Family Life: defining a new normal UPDATED AGAIN
Written by Mireille Klaver
TIVA Fanfiction with X-rated scenes. Characters belong to CBS. Some material is taken from the NCIS series.
Based on Seasons 1 – 17, picking up after Episode 'In the Wind', with flashbacks to Episodes 'Berlin', 'Jetlag', 'Truth or Consequences'
Chapter 1 – Rekindling a new relationship
Paris, January 2020. Ziva David awakes to soft caresses and a continuous feeling of being watched. As she opens her eyes, her lips meet his. "Bohker tov, ahuvi she-li"[1], Tony whispers. She feels his breath on her chin as their noses and foreheads touch. "Tony," she sighs as she touches his cheek lovingly. "You look … tired," she comments, sounding puzzled, only to add sharply, with a hint of sarcasm mixed with disbelief, "Have you been watching me sleep all night?"
Nearly six and a half years ago, they had shared a similar morning. Ziva remembers it well. It was the morning after she had finally given herself completely to her former NCIS partner Anthony DiNozzo, Junior. The night that started her healing process, and her pregnancy with Tali.
"Tali?!" With a mild shock, Ziva attempts to sit up. But Tony cups her shoulders and shushes her soothingly so she lays down again. "With Pop-pop. He took her to the zoo early this morning." Tony explains how he called his father while Ziva was cradling their five-year-old at Charles de Gaulle airport yesterday afternoon. Anthony DiNozzo, Senior, had boarded a flight from New York City within the hour and had arrived very early that morning. Together they had gazed upon the sleeping pair of most important women in their lives. "He was here? In this room? Watching me sleep?!" Tony sees a fleeting look of disgust on her face, knowing full well he had taken off all her clothes the evening before. "For four years he thought you were dead," he starts. When the look of worry lingers, he quickly adds, "You looked so beautiful and at peace snuggling with our daughter." Ziva starts to open her mouth when Tony quickly adds, "Fully covered, of course!" Ziva sinks into the pillow and surrenders to an intense kiss.
Earlier that morning, Tali awoke to the sound of her aba[2] and pop-pop whispering. She jumped up to greet her grandfather but stopped and turned halfway to look at her imah[3]. "It's alright, my little ninja, imah will understand. She'll still be here when you come back," her father eased her anxiety and she leaped into pop-pop's open arms. "My princess, and her brave mom!" Senior sounded tired, moved and thrilled at the same time, puzzling the kindergartner. Senior went on, "How about ice creams for breakfast?" Tali saw the disapproval on her aba's face, but, puzzling her even more, she heard him say, "Dad, I think Tali would love a morning alone with pop-pop!" Yet, she dragged her feet, protesting that she wanted to be here when imah woke up. Finally, the two men convinced her that imah was so tired that she would be asleep till after lunch. Dressed for the zoo, Tali gave her imah one more kiss, very gently on her hand so as not to wake her. Then she ran to join pop-pop in the cab, excited at the prospect of the unusual, and very early breakfast.
Tali had snuck into her parents' bed around midnight, unaware that her aba was awake. Her imah had fallen asleep on the couch before dinner, holding her. As she had been washing up for dinner, Tali had watched as her aba had carried imah to bed. Then the two of them had eaten in silence as if nobody else was there and nothing had changed. Tony had executed their regular bedtime routine, while Tali had silently struggled with her curiosity and emotions. She had fallen asleep towards the end of the first chapter of the Little Prince, their fourth time reading it. Aba was now reading the book to her in Hebrew, having already covered the English, French and Italian versions of one of Ziva's favourite literary works. For several minutes, Tony stood watching his daughter sleep, when he startled at the sound of restlessness from the master suite. He rushed to the king-sized bed to ease Ziva's silent, yet violent anxiety by embracing her tightly. He thought about the previous day as he stroked Ziva's clammy hair.
Ziva had sobbed vigorously at the airport while Tali was in the washroom. However, not before Tony had promised to alert her of Tali's return, the moment he saw the young girl emerge from the washroom. After Ziva composed herself, Tony perceived his partner radiate a silent happiness as she held onto their little ninja and listened to her chat ceaselessly about home, school and pop-pop, her knuckles white from squeezing her imah's hand. Occasionally, he met Ziva's puzzled smile with a look of equal confusion. The life of a five-year-old can be hard to grasp, especially if you have not been part of that life for many years. Ziva seemed glad Tony was grasping at straws here too.
The cab ride home to his, no, their Parisian family home had gone by in a daze. Tali had slowed down her chatter and curled up against Ziva, holding both their hands. Tony and Ziva had stared at each other silently, with love and disbelief. Finally, they did not need a secure phone and code words. Finally, they knew where the other was, or would be able to contact each other any time. Finally, they would be able to deepen their connection and settle down as Ziva had wished when she left Mossad and became an American citizen nearly ten years ago.
Sitting in bed, a sudden fear crept up in Tony's chest as he felt the mother of his child slowly relax into his lap. How long would it take for Ziva to feel truly at peace again?
"So, Tali slept between us most of the night," Tony tells Ziva about the arrival of his father, the hesitation in Tali's departure and the promise he made Tali. He does not tell her about the violent anxiety he had observed, nor about the fear he had felt. He does not tell her about the over twenty times she had tossed and turned that night, hitting him in the face a few times. He even withholds the fact that he himself only slept for five minutes every hour, worried and incredulous.
Tony hands Ziva a cup of jasmine tea, extra strong. A taste of home. She spots the plate of fresh fruit and realizes she is very hungry. She lets Tony feed her lovingly as she caresses his face like she is unsure it is really him, as if she cannot believe she is truly reunited with her family. Suddenly she does not feel hungry any longer.
Ziva takes the plate and the cup and puts them on the floor beside the four-poster. The antique bed fits the character of the town house well. As she leans over, Tony kisses Ziva softly on her back, in her neck, and when she sits back up, he kisses her intensely on her mouth. Swiftly, she pulls his shirt off, her lips touching his chest in repeated kisses. It has been over two years since they had been intimate, a secret meeting set up at a safe house in eastern Europe, a selfless act by Adam.
Tony rolls onto his back as Ziva gently but insistently pushes him down. He pulls her up by her waist, then cups her breasts, gently sucking and nibbling her nipples briefly before she pulls away long enough for him to undress completely. As he leans over to push down his jeans, he fleetingly notices a multitude of scars she very surely did not have in Be'er Sheva[4], nor in Cairo. But then she pushes him back down abruptly, her tongue surrounding his penis for a minute. Tony watches Ziva intently as she grabs his erect penis with one hand and guides it inside her as she mounts him. He does not take his eyes off her as she feverishly makes love to him. She keeps her eyes closed as he touches her body, stroking each scar he finds. Then he moves his hands down and rubs his thumb between her thighs, helping her to a climax. Just like at the farmhouse, they reach peaks simultaneously. It is then that they both realize this was truly meant to be. They surrender to the reality of starting a life together, as a free family of three.
When the phone rings two hours later, Ziva is asleep again, exhausted from their passionate morning of taking turns pleasing each other in various poses, and several locations in the spacious four-bedroom home. At least now, Tony can send their little ninja to wake up her mother for real.
Tali runs to the bedroom as Tony gets her equally exhausted grandfather settled in the guest room. With Senior taking a nap and Ziva playing a board game with Tali, Tony busies himself in the kitchen. He is anxious to show off his newly developed skills of home cooking. Funny, he muses, how he can be middle aged and still feel like a child who just learnt to ride a bike.
The previous morning, he had prepared a dairy free chocolate torte with macerated strawberries, a shabbat favourite of Ziva's sister, their little girl's namesake. Now Tony is cooking lamb-stuffed kibbeh with potato latkes and a zesty Middle Eastern salad containing cucumber, tomato, and peppers. He smiles proudly as he remembers the effort it took to find kosher meat and, of course, kosher wine.
Since moving here, Tony had made sure to have one cabinet for meat cooking and dining ware and one for dairy ware. He never did get a second fridge and a second stove was certainly out of the question, but he wanted something to remember Ziva's culture and faith by. Tony suddenly stops what he is doing and runs to the office. In the top drawer is a tiny box, wrapped in shiny paper. He pockets it and returns to the kitchen just in time to remove the pan with spices from the heat and stir in the pine nuts. He contemplates giving the gift to his soulmate tonight.
טוני זיוה
Tony finds her in the kitchen. For a fleeting moment Ziva is unaware of him, busying herself with cleaning and tidying. It has been only a couple of days since their emotional reunion. "You do not need to do this." The suburban town house looks well kept despite not having a maid as he used to employ as a bachelor in the United States. Yet, Ziva had found something to do. "I know," she smiles meekly. "As I know it helps you to …," but he doesn't finish his sentence, and she appreciates that immensely. They both think the same thing: this helps us define our new life. She had attempted the same thing after becoming an American citizen, besides having a demanding full-time job.
Like her mother, Ziva worked hard at doing the daily things a woman would do in times of peace. Rivka David had always been a good housewife and a devoted mother, despite her husband's line of work. She had made every effort to make a home for her daughters and stepson, trying hard to give them a sense of childhood, balancing out their father's insistence on teaching them combat skills.
At least my Tali will not have to endure that training, Ziva rejoices in silence. Ziva subconsciously rubs her two charms between her fingers. One charm, an aqua coloured pearly gemstone, was picked by Tali for Ziva shortly before the farmhouse exploded. As a toddler she used to rub it whenever Ziva held her, the same way Ziva does now, the same way Ziva has done the past five years to reminisce. The other charm is a carefully chosen gift from Tony given to Ziva the day after she arrived here. It is an exact copy of the necklace he had gifted her for Channukah ten years ago: a small golden Star of David. The first one now belonged to Tali. Ziva had left it in Tony's jacket pocket when he left her in Israel over six years ago. It had lived in his office drawer, visible, a daily reminder of their connection. Now, the necklace represents the bond between the three of them.
Ziva meets Tony's eyes as he comes to stand beside her and starts drying the dishes she has washed. They share a serene, profoundly enamoured gaze. She plants a firm kiss on his upper arm before continuing to wash. Blissfully, they stare outside, watching their daughter as she plays in the sun, laughing and chatting with her friends.
טוני זיוה
Ziva has been home in Paris for two weeks. Senior had left after three days, "because you love birds need some privacy." Life slowly seems to normalize. Tali is excited to go to school each day so she can tell stories about her 'secret agent' mom. And she is equally eager to rush home to share all her accomplishments and challenges from school with her horim[5]. Ziva busies herself around the house, cleaning, reorganizing, ordering clothes online. Intuitively, Tony picks up the chores that remain. Ziva relishes the time spent with Tony on their newly shared passion of cooking. And, contrary to his behaviour towards her at N.C.I.S., Tony spends most of his time by Ziva's side, silently observing her, a constant support, ready to talk if she wants to.
While silently reminiscing, Tony realizes they have never been on a real date. Sure, they have had drinks at a bar. Of course, they have had movie nights at home and at the office. Not to mention they went to a restaurant here in Paris, ten years ago, leading to one of their most sensual nights while on duty. But they have not had a single date where they did not have to filter their conversations nor feel the need to hold back their true feelings.
Ten years ago! Tony thinks about that for a moment. It was January 27, 2010. Ziva was wearing a black and red dress, no panties. Tony feels stirred again just thinking about their cab ride and what he would have done to her if he had noticed that item missing sooner. Then he suddenly realizes the anniversary of that night is in four days. The perfect night for their first real date!
The big question is what the date night should look like. Tony is certain of one thing: dinner should be at the same restaurant. After considering many other romantic Parisian activities, Tony decides on a proper, highly romantic redo of their secret night of lust. He even goes out to buy Ziva a similar dress and he books a cab with the same company. Tony contemplates booking the same hotel room. Then he pauses. Will Ziva be alright with being away from Tali for a night?
"I hope Tali is alright spending a night alone with Melanie." Tony and Ziva are at the hotel, ready to check in before they head off to dinner. "Maybe we should call, just to say goodnight. Melanie never did the full bedtime routine before." Ziva looks intently at Tony, and says with a feigned sneer, "Man up, you, wuss!" Then she laughs at the notion that Tony forgot to anticipate his own parental feelings.
Yet, Tony forgets all about his worries when ten minutes later, Ziva's face lights up. Tony's heart skips a beat as he notices that she recognizes the room. A double bed with familiar violet sheets and a soft brown blanket. A memorable small royal blue pull-out sofa. "We were here before … it must be what … ten years ago?" she muses. Full anticipation he replies, "On the dot!" Ziva looks at him intently squeezing his hand before suddenly turning around to see the one special addition. There is a card on the bed surrounded by rose petals. It is a print of Tony's favourite photo of Paris back then, his only one with people in it. The photo is of Ziva casually looking around at a magazine kiosk. He had it printed in black and white this time, like Ziva had suggested when she had first seen the photo. Then Tony had adorned it with a handwritten text: 'We will always have Paris. Here is to ten years!' After taking it all in for a few minutes, Ziva throws her arms around Tony and they surrender to the memories, the feelings and the desires and the romance for the next 24 hours.
טוני זיוה
Late February 2020. Tali runs into the house. "Imah, imah!" She asks Ziva a question in near fluent Hebrew. Ziva looks up from her kitchen chore, in awe. Motherly pride motivating her, Ziva happily answers, "I would be delighted to take you to the big playground, after I finish this." "And after you get dressed," Tali adds, also in Hebrew. "Of course, I would not dare to embarrass you by walking outside in my pyjamas as I did when you were a toddler." Tali's eyes grow larger, a faint snicker coming from the adjoining office. Ziva quickly eases her daughter's shock, saying, "We lived on a farm, you and me. There was not a soul in sight for miles." Tali's expression changes from shock, to relief, to puzzled curiosity. "What was it like, imah? And where was aba?" Ziva stops what she is doing and lifts her daughter up. She quivers from the pain the unexpected weight causes. Her right arm, which had been pinned under a heavy metal pipe by Sahar, starts throbbing. In a quick attempt to mask her agony, she presses the little girl against her as they enter the living room.
Ziva sits her daughter down, still uncertain how to tell her about the many changes and much sadness that lie in her short past. She admires how Tony has managed to keep the sparks of hope, wonder and happiness alive, at the same time keeping Ziva's life or death a secret. As Ziva tries to find the right words, Tony emerges from the office, sitting down next to his beloved, taking both her hand and their daughter's. He effortlessly says, "Imah and I were very much in love, but I had to go back to work in America and imah had a lot to do in the farmhouse. So, we decided to live apart." Ziva welcomes his slight adaption of events, knowing full well that she was the one who had insisted he go and live life without her. Following his lead, Ziva looks from Tony to Tali, and she adds "The farm was a wonderful place, but then imah had to go back to work, and aba moved to Paris with you."
For a moment Ziva feels overwhelmed with emotions. She recalls flashes of her life in the olive orchard, as a child and later as a mother. So many things that she could tell her daughter. So many things yet to share with the man she loves. "Both me and your aunt Tali were born there. The farmhouse was filled with pictures and memories of…" she pauses, then decides not to talk about Eli David and her mother, nor mention Ari, not today, it is too much to bear. For either of them. "You explored every inch of the place, crawling and toddling. Once you could walk, we spent many days picking olives in our pyjamas and digging for treasure in the orchard." In another memory flash, Ziva recalls Tali had found the wooden chest. Tony and Ziva had buried it two years prior, only moments before Tali was conceived. Ziva had taken her 'will' out and then watched her 14-month-old fill the chest with rocks and leaves while she herself cried softly clenching her 'I will' list, suddenly fiercely regretting not telling Tony about her pregnancy, certain that now it was too late. She had vowed in that moment to tell Tali all about her aba, every single day, from that moment on.
Tali seems satisfied with the ad hoc explanation of her early childhood. In mere seconds she is ready to go outside. She impatiently follows Ziva around the house as her imah gets washed and dressed. Ziva senses her daughter is longing to spend every waking moment with her. Still, Ziva has not been outside without another adult since her arrival in Paris. Nonetheless, today seems perfect: the sun is out, Ziva is well rested and her relationship with Tony seems effortless and passionate.
Passionate indeed, Ziva chuckles. It seems like they are making up for lost time. In addition, the endorphins the sex makes her body release have her feeling like she is high all the time. Could it be true that they have had better sex, connected more deeply since she left N.C.I.S.? What was it about intimacy with Tony that made her feel like nothing bad ever happened? They had slept together several times before the night they conceived Tali, but that night it had been different, more intimate. Like all the lust happened before the first orgasm, and then all there was left was a deep spiritual and emotional connection that drove their physical communion. The freedom of confessing their true feelings had healed her then, and it is healing her now. The test? Taking her kindergartner to the new school park, without needing an escort, or even medication.
The light late winter breeze makes Tali's dark curls dance around her face. She holds on tightly to her imah, occasionally leaning her cheek against Ziva's new mauve wool winter parka. As they walk to the playground, an apprehensive Tony stealthily follows them, relieved when Ziva starts joking around with Tali. Ziva has brought along one pill but doesn't even think about it. Deeply grateful, Tony watches them for ten more minutes. Then returns home to try his new recipe for vegetarian Tomato-basil pasta, using the ingredients Ziva has been growing in their garden. A meal they later share under the delightful chatter of a very happy Tali.
טוני זיוה
March 2020. « Qu'est-ce que tu fais, maman ? »[6] excited Tali runs up to Ziva. Ziva looks up from the flower bed and starts to say something when Tali blurts embarrassedly, « oh non, excusez-moi, je devrais t'appeler 'imah'. »[7] Ziva smiles broadly, "You may call me whatever you like, my sweet little shafannah[8]." They indulge in a big hug before Ziva returns to her task. Gardening had become a calming activity in Israel, and she was utterly grateful that Tony had found them a town house with a garden just outside downtown Paris. "Why do you always call me that?" Ziva smiles when she notices Tali's puzzled and slightly repulsed expression. While weeding, Ziva explains how Tali used to toddle through the olive orchard and would try to climb anything she could find. "The olive trees attract cute little mammals called rock hyrax, or shafannahs." Tali could sit for half an hour staring at them, pointing, and following them with her eyes. Tali smiles, « Alors, que j'y pense, j'aime vraiment ce pseudo. »[9]
Tali sits down next to where Ziva is kneeling. Ziva tells her daughter how weeding helps the other plants grow, how she takes dead flowers off the plants to help them care for the new flowers and how she cuts branches off the shrubs to help them feed the leaves and flowers. Mother and daughter spend almost half an hour gardening together. « Où est aba ? »[10] « Il est allé faire des courses. Nous avons besoin des yaourts et de quelques choses de la quincaillerie pour dans la maison. »[11] It keeps amazing Ziva how well Tali switches from English to French. The very active kindergartener has decided a few weeks ago to speak mainly French with her mother and mainly English with her father. Ziva is amused by her daughter's resolution, because Tony is very capable of understanding French, but still lacks the fluency that his two favourite girls demonstrate. Ziva knows Tali can speak some Hebrew, as can Tony. However, she does wonder if Hebrew, as well as Italian should play a more explicit part in their daughter's life.
Tali has run off to meet some friends when Tony pulls up. He finds Ziva sitting by the front steps staring at the small group of children with a contemplative look on her dirt smudged face. "Hi," he says almost infatuated. Tony has always had a weak spot for Ziva's displays of hard work as for her variety of pensive expressions. Oblivious Ziva keeps staring. Tony follows her gaze and immediately understands. He tenderly puts a hand on her shoulder. Ziva lightly shakes her head and speaks bemusedly, "I had not noticed before that there are Jewish families who speak Hebrew in this neighbourhood." She looks him inquisitively in the eyes as they both listen to Tali conversing with her friends in good Hebrew.
Tony sits down on the steps and together they watch the three children play hopscotch, then hool-a-hoops and European football. He starts telling Ziva that one shabbat morning he saw three families dressed in traditional shabbat clothing walking by. Tony presumed they were on their way to the synagogue. "There is a synagogue nearby?" Ziva smiles with a hint of excitement. "Yes, a conservative synagogue, perhaps we can check it out." "We?" Ziva asks amazed, squinting her eyes. "You, Tali and me." Ziva seems incredulous and intrigued. Amused, Tony smiles as he plants a kiss on her forehead and proceeds to explain how almost two years ago, he had taken Tali to a synagogue near their uptown apartment. They had gone to the service about once a month for several months.
Ziva looks a little disappointed. Not what Tony had expected. For a moment he wonders what to do. Making Ziva talk about her emotions has led to days of silence in the past and, more recently, here, to her crawling into Tali's bed on occasion avoiding pillow talk with him. But Tony decides to take his chances again, "What's wrong?" Interestingly this time Ziva answers calmly and a little apologetically, "Do not get me wrong, Tony, I am very grateful you are taking all these steps to raise Tali. But I had hoped ..." She pauses like she is finding the right words. Tony suddenly smiles, "You are wondering about Tali's naming ceremony?" Astonished and deeply moved, Ziva smiles while tears start to well up. Tony hugs his most beloved and tells her how he had had a few conversations with the rabbi.
Ziva had never ventured away from the farmhouse to visit a synagogue, she had told him in Cairo. Talking to the rabbi, Tony understood it might be up to him to initiate the naming ceremony. But the rabbi had put his mind at ease, "We will celebrate your daughter's name once you have had enough time to embrace her faith yourself and to adjust to your role as a single father of a Jewish daughter."
In Judaism, it is customary for children, usually infants, to have a naming ceremony upon their first visit to the synagogue as an initiation into faith. Ziva meditates that she should have done more to find a synagogue nearby herself but being in hiding for several years has caused her faith to become even more of a personal, than a communal thing. With a firm long hug, Ziva thanks Tony for maintaining her cover even in a Parisian synagogue. "Thankfully, now, we can initiate the ceremony together," Ziva says pensively as she snuggles against Tony's chest. They sit silently, eyes shut, enjoying each other's proximity and the breeze in the warm spring sun, until Tali taps her shoulder. « J'ai faim. »[12] Ziva lifts her head, « Moi aussi, allons! »[13]
As Ziva and Tali enter the house, Tony walks to the car for his purchases, appreciating the short but deep conversations he is now able to have with Ziva, grateful for small moments like this with his family. He finds it hard to believe his life was so different only four years ago. Now, he cannot imagine not having them in his life. He catches himself sending up a little thanking prayer. Suddenly, he wonders if his Catholic upbringing is as important to him as Ziva's faith is to her. He has always believed in God, but his parents and particularly his father had never seemed to feel very strongly about the Catholic traditions and rituals. Tony decides that Catholic Church is not a place he feels compelled to introduce his daughter to, unless his father feels it absolutely necessary to have Tali receive the sacraments. Content with his decision, Tony walks into the house just in time for a late lunch.
[1] Hebrew for "Good morning, my love"
[2] Hebrew for "father" or "dad"
[3] Hebrew for "mother" or "mom"
[4] Be'er Sheva is a city southeast of Tel Aviv, Israel.
[5] Hebrew word for 'parents'.
[6] French for "What are you doing, mom?"
[7] French for "Oh no, sorry, I should call you 'imah'."
[8] Hebrew for 'female hyrax'
[9] French for "Now that I think about it, I really like/love that nickname."
[10] French for "Where is daddy?"
[11] French for "He went to go get groceries."
[12] French for "I am hungry."
[13] French for "Me too, let's go!"