[[Author's Note: Thanks for checking out my story! I'm going to give a bit of a disclaimer here: I do NOT own Sons of Anarchy or any of the characters created by Kurt Sutter. They belong to him and him alone. I only own Charlie and a few filler characters not seen in the show. This will start out a few years before the events of the tv show and eventually follow it. Later on, some of the dialogue will be taken from the tv show, especially involving Jax and another SOA character where Charlie is not involved. I will warn at the beginning of chapters which include that. Also here is a trigger warning: THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS IMPLICATIONS OF RAPE. If you cannot handle that, please do not read this. You have been warned. That being said, I hope you enjoy it and I welcome your feedback. Please excuse any typos...it's my first fanfiction. Happy reading!]]

Broken

-Charlotte "Charlie" Winston-

—Circa 1999—

I hated Club parties. The booze, the drugs, the whores…it all got so old.

I never saw my brother or Jax anymore because they were always involved with club business or they were at the parties. Donna, my soon-to-be sister-in-law, attended parties regularly too. At nineteen, all my friends from high school had gone to college and gotten the hell out of Charming…but I suspected some would return before they were twenty-five. Because I had only been able to get a few minor scholarships, I went Charming Community College after graduating two years early. What the scholarships didn't pay for, I earned or my Dad and brother helped when they could. I was in my last year of nursing school and working part time at St. Thomas hospital. Life was good for me…even as Samcro's princess.

Samcro, short for Sons of Anarchy Motorcycle Club Redwood Original, is my father's motorcycle club. He's a founding member and my brother followed in his footsteps. I wasn't able to because I was born a girl. Don't even get me started on the sexism of the MC life. I'll never win the argument and well, deep down, it was a part of me. I didn't mind it so much. I had my own life apart from it and I still got to be with my dad, my brother, and my brother's old lady. That's what Donna was. It meant she was untouchable. Me, being the daughter of a First Nine and the sister of a patched member, I was also untouchable and well protected. And well loved.

Until there was a party. The crow-eaters and sweet-butts (also known as pass-arounds) would flock to the clubhouse, the booze would start flowing, and the guys lost themselves in the debauchery. I rarely attended them and that night was no exception. I wasn't at the clubhouse to attend the party.

No one paid attention to me. I was standing in a beautiful, flattering blue dress and black heels, my hair was done in a half-ponytail and curled in loose waves down to my waist, and my make-up was subtle. To anyone who might have been paying attention, it would look as if I didn't belong in the environment I was walking into. I didn't in some ways, mostly on nights like this one, but in others I fit it more than the crow-eaters. The club may have looked like they were celebrating something but, it was just a regular Friday night.

I was the one celebrating something. I was graduating from the nursing program and, like an idiot, I had hoped my dad and Opie would have taken just two hours to be with me before they went to the party. They said they would. Hell, even Jax Teller, son of the former President of the MC and one of my closest friends, said he would be there. But when I arrived at the clubhouse, the party was already in full swing. I looked around and found my dad, Piney Winston, sitting on a couch, talking with a few people who I recognized as hang-arounds and hope-to-be-prospects. I walked closer and his words were slurred as he told some lame joke and my hopes sank. He was already drunk. He saw me and he stopped talking.

"Charlie," he slurred. "You shouldn't be here. Why are you so dressed up?"

"Tonight's my graduation, Daddy. I came by to see if you wanted to ride with me," I said softly. I'm mostly a soft spoken woman but, make no mistake, I could be a wildcat if the situation called for it. And in the MC life, it frequently called for it. My dad stared at me with a blank look.

"Graduation?"

"From nursing school. You and Opie said you would come."

"Oh," he said and there was an awkward span of time between his words. "Listen, baby girl, you go on ahead. I'll be behind you, okay?"

"Yeah, I'll see you there." I plastered on a fake smile, hiding how much my heart broke. He wouldn't make it to the commencement. He was too drunk and he would forget I ever spoke to him in a few minutes. I turned and looked to see if I could find Opie. My father was a great Daddy and I was Daddy's Baby Girl…but there was always a conflict of interest when it came to the club. As an MC kid, I always knew that no matter how much us kids were loved, the club came first. Always. Apparently, that also meant parties too.

I spotted Opie in the corner, Donna at his side. I found myself standing in from of them and they smelled strong of weed. If my brother's bloodshot eyes were any indicator, he was baked.

"Charlie!" He said and sat up a little, knocking into Donna which caused her to laugh hysterically and caused him to laugh too. I bit my lip and glanced away, tears burning my eyes. But that was a weakness I couldn't afford to show.

"Hey guys."

"Why are you so dressed up?" Donna asked. She was just as baked as Opie.

"Tonight is my graduation."

"Oh! Oh that's right! I knew I forgot something," Opie said and he and Donna began arguing about the different things they thought they forgot. I sighed, shook my head, and walked away. I headed to the bar where my favorite bartender, Darla, was serving drinks.

"Hey Doll," she said, smiling when she saw me. "You look beautiful. What are you doing here dressed like that?"

"I'm graduating from nursing school tonight. I wanted to see if Daddy wanted to ride with me but, he's not going."

"Ah, I'm sorry baby girl. What about Opie?"

"Too baked. They forgot. Can I get a shot?"

"Of course, darlin'." She poured me a shot of jack, I tossed it back and smiled at her.

"Thank you, Darla. I need to go."

"You're welcome. Congratulations!"

"Thank you," I said and walked away from the bar. My whole family had pretty much abandoned me. My mom wasn't coming, not that I ever expected her to inconvenience herself. Now my dad and Opie and Donna were too intoxicated to go anywhere. I began to run from through the room, rushing to get out of there before I burst into tears. On my way out the door, I accidentally tripped over a leg in the walk way and fell to the floor. Turning to look, I saw the leg belonged to Jax, who's tongue was throat deep in the mouth of a crow-eater. When he felt me trip over him, he pulled his mouth from hers. He was drunk too. Or, at least, well on his way.

"Charlie? What are you doing on the floor?"

"I tripped over your leg." I pulled myself to stand again, trying to avoid flashing my underwear.

"I mean, what are you doing here? Dressed like that?" The crow-eater moved her kisses down to his neck, offering me a glare. I sighed. I was getting tired of repeating myself.

"It's my graduation night."

"Oh, right. Well, congratulations," he said refocused his attention on the woman in his arms. All of it hit me at once and it didn't help that I had alcohol. Whiskey always made me bold. Too bold.

"Gee, thanks Jax. That's awfully sincere of you." I knew speaking to a patched member like that, with such biting sarcasm AND especially at the club, would be asking for trouble. He shifted his focus back to me except, it was me he was glaring at now.

"Do we have a problem?"

"No, of course not. Why on earth would I have a problem? I mean, people who said they would be there while I graduated are too drunk to get off their ass or too deep in skank-pussy to remember because of some bullshit with the club."

"Who the hell do you think you're talking to?" He said forcefully and stood. He towered over me. Being in the club taught him the intimidation game very well and I felt my stomach drop. He had never raised his voice like this with me but, I knew I was out of line. Still, I was a Winston and Winstons rarely backed down. This was no exception.

"I'm talking to the one too deep in skank-pussy to remember he said he would go to the commencement."

"You just don't know when to back down, do you?" He said and took a step closer. "You don't disrespect the club."

"I'm not disrespecting the club. I'm not even disrespecting you. I'm just telling the truth. It's not my fault you think you're too good for it."

"Too good for it? You don't even know the truth. You come in here and cop an attitude dressed like that. Looks to me like you think you're too good for the club."

"How dare you say that to me! I love the club. I just want one night-" A full cup of some kind of alcohol was thrown on me and I froze. It missed my hair but, I would have to redo my make-up. I looked at my dress, which I had spent several weeks saving for, and it was ruined. I glanced back that the woman Jax had been making out with. She drunkenly pointed a finger at me.

"I am not a skank. And you needed to cool off." Her words made Jax laugh and I looked at him again. The shock of the crow-eater dousing me with alcohol seemed to have snapped him from his anger with me. I must have still looked shocked because with one look at my face, he laughed harder.

"You should see your face!"

Everything was ruined. I would walk the stage at my commencement in a ruined dress and no one celebrating with me in the crowd. I didn't say another word. I just turned and left the clubhouse, Jax mocking me on my way out. I was almost to my car when a hand grabbed my elbow. I turned and met the eyes of the Queen of Bikers herself. Gemma Teller-Morrow, wife of the club president, was before me in all her biker bitch glory. She was made for the life.

"Hey, baby. What are you doing?"

"I have my graduation tonight," I said quietly, looking down.

"I know. What are you doing here?"

"I wanted to see if Daddy wanted to ride with me but, he's not going. No one is."

"What happened to your dress?"

"Crow-eater doused me with alcohol. I was rude to Jax."

"I'm sure he deserved it."

"No, he didn't. Not really. I know, even at parties, the club comes before everyone else. I also shouldn't have disrespected him in public."

"No, probably not. It definitely never solves anything."

"Am I disrespectful to them usually?"

"Of course not. Why even ask such a thing, Darlin'?"

"Is that why no one is coming?" My voice was small and strained with the effort it was taking me not to break down in tears.

"No. They are just forgetful, drunk assholes. I'll be there."

"You will?" I hated how hopeful I felt. She was more my mom than my own mother and to have someone there in my corner would mean the world to me.

"Absolutely. You're like a daughter to me, Charlie. You need to change your dress though."

"I don't have anything to change into. I have my gown that I'll wear over it when I get there. That's enough. I don't have time anyway. I have to get to the school." I watched her squint in the fading sunlight.

"Okay. Just make sure you fix your make up before you walk in."

"I will. Thank you." She hugged me before I walked to my car.

Thankfully, the school wasn't more than fifteen minutes away and I had just enough time to fix my make up. I was glad none of the alcohol made it in my hair, even if I did smell like a brewery regardless of the graduation gown. None of my classmates commented on the obvious state of my clothes. There weren't that many of us graduating but, I worked my ass off and I was the valedictorian. Another reason I wanted my family there was so they could hear my speech. Everyone in Charming knew I was a club kid and I wanted to shine a light about how it made me strong and tough and focused and I had a huge family who cheered me on…except no one was there to hear it. Only Gemma and her best friend Luann, who was another old lady and porn producer. Luann had always been such a sweetheart to me and I was glad to see someone else out there. After the ceremony was over, I went to talk to them for a few minutes before I told them I would meet them at Gemma's in a while.

I went to the restroom and spent an unknown amount of time crying by myself. I was heartbroken my only blood family hadn't shown up. I wanted my Daddy and Opie to celebrate with me. I wanted my mom to be proud of me because, even though I decided to stay in Charming and around the club, I was still able to make something of myself. But only Gemma and Luann showed up. I finally managed to stop crying long after my mascara was gone and left the restroom. The hallways were dark and there was no one around so I cautiously made my way to the door that would take me to my car. I found the parking lot to be as deserted at the building itself, except for my car, and it was officially dark. Shrugging, I began the trek to the last row of the parking lot but about half way, I stopped. I thought I heard something but when I didn't keep hearing it, I took a few more steps. I realized I was hearing someone else walk in time with my own steps and just before I got to my car, I turned and faced the stranger. My eyes landed on a familiar but unwelcome face.

"Jeremy," I said with a gasp. He had made the last semester of school a living hell.

"Hey Charlie."

"What are you doing here?"

"Well, I thought I would drop in on the commencement ceremony. You look awfully pretty tonight." I shivered at the clear lust in his tone and his eyes did a once-over of my entire body. I frequently walked into a biker club where people would fuck out in the open and that didn't make me feel dirty the way Jeremy did when he looked at me. My mouth dried out.

"You aren't supposed to be here."

"Why not?" He took a couple of cocky steps toward me and I felt the danger in the air. One of the many things being raised around bikers has taught me is when the danger is real…and I was in real danger. "I mean, this was supposed to be a big night for me. Until you started running your mouth and got me kicked out of the program."

"I didn't get you kicked out of the program. You got yourself kicked out. It wasn't just me you were harassing."

"Harassing?! Since when is being friendly, being helpful, or being a gentleman harassment?" He stepped a little closer.

Discreetly, I slipped my hand inside my purse, searching for my .22 that Opie gave me for my birthday. A cool sheen of sweat broke out across my body when I remembered leaving it in my locked nightstand drawer, not thinking I would need it while I was attending my own graduation…especially since I assumed I might have a club member or two around. I was so stupid. If I got out of this, I would never leave home without my gun. With my heart racing, I took one step backward which moved me closer to my car.

"You weren't any of those things, Jeremy. You were pushy and you got mean when I repeatedly turned you down every time you asked me out."

"You never even gave me a chance!"

"I was trying to focus on schoolwork. I didn't come here to get a boyfriend. I came here to learn and to have a career. When I tried to explain that, you increased your efforts. I had to go to the dean." What I didn't tell him was that he was lucky I didn't go to my daddy and my big brother…a choice I wished I'd have made differently.

"We could have helped each other focus, Charlie. We could have gotten great jobs, moved into a nice apartment. I would have saved you from your outlaw family. We could have had a good life."

"I don't need to be saved from my family! I need to be saved from judgmental assholes like you!" I saw red every time any outsider talked about my family and the club like they knew something about my life that I didn't. Of course they were outlaws and dangerous to people who were outsiders trying to butt into business they knew nothing about. It wasn't perfect but I was far safer with them than I was with the jerk standing in front of me.

"Judgmental? Me?! Honey, you don't even know what you're saying. They have brainwashed you."

"We have had all of two conversations and the rest of the time, you were harassing me to date you. You know nothing about me or my family. You aren't even from Charming."

"I don't need to be from here to see the danger," he said and then he was inches in front of me before I could blink. "Poor girl, you don't even know how much danger those bikers put you in. I can keep you safe."

There would be no reasoning with him. I turned and walked the rest of the way to my car but I didn't get the door open. He was behind me and wrapped his arms around mine, holding me still and unable to try to fight him off. I was trapped in the hold of a man who couldn't take no for an answer. His hot breath wafted over my ear as he spoke.

"Now, now. There's no need to go running off in a huff. I'm just trying to talk to you." He turned me around and held both his hands on my shoulders to keep me in place. He had a wild look in his eye, like he was a lion and I was his prey. I had to get away. He opened his mouth to speak but he didn't get to. I stomped the instep of his foot and he yelled in pain, I tried to jerk away from him but he held my shoulders tighter, making me whimper.

"You rotten bitch," he said and pulled me closer to him. I kneed him in the groin and he released me. I tried to get my keys out of my purse but he tugged it away as he bent over. On instinct, I ran. There was a patch of woods near the school and I made under the cover of the trees, which made things extra dark. I tried to hide. I really did. And when he found me, I tried to run away again but, he over-powered me quite easily. He had me pinned to the ground and though I scratched at his face and neck, I never saw the rock coming as it hit the side of my head. It didn't knock me out but it did stun me into submission. I laid there, unable to move, unable to fight, as he did things to me no man had ever done before and ripped away all the dignity I possessed. Over and over again. He held his hands on my neck, squeezing until I passed out.

At some point, I'd regained consciousness to find he was done with me and then disappeared. He left me there in the dirt, broken and battered and utterly violated, probably believing I was dead. I laid there, more alone than I had ever been in my life... and wished for death.