Bit of a long one...

Trigger Warning: Sensitive issues regarding Mental Health

He didn't really know why he raced to the unit, he guessed he just needed to see her before she changed her mind which had been something she had done many times before. Some days she would ask to see someone, him, Kate, even Johnny, they ended up going only to be told that she no longer wanted to see them leaving him to pray that this time she would accept and actually see him, maybe since she saw Michelle she realised that there wasn't a threat and no one was going to hurt her. Peter had held a lot of hope these last few months, Carla's safety was important to him and he could tell that this would forever affect her, he knew the recovery process he had been here before but not to this extent, not to the extent that she was this far gone inside her mind, he didn't know what the future held and all he hoped for was some sort of a breakthrough.

"Peter Barlow" he smiles at the receptionist who passes over a clipboard which he uses to sign himself in, he automatically takes a seat on the chairs present

"Peter?" Dr Williams steps out of his office, he smiles and follows him in "Please take a seat"

"How is she?" he asks, Dr Williams smiles

"She seems a bit brighter but you know the drill" he states, he nods knowing Carla's moods were erratic, she had highs and lows "She wants to see you though, this is the first time shes asked to see you"

"Is that positive?"

"I would say so" Dr Williams nods "Right let's go and see her" he swipes his key card through the security door, they enter the room "Carla?"

"What?!" she snipes before her face softens slightly at the sight of Peter, she returns to rocking herself in the corner of the room her duvet wrapped around her body

"Peter's here as you requested," Dr Williams says, Carla stands up and walks towards them, she stands in front of Peter and gingerly reaches out to place her hand on his chest before taking it away quickly

"It's ok, I won't hurt you" he smiles reassuringly she looked confused to say the least "Can I sit down?"

"Ok" she agrees sitting herself down on the bed, Peter sits nearby on a chair, "They said to me that you had Aziza?"

"Yeah I do" he agrees witnessing Carla narrow her eyes suspiciously "Why?"

"I want to see her" she replies bluntly, Peter bites his lip "She needs to be here with me, I'm her Mum"

"And she will when she gets better" Peter confirms, Carla groans in annoyance bashing the wall with her fist "Carla?"

"Stop this!" she cries covering her ears and rocking herself back and forth as a means of distraction "Make it stop!"

"It's ok" he whispers, she cries out again "Do you want me to hold you like we used to?"

"Peter-" Dr Williams warns

"No" he shakes his head standing his ground, he didn't care if Carla injured him all he wanted to do was give her some comfort, he watches as she slowly stands up and makes her way over to him, gingerly sitting herself down on his lap "There we go"

"I'm scared" she admits, he hushes her gently running his fingers through her hair "They're in here and they won't get out, make them leave, please" she begs pointing to her head, Peter kisses her on the forehead

"I will be right here for you ok?" he murmurs, she nods nuzzling into his neck breathing in the familiar scent which she longed for ever since she was admitted but her mind just wouldn't let her go near Peter in fear of hurting him or because it hated him, she didn't know "Can you tell me what they're saying to you?"

"The usual" she mutters wrapping her arms around his neck to support herself or ground herself he didn't know, either way, he held onto her, he knew what that meant and that was something which would scare her so much, he understood entirely...

5th June 2019

Staring at the clinical building in front of me was something I knew would eventually come, ever since Carla had disappeared and I was left with Aziza I knew that I would have to be strong for them both, it was hard though, it really was. Gaining Aziza's trust again was something which was difficult enough, ever since I hurt Carla in the most emotional way possible, Aziza saw me as the devil, someone looking to meddle with her Mum's head, she was still my little girl nonetheless and she did truly love me but sometimes the trust just wasn't there but right now Aziza was forced to trust me because her mother was ill, I would look after her now and she wasn't entirely sure about it either.

Aziza was being looked after mainly by Carla's family, we speak over video call sometimes but the same question was always asked and that was 'When's Mummy coming home?' and 'When can I next see her?' and the fact that I didn't know was something I kept relaying back to her but she didn't understand, she was only a kid after all even though she did act like a teenager half the time but at 8 years old she was a bright spark, just like her mother. Another question she would always ask is if Carla would be back for her birthday at least I could answer that one for her but it always ended up in her throwing some sort of temper tantrum as if she was two years old again. No matter how bad Aziza took things I would always be there for her in the end, I had to be.

"Hey Julie" I smile at the receptionist of the psychiatric unit and she passes me the clipboard to sign

"Hello Peter, if you'd like to take a seat, Carla's psychiatrist, Dr Ellis, will be with you shortly" she smiles back at me, I nod not really knowing what the outcome of this visit would adhere to, I take a seat on the chairs provided twiddling with a ciggie to occupy my mind

"Peter?"

"Hi" I greet her with a smile, she nods back "How has she been doing then?"

"Today's a sticky one" she sighs, I chew my lip knowing exactly what that meant "Any significant dates?"

"Yeah" I mumble slightly, fumbling over my words, Dr Ellis looks up at me expectantly "A while back she lost a baby on this date, it was my fault I put her under so much stress, I dont know if she will want to see me if that's what's going through her mind"

"We can try, she's perfectly safe here" Dr Ellis smiles opening the door to Carla's room, I step into the room seeing her curled up on the mattress, bed sheets, blankets and duvets wrapped around her body, her room was a mess "We'll clean the mess up later, she just needs time to calm down"

"Right" I grab the chair sitting in front of her, I examine her body which was shaking tremendously, tears smothered over her cheeks as she cries, I didn't really know what to say to her because she genuinely looked petrified, I didn't want to cause her any more harm "Hey sweetheart"

"Hi" she whispers back to me, I was glad she was staying in tune with her surroundings "How are you?"

"I should be asking that to you" I smile, she bites her lip and shakes her head "It's ok, we dont have to talk about the whole thing"

"Did they follow you here?" she presses, I sigh, the thought of having a normal conversation going out of the window just like that, her mind was poisoned which is why she was bound to this room, I knew that so why on earth did I think that we would have a normal conversation like we used to back in the day

"Did who follow me here?"

"You know who, you were there!" she cries, I shake my head not understanding where I was to her, who I was to her, did she see me as Peter I didn't know anymore

"Where was I?"

"You came to find me!" she exclaims tearfully, she was swiping at her face, I watched as she moved into the corner of her bed pulling the hood of her hoody up, drawstrings removed of course which served as a constant reminder to the situation she was in

"I dont understand, love, I'm sorry" I whisper, she shakes her head covering her ears and shaking her head "Speak to me?"

"Get out" she hisses, "They followed you here, look what you've done"

"Carla, it's ok, no ones going to hurt you, harm you, I want to help"

"They're in here Peter and they won't leave!" she cries tilting her head back as she struggles to breathe, her body jolting with every intake of breath she took, it was so scary and if like that her breathing regulates and she stares at the corner of the room not even blinking

"Carla?" I try to ground her "Whatever you see it's not real"

"Everythings real" she whispers sliding out of bed and standing a foot away from the corner she had an obsession with, I watch as she gingerly reaches her hand out to touch whatever it was that she was seeing

"Carla, look at me please" I quickly walk over to the emergency call button, I watch as she interacts with no doubt another hallucination, I just wish that she makes a speedy recovery...

"You know they're not real dont you?" he questions, Carla just glares at him slightly annoyed at his interference

"They were going to hurt Aziza, Peter, can't you see what they're trying to do?!" she questions practically jumping off his lap, she begins to pace the room

"It's your mind sweetheart, you will get better" he reassures her, she just ruffles her hair clearly annoyed at the whole thing "We've been in this position before haven't we?"

"And they're back Peter, he's back" she points to her head rapidly, he nods slowly "Make them stop, please, I can't do this anymore, I can't live my life like this!"

"Ok, calm down" he soothes her, she shakes her head leaning against one of the walls, she begins to bash her head on it repetitively, the nurses in the room step in and restrain Carla

"Sorry" she whispers "I'm sorry!" she falls to the floor, he sighs slightly trying to keep his emotions intact, the nurses administer a sedative and then move Carla onto the bed, they call Dr Williams back into the room

"Will she be ok?" Peter turns to face the three of them talking to each other

"She'll be fine, she's been sedated so she will be less erratic now, but she will most likely want to sleep" Dr Williams smiles, Peter nods slowly slightly unsure of anything anymore

"Peter" she mumbles from the bed, Peter raises an eyebrow bending down in front of her, brushing some of her hair out of her face "I'm sorry"

"You dont need to apologise for something you can't control" he smiles kissing her on the forehead "Do you want to get some sleep now?"

"Yes" her eyes flutter shut, he sighs slightly and leaves the room allowing her to have some peace from the torture which was her mind

"I'm sorry" Peter sighs shaking his head, Dr Williams places a hand on his shoulder sympathetically "I just want her back, its hard, things just divert off into hallucinations, suicidal thoughts, I dont know what to do anymore"

"She will get there" Dr Williams smiles "We've made a big step today with her wanting to see you"

"I'm just scared in case I've made it worse" Peter chews his lip "Have I made it worse?"

"Peter it is what it is, we just need to focus on getting Carla better, it's going to take time and a lot of effort but if we work together we will get there eventually. Why don't you go home and spend time with the kids, we'll call you if anything bad happens or if she wants to see you"

"Ok, yeah" he nods chewing his lip "Thanks for everything"

Peter took the drive home and entered the house to Johnny giving Azalea some tummy time on the playmat which Carla bought when she was at home a few months ago. He smiled at the sight in front of him Azalea attempting to roll around whilst Johnny cooed over her animatedly. Peter made his presence known and informed Johnny on how Carla was and he was pretty shocked that things managed to get this bad again but Peter remained hopeful that things would better because they really did need to and after all tremendous progress was made today with Carla allowing him to see her. There was a knock on the door and Peter went to answer it, of course, it was Toyah for her home session with Aziza which he forgot about so he ended up racing to school to collect her for it.

"Why did you drag me out of school?" she moans flopping down onto the sofa and crossing her arms

"Because you have a session with Toyah, remember?"

"Whatever" she replies moodily, Peter shares a look with Toyah "Have you seen Mum today?" Aziza pins him a look, he just smiles at her and nods "Can I see her now?"

"No" Peter shakes his head putting sugar in Toyah's coffee and passing it to her whilst he did his "Do you want to do your session out here or in your room?"

"Dont mind" she grumbles grabbing the remote and turning the TV on, Toyah sits next to her, she just glances sideways at her before returning her attention to the TV

"Why dont you show me your room?" Toyah suggests

"You already know what my room looks like" Aziza points out clearly annoyed at the whole thing

"Zi, stop being moody otherwise I will take your technology away" Peter points at her she just sighs in annoyance and walks up the stairs clearly annoyed over the whole thing "Sorry about her"

"It's fine" Toyah smiles "She's obviously annoyed about something, no doubt Carla but-"

"I'm glad I'm not the only one" he chuckles, Toyah laughs slightly as well "She's probably in her room, as you said before I suggested that she writes some things down which she would like to do with Carla if she gets out"

"Hopefully we can talk about some memories with her, we'll see" Toyah states, he nods "How are you coping with things?"

"She finally saw me today for the first time, she's so different now, paranoid and the world she sees compared to me is so different, I dont understand whats going through her eyes and displaying in her mind if that makes sense"

"Yeah it does" Toyah nods "Why dont you have a break, cuddle the baby then I'll have a word with the teenage ten year old upstairs"

"Ha!" he scoffs "Good luck with that one, she's like her mother, stubborn as hell"

"Yeah well I'll get through to her eventually it'll take time but eventually we'll get there" she nods with a small smile, she heads upstairs to Aziza's room and knocks on the door, she enters seeing Aziza sitting at her desk "Hey Zi"

"Hello" she replies bluntly, Toyah sits on the bed "Sorry about being moody"

"It's ok" Toyah smiles slightly patting the bed beside her, Aziza sits down cross-legged on her bed covers "I know your dad annoys you quite a bit"

"You're telling me" she drones "It's just hard with everything that went on in the past"

"I know it is" Toyah replies sympathetically "You've had a tricky past haven't you?"

"Yeah" she nods "Dad being drunk those times, now Mum being sick, then Dad cheating on Mum and causing me to lose my sibling...then she has a replacement then she becomes ill again"

"You've been through a lot Aziza, you're bound to have all these feeling about the current situation, is there anything you want to talk to me about?"

"No not really" she replies dismissively, Toyah nods not totally convinced "I just want everything to go back to the way it was when Mum was here"

"I know you do" Toyah sighs slightly "How's school?"

"Alright I suppose" Aziza replies gingerly not giving Toyah any eye contact "I got in trouble, swore at a teacher, then I was upset"

"Did you get put with your support teacher?"

"Yeah, didn't talk though, they dont understand like Mum and you do" she smiles slightly "Dad's useless at all that stuff" she grins cheekily, Toyah nudges her in the side "It makes me sad"

"What does?"

"The fact that I have to see you" she chews her lip, Toyah nods slowly "I just want to be normal, live my life in the way I want to live it"

"You're very mature for your age aren't you?"

"You have to be with an alcoholic father and sick mother" she shrugs, Toyah sighs slightly "The only time I get to be a kid is with Aunty Michelle and Kate"

"Do you like spending time with them?"

"Very much so" she grins "They give me ice cream when Mum isn't looking"

"No wonder you like them"

"Before tea as well, dont tell Dad though" she shakes her head amused, Toyah grins "I like speaking to you"

"I like speaking to you too. Your Dad said you were writing things down for when your Mum comes out of the hospital, things you want to do with her"

"Mhm" she beams running over to collect her diary "Here"

"Wow, that's a long list" Toyah's eyes widen "This is really good, I'm sure your Mum will love to do all of this with you when she gets out, is there any specifics ones you want to do first?"

"Go shopping" Aziza grins "We always used to go and have a hot chocolate afterwards, loads of cream and marshmallows"

"That does sound amazing" Toyah smirks, Aziza grins shaking her head "Are you feeling better now?"

"Yeah, it's just school which is the issue" Aziza shrugs, Toyah nods "I'll be fine though I have to be, for Mum"

"Sweetheart you dont need to force yourself to be fine, you're a kid, you should enjoy being one" Toyah sighs slightly knowing it wasn't exactly fair on Aziza as she had to grow up rather quickly "Have you been out with your Dad at all?"

"It's hard with Azalea" she shrugs "The name was my idea"

"Very pretty" Toyah muses, Aziza nods "I'm glad you're feeling better about everything though"

"Yeah, its up and down but I feel ok now" Aziza grins, Toyah smiles "Are you going now?"

"Yes, I am" Toyah states, Aziza nods taking her hand and dragging her down the stairs, Peter raises an eyebrow bouncing Azalea "We're done I think?"

"Yeah we are" Aziza grins walking over to Peter and giving him a hug "I'm sorry"

"Hey" he tilts her head up to meet his, he kisses her on the forehead "You dont need to apologise for the way you feel, never ever"

"Either way I'm still sorry" she smiles hugging her dad still whilst he props Azalea up onto his shoulder "I'll see Toyah out"

"Thank you sweetheart" Peter smiles watching her go into the porch with Toyah, she returns with a massive smile on her face and sits down next to him "Was it a good session?"

"Yeah we just talked generally" she shrugs, Peter nods slowly "What's for dinner?"

"Spaghetti bolognese" Peter smiles, Aziza nods tickling her sister's foot "Stop tickling your sister she's all sleepy"

"Oops" Aziza smirks "I'm sorry about being annoying, especially about Mum, I just want her home and I want her to be well again"

"It's ok poppet, you dont need to apologise hopefully in time she will get better and we will all be able to settle down and enjoy our future eh?"

"Yeah, let's hope" Aziza grins resting her head on Peter's shoulder, he sighs slightly hoping that what he said would come true sooner rather than later...