Shisui joins the other jounin sensei whose teams passed the second round. "Wassup, guys?" he mumbles, yawning.
"Dude, it's a little early in the evening for you to be that tired, isn't it?" teases Asuma. "Have you been doing things with Itachi again?"
Kurenai blushes and says, "Leave him be, Asuma."
"Yes Kurenai," says Asuma, contritely.
Shisui yawns again and says, "If you must know, Fugaku is mad at me and I spent the last few days running from him. I got hardly any sleep due to the fear. I just hope he doesn't turn up here." Shisui rubs his eyes, which are starting to close.
"What did you do?" asks Anko, from the row where the proctors are standing.
"He got Itachi pregnant," says Ibiki, from beside her.
Kakashi starts laughing.
"THAT'S NOT FUNNY!" yells Shisui. "HE COULD KILL ME FOR THAT!"
"Would you lot PLEASE shut up!" orders the Hokage, from the very front of the lineup of jounin senseis and exam proctors. "The contestants are coming in soon and we need to be professional."
"Did you really get Itachi pregnant, Shisui?" asks Iruka.
"Yes he did, I learned that from Fugaku himself," says Lord Third. "Now by Kaguya, SHUT UP."
"Yes Lord Hokage!" chorus the disappointed jounins and chunins. Shisui can tell they wanted to hound him for the juicy details.
Shisui, who knows he smells due to not having bathed for several days, has bags under his eyes, and has a tangle of hair resembling a bird's nest on his head, fishes in his pouch for a comb and starts trying to make himself look presentable. An Uchiha's pride is his beautiful, shiny hair. Madara even grew his butt-length, and it was glorious. As the passing contestants file in and line up, Shisui is forced to accept that messy spikes will have to do, and puts his comb away.
The teams line up and Naruto calls 'hello' to all his friends. "Hinata! You made it! Shikamaru! Choji! You're here too! We are so onto this!" Then Naruto sees Shisui. He cocks his head to one side, a confused expression on his face. "Shisui, are the police after you? You look like you've been on the run for a week."
"Not all the police, just the Chief," says Shisui, yawning and trying not to drop from exhaustion.
"Is it because you let Sasuke break her grounding sentence?" asks Naruto.
Everyone is staring now.
"Well no...that's not actually the reason…"
"Then what?"
"Sasuke, you are gonna be an auntie," says the Hokage. "Now can we please get on with the business at hand?"
Sasuke adopts an expression of relief and horror mixed together. Then she glares daggers of pure hatred at Shisui and quickly looks at the floor.
In that moment Shisui realizes Sasuke has a crush on him. Well, ####.
The Hokage is explaining the Third stage of the Chunin exams, but Shisui is in a bubble of regret, exhaustion and pain. How could he not have realized Sasuke has a crush on him? How could he have forgotten the condom? How has he had so little success getting away from Fugaku?
CRASH. A being composed of darkness and terror, with glowing red eyes falls through the ceiling and lands in a crouch between the genin and the Hokage. "Where is he?" growls Lord Fugaku, glaring around the room.
All the genins except Naruto and a kid from the Sand start screaming in terror and run to huddle against the back wall.
"Hey Mr. Nice Police Chief!" says Naruto, grinning. "We made it past Round Two! Hey, where did everyone go?"
Shisui breaks out in a cold sweat and curls up on the floor in the fetal position.
"Mr. Nice Police Chief," says Naruto, crossing his arms and glaring at Lord Fugaku, who has his eyes locked onto Shisui. "You need to calm down, you are scaring Sasuke."
Lord Fugaku turns his head to look at the huddled group of genin, two of whom are using their unmoved, gourd bearing teammate to hide behind. Sasuke is cowering behind Shino, who looks just as scared as everyone else.
Lord Fugaku calms down instantly and straightens up. He turns and points at Shisui. "I'll deal with you when there is no one around to act as witness." Then he calmly walks over to Sasuke and gives her a hug. "There, there," he says, patting her head. "You don't need to be afraid of your Dad."
"THAT'S HER DAD?!" Ino Yamanaka yells, a look of horror on her face.
"Yes," says Lord Fugaku. "Now aren't you kids supposed to be standing in line while the Hokage talks for half an hour?"
"I was just finishing," says Lord Hokage. "Shisui, please stand up."
"Lord Hokage, may I take it from here?" asks Hayate as Shisui stands to attention.
"Go ahead, Hayate," says Lord Hokage tiredly.
The genin teams line back up, with Fugaku standing beside them.
"I'm Hayate," coughs Hayate. "I'm your next proctor. Let's get right to business: there's too many of you to make an enjoyable show. Does anyone want to quit to get the numbers down? Bear in mind that the upcoming tournament will be a public fight to the death or knockout."
Sasuke turns to look at her father, probably wanting to know if she should withdraw. Surprisingly, Fugaku shakes his head and smiles. Sasuke turns back to face Hayate, a grin on her face.
"Seriously: does anyone want to withdraw?" asks Hayate, coughing some more.
No answer, just determined expressions from the genins.
"Alright then," shrugs Hayate. "We're gonna have a preliminary round right here, right now, no break. NOW does anyone want to quit?"
Still nobody quits.
Hayate grins. "In that case: we will now have one-on-one matches, randomly selected from the group of contestants by this computer." He points to the giant computer hanging on the wall behind him. "Now I'm gonna select the first match right away. If your name is selected, stay here, and everyone else can go up to the balcony to watch, alright?" Hayate coughs some more.
The computer screen shuffles through the names and selects, "Sasuke Uchiha VS Yoroi Akado."
The genin who weren't selected head towards the balcony. Fugaku says something to Sasuke before following them. Shisui and the other jounin head to the balcony. Kakashi stops to have a quick word with Sasuke on the way past. Shisui does not hear what they say. He stumbles up to the balcony and finds himself face-to-face with Lord Fugaku. "Are you gonna kill me with all these people here?" Shisui asks.
"No," says Lord Fugaku. "I will leave you in peace until the preliminaries are over."
"Oh good," says Shisui, and passes out on the floor from relief.
Sasuke is surprised when her father tells her not to quit, but she is even more surprised when she is selected for the first match.
As the other contestants file past on their way to the balcony, Sasuke's father walks over to her and puts his hand on her shoulder. "I'll talk to you about this later," he says grimly. "But I need you to get to the Final round. The village's safety might depend on it."
"But Dad-" Sasuke tries to ask why he isn't making her withdraw.
"Hush and beat that guy into the ground," says her father. "I believe in you."
Sasuke nods, unused to her father saying things to her that aren't "you're grounded".
Sasuke's father smiles a very tiny smile and heads to the balcony. He seems worried about something.
Sasuke jumps when Kakashi sensei puts a hand on her shoulder. "I'm assuming you want to save that technique for the finals?" he asks.
Sasuke nods. "I don't want Dad to know about it yet."
"Then try to beat this guy with just taijutsu," suggests Kakashi sensei. "That will impress your Dad and hide most of your power for the finals."
"Yes sensei," says Sasuke, wondering if she will be able to do that. She beat Zaku with just taijutsu. Why not this guy?
"Sasuke Uchiha, Yorio Akado," says Hayate. "Do you have any objections to the match?"
"No," says Yoroi.
"Uh-uh," Sasuke shakes her head.
"Good," says Hayate. "Um...Let the match begin."
Sasuke pulls out a kunai and throws it at Yoroi. Yoroi rolls out of the way, a coating of odd chakra covering one of his hands. Yoroi runs at Sasuke, lunging at her with the glowing hand. Sasuke just barely manages to dodge, leaping over rubble from the ceiling.
"You're a fast little girl, aren't you?" says Yoroi.
Sasuke pulls out another kunai and waits for his attack. Next thing she knows, he is behind her, the glowing hand ready to strike. Sasuke rolls out of the way. Her tights are ruined. She's gonna need some new clothes. Preferably dark coloured ones that won't show stains so easily.
Yorio throws a volley of shuriken at Sasuke, who deflects them with her kunai. But Yoroi was following close behind the shuriken and Sasuke has to move fast to get out of his way. The glowing chakra on his hand brushes Sasuke's arm and she feels her strength drain away. Sasuke falls to her knees and Yoroi grabs her arm, draining her chakra away. Sasuke thinks fast. No chakra means no ninjutsu, but it doesn't mean no taijutsu. What technique can she do that will catch him without touching him? Then Sasuke has an idea.
Sasuke musters her strength and breaks free of Yoroi's grasp. "Is that all you can do?" she goads Yoroi, forgetting everything but the fight. She backs away, thinking hard about how to pull off her plan.
Yoroi readies his chakra-stealing hand and charges Sasuke. Sasuke darts forward and kick upwards, making contact with Yoroi's jaw and sending him flying into the air. She is glad now, that she fought Rock Lee. Sasuke launches herself into the air, becoming Yoroi's shadow. "Dancing Leaf Shadow," she says, and spins in mid air, kicking Yoroi back down towards the ground. What to call the finishing move, though? Yoroi tries to block Sasuke, but she wears him down as they plummet back to the ground, then she kicks him hard in the stomach, breaking the floor with the force of her kick. "Lions' Barrage!" she names the jutsu after the most majestic cats. Momentum causes Sasuke to go sliding across the floor. However, she picks herself up, ready to continue.
Hayate walks over to Yoroi and crouches down beside him. "Sasuke Uchiha wins by knockout!"