[[Author's Note: Thanks so much for the reviews! They make me smile every time I see them. I'm a little unsure about this chapter but, I decided to go with it. I think I'm just anxious to move things along because I have a lot of stuff written for when Jax and Charlie are older. I actually started this story taking place just before the first episode of the show. So, we have a long way to go before I can post any of that. I had to go back and write this stuff to get them where I see them going. Anyway, enough of my rambling! I'm gonna post this and go to bed. I hope you guys enjoy. Let me know what you think, good or bad. And I apologize if there are any typos I may have missed. Reviews are like candy to me. Happy reading!]]

Home

—Charlie—

A deep cough and a clearing throat woke me the next morning. I opened my eyes but didn't see the source of the cough. It wasn't from my pillow, who also went by the name of Jax, as his deep, even breathing indicated he was still sleeping. Sensing a presence behind me, I slowly rolled over and saw my father in the chair next to the bed, staring at the TV.

"Daddy?" I said quietly. His blue eyes immediately met mine and he smiled, sitting up and moving hair off my forehead. My dad sitting there, not blinking an eye at the man sleeping on the bed with me, emphasized how much he trusted his brothers. If it had been any man other than a Son, I would have seen instant scorn.

"Hey, baby doll. How ya feelin'?"

"A lot better. Still painful but, I can at least move now. How long you been here?"

"About an hour. I didn't want to wake you or Jax. Kid's been here pretty much since it happened."

"I know. I tried to make him go sleep somewhere I wouldn't keep him awake but, he insisted on staying."

"Good man."

"He is," I said and glanced over my shoulder at the man sleeping comfortably next to me, "This was already difficult but, it would have been so much worse without him. He's kind of been my rock."

"You were in good hands. I should have been here yesterday. I was too angry to be of any comfort to you."

"I understand, Daddy. I'm not upset you weren't here yesterday. It's probably best you weren't because it was a really hard day. I don't think I could have handled the extra anger."

"Opie told me what happened with the cops. I'm sorry you're having to deal with this, baby girl. I'm sorry I didn't go to your graduation. Nothing makes me prouder than knowing you're doing something special with your life. You've always had a heart for helping others. I wish I could go back and watch you walk that stage and give that speech. If I'd have been there-"

"This still could have happened even if you were. No sense in placing blame on anyone other than…him."

"I'll take care of it. You won't ever have to worry about that piece of shit again," he said and grabbed my hand. He wasn't angry when he said it. In fact, his eyes were brimming with tears and I realized this was not a First Nine member of Samcro promising retaliation…this was a father promising his daughter that the man who hurt her would pay for what he did. I didn't need to know anymore details about what the club would do to Jeremy when they found him but I knew without a doubt my father would be the one to deliver the killing blow. A part of me knew I should have some feelings of remorse or humanity toward someone's life being taken but, I didn't. After what had been stolen from me and how the police handled it, I was glad his life was in the hands of outlaw justice. Perhaps that made me some kind of monster but did that make me a worse monster than the man who raped me?

"I love you, Daddy," I said and wiped away a tear that escaped from my eye. He leaned over and kissed my forehead.

"I love you too, Kid. I'm gonna get some more coffee. I'll be back in a few minutes."

"Okay, Pops."

Things got quiet, aside from the old M.A.S.H. rerun on the TV, when he walked out. I smiled and rolled back onto my back. He was always a man of few words. When he spoke, he made it count. I felt myself drifting off again and an arm wrapped around my middle. The hard body next to me moved close to me until his nose was buried in my hair and he inhaled slowly.

"Good morning," he whispered in my ear. I couldn't contain my smile.

"Good morning," I whispered in return.

"Your dad seems cool with me being in your bed."

"Because you're Jax and he thinks you can do no wrong." He laughed and held me tighter. It felt good, lying with him like that, and I felt a mess of butterflies take flight in my stomach. I could get used to it…and the thought terrified me.

"Well that goes without saying."

"So arrogant, " I muttered and rolled my eyes. He laughed again. "A lot of it probably has to do with you saving my life. And I know he's grateful that you've been here the whole time. He's never done well with hospitals."

"He's a bigger hothead than I am and you're his only daughter. I think he was afraid of making it worse. Besides, where else would I be?" My heart fluttered against my will at his words. I could think of a number of things more entertaining for him than a hospital room. I rolled over to face him and we were practically nose to nose.

"The clubhouse. Anywhere that offered more than I can in the way of entertainment and pleasant company." He furrowed his brow.

"Do you want me to leave? Am I smothering you?"

"What?!" I exclaimed and pulled my head back a bit. "Of course not! I— I don't know how I could get through this without you, Jax. You've been my rock." Tears welled in my eyes at the thought of getting through it all without him. He tucked a loose strand of hair behind my ear and his face smoothed out again.

"Then what's the problem?"

"I haven't been very good company. The clubhouse has more stuff to offer than I do because I'm certain you didn't ask to spend several days in a hospital."

"Neither did you. But I'm not going anywhere until you tell me to leave." The sincerity in his voice and the truth in his eyes told me more than his words that he meant what he said… and something in me broke. Tears poured over and I covered my face, trying to hide them or stop them. He pulled me to him until I was, yet again, weeping against his chest, his arms tight around me. "It will be okay. We will get you through this, okay? I'm not going anywhere, baby. Not even if I'm smothering you."

As a laughed through my tears, it dawned on me then how often he called me 'baby' …and how much I didn't want him to stop. If I was being honest, I didn't want him to go anywhere. I didn't want him to stop holding me or protecting me. I was in severe danger of losing my heart to Samcro's biggest playboy, who also happened to be the man who had wiped away every tear and calmed every fear since my attack, and I had no control over it.

"She all right?" My dad's voice echoed on the wall.

"Yeah," Jax said, "I think she's just ready to go home." He never released me or pulled away even in the presence of my father and it seemed to sink in that he really wouldn't go anywhere unless I made him leave and it made my heart feel less heavy.

"Well, she's in luck," an unfamiliar male voice said. Jax tensed at the intrusion but didn't move. I lifted my face from his chest and looked to the young-looking doctor at the doorway. He glanced from my father to Jax uneasily but focused his eyes on me as I moved to sit up. "Miss Winston, you get to go home today. I'll get you a prescription for a mild muscle relaxer and some hydrocodone for the pain, both to be taken as needed every six hours. I also want you to take an antibiotic for ten days."

"Why does she need an antibiotic? She isn't sick," my dad said. Jax had moved to sit up next to me.

"It's a standard precaution to combat potential STIs in these cases." His detached way of saying it made me flush with embarrassment. "Also, I recommend a follow-up appointment with your gynecologist within two to three weeks."

"Okay," I said, my voice small. I didn't even want to think about that appointment.

"Okay, I'll get your discharge papers to the nurse and you should be able to get out of here in about an hour. Take care, Miss Winston," the doctor said, giving little room for response or questions as he dashed through the door. I looked down at my hands, avoiding contact with the other two men in the room. Jax, of course, picked up on it.

"What's the matter? You're going home in a little bit. That's a good thing," he said, running a hand along my shoulders. I shrugged.

"I know. It's just…this shit is embarrassing. I feel so…I don't know how to explain it."

"Try, baby doll," my dad said and sat back in his chair, looking at me intently.

"I feel…just, out of control. That's the second time I've seen the doctor and he's not given me a lot to go on, not that I really expected much. No one told me about STIs or anything like that. I feel like I'm the last person to know anything about what happened, how to recover, or what to expect…like I'm not capable of making decisions or that I'm a non-person. And it makes it worse that I just don't feel like myself and maybe that's what the real problem is. I don't know. Do I have any clothes to wear when I leave? I can't just go in a hospital gown and I want to burn what I came in here with."

"I knew I forgot something," my dad said as he stood with a groan. "What do you want me to bring?"

"I had sweatpants on my bed. Blue ones with a stripe down the legs. Some random t-shirt from the closet should be fine. And my flip-flops are by my nightstand."

"Underwear?"

"Top right drawer of my dresser."

"Okay. I'll be back in forty-five minutes." He bent and kissed the top of my head in the way only a father can.

"Thank you, Daddy." He grunted a response and walked from the room. A rumble and slow movement behind me alerted me the bed was being adjusted so that it was in a reclining position. When it stopped, Jax pulled me back in his arms until we were resting against it.

"I didn't make you feel out of control, did I?"

"No! Of course not. You're…constant. Steady. And probably about the only thing keeping me sane."

His arm tightened around my shoulder and he kissed my temple. "Good. I meant it when I said I didn't want to be anywhere else. We're going to get you through this and help you find a sense of control again."

"Thank you," I whispered and allowed myself to feel safe and secure with him. Even if it ended eventually, I could be content while it lasted.

"You never have to thank me for taking care of you. You're part of Samcro, darlin'. We take care of our own." I only nodded, content to lay there with him, knowing he was right. Samcro was family, after all.

—Jax—

I hated seeing her so uncomfortable. Getting her to Piney's old Buick hadn't been horrible since hospital policy made her go to the car in a wheelchair. However, getting her into her own bed proved to be almost too much for me to handle. The stiffness and the soreness got to her but, she was one tough chick and only winced and moaned when she sat down. Piney and I surrounded her with pillows, covered her up, brought her a glass of water, and put on one of her favorite movies. I was in Piney's kitchen, making myself a sandwich, when the old man sat at the small kitchen table. When I finished construction on my sandwich, I turned and leaned against the counter, taking a huge bite.

"You've been coming to my house, making those same sandwiches, since you and Ope were kids," he said. I smiled at the many memories I had at the Winston house.

"You always had the best ham. And it was my second home. Especially after Dad died."

"You're always welcome here, Son. Especially after all you've done for my daughter."

"After the way I blew her off, yelled at her, I owe it to her."

"Jax, you aren't acting this way out of guilt." I sighed. I never could get anything past the old man.

"No. I care about her. She's been there for me through a lot of shit. She's one of the closest friends I've ever had. I want to get her through this. I want her better."

"Is that all you want?" He offered skeptical look, as if he saw something I didn't.

"What do mean? Of course that's all I want."

"Uh-huh. Whatever you say. I gotta head to the clubhouse."

"Church? Do I need to be there?"

"Nah. No Church today."

"The club find him?" I asked as I took the last bite of my sandwich.

"We have an idea of where to find him. I'll let you know the minute we get him. You'll get your turn, Kid. Meantime, go sleep in a comfortable bed. Charlie's is big enough."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. She wants you in there with her, anyway. You make her feel safe. Besides, I know you want to be in there with her, even if you don't entirely know why yet."

"You know something I don't, old man?"

"Just calling it like I see it," he said as he stood from the chair. "See ya in a while."

"Okay," I said and made my way to Charlie's room, shrugging off Piney's cryptic remark. She was sound asleep when I got there and she looked so small surrounded by all those pillows. Something about her restful, albeit still bruised, face sent my heart racing in a way it never had before when I was near her. She was in her home, she was safe, and she was in a place where I could protect her. Although, deep down, I knew my racing heart meant more than just relief she was home. Things were starting to change and I was beginning to see her in a different light… I just wasn't sure I knew what that light was or even if I wanted to know. Burying those thoughts as deep as I could get them, I shrugged off my cut and placed in on her desk chair and crawled into the bed with her. I didn't even think about how my arms held her the minute she was within touching distance or how she never flinched or hesitated to snuggle as close as possible when I was close to her. I only thought about how warm she was as I drifted off to sleep.

—Charlie—

I gently pried myself free of Jax's arms, much to my dismay, so I could get off the bed and go to the bathroom. Not for the first time, I was grateful for the muscle relaxer. It was getting easier to move, although it was still uncomfortable. I'd walked to the foot of the bed and stopped so I could stretch. I shifted my gaze to Jax, sound asleep in the spot I left him, before I went to the small bathroom attached to my bedroom to do my business. The words he said to my dad rang in my ear. One of the disadvantages of this old house was that the walls were thin and if I muted the TV, I could hear everything that happened in the kitchen. My dad had hinted to him that Jax was not leaving my side for more than the reasons he said. Opie even said there was more going on between us than what either of us knew. Whether they were right or not, I was not wanting him to leave any time soon and it appeared that he felt the same.

I'd just finished washing my hands and headed toward the bed when a rapid knocking stopped me in my tracks. Holding my breath, I left my room and carefully made my way to the front door. Looking through the peephole, I saw Gemma and Donna on the other side. I slowly exhaled and rolled my eyes at my own silliness before I opened the door. The two women stopped talking and looked at me.

"Honey, what are you doing up?" Gemma said and she and Donna made their way through the door, bags in each of their hands. She hugged me tight for a moment after she put the bags on the table.

"I was on my way back to bed. I had to pee." Gemma grimaced, remembering what happened the first time I went after they removed the catheter. "It's not near what it was the other day. I feel a bit better."

"What do mean?" Donna asked. I smiled at the woman who would be my sister-in-law one day and allowed myself to be embraced by her. "I'm so glad you're home."

"I'm glad to be home. And what I mean is that it burns a little when I go to the bathroom. From the minor…tearing," I said, my voice growing quiet on the last word. Donna touched my hair, smoothing it behind my ear, and gave me a sympathetic smile.

"Where's Jax?" Gemma asked, looking around.

"Right here," he said, his voice tired and a bit raspy from sleep. Although I'd not felt uneasy with Gemma and Donna, his sudden presence steadied me. It was something new about our friendship I'd realized through all this and I wondered if he felt the same thing, or if it was just me. He walked to his mom and kissed her cheek.

"Hi Darlin'," she said and hugged him.

"Hey. What's going on?"

"I brought some food over. Donna wanted to visit and I'm going to cook some chicken and rice while I'm here. Give you a break."

"I don't need a break, Ma," he said, furrowing his brow. Her words suddenly made me feel like I was a burden. I bit my lip and unwelcome tears burned my eyes.

"Look, you're all free to go. I don't need a babysitter. I'm home now and I'm perfectly capable of being left alone," I said and stalked to my room, slamming the door behind me. I went to my window, which looked out to the small backyard, and was furiously wiping my eyes when the door opened and shut softly. I knew he would be the one to come after me. He didn't touch me but he did come and stand next to me, looking out the window like I was doing.

"Talk to me."

"There's nothing to say."

"Could have fooled me. Tell me what's wrong."

I sighed, knowing there was no way I was getting out of this and said, "I don't want to be anyone's burden, Jax."

"You're not a burden. I don't stay with you to babysit you."

"Then why do you?" My voice was small.

"Honestly," he said and turned to face me, "the thought of leaving you alone makes me feel sick. Leaving you at all, even with people around, feels impossible. It's like I'm leaving behind a vital organ or something. I don't know what that means yet but, I meant what I said. Unless it's Church or something to do with the club, I'm not going anywhere."

I looked at him and any lingering doubts I had about him sticking around to babysit me faded. I took him at his word and nodded. He would never say anything like that to me unless it were true…whatever it all meant. I shifted my focus outside again.

"If we're being honest, I really don't want to be alone. I just don't want anyone to feel like they have to stay with me."

"No one feels like they have to stay with you."

"Are you sure? I mean, I'm ruined and broken but, I'm not a burden, right?"

"Wait, what?" He asked, confusion palpable in his voice. He gently took my shoulders and turned my until I was facing him. "What do you mean by 'ruined'? You're not ruined."

"But, I am, Jax," I whispered and looked away from the intensity of his eyes. He lifted my chin until I was forced to look at him, his face blurred because of my unshed tears.

"What the fuck does that mean?"

"Nothing. It doesn't mean anything." I tried to pull away but, he didn't let me move.

"It does or you wouldn't have said anything like that. It's just me, Charlie. Please, tell me what you meant." I wanted to yell at myself for saying it because I knew he wouldn't let it go. It took several tries and multiple deep breaths before I was able to say anything else. Jax, who wasn't exactly known for his patience with people, waited until I could form the words.

"I was waiting for it to mean something, and now I'm ruined."

"I don't understand. Waiting for what to mean something?"

"Sex," I whispered and the tears spilled over again. This time, I didn't bother wiping them away.

"Sex? What are you talking about?"

"I never had sex before. I wanted it and the person I was with to mean something. Now the first experience of it was Jeremy Davis. I'm-"

"No," he said forcefully, leaning down so our eyes met. His eyes betrayed distress at my words. "No, Charlie. That was not sex. Rape isn't sex. You didn't consent to that bastard touching you, let alone forcing his dick inside you. His actions have, in no way, ruined you."

"Then why do I feel ruined? Why does he get to walk away after raping me and I'm stuck feeling like it's my fault it happened?"

"I don't know, baby. Fucking Hale and that other piece of shit cop. They were wrong. None of this is your fault, Charlie. Not even a little bit."

"I don't want to go through this, Jax," I cried. He wrapped me in his arms and held me tight. It helped settle the panic rising in me. He kissed my temple and whispered in my ear.

"Sweetheart, I don't want you to have to go through this either, but this is where we are and I will do everything in my power to help you through it, okay?"

I merely nodded and he continued to hold me tight, running his hands comfortingly along my back. After a few minutes of allowing myself to cry over what was taken from me, Jax being the steady and protective rock he'd been through it all, I was finally able to get myself together. When the tears stopped, I wrapped my arms around his middle to hug him in return. For the first time, I felt a little better but, I knew what would help a lot more.

"I want a shower," I mumbled against his chest.

"I think we can arrange that. I'll keep mom and Donna company. You take your time, get your bearings, and we'll be waiting for you out there, okay?"

"Okay." I didn't move to let go and neither did he. After another minute, he chuckled and kissed the top of my head.

"You have to let go in order to get in the shower."

"I know." Yet I still didn't move.

"Unless you want me to join you. That can be arranged, too," he said and his voice was full of mischief and humor. I couldn't keep in the laugh.

"Don't tempt me, Teller," I said and reluctantly pulled out of his arms. His grin put a smile on my own face.

"Wouldn't dream of it. Should you ever change your mind, consider it an open invitation."

"I'll do just that." I went to my nightstand and grabbed fresh pajamas and underwear and turned to see him standing in the same place, watching me with a smile I'd never seen on his face. "What?"

"Nothing," he said with a shake of his head. "I just…well, I think you're stronger than you realize you are."

"I'm not. I'm kind of a wreck."

"You're not, actually. You're handling all this better than I expect anyone to."

"Oh yeah, between the tears and the panic attack and the fucked-up shit in my head right now, I'm killin' it."

"You are killin' it. I can handle the tears and the panic and, as long as you keep me in the loop about the shit in your head, I got that too."

I walked to him and put a hand on his arm. "I don't expect you to carry me through this." He put a hand on mine and bent to kiss my forehead.

"Neither do I because I won't have to. You'll carry yourself through but, I'll carry you on the days you can't. Sound good?"

"Yeah. Sounds good. I'm gonna get in the shower."

"Okay. I'll go deal with my mother until you're done," he said. The smile never left his face and he gifted me with a wink before he left the room. I slipped into the bathroom and leaned against the closed door.

"Holy shit," I muttered to myself, burying my face in my clean clothes. "I'm in so much fucking trouble."

I shook myself from my thoughts and got ready for my much-needed shower. I would dwell on what was and what was not happening between Jax and myself later.