Stepping into the room, nurses dressed in black clothes were stood in each corner of the room, she glanced around the stark whiteness of the walls which surrounded her, the linoleum flooring beneath her feet, she gulped nervously sensing Dr Williams behind her, her only source of support in this situation right now. She glanced to him cautiously not wanting to push things, she couldn't even look at her friend, she looked exactly as Peter described her, the same and still very much Carla in every way shape and form except it wasn't like that at all, Carla's mind was poisoned against herself, which made her a very different person in all, she was still Carla on the outside, she hadn't wanted to change her appearance and that was something all her family and Peter were thankful for.
"What do I...?" she glances to Dr Williams, he smiles slightly pulling up a chair and placing it cautiously in front of Carla, he gestures for her to sit down on it which she does eliciting nothing but a groan from Carla who was sitting in the vacant corner with her legs pulled up to her chest and her head resting on her knees
"Speak to her"
"I am here you know" Carla snaps angrily at Dr Williams, he raises his hands either side of his head "Stop this!" she whimpers before letting out a hoarse cry
"Hey, it's ok" Michelle reassures her, Carla looks up at her and offers her an icy glare "It's me, Michelle, do you-"
"Remember me?" she cuts in, Michelle offers her a smile "Yes. I remember I haven't lost my memory"
"Well, that's good then" Michelle encourages, Carla just glares picking at a bandage on her hand where she attempted to gauge herself with a homemade weapon "What did you do to your hand?"
"None of your business" she snaps before whimpering to herself "Get out of my head, leave me alone!"
"What's bothering you?" Michelle questions, Carla just bashes her head against the wall behind her, the nurses step in to prevent her from injuring herself and move her to the bed which was provided "Is it Peter-"
"No!" she shouts before irrupting into a fit of tears "Why are you here?"
"Because I care about you, I want you to get better" she responds sincerely, Carla narrows her eyes in utter suspicion "Peter's in the waiting room, with your daughter-"
"Aziza?" she questions tilting her head to the side, Michelle shakes her head "Oh...that one"
"Do you remember her?"
"Yes" she snipes her defences heightening "I remember her"
"Carla what happened to you was-"
"Not deserved?" she questions, Michelle sighs and nods "Well I beg to differ, the thing is Michelle they are in here" she pokes her head repetitively, "They tell me what to do now"
"You can help get rid of them" she smiles, Carla shakes her head and bolts up out of bed to pace the floor in front of her shaking her head and chewing this skin around her thumb"Carla?"
"Stop this" she cries and on impulse, she lunges at Michelle who takes a step back and the nurses soon restrain her causing her to cry "Get off me!"
"Oh Carla" Michelle whispers tearily, Carla screams and shouts trying to release herself from the nurses grasp
"Get out of here!" Carla snipes before turning her head and gasping, she freezes staring at the corner of the room and gulps, the tears running down her face...
26th January 1999
There is something I always remembered about the intricacies of patent leather heels, the delicate white situated in my palms, they really were beautiful. I walked over to the dress which was hanging on the wardrobe in its holder, cover, whatever you called it, the extravagance of the material beneath my fingers would surely hold some sort of significance to the day.
"Hey, love!" Michelle enters the room, I smile at her arrangements of bouquets which were grasped in her hands
"I thought you didn't want to be here" I state knowing she was far from happy about me marrying her older brother right now, probably her mother telling her to come up here and speak to me, no doubt telling me to back out as she hated my guts
"We were friends once, I'm trying to be happy for you both even if Paul is making the biggest mistake of his life" she grins, I raise an eyebrow and pull a face at her "Look, do you want my help or not?"
"Yes, of course, I can hardly get into this dress on my own can I?"
"It is a lovely dress" Michelle muses giving it the once over, I smile at her "I am sorry you know"
"Hm?"
"For not accepting you and Paul..."
"You dont need to apologise" I flash her a smile not really knowing why she was choosing today of all days to apologise for her hostility
"No, I do, I said some awful things which will probably hurt your forever, change our relationship-"
"Why did you say those things to me?" she turns her head to face Michelle glaring at her, Michelle looks rather clueless all of a sudden "When I was engaged to Paul?"
"I dont understand..."
"Trying to hide what you said eh?" she snaps angrily, Michelle pinches the bridge of her nose "Purposefully not remembering to hurt me?"
"I would never hurt you Carla" Michelle whispers, Carla lets out a strained laugh "Speak to me?"
"You said those things, about me" she whispers pointing at her then folding her arms across her chest insecurely, "You said, you said that...that I was no good for him...that I was...worthless, a slag...you practically called me a homeless person, someone unworthy of love, that hurt"
"Oh, Carla...I'm so sorry I never meant-"
"You did though, words hurt, I want you to go now"
"Dont be like this, let me explain-"
"No, leave" she snaps "And never come back!"
"Ok, well, get better soon ok?" she smiles heading to the door, Dr Williams lets her out of the room so they can go and see Peter
"How was she?" he gulps anxiously bouncing the baby in his arms trying to settle her, Michelle takes her off him "Michelle?"
"Angry, upset, I tried to reassure her but...she didn't really want it or didn't understand it, she remembered who I was though, she asked after Aziza-"
"What?" Peter's eyes widen "No I'm not...I cant bring her here, that's...no" he shakes his head, Michelle smiles sympathetically "How did she take to you?"
"Um," Michelle falters "With indifference, she still thinks she deserved what happened to her, going on about her voices-"
"They're still there then" he sighs slightly running his finger over the baby's cheek, he turns to Dr Williams "Will she ever be better?"
"We dont know, all we know is that she's probably going to be affected by this forever" Dr Williams states "I would give you more information if we could but we dont know ourselves, we need to build a positive relationship with her but it's hard, sometimes she makes progress then she reverts back into a depressive state"
"Right" Peter nods slowly "I just want my wife back, my daughters want their mother back"
"I know they do" Dr Williams smiles sympathetically "How about you go home, it's been a long day and you could do with speaking to Aziza and family..."
"Yeah ok" he smiles slightly glancing down to the baby in Michelle's arms "Let's get you, home sweetheart"
They informed the family who were slightly annoyed at the fact that they couldn't see Carla, either wayPeter and Michelle held their ground saying she wasn't up to it because she wasn't, they didn't want to scare her by inflicting that sort of thing onto Carla and cause her to get worse. Michelle pulled the car up outside Peter's house, he got out and unstrapped the car seat, they then went into the house greeted by Simon who was sitting watching TV causing Peter to raise an eyebrow at the whole thing, he passed the car seat to Michelle leaving her to give the baby a bottle whilst Peter sat down on the armchair.
"Where's 'Ziza?" he questions, Simon just points to the stairs "Right...in her room?"
"Yep, won't come out unless she sees Carla"
"Not this again" Peter sighs running up the stairs to Aziza's room, he knocks on the door "Zi?"
"What?" she opens the door moodily, rolling her eyes totally unamused "Is Mum coming home?"
"What have I said about calling her Mum?" he questions pointedly, Aziza just rolls her eyes "Enough of the attitude"
"You never tell me anything!" she exclaims, he sighs bringing his daughter in for a hug, "I just want Mummy home, please bring her home"
"You know it's not that easy" he sighs, he really did feel bad for Aziza, she was old enough to understand what was going on but she didn't fully understand the extent at which Carla was suffering or the way she won't be able to be here, the medical process was too much for Aziza to understand "What's bothering you, princess, we've spoken about this and...yeah I'm just not buying it"
"I wanted to go today"
"Mummy's not Mummy right now, she's not like she used to be" Peter whispers kissing Aziza on the head "And she may never be the same again, she's very-"
"Damaged?" Aziza questions, Peter relents and nods "You say this all the time"
"I know and I'm sorry I dont really know much myself" he shrugs, she just rolls her eyes moodily and sits down on her desk chair "Look baby girl, I need to sort your sister out-"
"Can I help?" she asks, her eyes lighting up, Peter raises an eyebrow knowing she never wanted to help out "Please?"
"Come on then" he holds his hand out to her which she takes, she practically drags him down the stairs and into the lounge where Michelle was sitting on the armchair with the baby on her chest "Is she ok?"
"Milk coma" she chuckles slightly "Winded and changed, you actually dont need to do anything maybe bathe her later before bed"
"Oh right I guess we're not needed"
"We are" Aziza states kneeling down in front of Michelle "She needs a name"
"She does, yes" Peter nods knowing they were running out of time to get her registered "Any ideas then?"
"My names Aziza what about Azalea?" she queries, Peter raises an eyebrow "Mum-Mummy will love it" she flashes her father a smile
"It is a very pretty name" Peter muses, Aziza smiles "She does have your mother's eyes as well so it does fit"
"Exactly" Aziza smiles placing her finger in the baby's hand, the fingers of her sister wrap around her finger "Azalea and Aziza...sounds perfect"
"Well, I think it's a given then" Peter raises his eyebrows, Michelle glances to him knowing he should be doing this with Carla "Azalea, Azalea Barlow"
"How about Azalea Carla Barlow?" Michelle suggests smiling sympathetically at Peter, he knew what she meant, Carla's name in their daughter's name, just in case they didn't get her back
"That's it" Peter nods, Aziza smiles widely "Hopefully her Mummy will get better so she can look after her, so we can be a family again..."