Hi readers! Thank you for sticking with me, I'm sorry this update has taken longer than the others! Thank you again to those who reviewed, it really means a lot to me!

Don sat at the kitchen island, a glass of bourbon in his hand and the lights switched off. The apartment was dark, although the lights from neighboring buildings shining through the large windows meant it wasn't completely dark. Jess was out with one of her friends, Audrey, an event that she had been looking forward to for weeks. He knew she would be out late, Audrey liked to talk and she and Jess had a lot to catch up on. Don was struggling to reconcile two side of himself; one that was happy that Jess was happy and enjoying herself with her friends and another that needed to know exactly where she was and what she was doing 100 percent of the time. He hadn't dared admit to anyone how stressed this had all been making him, he feared coming across as possessive and controlling.

Leaving Jess to go to work was agonizing, all day he spent worrying about what she was doing and what was going to happen. He knew in the back of his mind she was doing great, that nothing was going to take her away, but he was struggling to shake the anxiety that flowed through his body.

The apartment felt huge without her in it; Don snorted at that thought, the apartment was huge but her energy and her presence made it feel like home. Don's stress had over spilled today when he'd lost his cool with a suspect, earning him a firm right hook to the face. The suspect had made a wise ass comment that usually would have gone over his head, but this time he had taken a swing for the suspect and hadn't been quick enough to avoid the return.

Don refilled his glass and moved into the living room, sliding down the end of the cough to the floor and facing the door. The anxiety of not knowing what Jess was doing was mounting, he hated himself for feeling this way. He knew that Jess was fiercely independent and would hate him for monitoring what she was doing but he just couldn't help it, he hadn't been there when she'd been shot and he hadn't been able to protect her.

His anger bubbled over and he slammed the bourbon glass down onto the hardwood floor, wincing as it smashed in his hand.

"Dammit!" He shouted but did not move in an attempt to clear up the glass or the blood that was gushing from the large cut now on the palm of his hand.

He wasn't exactly sure how long he had sat there, surrounded by whisky and blood, when he heard Jess's keys turn in the lock of the door.

"Hey Don, are you-…oh my god! What the hell happened?" Jess asked as she flicked on the lights and saw Don sat on the living room floor, bruised and bleeding.

"I'm sorry." He slurred, looking up at Jess as she crouched in front of him.

"What for? What happened?" Jess asked again, picking up the largest shards of glass and moving them out of the way before grabbing Don's bleeding hand.

"I've arrested so many guys that do this. I never wanted to be like this but I can't help it." Don continued to ramble, some words unclear as the alcohol impeded on his speech.

"You aren't making any sense Don, what's going on?" Jess pressed, trying to understand as she reached for a clean towel from the laundry pile and wrapped it tightly around his hand.

"I can't take it anymore. Not knowing where you are and what you're doing, it's killin' me. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." Don rambled on, his head lolling back against the arm of the couch.

"It's okay, hey, it's okay." Jess whispered, cupping his cheek gently.

"It's not okay!" Don exploded, startling Jess and causing her to lose her balance and fall back slightly so that she was sat on the floor. "I can't be like this. I have to know where you are, I have to know what you're doing, all of the time. I swore I'd never be like him but I am, I'm just like him." Don's slurred speech continued, causing Jess to become even more confused.

"Who? Don, you're drunk and confused. It's late, let's go get your hand fixed and then we can go to bed." Jess offered her hand to Don once she was on his feet but he didn't take it, he remained sat on the floor with his head down.

"Go to bed without me." He mumbled.

Jess knelt down again and brushed her fingers against his cheek, running them down his face and under his chin to life his head to look at her.

"What is this really about Don?" She asked gently.

"I'm a bully…I'm a controlling asshole." Don answered flatly.

Jess frowned, she still couldn't really understand what he was talking about and how anything he was saying related to him being an asshole.

"Come on let's go, there's an urgent care down the block." Jess gave Don no option as she stood, pulling his non-injured hand with her and grabbing a fresh towel for his other hand before leading them out through the door.

Don was unsteady on his feet and supporting his weight as the made their way through the lobby was difficult.

"Are you alright Detective? Do you need help?" Frankie, the older concierge asked as they passed by the desk.

"No thank you Frankie, we're fine. Just a little accident with a glass, nothing a few stitches won't fix." Jess replied with a smile as the exited through the door, kindly held open for them by Frankie.

As they made their way down the block, trying to avoid passing people and their looks of judgment, Don leant heavily on Jess's side and his incomprehensible mumbling continued. Finally they were through the door of the urgent care, Jess sat Don down on one of the blue plastic chairs and went to the desk for help.

"Hi, my boyfriend cut his hand really badly and I think he needs stitches." Jess said to the kind, albeit harassed, nurse.

Luckily the centre was not too busy, being a Tuesday night, and the nurse immediately showed them through to a room to wait for a doctor.

"I'm sorry." Don said again, laying back on the exam table and closing his eyes.

"You keep saying that but I have no idea what you're sorry for." Jess said, brushing her thumb against his cheek.

"Everything." Don replied sadly. Jess sighed as she perched down on the edge of the exam table, taking his good hand in hers and using her other hand to cup his cheek.

"You have nothing to be sorry for. Worrying about where I am and what I'm doing has nothing to do with you being a bully and everything to do with hearing that truck come through the diner, hearing the shots and not knowing if I was okay. You needing to know those things now is just a response to you not knowing them then." Jess tried to reassure him as best she could, hoping that her words would get through his drunken state of mind.

"Yeah?" Don asked, unsure that her words were truth.

"You aren't controlling Don or a bully. You're kind and compassionate and loving but right now you're drunk and scared but everything is going to be okay." She whispered, pressing a gentle kiss to his lips.

Moments later the doctor entered the room and examined the wound to Don's hand. After an x-ray to check for glass shards, eight stitches in his palm and stern lecture about alcohol misuse they were finally on their way back home.

As soon as they were across the threshold of the apartment Jess gave Don no choice but to go straight to bed. Once she was sure he was asleep she went back out into the living room to clear up the mess. Broken glass lay all around where he had been sat and the bourbon and blood were beginning to dry onto the wood floor.

"No work for a month Jessica! Oh sure, does cleaning up a crime scene in the living room count as work?" She muttered to herself, rolling her eyes in semi-annoyance that the evening had not ended as she had planned.

Tomorrow, she determined, she would get to the bottom of exactly what had happened.

Don's head was pounding as he opened his eyes, the early July sunlight shining through the partial opening of the curtains was blinding. Groaning, he rubbed his hand over his swollen face, confused when he felt the stitches in the palm of his hand. He frowned, what the hell happened last night? He rolled onto his left side, expecting to see Jess, confused again when he was met with only empty sheets. He pulled himself to stand and fought the wave of nausea that washed over him. Slowly, he strolled out of the bedroom and down the hallway to the large open plan kitchen living room area, spotting Jess sat at the kitchen island drinking coffee.

"Hey." She said quietly, offering him a sympathetic look.

"What the hell happened yesterday?" Don asked, rubbing the sleep from his eyes and trying to orientate himself.

"If this half empty bottle of bourbon is anything to go by…" Jess said as she slid the bottle across the island towards Don, not looking up from the newspaper she was reading.

"Last thing I remember is getting punched in the face by my suspect." Don said, rubbing his swollen eye and trying to ease his headache.

"Here's how I think it went down. You came home, pretty mad after getting punched. You drank this bourbon, which I know you hadn't opened before last night, got drunk and smashed your glass." Jess said, raising her eyebrow knowingly.

"You sound mad…" Don commented, worried about what he'd done or said while he had been drunk.

"Not mad, just concerned. You said some things that made me really worried. I came home to find you bleeding all over the floor and rambling about how sorry you are." Jess said, filling in the gaps of Don's lost memory.

"How'd I get stitches?" He asked, slowly moving away from the island and moving to the counter to pour himself some coffee, leaving out the cream and sugar in the hope the strong caffeine might held calm his hangover.

"You cut your hand on some glass, you were so drunk I don't even think you'd noticed. I walked you to the urgent care on 59th and 3rd." Jess said, taking a sip of her much sweeter and creamier coffee. "You kept saying you were sorry, that you were being controlling and like people you'd arrested before. Do you know what any of that was about?" Jess asked gently, hoping he might have some answers.

Suddenly it all came flooding back to him; the fears, the need to know where she was all the time and all of his painful memories.

"I uh…since you got shot and since you've been out of hospital, I've needed to know where you are and when I don't know the stress is overwhelming. What kind of guy does that make me Jess? I can't stand not knowing exactly where my girlfriend is and exactly what she's doing." Don rested his head in his hands on the island, not able to look Jess in the eyes.

Jess sighed heavily, she pushed herself off the bar stool and walked to him, wrapping her arms around him and leaning her head on his shoulder.

"That doesn't make you controlling, you're scared. I am too sometimes, come sit with me." Jess led Don to the couch and sat with him, her arms remaining around him. "You want to tell me what's really going on here?" Jess asked, adjusting herself on the couch to face him.

"You know, you're a pretty good detective." Don commented, chuckling and trying to lighten the mood a little.

Jess smiled brightly, "that's what it says on my pay check." She responded.

"My dad…he uh…he's a real bully. Never had much respect for my mom, he was real controlling of her and everything she did. He'd only let her out of the house to grocery shop and get us to and from school. She…was an alcoholic, pretty sure that's where Sam gets it from, she used to drink all day every day, wasn't weird for us to find her passed out drunk when we came home from school. One morning right as school went back after summer she and dad had a huge blow out, mom had gone to see one of her friends and Dad wasn't happy about it. It was only 8am but she was real drunk, threw a plate at dad and stormed out of the house. Sam, Evan and I went to school and when we came back she was gone, we never saw or heard from her again. Didn't take long before Dad married a girl he'd met at the dentist's office, she was only nineteen, didn't last long before they were fighting just like he had with mom. I can't be that guy Jess…that gets mad when his girlfriend goes out and is constantly checking where you are. I can't be that guy…I can't…" Don raised his hands to his face as he spoke, not in sadness but in deep emotional stress as the memories of his childhood years were laid bare.

"Hey, look at me," Jess said, taking Don's cheeks in her hands. "You are not your father. You're feeling this way because something really bad happened and you weren't there, you aren't feeling like this because you're trying to control me. You're scared and that's okay, I'm scared too. When I left your place that morning I didn't think that might be the last time I ever saw you. We got up and ate breakfast just like we normally do and you kissed me goodbye at the door, just like we normally do but I almost died Don and it's okay to feel overwhelmed about that." Jess was sat in his lap now, her arms tightly around him, one hand resting on the back of his head that was nuzzled deep into her neck.

"I'm so sorry." Don whispered; he was crying now, for Jess, for the pain of almost losing her, for the relief that she was okay and for the fear of it happening again.

"Shh, it's okay." Jess comforted him, "I'm so sorry about your mom." She added. They'd never spoken before of their mothers, Don knew the story of Jess's mother from Cliff but he was sure that Jess didn't know that conversation had occurred. He'd never told anyone about his mom, Jolene, and no one had ever known what had truly happened to her. Flack Senior had never reported her missing and had simply told everyone she had gone to live with family in Arkansas. Don had been twelve at the time, his brother Evan fourteen and Sam only ten.

"She needed help, her drinking was out of control. She drank vodka like it was water, I don't think she'd been sober once in years. Sam is so like mom, everything about her, I guess I don't get to be surprised that she's an alcoholic too." Don added, feeling pain for the little sister he wished so hard he could have protected.

"Sam's gonna be okay, you're gonna be okay." Jess whispered into his hair.

"What about us, are we okay?" Don asked cautiously.

"Better than ever. I love you." Jess whispered, resting her lips lightly on his.

"I can't lose you again." Don confessed, removing his lips from her just far enough to speak before reconnecting them again.

Jess knew what he was talking about, they'd taken a break in January after a fight about work. Both had been reeling from the comments made by IA during the Todd Fleming investigation and they'd taken it out on each other. The break had lasted three weeks, coming to an end on one awful day they'd both rather forget. Jess had been on a day off and Don had been at a crime scene with several uniformed officers when a man ducked under the crime scene tape, firing off random bullets at the officers before running from the scene. Don had still been wearing his vest, having attended the scene straight from running down a warrant, a co-incidence that had saved his life after one of the attackers bullets had lodged firmly in the vest. Officer Hall hadn't been so lucky, he had taken a round to the thigh and had been rushed to the hospital. Jess had known nothing of the incident until she had received a text message from Don simply saying 'I need you' and the name of the hospital. She'd driven as fast as she could and raced through the hospital corridors until she found him. They'd found each other's arms instantly, whispering apologies and clinging to one another. Officer Hall had made a full recovery that day and the bullet hole in Don's vest had shown them just how fragile life really was.

"I'm not going anywhere, you're stuck with me." Jess smiled, patting Don on the cheek and kissing him again. "I got an idea, how about I check in with you a few times a day, that way you won't be asking where I am, I'll be telling you. Just until I get back to work, then I'll be at my desk all day." Jess suggested smiling encouragingly.

Don simply nodded, wrapping his arms tightly around her again, he just wasn't ready to let go.

Don was sat at his desk looking over the evidence file for the bachelorette party murders. Finally they'd had a breakthrough, an anonymous tip from a woman who'd heard her neighbor talking about a murder. They'd arrested the neighbor, who turned out to be the brother of the maid of honor, and after a long interrogation he'd finally confessed. He'd given no reason for murdering his sister and her friends and Don had been disgusted by his smug arrogance.

"Hey Flack, Mac's playing bass at Santiago tonight, we're all going to celebrate the end of the case. You in?" Stella asked as she passed Don's desk on her way out of the precinct.

"Yeah, let me call Jess. Save me a spot." He replied, smiling. He had a lot to be smiling about, this case had been weighing heavy on his soul and he was relieved it was finally solved.

Santiago was a tapas restaurant come live music venue in Harlem that had become a firm favorite of the group, on account of its great atmosphere, open mic Thursdays and incredible food.

"Hey Babe, we're all going to Santiago, are you up for coming?" Don asked as Jess answered the phone. He really hoped that she wanted to come, they hadn't been out in a long time and, apart from Danny and Lindsay, no one had seen Jess since she'd been out of hospital.

"Sounds great, let me change and I'll meet you at work. We can take the subway uptown." Jess replied before quickly hanging up to get ready to leave.

Twenty minutes later Jess approached the 12th precinct and smiled as she Don standing outside waiting for her, leaning against the side of the stone steps that led up to the precinct entrance.

"Detective." An older officer said as he passed Jess, smiling widely at her and tipping his hat respectfully as he walked by.

"Evening, Officer Carmichael." Jess smiled politely in response. Officer Carmichael was a dying breed of true gentleman and an officer that Jess had always had a good relationship with.

She reached her arm out as she approached Don, taking his hand in hers and lacing their fingers together.

"Evening to you as well Detective." She said, standing on her tip toes to kiss him gently, allowing their lips to linger for a fraction of a second longer than she usually would have in public, not caring who saw and what they thought.

"You look incredible." Don commented, pulling on Jess's hand until they were walking side by side. She hadn't really dressed up, she was wearing comfortable tan linen pants with a fitted pale pink tank top that complimented her olive skin and a darker brown jacket.

"As do you, you know that's my favorite tie." Jess teased and smiled, knowing he had chosen to wear that tie this morning just to make her crazy. It was, in fact, one of her least favorite ties that he owned, the lime green pinstripe against the navy was not something she enjoyed.

The subway was busy, only one seat free that Don sat down in, pulling Jess safely down into his lap.

"Congratulation on closing your case, I know this was a tough one." Jess said quietly, kissing Don's cheek and brushing her thumb over the stubble he had allowed to grow on his cheeks.

"Sure am glad it's over. It's hard not having you there sitting right opposite, I miss having you there to talk things over with." Don said, nuzzling his face in her neck and hair and inhaling the scent of her honey shampoo.

"I'll be back soon." Jess smile, standing and pulling Don to his feet as the train approached their stop.

Santiago was just a few minutes' walk from the subway and they enjoyed the stroll hand in hand. Jess wouldn't admit it but she was nervous to see everyone again. They stepped inside the main restaurant area and immediately headed for the stairs, knowing the group would be downstairs where the stage was set up. Don was the first to spot them all, sat at three round tables that had been pushed together with their usual one of everything tapas order spread across all three tables.

"Hey Angell, it's so good to see you!" Sheldon stood as he saw them approaching, embracing Jess and smiling, closely followed by Mac, Stella. Adam, Sid and finally Danny and Lindsay. The conversation was light, much to Jess's relief, no one had asked any questions about how she was or when she was coming back to work.

Stella tapped her glass with her knife, gaining everyone's attention. "I just wanted to take a moment to say how wonderful it is that we're all here together tonight and to say thank you to everyone for their hard work on this case. Your dedication and unwavering work ethic never cease to amaze me." Stella raised her glass, smiling as everyone did the same before drinking and helping themselves to the incredible food in front of them.

"Jess, do you want a beer?" Danny asked as he gathered everyone's next drink orders.

"Ugh yes but I can't, no alcohol for another week. If you want to get another order of this spicy octopus with peppers though I wouldn't say no to that." Jess replied with a smile, passing Danny over the small empty bowl that had once contained the house special octopus dish.

"You got it!" Danny replied, grabbing his cane in his free hand and walking slowly over to the bar. Jess smiled again as she watched Danny walk, she was so happy that he was doing so well and that they were all together, laughing and enjoying each other's company.

The food and drinks continued until it was time for Mac to join the band and begin their set. The band came on to applause, they frequently played at the Santiago and their easy listening rock was an audience favorite. The group had stood and moved from their tables further forward towards the stage to get a better view. Jess stood securely in Don's arms with him stood behind her and his chin resting gently on the top of her head.

"Are you having fun?" Don asked in a whisper directly into her ear, nuzzling his face in her neck as he spoke.

"I am, thank you for this. It's so good to be out of the apartment." Jess replied, turning her head to look up into his eyes with a bright smile on her face. They were so lost in their own moment that neither had noticed Stella snapping a picture of their moment, it was just too perfect not to document.

"Just let me know when you're ready to go home." Don said, entwining her fingers with hers as they rested against her hips.

Jess nodded, leaning back into his arms and taking in the music and the atmosphere. Everything in life had a new appreciation now, moments like this were no longer routine but had become moments that fed her soul.

The next day found Jess driving her car with the windows rolled down across the George Washington Bridge. She enjoyed the drive out to her father's home, it was particularly scenic but the feeling of freedom as she escaped the city was always exhilarating.

Her father's home, in the small town of Cresskill, New Jersey, was a large single family home built in pale blue wood paneling with white windows and dark blue shutters. Her father had worked hard to make all his children feel at home in the house, they had been reluctant for him to sell their lifelong family home in Queens and move out of the city, but they had all grown to love this house.

"Dad? Are you home?" Jess called as she pushed open the front door and walked in.

"Jessie, what are you doing all the way out here?" Cliff asked, walking into the hallway and greeting Jess with a warm hug.

"I really need to talk to you about something." Jess said, her voice serious.

"Is everything okay?" Cliff asked as they sat down in the living room, Jess sitting on the couch with her bare feet curled under her while Cliff sat in his comfortable large chair.

"Fine, I just have a question. How much do you know about Don's Dad?" She asked, feeling anxious about asking but having no idea why.

"Sargent Flack? I know some, worked in neighboring precincts for fifteen years, they lived a few blocks away when we lived on Maple Ave. What do you want to know?" Cliff asked, a frown of suspicion crossing his face.

"What was he like? Did you ever meet Don's mom?" Jess asked curiously.

"I don't know why you're asking these questions or why you're talking about him like he's dead." Cliff commented, growing more and more suspicious of the reasons for the questions.

Jess frowned, "Just answer the question, please." She said, automatically slipping into her detective voice.

"He had a reputation for being a bit of a…throw a punch now ask questions later kind of cop. I responded to a 911 call to their house, before Don was born. Flack and his wife were both drunk, she called the cops reporting an assault, I was off duty and heard it on the radio so responded. No arrests were made, neither wanted to file a report though it was obvious an assault had happened. Sargent…or well, Officer as he was then, knows a lot of people in a lot of places and there wasn't anyone holding cops accountable for their actions outside of the job in those days Jessie." Cliff spoke as honestly as he felt able to do, still unsure why she was asking him for this information.

"So you did know his mom?" Jess asked again.

"Sure, Jolene. She was much younger than he was, got pregnant with their eldest boy real young. She'd always been a troubled kid, everyone knew she had problems with alcohol. Where is all this coming from Jess?" Cliff asked, concerned.

Jess sighed, "a few nights ago I came home, Don was drunk and rambling about not wanting to be like his Dad. He told me the next day that one morning they'd gone out to school and when they came back their mom was gone, they haven't seen or heard from her since. I want to know what happened to her." Jess said firmly, she'd always had a strong sense of justice and for Don and his siblings not to know what happened to their mother felt like an injustice she couldn't bear.

"Have you asked Don?" Cliff asked.

"They heard she'd moved to Arkansas." Jess replied, unconvinced by the story they had been spun.

Cliff raised an eyebrow, "Arkansas?" He said suspiciously.

"You don't believe that's true?" Jess asked, sensing her father's hesitation.

"Do you?" Cliff retorted.

"I have no idea Dad, that's why I'm here asking you these questions. Were there any rumors or theories people talked about, around the time that she left?" She questioned again.

"This is starting to sound like an official investigation, you opening a case?" Cliff spoke, half joking but half serious and expressing more than a little defensiveness.

"Oh come on Dad, you obviously know something that you don't want to share." Jess insisted, frustration obvious in her voice.

Cliff sighed heavily and adjusted his position in the chair, folding his arms firmly.

"I'm not covering anything up and I don't know the facts. I do know that this is not a box you want to open Jessica, no good will come from this." Cliff was firm in his warning, hoping that Jess would pick up on his tone and leave these skeletons firmly in the closet.

"Please just tell me what you know, I have to know Dad. I have to get closure for Don and Sam." Jess pleaded, knowing that she wasn't going to give up until she knew the truth.

Cliff hung his head in defeat, sighing heavily. "No one believed she left on her own."

Jess nodded, "didn't think so." She said sadly, taking a deep breath before standing. "Thanks Dad." She added, kissing Cliff's head as she walked by on her way towards the door.

"Please stay out of this Jessie and please be careful." Cliff shouted back through the house as she exited.

"Always am!" She responded.

Jess leant against the front door as she closed it behind herself. She needed to know the truth, Don and Sam needed to know the truth, but she was quietly terrified of what she would find.

"Pull yourself together Jessica, how bad can it possibly be?" She said to herself as she got back in the car.

No matter what she had to do, she knew she wasn't giving up until she'd uncovered the truth.

Thank you again for reading, please let me know what you think in a review if you have a few moments!