Dear brat,
It seems I owe you one. I am now the richest person alive and intend to use it to my advantage. Be aware that I would be glad to accept you into my ranks once you graduate. On a side note, do you have any other economy ruining, interesting questions?
-The dark lord
Harry looked thoughtfully at the paper. Of course, he had more 'questions' what did the man think he was? Yes, he had been masquerading as a dim wit for the past 5 years, but it seemed a fair bit of angst and murder (not necessarily in that order) really made a person want to prove themselves. His next plot hole happened to be a bit damaging to the light side, at least once Voldemort started inevitably doing as harry suggested. Honestly, he wasn't sure the difference between light and dark, and, no matter what Dumbledore thought, Voldy was actually quite a good- well interesting- penpal. If the dark lord didn't want to kill him, he might have honestly taken up his offer and joined his side. 'Oh well,' he thought dryly, 'let's get back to ruining the wizarding world, shall we?'
Dear Dark Lord,
I'm glad I've made an impression on you but I have no urge to join your little death eater posse. Honestly talk about cliche. I mean, a skull and snake, really? Your mark screams 'i was bullied as a child, but don't worry, I'm a badass psycho'. Now, that brings me to my next 'question' that I believe will benefit you. We all know people are traitorous scum, right? Yes, so what's stopping them from blabbing all your little plans to the other side, honor? Sometimes I worry that for every person you killed, you lost a piece of logic. I mean, come on, just make them cast the unbreakable vow instead of bloody marking them so ANYBODY can see their allegiance. Honestly, double agents are a thing because you let them be. Sorry for the rant, I'm particularly passionate that nothing in the wizarding world makes sense. On a side note, Hogwarts is doing much better now that umbitch is gone. I wish you'd get rid of ol' Dumbles too. The goat is trying to manipulate me, and it's kinda obvious. Toodles for now!
Ps. A little birdie told me you want a weapon, can I help?
-A person with common sense