"SASUKE?" yells Naruto, shocked beyond reason.
"SHH!" hisses Sasuke, glaring kunai at Naruto. "I don't want anyone to find this place!"
"Sorry," whispers Naruto. "Are you really the one giving cats makeovers?"
"Yes," nods Sasuke.
"How come?"
"Well," says Sasuke defensively. "My Dad has a ban on non ninja pets, and one day I found this tunnel in the back of my closet after I got grounded and sent to my room. I thought it would be the perfect place to hide stuff I don't want my parents to find. So I started collecting stuff and keeping it down here. Sometimes I brought cats in here to play with for an hour or two. One of the things I had down here was a spiky leather dolls jacket that Dad didn't approve of 'in case I got ideas' or something. One day it fell on one of the cats while we were playing - it was this cat actually," she pats the fat grey cat sitting on her lap. "She looked so badass with the jacket on that I couldn't resist putting a pair of sunglasses on her as well. But when I tried to take the jacket off, she put up a huge fight, so I let her keep it. Then she went off with a bunch of other cats. As far as I know, she didn't go home for a whole week. After that a bunch of other cats came to me and just sat on my bedroom windowsill staring at me until I gave them makeovers too. I had to set this bunker up as a Cat Makeover Emporium, and set up a system for appointments or they would all swamp me at once and I'd be discovered. They only stay here for a few hours - it's not MY fault they go out with the other cats doing whatever it is badassified house cats do." She looks down at the cat in her lap, her face bright red. Then she ads, "The only thing I can't figure out is who looked after the cats while we were in the Land of Waves."
"But your Dad's nice!" says Naruto. "Why won't he let you have a normal cat?"
Sasuke glares swords at Naruto. "My dad might be nice to YOU but he's either telling me what I can't do, grounding me for doing it, or ignoring me!" She shoves Naruto, causing him to fall backwards.
"Sasuke!" scolds Madoka. "That wasn't very nice!"
"Shut up!" snaps Sasuke angrily. Then she blushes and hangs her head, embarrassed.
"Bastard!" yells Naruto, jumping to his feet. "What did you have to push me for?!"
"Shut up, or someone will hear you!" Hisses Sasuke.
"Hey," says Madoka. "Calm down, you two."
Sasuke and Naruto turn and glare at him. The look on Madoka's face wipes the anger off theirs however, and they both look in the direction Madoka is pointing. On Sasuke's lap, the fat grey cat is having kittens.
Madoka puts his hands over his ears to block out the sound of Naruto's panicked scream. Sasuke starts waving her arms around, an expression of pure panic on her face.
"Calm down!" snaps Madoka. He is a medic, even though he does not know a lot about treating animals. "Sasuke, sit still! Naruto shut up!"
Sasuke freezes and Naruto flops onto the floor, completely limp.
Madoka ignores them and helps the cat give birth to four slimy, helpless kittens. The cat licks her kittens clean and transfers them one by one to a nearby basket, which has been converted into a cat bed. She then curls up around her kittens and, purring louder than a gas oven, lets her babies suckle.
Sasuke stands up and says, "I'm going to change my dress." The she climbs up the ladder to her bedroom, adding; "Don't you dare come up here while I'm changing."
"That's a dress?" says Madoka, once Sasuke is gone. "I thought it was a tunic top. I mean, if it was any shorter you'd see her butt."
"I thought it was tiny miniskirt," shrugs Naruto. "I bet it's her dad's idea to wear pants. I mean, she is just so girly, it's out of character for Sasuke to wear tights under her dress. Maybe fishnets, or that mesh armor stuff, but proper tights? Nah."
The two boys grin at each other and burst out laughing.
Naruto and Madoka walk on either side of Sasuke, who is walking very slowly and carefully. In her hands is the basket containing the fluffy grey cat and its kittens.
"Her house is this way," says Madoka, pointing down a street on their left. Sasuke follows Sakura's directions, and soon the three genins find themselves standing on the front steps of the grey cat's house. "Naruto, knock on the door," orders Madoka.
"Why me?" protests Naruto.
"Because you did such a good job last time!" snaps Madoka.
"Oh yeah?" argues Naruto. "Are you saying you can't do better?"
"I can so!" argues Madoka.
"You're scaring the kittens," says Sasuke.
Madoka ignores her in favour of glaring at Naruto. Then he marches up to the front door and knocks politely. A kid opens the door, sees them, turns and yells, "MUM! THERE'S SOME KIDS AT THE DOOR!"
"TELL THEM WE AREN'T BUYING WHATEVER THEY'RE SELLING!" comes the stressed-sounding reply.
"HEY LADY!" Yells Naruto. "WE AREN'T SELLING ANYTHING! WE'RE HERE ON NINJA BUSINESS!"
"Police business," corrects Sasuke quietly.
"MUM!" Yells the kid. "THEY AREN'T LEAVING!"
A harried woman emerges from the depths of the house with a grubby toddler under one arm. She glares at the three genins on her doorstep and barks, "What do you want?"
"We are helping the police with their investigation into the cat disappearances," says Naruto politely. "We tracked your cat to the secret location where all the cats get makeovers and have brought it back to you. Also, she had kittens while she was there. We all freaked out. Except Madoka. He's a medic. You can have your cat back now."
"ARGH!" Groans the woman. "Not again! I just got rid of the last lot!"
"Why don't you get your cat fixed?" suggests Madoka. "They will do it for free at the shelter."
"I think I will do just that," the woman mutters, taking the basket of kitties from Sasuke's hands. "Who am I gonna fob them off on this time?" she mutters.
"Can I have one?" blurts out Sasuke.
"Sure," agrees the woman. "You can all have one if you want. Come back in eight weeks, they'll be old enough to leave their mother by then." She shoos the kid inside and shuts the door with her foot.
"Sasuke, you aren't allowed a kitten," says Madoka. "But I'm going to ask my parents if I can have one."
"I don't care," says Sasuke, sticking her chin out. "I want a kitty."
"I don't really want one," shrugs Naruto. "I have Sparky. But maybe Grandma or Granddad will want a kitten, so I'll ask them." He walks back to the foot path with his hands behind his head. "We better record our findings and report to Kakashi sensei so we can all go report to Mrs. Kinoko-police-lady, 'tebayo."
"We can't report to Kakashi sensei if we can't find him," grumbles Madoka. "We better just go home and tell him we cracked the case in the morning."
"I see," says Kakashi sensei, stroking his chin thoughtfully. "So that is what happened. Are you going to tell the police it was Sasuke?"
"NO WAY!" yells Naruto, throwing one hand up in the air. "Her secret is safe with me, dattebayo!"
Kakashi sensei nods a few times and asks, "What did your parents say about the kittens?"
"My Grandma wants one!" Naruto reports.
"I'm allowed one," says Madoka.
"I am not allowed a cat unless it is a ninja cat," says Sasuke. "But I am getting one of those kittens anyway."
Kakashi sensei nods firmly. "That just leaves one kitten. I wonder if my kids would like a pet?" Then he stops stroking his chin and says, "Let's go give our report to the Deputy Inspector, shall we?"
"OI!" Yells Naruto, bursting into the police station. "MRS. KINOKO POLICE LADY! WE SOLVED THE MYSTERY!"
"Naruto, please use your inside shout," says Deputy Kinoko, sticking her head around her office door. "So who was behind it?"
"I swore a vow of secrecy!" announces Naruto in a much quieter shout. "But know that the person who dresses the cats up does not know where they vanish to. The cats always leave the makeover emporium the same day they arrive. They go there of their own free will. That is all we have to report, dattebayo!"
Deputy Kinoko laughs. "Ever since that case came in, we've assigned it to a fresh genin team after every graduation. After six years, you are the first to solve it!"
"We solved it because we have Sasuke!" boasts Naruto. "And Sasuke is gonna be a policewoman one day, dattebayo!"
"So if the cat mystery is solved," asks one of the junior detectives, sticking his head out of the main office room. "Can we give the pizza mystery to a genin team?"
"Solve it yourself, lazy bum!" snaps Deputy Kinoko.
Roughly two months later, Team Seven meets outside the grey cat's house to claim their kittens. Naruto brought his Grandma, who has a little cat-carrier in one hand. Kakashi sensei is the last to arrive, but when he does there is a tiny little girl riding piggyback on his shoulders. At first Naruto does not see her because she is so small and her hair is so similar to Kakashi sensei's that it blends in with his. But he definitely sees her when Kakashi sensei lifts her off his back and sets her on the ground.
"Guys, this is my daughter Aki," Kakashi sensei introduces the toddler. "Say 'hi', Aki."
"HI!" Aki waves at Naruto, Sasuke, Madoka and Naruto's Grandma. She has almond-shaped brown eyes and pigtails in her hair. Naruto grins back at the little kid, who is dressed in a white tank top and scarf, a pair of baggy blue pants and blue ninja sandals.
"Hello," says Madoka.
"Aren't you a little cutie?" coos Naruto's Grandma, patting Aki on top of her head.
"KITTIES!" shouts Aki.
"She only has one volume," shrugs Kakashi when Sasuke puts her hands over her ears. "Let's go get these kittens before Aki breaks Sasuke's eardrums."
They knock on the door, and the grey cat's lady shows them to the living room, where the kittens are playing together. "Take your pick," the lady says.
Aki squats down and shuffles towards the kittens. "Kitty, kitty, kitty!" she calls, considerably quieter than before. Showing surprising speed, she grabs one and carefully carries it back to Kakashi sensei. "Daddy! This kitty!"
"Alright," says Kakashi sensei, and, picking up both the kid and the cat, says, "Thank you very much," to the lady, and shunshins out the window.
"Damned jounins," mutters the lady, and shuts the window again.
Sasuke grabs one of the kittens, shoves it down the front of her dress and shunshins out the window.
"Bloody, ninjas," mutters the lady, and closes the window.
Madoka carefully picks up on of the kittens, stuffs it into the box he brought for that purpose and shunshins out the window.
"Dammit!" growls the lady, shutting the window.
Naruto's Grandma scoops up the last remaining kitten, places it carefully in the carry case she bought especially, closes the case carefully, thanks the lady for her generosity and apologises for Kakashi, Madoka and Sasuke's behavior - ninjas are a breed apart, she says. Then Naruto and his Grandma leave by the front door, like civilized people.
Naruto would've like to shunshin out the window, though. Except he doesn't know how. Maybe Shisui will teach him...