This is very long, either way I hope you enjoy.

Tirgger warnings: References to Self-Harm and Strong Language

The sound of Azalea's cries rung around the room, at times like this he wished Carla was here to settle her because he knew deep down that she would be able to settle her as well as Azalea missing her mother's touch. He remembered when she was born, he wasn't allowed in with Carla when she was giving birth, she had many people restraining her and she was genuinely too dangerous to be around. She deteriorated rapidly when he found out how much she was struggling, that time they took a day out in the countryside, the marks that were tainting her skin over and over, the scars which would no doubt form in time.

Peter scooped Azalea up and bounced her gently humming a gentle tune to her ever so slightly which immediately settled her. He was tired, ever so tired and he just wanted Carla to get better and he knew she would in time but how much time would that be? He didn't know and that was difficult to understand and comprehend because he knew that with every day that passed the more difficult it would be for Carla to adapt to the real world again. It was almost three months since she was admitted and she was now deemed as a long term patient in the psychiatric unit and he knew exactly what that meant; it would be a very long process to get her better again.

"Do you want a bottle baby girl?" Peter questions rocking Azalea but she eventually falls asleep so he places her back in the Moses basket where she was sleeping peacefully "You have a good sleep eh?"

"Daddy?" Aziza enters the room with tears streaming down her face, he brings her in for a hug "I want Mummy"

"I know you do, I know" he whispers breathing in the scent of her hair, running his fingers through it "Wipe those tears eh? She'll be home eventually, it's ok, we'll get her better, we're working so hard right now to get her there"

"I want her cuddles" she cries, Peter lifts her up and places her in the bed beside him "I want her to hold me"

"Oh baby" he whispers watching Aziza struggling to breathe "Calm down sweetheart you're going to make yourself ill if you do that"

"I can't" she exclaims, Peter hushes her gently mindful of Azalea "I miss Mummy"

"I know you do, I know" he murmurs into her forehead, she wraps her arms around his neck, her breathing eventually slows as Peter massages her head playing with her hair, she eventually falls asleep "Good night princess" he kisses her on the forehead pulling the duvet over them both, now more than ever he wished that Carla would juts be home with them

They woke up and Aziza refused to speak about what happened the night before like she usually did with many emotional encounters with her father. He was worried about his daughter and that stirred some awful feelings in his body. Michelle eventually padded into the living room where Aziza was staring down at her bowl of cereal refusing to eat it so Peter beckoned Michelle over and told him what happened the night before, she was shocked, one at the fact at how much Carla's hospital stay was getting to her niece and two at the fact that Aziza actually confided in her father which was practically unheard of so she decided that she would sit down next to her and have a little chat with her niece to see if she could get to the bottom of the whole situation.

"Are you going to eat that?" Michelle questions, Aziza offers her a glare "Charming"

"You love it really" she grins sarcastically tilting her head to the side, Michelle raises her eyebrows "Are we walking to school dad?"

"Depends if you want to go with me or Michelle, Zi" he smiles preparing Azalea a bottle "Your choice"

"Michelle" Aziza grins, Peter just rolls his eyes glancing to Michelle who nods "Can we go soon?"

"Hang on" Michelle narrows her eyes and frowns wondering why on earth Aziza wanted to go to school as she hated the place "You actively want to go to school...early as well?"

"Is that a problem?" Aziza pins her a look, Michelle shakes her head "Good"

"Right I guess we best get off then as you're eager" Michelle smiles, Aziza nods downing the rest of her orange juice, she runs upstairs to finish off getting ready "That was weird"

"I think she just finds it awkward" Peter shrugs "Especially after last night"

"Right" Michelle nods "Are you going to see Carla today?"

"I dont know I was thinking about it but I dont know if she wants to see me, I'll have to phone" Peter shrugs bouncing the baby, "If not then we will snuggle all day won't we?" he pecks Azalea on the head

"Sounds like a plan to me" Michelle smiles as Aziza appears from the stairs with her bag and coat "Are we ready to go then, princess?"

"Yep, bye dad" Aziza nods feeling majorly embarrassed about the night before, she grabs Michell's hand and practically drags her out of the house

Michelle and Aziza took the walk to school. Aziza went to private school money was not a problem for Peter or Carla so they sent Aziza to a private school in a bid to have the best education which hasn't really been happening due to everything which happened with Carla but both Michelle and Peter were sure things would get better in time, after all, Aziza still had time to improve her academic ability overall. They approached the school gates and Aziza immediately got nervous which was very unlike her causing Michelle to frown at her demeanour, she bent down in front of her niece and took both of her hands into hers.

"Sweetheart, what's going on?" Michelle questions, Aziza just gulps and shrugs, she grabs her bag and walks off into the school grounds, Michelle follows her as she goes to the door of her classroom "Zi, wait up!"

"No!" she shouts storming into her classroom, Michelle glances to her teacher and smiles sympathetically

"Everything ok? Michelle, isn't it?" Mrs Harwood smiles at Michelle, she sighs

"It's Aziza, she seems to be taking things to heart recently, her mothers not well and I think it's finally hitting her hard if you have any problems either ring me or her father"

"We will, I'll send her down to her support teacher to spend some time with her, she never really seems to speak thought, as you know we may need to have a meeting again-"

"I know it's just, it's difficult if you need us give us a ring, hopefully, she will be ok" Michelle smiles not wanting to spill their life story to this teacher who didn't even know them, she just wanted to keep everything private in case it bothered Carla if it ever got back to her

"Ok" Mrs Harwood smiles "Bye Michelle"

"Yeah bye" Michelle mumbles leaving the school grounds shaking her head at her fumbling over her words, she mentally berated herself for not having a plan, her phone went off and she answered it "Hello?... Oh hello Dr Williams, how's Carla?... That's good, isn't it?... Does she want to see me again then? Not Peter, just me?... Ok then yeah that's fine, I'll get there as soon as I can, bye see you soon"

Michelle raced home to dress into black clothes, the only visiting requirement for when seeing Carla, for some reason she liked the morbid outcome of everyone dressing in black, maybe it was out of respect, maybe it wasn't, she didn't know but either way, she was grateful for the opportunity to see Carla again. She entered the hospital and signed in and then she was shown to Carla who was sitting cross-legged in the middle of the room on a chair with her eyes closed, Michelle was confused when she stepped into the room, Carla didn't even acknowledge her presence which was entirely odd considering she asked to see her.

"I was thinking about you" Carla remarks glancing her up and down "And Paul, and Liam"

"Really?" Michelle queries taking a seat on the bed "What were you thinking of?"

"That holiday we took before me and Paul got together" Carla opens her eyes to look at Michelle who nods "You were mad at me on that holiday, why?"

"You were copping off with my brother" she chuckles, Carla hums slightly getting up and walking to the wall and looking at a photo of Liam, she traces her finger around it "Why are you thinking about them anyway?"

"Michelle, when you're in this place, you think about different possibilities, what-ifs and all that. With Paul and Liam there's a lot of what-ifs which are situated with them, then my mind it changes the scenario, poisons it, I realise that now"

"Well that's good" Michelle tries to keep a beaming smile off her face, she was so proud of Carla right now "What scenarios were you thinking about?"

"Well I was thinking of that holiday but remember when...remember when Liam died?"

"Yes?"

"It hurt me so much, I never realised how much until I was in here"

"Right, I guess it was hard for you as you had to hide what you felt in front of Tony"

"Dont mention Tony" she mutters, Michelle nods slowly knowing it was very much a sticking point and held a lot of negative memories "I wish he shot me"

"Carla-"

"No!" she exclaims angrily, Michelle nods slowly "Does Peter know you're here?"

"No, I didn't get a chance to tell him, he's gone to register the baby's birth"

"What's her name?" Carla questions, Michelle raises an eyebrow not knowing whether to tell Carla in case it upset her "Michelle?"

"Azalea, Aziza helped with the name"

"I like that" she smiles, Michelle nods "Why did Tony hate me for being in love?"

"Jealousy is an ugly disease" Michelle shrugs, Carla bites her lip taking the photos off the wall, she walks over to Michelle and sits next to her "You seem to be doing better today"

"It's weird, I feel calm" she admits passing her the photos, she looks through them "Do you remember this one?"

"Ah" Michelle gulps "That youth club on Peel Street"

7th July 1991

My hair lapped in the cool breeze of the summer night. I glanced around my surroundings and chuckled at the buildings littered along the skyline of Manchester in the distance, the tower blocks filled with the cretins known as drug dealers, some normal families, sometimes I wished I was from one of the normal ones but I wasn't. My Mam abused alcohol, she was also partial to a heap of drugs as well and as for my abusive stepfather, he would substitute water for any clear fluid associating with a large percentage of alcohol. At least I had my friends at the end of the day, the people who really cared about me even if they didn't show it half the time.

Michelle, she was my best friend, infatuated with her boyfriend Dean, we had drifted recently but that was ok, I had Liam he really understood who I was, well it felt like that anyway and Paul was quite a bit older than us at this time so he didn't really hang around at such a dump also known as a youth club, he was hardly youthful now anyways. We spent our days on our estate, they were lucky them Connor's they had a family who cared about them whereas me and my brother Rob we had no one apart from ourselves, our parents didn't care about us at all, we were left to fend for ourselves.

"What do you want for the future?" Liam questions taking as a drag of a cigarette he lit, we were sitting together on the wall outside of the youth club pondering over our disastrous lives

"Me?" I question with a frown, my obvious statement would be to move out of this dump, make a living for myself but I didn't really want to tell him the truth in case he did that 'Liam thing' and scoffed at the idea and make me feel inferior

"Who else did you think? I ain't seeing anyone else around" he chuckles

"To be happy" I state vaguely, he nods

"You're not happy now?" he presses, I knew he would, there was something alluring about the way he was exhaling the smoke from his ciggy, I pluck it out of his fingers and take a drag myself

"Would you be if you were me?" I chuckle "You know my family Leebugs, a mess they are and you can't deny that"

"I guess so" he muses, I watch him ponder on his words "Do you want to know what I want?"

"You're going to tell me anyway" I grin cheekily, he nudges me in the side of the arm "Do your worst"

"I want life to be something worth living for" he smiles, I raise an eyebrow at his philosophical approach to the question "Where do you see yourself in ten years time?"

"No clue"

"Keeping your cards close to your chest I see" he grins cheekily, I raise my eyebrows and shove him before handing the rest of the ciggy back "Do you reckon we will always be friends?"

"Probably," I think about his words for a minute and I didn't really know what to say, I would always hope we would stay friends "I would hope so unless of course you dont wanna be friends with me"

"You'd never leave us alone even if we weren't"

"You make me sound needy"

"You are" he grins, I just chuckle slightly "But do you want to know something?"

"Hmm I dont know Leebugs, you might tell me to do one in a minute when you're bored of my company"

"Doubting your abilities isn't going to get you anywhere Carla" he smiles stubbing out his ciggy, I sigh "How are you and 'Chelle?"

"I miss her" I admit, I've never admitted it to anyone other than myself "I miss her so much, I guess she's just getting on with her life though"

"Can I ask you a question?"

"You've asked me a lot of those today"

"Do you love Paul?"

"Paul?" I pull a face, Liam nods "I dont know what you want me to say?"

"I'll take that as a yes" he responds, I just shake my head not even bothering to defend myself, Paul was some years older than me, I didn't know the true meaning of love at my age, therefore, I was unable to answer

"Take it how you want" I smile "You know me, Lee, I'm a closed book"

"You seem pretty open to me right now" he grins, I raise an eyebrow offering him a glare "Dont get defensive, it's a good thing"

"Is it though?"

"You've had a pretty shit life Carla" Liam states, I nod in agreement knowing its true "Mother who hates you, a stepfather who abuses you and your real dad who's disappeared off the face of the earth, no wonder you said you wanted to be happy"

"Well I guess you can hardly blame me" I mumble looking into his eyes, he reaches out to brush a strand of hair which fell over my face when I turned to look at him

"Whatever happens to you, you will be fine" he confirms, I sigh, I knew I was stronger than most but the fact I didn't know what my life held was something which frightened me "The world is a scary place but you will be fine, I know it"

"Maybe. You, 'Chelle and Paul are my safety net, well not so much Paul now but, you all were" I gulp "Out there in that world," I glance to the skyline of Manchester where the buildings stretched out into the abyss "I would be on my own, but that doesn't scare me, its all about survivability I guess and I've done a good job at that so far, it's the thought of failure I suppose, the thought of being like the people who were meant to look after me"

"I will always be there for you if you need me to"

"No need to get sentimental over it Leebugs" I grin, he looks serious all of a sudden "It's very kind of you Liam but we all have to fly the nest at some point"

"I reckon you will be just fine, kid" he smiles at me, I look at him and shrug before chuckling, I drop my gaze and he tilts my head up so my eyes met, he used his left hand to cup my cheek, the softness of his lips met mine and we kissed, it was loving, I had never felt feelings like this before either way, it couldn't happen, I pull away and smile before walking off into the distance back home, I knew he was watching me, he always would be...

"I saw that kiss" Michelle smiles, Carla chuckles slightly "I remember being so gobsmacked I tried to erase it from my mind, me and Dean we were standing behind you both leaning on the wall of the youth club"

"Then why didn't you say?"

"I didn't want to ruin the moment you both had" Michelle smiles slightly, Carla raises her eyebrows

"Come off it, you wanted me and Paul separated, the fact I kissed Liam would be enough to pull me into the road in front of an oncoming vehicle by my hair" Carla exclaims before noticing the look on Michelle's face "Sorry"

"It's fine" Michelle flashes her a smile "The reason I didn't say anything it because you genuinely looked happy with Liam, Carla"

"And you thought I deserved that? You hated me at that point because you were so convinced I had feelings for Paul"

"Maybe I was" she shrugs, Carla just rolls her eyes "But there was something between you and Liam, there always was, I knew deep down, I guess I was too naive to admit it"

"I loved him," Carla says looking up at Michelle, she smiles "But I knew it would never last, I could never have given him what he wanted"

"And that was?"

"A family"

"You have Aziza, Azalea, Peter"

"Even so. Then I didn't know I wanted children, even when pregnant with Zi, I didn't want her, the termination, it was all such a mess, when with Liam, things weren't messy, I felt free just like that night when we shared that ciggy, I was free"

"Have you had any hallucinations of Liam?" Michelle questions, Carla smiles at her and nods, she was thankful that Carla's defences didn't skyrocket "What were they like?"

"Beautiful, to see him, to hold him again, it was...amazing. They dont distress me as much as the others..its more confusing, a good confusing"

"Paul?"

"No" she shakes her head "We dont talk about him"

"Why?"

"We just dont" she replies abruptly, Michelle nods slowly taking her hand "How's Aziza?"

"She had a bit of a difficult night last night according to Peter" Michelle murmurs not really knowing whether to reveal this information to Carla "She misses you"

"I miss her" Carla informs Michelle looking over her figure "I like the black clothes on you"

"Can I ask why yet?" Michelle questions, Carla just sighs shaking her head "I understand"

"It makes me feel safe" Carla admits, Michelle nods "I'm sorry if you dont like it, I really am, it makes me feel secure in an odd way"

"I hope one day you can tell me or Peter why it makes you feel like that"

"Me too" Carla smiles glancing down to her hands and fiddling with them, Michelle gingerly grips onto the long-sleeved jumper she was wearing and pulls the sleeves up gingerly

"Tell me to stop if you want me to" Michelle whispers, Carla nods closing her eyes, if she closed her eyes then the hallucinations couldn't plague it, she was convinced "Ok?"

"Yeah" Carla nods, Michelle gently touches the bumps on Carla's skin, the scars and the fresh cuts on her arms, Carla wrangles her arm away and pulls the sleeve down on her jump so it was over her hand "Sorry"

"It's fine" Michelle kisses her on the side of the head "I'm glad you're having a good day"

"Me too" Carla smiles glancing to the time "You should go and see Peter"

"I guess so" Michelle smiles following her gaze, Carla's eyes widen then they fill with tears "Who? Who's there Carla?"

"Just go" Carla gulps standing up and making her way to the corner of the room, she turns her back to the rest of the room and just stares down to the floor "Michelle, go!"

"Ok, alright" Michelle whispers "I'll see you soon"

"Go" Carla states, Michelle sighs slightly and leaves the room allowing Carla to deal with her emotions, she signs out and walks to the car and gets in, she drives back home hoping that her presence wouldn't change Carla's mood

She entered the house to an angry Peter who was wondering where on earth she had been, she explained that she had a call from the unit and Carla wanted to see her which caused him to soften. She held the baby for a bit wanting to give Peter a bit of a break, she questioned where Aziza was and Peter said she was spending the evening with Johnny as he wanted to spend time with her which Michelle was kind of thankful for as Peter was able to spend time with her talking about Carla. Michelle informed him about what happened at the unit and Peter was kind of shocked as well as intrigued to find out a bit more about Carla's childhood as she never really liked to elaborate on that part of her life as it was very dark.

"I never thought that her life was that eventful, Liam really seemed like a good friend to her"

"He was, he didn't show it, they were kind of playful I suppose, constantly teasing, trying to outdo each other" Michelle muses "None of us ever saw the underlying attraction they had for each other until I witnessed that kiss, but even then I was a kid I didn't know about feelings as such"

"She really did love Liam" Peter whispers in disbelief, Michelle nods "Do you reckon she's happy with me?"

"I reckon she's the happiest she's ever been, this isn't the real Carla speaking now Peter" Michelle reminds him, he nods slowly "She really does love you, she knows that Liam was somewhat forbidden in her head"

"I hate that she wasn't allowed to express her feelings as a kid I bet that's contributed to her lack of ability to open up about things"

"It probably has" Michelle sighs closing her eyes briefly remembering all the times at which she saw Carla interact with her abusive family "She's probably traumatised by her past and when she's vulnerable, especially in the position she is now, that's going to be brought to the forefront of her mind"

"I wonder what happened to her" Peter muses "I know it sounds weird and creepy but I always have"

"She would never tell us" Michelle sighs "I always had an inkling that something sinister went on behind closed doors, either way, its not our position to force her to open up"

"Yeah I guess" Peter sighs as the doorbell goes off "That'll be Johnny and Zi," he says standing up and opening the front door, Aziza runs in and hugs her father "Hey princess, did you have fun?"

"Of course" she rolls her eyes sauntering into the living room and sitting down on the sofa "Hi Aunty 'Chelle"

"Hey sweetheart, did you have a good day at school?"

"It was alright" she shrugs turning the channel over on the TV to something she wanted to watch whilst Peter said goodbye to Johnny "What's for dinner?"

"You've already had food with Johnny" Peter chuckles grabbing some bread and cheese "I'll cook you up some cheese on toast"

"Cheers" Aziza smiles taking her hair out "Did any of you see Mum today?"

"Yeah we did" Michelle smiles, Aziza nods, "I told her how you helped with Azalea's name"

"Cool," Aziza grins sorting her hair out from when it was in a ponytail "Was she ok with it?"

"Yeah she liked it" Michelle confirms, Aziza nods "You need to have a shower or a bath tonight remember"

"Yeah I know, can I eat in my room?"

"Go on then, just this once" Peter sighs, Aziza grins "You go up and I'll bring this up when it's done"

"Good" Aziza grins running upstairs, Michelle shakes her head in amusement

"She's a good kid really, has her problems but she'll get there"

"At least we know that" Peter sighs biting his lip "Carla, on the other hand, we just dont know and that's a scary thought in itself"

"Whatever happens you will have the support of her family" Michelle smiles, Peter nods in agreement "We'll be fine, I promise you"