look. A new hairstyle every month was what made her Angelique.
Jess smiled and chuckled, "I'm okay, need a hair cut through." She said.
"Anything for you Baby Doll, on the house." Angelique smiled.
"That's really not necessary." Jess protested.
"Sure it is. Ladies, just a few weeks ago this woman got shot and almost hit by a truck. By some miracle from God she's sat right here today." Angelique addressed the three women sat in the chairs and the staff working in the salon.
"How did you hear about that?" Jess asked curiously, wondering who could have shared the information.
"Oh Honey, all of New York City heard about it." Angelique said, pausing from braiding the hair of the woman in her chair and reaching for an old copy of the newspaper and passing it to Jess.
It seemed everyone had failed to tell her that she'd been front page news. A full page picture of herself from her Academy graduation with the headline 'Hero NYPD Detective survives deadly raid on diner.' Jess winced, the idea of every person in the city knowing her business was not something she enjoyed.
Despite this, and fielding numerous questions from the women in the salon, Jess left Angelique's feeling refreshed and ready to face whatever other surprises the day had in store for her.
Jess was already in bed when Don entered the apartment, it was after 10pm and he was coming off a double.
"Hey, long day?" Jess asked, as Don peeled off his suit and crawled into bed in his boxers and a t-shirt.
"Still working on the bachelorette party murders. DNA got me nothing, trace came up with nothing, and I have no idea where to go next." Don replied frustrated, this case was definitely taking its toll and it was nowhere close to being closed.
"Want me to look over the case file for you?" Jess asked hopefully, keen to be of use and desperately missing work.
"Doctor say you could come back to work today?" Don asked, already assuming that he knew the answer to his question.
"No." Jess replied flatly.
"Then no." Don replied, kissing Jess's lips gently. "How did it go?" He asked.
Jess shrugged, "Kidney and liver are fine now. No work for four more weeks though" She grumbled.
Don sighed, he knew Jess would be frustrated and disappointed with not being able to return to work but Don was quietly relieved that the doctor had ordered her to rest for another month.
"I'm so relieved it all came back okay Babe, I'm really proud of you." Don said, kissing her again. "I know you're frustrated but you almost died Jess and you need time to get better, I know you still have to take a nap in the afternoon." He spoke gently, pulling her into his arms.
"I guess, the doctor did say I can go to the gym though." A devilish smile crossed Jess's face as she rolled over so that she was straddling Don's thighs. She leant down and kissed his lips, smiling as his hands ran up her thigs and rested against her hips.
"Are you sure you're up for this?" Don asked, half concerned but also half desperate for the activity to continue.
"Are you kidding? We haven't had sex in a month!" Jess exclaimed, sitting up with her hands placed flat against Don's chest.
"I know, trust me I know. I want to do this, you know that, but you've had a long day." Don said calmly, chuckling as Jess scrunched up her face.
"If I can go to the gym, then this is totally fine." Jess spoke, leaning down and kissing him firmly and putting an end to the discussion.
An hour later Jess lay in bed, feeling relaxed and content but completely unable to fall asleep. Don was asleep and she lay there watching his peaceful breaths in and out. Her physical recovery was far quicker than she had expected but if she was being honest with herself, the emotional recovery was weighing her down. She was strong on the outside, never showing her emotions, but on the inside she was gripped by how close she had come to dying. She hadn't told anyone but while she was had been sedated in the ICU she'd had recurring nightmares. She'd been told this was common for ICU patients but that knowledge hadn't helped her much. Nurses, Doctors and the unit psychologist had quizzed her about the dreams she'd had, asking whether she'd dreamt of the shooting to which her honest answer was not really. She'd dreamt of the day she'd watched as her mother collided with the subway train at 42nd street, over and over the terrifying scene had played over in her mind as nightmares she couldn't wake from.
She'd never given much thought to her own mortality but in those five days she had recalled it all; every painful moment, every agonising heartbreak, how cold she had felt laying in the squad car dying in Don's arms. She had remembered the pain of being hit, pain like she had never experienced before, she hated to think about it now but in that moment she had been ready to go, if only to end the pain she had been feeling. She wasn't sure how she was going to resolve this, the emotional burden of it all, she couldn't tell Don and she didn't want to put it all on her Dad, she knew she would get through it eventually.
She was waiting for a summons to see the department shrink, a mandatory requirement after ll officer involved shootings, and something she really wasn't looking forward to. There was no way she was going to share anything with the intimidating Dr Michaels. She'd had to see him a few times before, on occasions where she'd had to fire at suspects. He was a tall but overweight man, his hair balding and his face unnecessarily stern for someone who you're meant to share your feelings with. His sole purpose, in her opinion, was less to help people with their emotions and more to ensure there weren't revengeful murderous cops patrolling the streets of New York.
Sighing, Jess slipped out of bed slowly, wincing slightly at the protest from her still healing muscles. She quickly pulled on her underwear and Don's shirt before walking over to the window. It was 2am but the streets of Manhattan were never really dark. Her building was the tallest in a four block radius, standing at 30 floors, allowing for a stunning view over the city towards lower Manhattan. She loved the city skyline at night, the buildings and the lights. She even loved the noise, it amazed her that even from her 22nd floor apartment you could hear the cars and the sirens and the other sounds unique to New York City.
She opened the window a few inches, it only opened that far anyway, and listened to the sounds…the sounds of home, her safe place. She watched a private helicopter fly by, smiling as she wondered what the lives were like of the people inside. As she took a deep breath she turned to look at Don, he hadn't moved from his position laying on his back with his right arm slung over his face and his left hand gripping the top of his pillow.
They'd been together for ten months but so much had happened in that time, it almost felt like a lifetime. As quietly as she could, she crept from the bedroom and through the hallway into the living room. She unlocked the screen on her phone and called the only person who she knew would understand.
"Hello?" The voice on the end of the line answered.
"Hey Brody." Jess smiled as she spoke.
"Jess! Are you okay? I'm sorry I haven't called, works been crazy. Any reason why you're calling at…2am?" Brody asked, calculating the 15 hour time difference between his Brisbane home and New York with ease.
"Couldn't sleep. I had these nightmares, when I was in the ICU, they were about that day. Seeing that fight and watching…I can't unsee it." Jess whispered, trying to keep her emotions in check and her voice low so she didn't wake Don.
July was always hard for the family, Julia had been born in July and they had lost her in July too. This year they knew would be especially hard, knowing how close they had come to losing Jess too.
"I know Kid, sometimes it's all I see when I close my eyes too. You know what else I see though? Mom's face as you played that Mozart's Moonlight Sonata at seven freaking years old for those Julliard professors, like you'd been a concert pianist your whole life. She was so proud of your then and she'd be proud of you now." Brody reassured, keeping his own emotions in check.
Jess had been granted a musical gift, a talent so rarely seen in children so young, but it had died that day too and she hadn't touched a piano since that day. Throughout the reminder of her childhood and teens she had transferred her talent for music to languages, by the end of high school she spoke fluent French and Italian.
"I haven't relived it for years but it was constant, on a horrible loop that I couldn't make end." Jess spoke again, allowing her tears to fall as she glanced over at the baby grand piano she had once played so often but that had sat untouched in the large living room for so many years.
"Have you had it since? Are you sleeping now?" Brody asked.
"It hasn't come back. I've slept every night before tonight, gotta take a nap in the afternoons too." Jess sighed, frustrated.
"Give it time Kiddo, it will pass. You've been through a lot this month. Do you need me to come?" Brody asked, already searching flights that would get him to the US as soon as possible.
"No, I'm okay, really. I know you understand and I just needed to say it out loud." Jess reassured.
"Are you on your own? Is someone with you? I don't like the idea of you being alone in that huge apartment right now." Brody worried.
"No, Don's here, I'm not on my own." Jess reassured again.
"Do I need to talk to him or are you sure you're going to be okay?" Brody asked, feeling helpless at being so far away.
"I promise I'm okay, as soon as we're done talking I'll go to bed." Jess promised, missing her brother and wishing he was closer.
"Okay, love you kiddo." Brody spoke affectionately as he hung up the call.
Jess sighed as she stood and collected her thoughts, she definitely felt better for talking to her brother but the inevitable weight of the last month was still a burden.
Quietly she crept back into the bedroom, lifting the covers of the bed and snuggling close into Don's side.
"You okay?" He asked, still half asleep.
Jess kissed his cheek gently, "I'm fine, go back to sleep." She whispered.
"Love you." Don said sleepily, tightening his arms around her.
Jess smiled happily and snuggled her head into the crook of his neck, "I love you too." She whispered back, falling quickly into peaceful sleep.
A knock at the door at noon the next day disturbed Jess from what had become her regular daytime routine of reading on the couch. It was unusual in her building that people came to the door unexpectedly, the building had a concierge who checked in visitors and called up to the apartment before allowing people up.
"Coming!" Jess called as she moved from the living room and into the hall towards the door. "Lindsay, hey! Are you okay?" Jess asked.
"I'm so sorry to show up like this. My sitter cancelled, Danny's mom is out of town and I have work in twenty minutes. Is there any chance you could watch Lucy for a few hours until Danny gets off work?" Lindsay asked nervously, worrying about what she would do if Jess said no and what she would do when Don found out she had asked.
"Of course! I'd love to hang out with Lucy, come on in." Jess moved aside and allowed Lindsay to roll the stroller into the hallway and place Lucy's bag down next to it.
"Are you sure about this? She'll probably sleep but she can be really difficult because she gets colic and Flack will kill me if he comes home and finds you all stressed out with Lucy." Lindsay rambled, unclipping Lucy from her carrier and passing her gently to Jess.
"Leave Don to me. I'm really glad you came, it's good to feel useful." Jess smiled, running her thumb over Lucy's soft baby head.
"How are you feeling? We really miss you." Lindsay said, taking a breath and pulling Jess into a hug.
The pair had never been very close, outside of after work drinks they had never spent much time together but sitting in that hospital room had made everyone realise how important Jess was to them.
"I'm good, recovering." Jess reassured.
"I have next Wednesday off work, would you like to have lunch?" Lindsay asked.
"I'd love that." Jess agreed.
"Thank you so much for doing this Angell, I owe you." Lindsay kissed Lucy on her forehead quickly before rushing out of the apartment to try and get to work on time.
"Alright Lucy Messer, just you and me now kid. Want to watch some TV?" Jess asked as she settled down on the couch with Lucy snuggled gently against her chest. "Jake and the Neverland Pirates? Sure, good choice." Jess chuckled, the TV show playing in the background.
Jess loved babies, who didn't love babies? They were soft and snuggly and they smelt amazing. She had never put much thought into having children of her own, she'd enjoyed being cool Aunt Jess to her two nieces but she supposed that she would like kids of her own someday. Her career was important to her though, being a female detective was hard enough without taking months off to have a baby. It was going to be a difficult balance when it eventually happened, she mused.
Three hours later Jess was watching a mindless reality TV show about women buying wedding dresses when she heard the lock turn on the door. She hadn't been expecting Don home for another two hours, he had been planning to re-interview witnesses to the bachelorette party murder, but clearly the plans had changed.
"Hey Babe…uh…when did we get a baby?" Don asked confused, only able to see the back of Jess's head and the top of the baby head resting against her shoulder.
"Lucy Messer." Jess laughed, "Danny will be here to get her at five, we've just been watching TV and hanging out." She had enjoyed spending time with Lucy, her two nieces were both in Australia and she hadn't seen them in over a year. There was little prospect of her other three brothers having kids any time soon, they had never been able to hold down long term relationships.
"Owen and Austin are coming over tonight to watch the game, is that okay? We were going to watch it at my place but it's all packed up ready to move out next week." Don said as he leaned down and placed a long loving kiss on her lips, savoring the feeling of her lips moving against his.
"Sure, you don't need to ask my permission. Next week this will be your place too, I don't want you to feel like this is my apartment, I want it to feel like our apartment." Jess said, reaching out for his hand as he rounded the back of the couch and sat next to her, pulling her and Lucy into his lap.
"I know, but I also know Owen isn't your favorite person." Don said, resting back with a beer in his right hand and his left aimlessly playing with one of Jess's ringlets that had come loose from her messy ponytail.
"Owen isn't anyone's favorite person but I would never stop him coming over. This is your home Babe, have over whoever you want." Jess said as she leaned up to kiss him again, smiling at the idea that they would be living together permanently very soon.
Not much would change though, she supposed, even before the shooting they spent most nights together. Having just one the one apartment meant more money in the pot for bills and taxes, something Jess often worried about. She was eternally grateful that she didn't have to pay a mortgage or rent but the home owner's association fees and the city taxes for her building were the equivalent and so she was always careful about how she managed her money. The pressure would be off once Don moved in though, she knew. As a first grade detective and having worked for the NYPD for ten years Don was on top salary for his grade, Jess also knew she was due a promotion from second grade to first, which would also help relieve the worries. The apartment was far bigger than either of them needed but it was her safe place and she'd do anything she needed to do to make sure she never lost that.
Don put his beer down on the coffee table and reached for Lucy, taking her into his arms and chuckling as she gave him one of her best baby smiles.
"Good thing you came out looking like your mom." Don joked, laying Lucy in his lap and ticking her toes. The comment earned him a disapproving nudge from Jess, who had moved from his lap and back into her spot on the couch.
"That will be Messer." Jess said as she stood to answer the door, again confused why the doorman had just allowed them up and not called ahead. "Hey Danny, come in." She smiled, moving out of the way to allow Danny to come into hallway.
"Well if it isn't Uncle Flack, babies look good on you." Danny commented, wiggling his eyebrows at Don and then at Jess, eliciting a snort from Jess. "Come on Bambino, let's go home. Thank you for watching her at such short notice Angell." Danny strapped Lucy into her carrier and put her bag into the stroller as he spoke, waving from the door as he felt.
Jess grabbed a juice from the fridge and sat back down on the couch, lifting her legs and placing them in Don's lap as he sat down with her.
"You sure about the boys coming over? If you're too tired just say the word." Don said rubbing Jess's feet gently through her thin cotton socks.
"It's fine. It will be nice to have some normality around here and I want to watch the game, can't wait for the Yankees to kick Mets ass." Jess teased, playing with his fingers as he laced his hand with hers.
Jess had just had enough time to shower and get some spicy wings and nachos cooking when a knock came on the door. This time they'd known who it was, the concierge had called letting them know that Owen and Austin were downstairs and asking for permission to let them up. Jess had asked the doorman why he'd not let her know when Lindsay and Danny had arrived and was told, much to her frustration, that they hadn't asked because the day shift doorman had seen their badges clipped to the clothes and just assumed they were fine…a fact that Jess would be taking up with the overpriced home owners association.
Although Jess had assured Don she was okay with the boys coming over, she had to admit she was a little apprehensive. She had no problem with Austin, he was an old friend of Don's he'd known from college. Austin was also a detective, working for the NYPD Counterterrorism Bureau, and Jess enjoyed his company. Owen on the other hand Jess considered to be an arrogant jerk, she couldn't understand why he and Don were friends. Owen and Don had gone all the way through elementary and high school together and Don had described how for eight months Owen had lived with his family after his Dad left and his mom spent some time in jail for drug offences. Owen worked as a fireman for FDNY but she couldn't see how he possessed any of the humility needed for the job.
"So Jess," Owen spoke as the commercials began to play at the end of the eighth, "I bet you've been sat there wondering how I got so ripped since you saw me last." He continued, smiling smugly.
Jess scowled and scrunched up her nose, "Hadn't even cracked the top ten." She muttered, pulling herself up off the couch carefully and grabbing her sweater. "I'm going to Monique's, Yankees kicked your asses so hard there's no way you'll catch up." She added, leaning down and kissing the top of Don's head as she walked by.
Monique lived across the hall and five doors down from Jess. Jess had been the first person she had met in the building when she had moved in and they'd been close friends ever since. Monique worked as a high flying Manhattan real estate agent and Jess loved to hear the stories of the people she had sold crazy expensive penthouse apartments to.
As soon as he was sure the door was closed and Jess was out of hearing range, Don let the frustrations towards his friend overspill.
"Can you give it a rest? She just got out of hospital two weeks ago." Don commented, annoyed that Owen had been borderline disrespectful towards Jess all evening, as he so often was to women.
"Dude, come on I'm just playin', she knows that. Seriously though man, have you looked around at this place? It's got to be worth a million easy and unless the NYPD pay better than FDNY…there ain't no other detectives in this city living in million dollar apartments. This joint has a 24 hour concierge! What she do to get this place?" Owen judged, causing both Don and Austin to roll their eyes.
"It was her grandmother's place before she died. Jess inherited it, not that it's any of your business anyway." Don replied, sipping his beer and trying to keep his cool.
"I'm just sayin', you're made up for life with this chick. She's hot, she's got you living in an apartment like some high flying Wall Street executive…I bet the sex is pretty hot too." Owen smirked.
"Have a little respect Owen, you shouldn't talk about anyone's girl like that." Austin defended, his annoyance also rising as he listened to Owen's drunken rambling.
Don sighed loudly, "You're drunk, so I'm gonna let that one fly. I think it's time for you to go man, games almost over anyway." Don stood, walking the few paces into the hallway to grab Owen's coat and handing it to him.
"Don't be like that, I was just joking around!" Owen said, his alcohol fuelled agitation becoming more apparent.
"I'll have the concierge call you a cab." Don commented smugly, closing the door behind Owen and immediately calling down to the doorman. "Sorry about that." Don said as he sat back down to watch the final part of the game with Austin.
"Don't sweat it man. Go get your girl, I know she'll want to see how badly the Mets lost." Austin smiled, enjoying seeing Don so happy and settled with Jess.
Don knocked on Monique's door, surprised that she answered in just a matter of seconds. Monique's apartment was almost twice as big as theirs, over two floors it was an impressive piece of real estate and home design.
"Come to retrieve your missing person?" Monique asked jokingly, before calling out for Jess to come to the door.
"Hey, Owen gone?" Jess asked, smiling when Don nodded in confirmation. "Thanks for the coffee Mo." She added, hugging her friend tightly.
Jess took hold of Don's hand as they began to walk back down the hallway to their apartment.
"Wait!" Don said, pulling back on Jess's hand slightly as she approached their door. "I'm sorry Owen was a jerk, he really has no idea how to treat women…or anyone." He said, feeling guilty that his friend's bad behavior had pushed Jess to seek refuge at Monique's place.
"No big deal." Jess assured, placing her hand on Don's cheek and kissing him lovingly. As the kiss continued Jess wrapped her arms around his neck, her fingers lacing into the hair at the base of his neck.
"God I love kissing you." Don commented, his lips still against hers, causing her to smile.
"Well, you better get rid of Austin so the kissing can continue." She replied re-joining their lips immediately after her words had been spoken.
Jess threw her head back in laughter as Don let her go and races towards their door.
Laughing felt good, being happy felt good.
It was good to be alive.
I hope you enjoyed reading. The next chapter will touch on slightly darker subjects. Thank you again!