Thank you so much to Bamberlee for editing!
Just a quick note: I will be out of town next week but I will try to update on Sunday. If I can't for whatever reasons, it'll be updated as soon as I'm back. Where I'm going has real spotty wifi and really terrible internet connections in general.
Thank you all so much for reading and reviewing! For those who asked, the characters in the stories are unique to these stories. For example, there are new characters introduced in this one and they exist only in this story. I've incorporated some new plots and ideas, and while it's all based off the same world, there is no way for these characters or ideas to totally connect together. I hope that makes sense.
Have a really good week!
The soldiers are numerous.
I stop in my tracks beside Jake, and we both turn to watch them. Our arms are full; Jake has a baby goat in his, and I have the brother. May had come looking for help a few minutes ago, yelping that two had escaped from the farm, and we volunteered to go with her to find them.
We did.
Torturing Carole's chickens by chasing them. She stood on her patio screaming bloody murder, until Howard appeared and dragged her inside.
It didn't take long to catch them. We lured both with carrots and Jake's winning personality, and because we'd promised May we'd carry them home for her, we had to lug them back to her house.
"Whoa. Why are they here?"
I shake my head, scanning the rows of men and women marching along. I try to see if I recognize any of them, Jason, Rylan, or even Frank. It won't do me any good. I can't saunter over with a baby goat and ask them what's up, nor would I think they'd even stop.
They march around the Dome, checking for something, and then they line back up, waiting for someone's command.
Harrison's command.
He stalks over from the large truck he's parked by the Dome, and they salute him immediately. He eyes them up and down, his arms behind his back and his uniform jacket buttoned all the way to the top. He's taller than he looked in the video, and larger. Everly clearly inherited nothing from him, because she still only comes up to the middle of my chest.
Last night, she'd sat a good two inches away from me on the couch. Things had been different since the treasure hunt, and I couldn't pinpoint why. I'm not exceptionally great at picking up on anyone's feelings, but she seemed suddenly hesitant to be around me. Maybe comparing our hands had pushed her over the edge. Her eyes followed me for days, but she stayed a few feet away, until finally, I whirled around and crashed right into her. I steadied her by the arms, and with one bark of "What is wrong?", things went back to normal.
She spent the night close to me, reading the sequel to the dinosaur book while I finished the first one. We went to bed at the same time, and her careful distance returned to its pretend state where we both refused to admit she'd wind up on my side of the bed anyway.
I'd woken up this morning to her head near my chest, not on it, but near it, and one arm flung over me.
"I don't know. It looks like they're looking for someone."
I observe Harrison critically; his purposeful stride, his steely stare, and the ease with which he commands the soldiers. The men and women clearly respect who he is, but he pays them no mind. He stops to talk to Johanna, and when she shakes her head, he takes his team and retreats to the trucks.
"You know, my dad told me they hunt people. All the time. He said never trust anyone from Dauntless. One of his friends got hauled away," Jake shakes his head, and the goat kicks at his chest, bored with being in one spot. "We should go. They're getting restless."
"Sure."
I agree, but I keep an eye on the soldiers as we walk. They don't even look in our direction, only straight ahead, and they head back with Harrison. He throws out one final scan of the faction, missing Jake and me as we walk around the turn toward May's.
He doesn't miss Everly, though.
His eyes stay on her as she walks with Sophia and Courtney, and he doesn't smile.
"So you've replaced me?"
I groan at Rylan's question, but I should have seen it coming.
"Because I, Rylan, your former best friend, have not heard from you in some time. I even sent you a text saying I was free to call any night, because Four found out we can go wherever we want now. Turns out, once you make it through the first round of cuts, they don't really care what you do."
"Who is Four?" I ask, and beside me, Everly turns over in confusion. When she sees I'm on the phone, she sits up, and her stare is just as accusatory as Rylan's tone. "He just called. I thought you were sleeping."
I hiss the words at her, and she shakes her head.
"I wasn't sleeping. I have a headache. I just wanted to lie down."
"Are you two… in bed? It's like five in the afternoon," Rylan insists, and his sigh is loud. "Eric, I wasn't even invited to your wedding."
"We aren't married and it's nine thirty at night," I rub my eyes, wondering what everyone's obsession with me marrying Everly is. "You know, everyone in this faction thinks we're getting married, too. Maybe we should. Just to spite everyone."
Everly listens, and she presses her lips together as she pretends to contemplate this.
"Yeah, you're good at doing things out of spite. I think we all know that now. Anyway, Four is Frank. Or Frank is Four. It doesn't even matter. And before you ask me if his parents really named him after a number, the answer is no. His real name is Anthony…okay, it's Tobias, but he only has four fears, so now we all have to call him Four. He won't answer to Frank anymore, which is pretty rude if you ask me." Rylan finishes with a huff, and in the background, I hear Four, or Frank, or Tobias laughing.
The sound is strange.
The first few weeks of their initiation had been shit, and I can't deny I felt superior in my decision to choose Amity. It had taken me a long time to accept this, along with Everly's arm touching mine, and I decided to go with it. Dauntless seemed like a miserable choice.
"Are you…are you having fun?" I pull the phone away to stare at it, and I feel the beginnings of hot betrayal running through me. "Rylan!"
"Fuck, no. Calm down. Four is laughing because someone just hit their head on the bunk bed by ours and he's a sadomasochist. He enjoys other people's pain, and I bet if he ever gets lucky, this will come into play." Rylan says all of this nonchalantly, and this time, Four's protest is annoyed.
"Fuck you!"
"Calm down, Uno. I'm just talking to Eric. He doesn't care about your nonexistent sex life." His pause is important, and I hear shuffling and a crashing sound. "Oops, sorry. I just knocked over…what the fuck is that? Oh, it's his shoes."
"What are they doing?" Everly asks, and she scoots closer. She stops right by me, her knee touching my side, and she bends over. Her hair falls to my chest, and she stares at the phone. "You can't see him?"
"Sadly, Rylan has skipped using that feature this evening," I answer dryly, but I'm happy her temporary skittishness is gone. She's the only person I really have here, and I couldn't figure out what my misstep was.
I wasn't about to ask, either.
"Wait, no! I'll call you! Hold on! We can talk about the fear thing. Did you know I'm afraid of bats?" Rylan must overhear Everly; there's some more fumbling, the click of the phone, and the screen goes black as he hangs up. We both wait patiently, and I stare up at her face, with one arm slung behind my head, and I wonder if he'll be jealous of our treasure hunt.
Presumably yes, but his initiation was starting to sound marginally better.
"See what you're missing? If you had gone to Dauntless, you'd have been discovering all your deepest, darkest tiny animal fears." I stop when she tilts her head, and I wonder what mine would have been. "Did you have fun with Carole today?" I raise one eyebrow at her, and she scrunches up her face. "Is that a no?"
"She made us feed all the squirrels. For hours. She called them strays but they're literally just wild squirrels. I'm sure they can eat elsewhere." Everly sighs, and one of her hands reaches out. She touches my arm carefully, tracing upward over my bicep. "Noelle said you're looking really different these days."
"She did? What else did Noelle say?" I stare back at her, not really all that interested in Noelle's gossip, but there's something to be said about being aware of how people view me. "Spill it, Amity."
Everly moves closer, doing her best to hide her smile. "Do you really want to know?" Her fingers press over my skin carefully; she looks no different, maybe less tan than the first time we met. "Do you have a few hours?"
"Only for squirrel feeding," I answer nonchalantly, and she throws me a dirty look. "Or whatever else you did today."
"Nothing. That was it." Everly keeps working her way up my arm, and Noelle isn't entirely wrong.
Living in Amity is not all fun and games, despite the treasure hunt and a few hours of cliff jumping. It is hard fucking work. I'd knocked down a complete barn, moved farm animals, carried the heavier baskets of crops when Sophia and Courtney filled them fuller than they could carry, and helped Everly fix the shelves in the kitchen. I'd moved things for May, helped fix the swing set when one of the initiates broke it, and eaten a diet the polar opposite of what I'd been dining on before.
The result was the loss of a few pounds, the addition of defined muscle, and a jawline that was sharper than I'd ever seen. Combined with the lack of anyone available to cut my hair, though I supposed I could ask Everly if I really wanted to, minimal time to get ready in the morning, and the freeing feeling of not having to make sure my shirts were pressed, I look different.
Not incredibly different, but enough that my own reflection made me take pause.
"If you went to Dauntless, do you think you'd have tattooed something on you," Everly blinks, and her gaze flits to the phone, still silent. "Harrison has tattoos. He told me anyone could get one there."
"Maybe," I shrug, enjoying the way it feels to have her touching me. "Would you?"
"I don't think so," she shrugs back, and inches even closer. She skims her fingers up my shoulder, then my collarbone, then my neck. I wouldn't normally let anyone dare touch me like this, but I'm resigned to trusting her. And it feels nice. "Harrison has one on his arm, and it's these columns of blocks. They're huge. He said all the leaders have to get that one. I think you would have gotten it here."
She touches my throat lightly, and I tilt my head at her.
"You think I would have gotten it on my throat?"
"Yeah, because you'd want everyone to think you were tough." She laughs, mocking me in the softest way possible. She laughs harder when I roll my eyes, and I swat her away.
"Go lie down. I'm not tattooing anything on my throat. It's not even possible."
"I bet it is there. I bet you'd pierce something, too. He said some people pierce whatever they can. One of his higher-ranking soldiers has the middle of his nose pierced."
"Sounds smart for someone who engages in combat," I retort, and I close my eyes. "I'm going to bed. I was told to meet Jerry in the morning."
"No, not yet! I want to see Rylan. And Frank. I was thinking he and Tris would hit it off. She's about as awkward as he is." Everly's fingers leave my throat, and she does lie down. Close to me, and nowhere near her own pillow. "She said she's really lonely here. Maybe we should invite her to dinner."
I open one eye, but I stay silent. I toy with the phone, not at all willing to share my few free hours with the girl who threw a chicken at my face.
"You don't like her, do you?" Everly looks up at me. She wiggles closer, and the phone rings before I can answer.
I click accept, only to realize it's not Rylan.
It's Daniel.
"Eric, it's your dad!" Everly's voice is quiet, yet it's amplified by the silence in the room, and Daniel very lowly repeats his hello.
His words are full of thick confusion, and he tries again, this time saying my name.
I hang up after a single second, and I power the phone off without a single word.
Landon is a little too smug for his own good.
I show up with Trent, Trevor, Jake, and Ryan, and he leans against the outside of the general store. He watches us with dark eyes, and once we're all there, he walks over to greet us. I eye him up and down, thinking if it came to it, I could take him.
I'm not sure where that thought came from, or why.
He'd been pretty scarce these days. Since Everly had pushed him away in the greenhouse, he hadn't come back. I wasn't sure where he worked or what he did, only that Forrest said he was shady, and Everly didn't want to be his wife.
"Thanks for coming. Jerry is helping May with some things so I'm filling in for him." Landon's eyes skip over everyone, and they land on me. His smug grin falters for just a moment, then he smiles even harder. "We're going to help prepare lunch for the faction. It takes a huge staff to cook, and uh, we can always use the help."
"You want us to cook?" Trent is visibly confused. "I can't cook anything."
"Me either!" Trevor agrees, and even Jake and Ryan shrug.
"Dude, for real? You expect us to cook?" Jake glances back at Landon, shaking his head. "Come on, man. You know we can't cook. Have you forgotten what happened a few months ago?"
"Anyone can cook. It's a skill you all can and should learn. Plus, it'll give us a chance to talk. Man to man. See how life in Amity is treating you." Landon steps back to gesture toward the Dome. "Come on, follow me."
"This is going to be bad. My mom never taught me how to cook anything!" Ryan throws out, but we all tag along regardless.
We don't really have a choice. Refusing to do what's asked might raise a few red flags, and this is the most I've heard anyone in Amity protest any of the assignments.
They listen, but the look on everyone's face tells me they'd rather do anything but cook lunch.
Thirty minutes later, I get why.
"Hey, can you chop up the vegetables? Ryan isn't allowed to use the knives. Not after…the bread incident."
The woman running today's lunch performance is named Cece. Her red hair is the same color as Ryan's face, and he hides behind her and laughs.
"What's the bread incident? Or do I not want to know?" I ask out of morbid curiosity, and Cece tries not to grin.
"You don't want to know. But um, let's just say it's a good thing Eden knows how to give someone stitches."
"You know who gets stitches?" Ryan grins, and he dumps an entire box of carrots in front of me. His hair and eyes are wild, and he shoves himself close, so I'll step over. "Snitches. Now tell me, how the heck did you end up with Everly? You live with her, right?"
"I do," I exhale heavily, picking up a knife larger than necessary to chop up some carrots. It's heavy in my hand, sturdier than expected, and very sharp. I eye the wall a good distance away, wondering if it would stick if I threw it. "What would you like to know? And are you stabbing me for telling you or not telling? I'm confused."
"Just answer me. Have you…you know….um…is she…."
"Is she what?" I reach for the first carrot, and I chop the end off with more force than necessary. Today's menu is long, but the main course is chicken noodle soup. I was surprised to find they do eat meat here, and Cece ran by announcing most of the faction would choose the vegetarian option anyway. "Does she live with me? Yes, she does."
"Where does she sleep?" Ryan joins me, dicing up celery despite being banned from using sharp objects. "Landon said she barely talks to him anymore. He was mad she's happy living with someone else."
"Did she live with him?" I glance up for a split second. A dozen carrots pass beneath my knife, and in the distance, Cece cheerfully tells me I'm doing a great job. Everyone is very encouraging here, even when I hold the knife up as someone dumps more carrots in front of me.
"No, just her parents. I think he meant, she was supposed to stay home, and he assumed she'd end up with him. So, he was shocked to learn she was living with a transfer." Ryan nearly slices his fingers off, and Cece yelps from across the kitchen for him to return to washing potatoes. "She always gives me the lame jobs. I had to help here the other day. You know what I got to do? Pass out forks. She said I was the fork attendant."
"Sounds…important."
I return to slicing and dicing, and the act soon grows routine. The kitchens here are well-managed chaos; the air is warmer back here, away from the main part of the Dome, and there are dozens of members working. Someone is cooking the chicken, someone else is commenting the smell is too much for them, and others are preparing the vegetarian version. There's a few prepping salad, someone making dessert, and several working on washing all the plates. I don't recognize anyone here, except for Landon, but it doesn't matter.
Everyone knows who we are, and they are wildly encouraging.
"You forgot to tell me more." Ryan inches closer, and he ducks down when Cece turns around, looking confused when she can't find him. "Is she still looking this way?"
"Yes," I lie brightly, and he laughs.
"Liar. I can see her feet."
He pops back up when she turns away, and he makes a face. "I guess I'll go wash the potatoes. I was hoping to hear more about your living situation."
"Why?"
"Hey, Ryan, can you help Jake? He needs someone to assist with the hummus. The beans aren't…mashing well, according to him."
"Sure," Ryan leaves, and when I glance over to watch him walk away, and he makes a face at Landon then hurries over to Jake.
"You good over here? Everything going okay?" Landon leans against the counter, crossing his arms over his chest. His plaid shirt is unbuttoned daringly low, and his hair isn't pulled back. It hangs everywhere, clean and shiny, and his beard is shorter than the first time I saw him.
For a split second, I wonder if he's trying to clean himself up.
"Yeah, great." I nearly finish the crate of carrots, and he points to the box.
"Here, I'll help you carry them to the stove. They have to be cooked first, then we'll add them into the soup."
To his credit, he does help. He scoops up half of what I've cut, and the two of us carry it over to Trent. Trent groans, and he nervously gestures at the large pots of boiling water. His stressed-out expression tells me he's not enjoying today's lesson. "I've already burned myself twice. Cece didn't even care. She just said to keep cooking and stop crying."
"Hey, Eric, can we…can we talk outside for a second?"
I get the surprise of my life when Landon nudges me with his elbow, and I get the second surprise of my life when I agree.
Of course, he wants to know about Everly.
Over beers at Harry's, a daring move on Landon's part considering I'm supposed to be helping on his orders, but also because the drinks are strong. He does his best not to look defeated.
"Is she…is she happy? Is she doing okay?" He asks without looking at me, picking off the homemade label on the beer bottle, until it rips in two. His frustration is palpable; he'd picked at his cuticles while we sat here and he looked everywhere but at me.
The subject of Everly is one I am quickly growing familiar with. The interest in her is huge, and not just from her family. It seems she's a popular member here, even though she seems to think otherwise.
She and I had now spent plenty of time at home, just the two of us. She preferred this. Her own family hadn't come by since her birthday, and our nights were quiet. There was no one else involved, and while she had friends she could invite over, she chose not to.
"She's fine. Why?" I take a swig of the beer Forrest had set in front of me. He'd winked, then looked at Landon with a friendly, yet suspicious, smile. "Are you worried about her?"
"Look, you're a smart guy. You have to see what's happening," Landon's exhale is quick. "I have a lot going on but I still care about how Everly is. Hey, by the way, before I forget, Johanna said she's gonna ask you to help her, but…that can't be why. I just don't get why Everly likes you so much."
"What are you talking about?" I stare at him, wondering if he has a point or he's just going to ramble. His thoughts go from one thing to another, and he looks just as uneasy. "Johanna is going to ask me to help her what?"
I leave off the part about Everly, but it's all he can focus on.
"I'll tell you what Johanna wants if you tell me if Everly's said my name lately," Landon bargains, and I stare back, unblinking.
"Fine." My answer is flat. "No, she hasn't."
"Darn it," he looks disappointed, but he keeps his word. "Okay, well Johanna's gonna ask you to help her put together some security plan. We have a big faction and Dauntless keeps demanding to walk through it. She's been toying with putting our own cameras up or maybe having our own line of defense. Goes against what we believe in, but…sometimes Dauntless is a little much. Their claim of protecting the factions is just an excuse to see what we're doing."
"Why me? And you're serious? She wants an army?" I pause, stunned at this revelation. "Is she hiding something? Or expecting a war?"
Landon's expression changes. He looks uncomfortable now, but he plays it off well. "Okay, look, I don't know if I can trust you yet. Just…know she's doing her best. She wants to be prepared. She thinks you'll be able to…I don't know. Organize them or something."
"Prepared for what?" I feel the prick of unease at my neck. "Is it the factionless? They want a permanent place? Why don't you offer them one?"
"It's not that easy," Landon shrugs, and he finishes his beer in two long, drawn out pulls. "Most of them don't want to belong anywhere. They like their freedom. We provide a safe place to eat and get out of the heat or cold. But no, it's not them."
He stops talking as Forrest drops off another beer, and we both listen as he loudly greets someone coming in.
"We heard a rumor Erudite is looking for people to test, and we want to be ready if they are. We all know you're from Erudite and you're pretty close to Jeanine. You can tell us what they're looking for." Landon lowers his voice, and his eyes narrow. "Everyone wants to know, are you a spy? Did Jeanine send you here?"
I debate answering him.
I like the idea of having a reputation as a factional spy, but unfortunately, it would work against me.
"No, I'm not. I chose to come here on my own free will," I look right at him, and it amuses me that he looks disappointed. "That's what you wanted to ask me? If I'll help make an Amity army, but only if I'm not a spy?"
"Well, that and if you're going to marry Everly." He sits up straighter, trying to make himself taller. We're close to the same height, and he's thinner. He might be tan and fit, but it's effortless for him. "She's very attached to you. Every time I see her, she's with you."
"Let me ask you something," I counter, and I, too, sit up straighter. This gives me maybe an inch on him, and I make sure he notices I have to stare down at him. Even if it's just an inch. "What the fuck is everyone's obsession with getting married here? Every time I talk to someone, all they want to know is where Everly sleeps and how soon our wedding is."
To his credit, he lets out a small snicker. It's quick, and I dislike him knowing more than me. I don't know everything about the Amity faction, but I've been learning a lot, and I plan on knowing far more by the time I'm done with initiation. I would have preferred a more orderly manner of obtaining these facts, but I have to take them when I can.
"You noticed." Landon nods. "Forrest didn't tell you? Or my dad? Jerry?"
"Tell me what?" I eye him warily, and he grins.
I hate that it's a shit eating grin, and I bite back the snarl of how unAmity like he's being.
"Amity's a big faction. It doesn't run by itself. The goal of living here is to be happy. You gotta get along with everyone. Find your inner peace. You also have to contribute, and you contribute by having a family and raising them to stay here. Once you finish initiation, you sign an agreement saying you understand the rules." He stares at me, smug as ever, before he continues. "There's limited housing, too. So the faster you have a fiancée or a partner, the better odds you have of getting property to yourself. Otherwise, you live in the communal living."
"There are rules about getting married here?" I raise my eyebrow at him, not sure I'm hearing correctly. "What if I don't want to get married?"
"Every faction has rules. In Dauntless, you pledge to protect the factions, though we all know they're shady jerks. In Abnegation, you give up everything except dedicating your life to serving others. I'm sure they have some vows or something they take. Candor, you swear in. You lie, you're out. Here, we simply ask you to be an active member of the community, and you help keep it populated."
Something clicks in my brain.
I flash back to Eden, telling me Everly will have no problem having children.
"You're required to have children?"
"Heavily pressured," Landon corrects me with a glint in his eye. "Obviously, not everyone here wants kids. So, if you can contribute in other ways, they'll waive that requirement. But if you're serious about living here, you'll do whatever it takes to stay. The easiest way to blend in is to follow the rules. Most people have no issue having four or five kids."
Four or five kids.
The thought makes my stomach tighten unpleasantly. I pick up the bottle, toying with it between my fingers. "Were you going to marry Everly? Was that your plan?"
I turn the conversation back around on him and Landon's discomfort returns. It changes him, making him seem older, less willing to abide by the rules I didn't know existed. "Everly…you know we dated, right? It was assumed we'd marry at some point. I wasn't planning on you showing up and changing things. So yeah, I was going to ask her to marry me. But I'll be honest with you, she doesn't want to marry me. She wants…"
He trails off, and I wait.
Sitting with the guy Everly was supposed to marry is an odd turn of events, but even odder is how this is turning out. I've learned Johanna wisely wants an army, even if it's just her farmers forming some sort of neighborhood watch, and she wants my help. I could leverage this into a position here, maybe head of the Amity security, or something that would work to my benefit.
Maybe I could skip the wife and kids.
"She wants what?"
"Do you want to marry her?" Landon leans in over the table, and he looks right at me.
I stare back, but it's like he's looking through me, and his smile makes me want to hurl my beer bottle at his head.
"You don't have to answer me now. Just know this, you aren't gonna be the one to change her. She's not as sweet as everyone thinks. She's got a temper to her, and she loathes living in Amity. She might have picked it to stay and make sure Hank is happy, but she won't stick around for you. Her mom is just as flighty. You'll find this out yourself. And when you do, you can join the Burned by Everly Club. I'll save you a seat."
He leans away, triumphant as ever, and I decide my first impression of him was right all along.
I really, really, really, do not like him.
"Did you take this negativity seminar yet?"
The boy next to me looks like he's twelve. He's not. He's from Amity, dressed in a pair of overalls and a bandanna around his neck, and his group of Amity born initiates has taken a seat by me. I look over at him with zero enthusiasm and zero patience, and he looks at me expectantly.
"What? You didn't, did you?"
"Do I even want to know what that is?" I stretch my legs out, then shift, trying to get comfortable on the floor.
I'm not at all enthused to be here. I'd been hoping we'd have a break. After Landon and I returned from having drinks, he insisted we eat lunch together. Ryan and Jake shot me dark, oddly sulky looks as they sat down a few tables away, and Everly was nowhere to be found. She showed up near the end, and the look on her face was priceless.
Abject horror crossed her features, and she crashed into Sophia as they scrambled to go pick out some lettuce to eat.
"They teach you how to think positively and replace all negative thoughts with good ones. I took it a few years ago. This year, they had one about not using negative words. I couldn't believe how hard it was not to say the word but."
"I'm having that same problem right now," I retort dryly, and I stand up. "Hey, you know what? Can you save my seat? If I'm not back before it starts, just keep saving it."
"Um, sure?" The kid looks up at me, and I flash him a blinding grin.
I walk out of the row I'm in, quickly, and I manage not to step on anyone. I reach the large doors without anyone noticing, and I lowly inform May I'm going to see Eden.
"Headache," I smile, and her look of suspicious concern is accurate. "I'll be back as soon as I'm sure I'll live."
"Good luck," she waves me on, and I escape into bright sunlight.
I don't relish in it.
It blinds my eyes, and I scowl the entire way home. I enjoy a few minutes of silence on my walk, waving occasionally to a member of importance –Jerry, chasing a stray cat off his porch, and Cece, thanking me for helping at lunch –and I arrive home in total triumph. I bask in the glorious silence, and I take the stairs two at a time until I reach the second floor. I throw my clothes off faster than ever, take a quick shower, and I collapse into bed wearing nothing but a pair of boxers.
I am tired.
My nights of sleeping beside Everly have been good, but the balance of sleep versus hard work is slipping. I'm feeling run down from trying to fit in to a faction I don't, and every day seems to reveal another secret I'm not ready for.
So, I give in. I fall asleep almost immediately. I dream of nothing, and I wake up with a kink in my neck and my arm hurting. While an absolutely glorious and much needed nap, I also wake up to the stinging feeling of being alone. It fades when I find Everly asleep beside me, and it's clear she's also skipped the seminar in favor of sleeping.
She wakes up a little while after me, slow and sleepy, and neither of us mention a single negative word, at least not until the toaster breaks in a dazzling display of sparks and Everly lowly informs me her brother warned her this would happen.
I grow bored in between the array of lush plants.
Having finished up my final worksheet –and thankfully not been asked to stay working in the greenhouse –I lean back in my chair, cross my arms, and watch everyone else scramble to write down the parts of plants.
The quiz is not incredibly easy, but most will pass. Even if they don't, the repercussions are mild.
"Are you done already? Will you help me put the labels on my project? Please." Noelle, ever persistent, wanders over with the offer of a lifetime. I stare at her blankly, until she grows impatient. "I have fifteen questions left. Just label the live plants for me. I'll make it worth your time. I saw you finished already."
Our final, the Amity version of Erudite's grueling tests, is a quiz, followed by labeling a few plants Hank selected by species. Most of mine were common. A few were slightly more dangerous, on the off chance you wandered by and decided to eat the entire plant.
"What's in it for me?" I cross my arms, pretending I don't see Everly raise her head to frown at Noelle. Her possessiveness over whatever we have is amusing. She doesn't like Noelle, and I had thought it was forbidden to dislike someone here.
"Whatever you want," Noelle bats her eyes at me, and I know right then and there, that back in Candor, she got away with murder. Her father must have held a position high enough to have some pull. She's used to getting her way, with little effort. "How about…. you label the plants and come find me when you're done."
I dislike her trying to get me to do her bidding. There is a part of me with no patience for these sort of people, so I shrug, and flash her a dark smirk.
"Sure. Good luck on your quiz."
"Thanks!" The disbelief over how easily I agreed is all over her face. She slinks away to finish her work, and Everly watches silently as I reach down and scrawl a few things on the labels. They're little flags meant to be placed in the soil, and Hank is wandering by skimming the ones already done. He makes notes in his book, and I bet he'll have a wild night of reading his scathing plant-based commentary.
Everly sits up straighter, and her lips part.
I've noticed a lot of things about her lately, including how small she is. If Landon is so determined to have her as his wife, he'll have to come to terms with her being unable to reach the top shelf where the glasses go. The fact that her hair is everywhere, and she never notices. That she is always cold, pulling the now heavy comforter over her, leaving me sweating as I realize she'd replaced the lighter one with one meant for winter.
I'd also noticed, in the slowest and strangest way, how she is a little too pretty. Her hair is too long and too shiny, and her eyes are too large. Her nose turns up, just slightly, and her lips are full, but not overly so. She rarely has shoes on, and the clothes she picks are slowly growing on me. She is so unlike the uptight girls in Erudite, sort of wild and free, and I have a growing appreciation for how fitted the dresses could be, at least sometimes.
The idea is horrifying.
In Erudite, Pamela would occasionally read books with garish covers on them while I did my homework. On the days she was hired to come sit with me, I'd let her help for a minute, then kick her away. As I grew older, she was hired solely to make sure I wasn't getting into trouble. We both knew she didn't need to be there, so she sat across from me, reading some trashy book with a man dressed like Landon and a woman dressed liked Everly, often doing something stupid.
Sometimes they were pirates.
Sometimes it was a king marrying some lowly commoner.
The one I picked up, grimacing at the very idea, was a military general from a time long ago, marrying a soldier he was training to join his army. The cover hinted their love affair was forbidden, but unavoidable.
No matter what the plot was, the women were always dressed like Everly. It didn't help that half the time her dresses were slipping off her shoulders, or the sleeves were falling down. Everly fit right into whatever trashy romance Pamela was reading about -so engrossed she missed me snickering and sneaking out to see Rylan –and just as willing.
Even now, it's hard to miss her stare. Her eyes are greener than the entire contents of this hellhole, and she blinks when I stand up.
I quickly stab the labels into the plants for Noelle, and I smirk when I'm done. It only takes a second for Hank to come by, and his brow furrows together in confusion as he reads them, glancing back at me, then Noelle.
Dead plant, Dead, Ultra Dead, Kinda Alive, Did I Water This One?, Not Sure, Still Alive, No Idea, Tried & Died, Probably Plants, Something Green, Plants, Not Dead Yet, Almost Dead, Definitely Dead, I Cheated On All My Quizzes Dead.
He turns to Noelle and calls her name, and I get a small speck of satisfaction when she glares at me, knowing something is wrong.
I leave when Everly turns her paper in, and the two of us walk out together, her arm bumping mine, and we take our millionth break on the millionth day of initiation.
"Hey! Coulter! Wait up!"
On Tuesday, I stop in my tracks, right in front of Carole's house. I was heading to meet Johanna, once again called to her office, but she promised it would be quick.
"Yes?" I wait impatiently for Ryan to catch up to me, and he exaggeratedly pants. I watch him with slight disdain and mild amusement, and he flashes me a blinding grin.
He reminds me so much of Rylan that I suddenly feel guilty for even talking to him.
"Hey, I heard something going around and I just want to tell you," he holds his side, like he sprinted over to me. Which he did. From Carole's yard.
"What?"
Ryan catches my eye and he stands up straighter, pulling his shoulders back. He waves at Carole, spying from her porch, and she nods encouragingly as he steps closer.
He leans in so only I can hear him, and his whisper is enthusiastic.
"I want to join your army."
A week later, with Johanna's encouragement, I stand at the end of the winding pathway, staring up at the row of houses. A few hours ago, I'd left her office after dropping off a list from Hank. We had one final lesson with him to go over our test results, and only a few students would go on to continue studying the greenhouses. He'd pick a dozen names, those interested in learning even further how the greenhouses work, and they'd shift their focus for the next few weeks.
Initiation was going faster than I would have thought. I found myself more than a month in, and still no sign of Jeanine. I optimistically chose to think she'd lost interest. The Dauntless soldiers hadn't returned since their last visit, the factionless were harmless, and Blythe hadn't come by for a stroll. I was arrogant in thinking they'd moved on; Rylan had called back, and he'd cheerfully told me he got to see Daniel for lunch. Daniel happened to be there visiting Arlene, and the two of them caught up over lukewarm hamburgers and Rylan's quick break.
According to him, Daniel was regretting more than just my abrupt departure from the future they planned for me. He and Blythe weren't getting along so well these days, and with the blame on each other, it wouldn't be long before it reached a breaking point.
I couldn't bring myself to be too invested.
In the quiet chaos of Rylan's call, while Everly slept beside me, he asked me how to get to Amity.
I didn't have a great answer. I paused, and Everly sleepily mumbled he could fail out and come here. I glanced at her in confusion, but she was back asleep before I could ask what she meant.
All of this paled in comparison to the name Johanna had given me, and insisted I head that way. I finally exhaled heavily, trekked up the steep pathway, and knocked on the door of the fanciest house in this area.
"I'm sorry, how did you find me?"
He looks just like Daniel.
The resemblance is uncanny; both are tall and fit, both have matching sleekly parted haircuts, and the exact same pair of thick, black glasses. The same nose. A familiar eyebrow raise, and an even more striking manner of tilting their head in disbelief.
"Johanna gave me your name. She thought it might help."
I stare at Daniel's brother, a man I never knew existed until a few days ago, and I had doubted it was really him. As far as I knew, I had no extended family. I had only Jeanine as my aunt, no grandparents, and neither Blythe nor Daniel had ever mentioned a sibling. I explained this quickly, and he looked nauseous.
"Okay, well…uh, are you alright? Are you sick? Do you need a doctor?" Daniel's brother, Ian, according to both the paper Johanna had given me and his mailbox, blinks at me rapidly. He hasn't exactly invited me inside, but he hovers in the doorway, until his wife appears.
"Ian, who is it? Is it Forrest?"
"No, no it's…" Ian pauses, and he looks at me. "Um, it's Daniel's kid. He transferred here a month ago."
"Oh," her eyes widen in surprise, and she comes to a stop beside him.
Neither of them look like they should be living in Amity exclusively. I wonder if this is why they live in a more secluded section. Their house is larger once you got close, somewhat flashier –but not anything too crazy –and a little more modern. His wife is pretty, younger than him with long brown hair, and her dress is not quite as youthful as everyone else's. She's thin, with striking features, and her eyes flit back and forth between us.
"Are you going to invite him in?" She does her best not to make things awkward, but it's impossible.
"Uh, yeah, yeah. Sure. Come on inside. What's your name again?" Ian looks at me, pushing the glasses up higher and squinting. The action is painfully familiar, and I smile tightly as I step into his house.
"Eric."
I glance around, waiting to feel relieved at having someone from the Coulter family here.
I don't.
I feel off balance and majorly apprehensive.
The entryway to their home is huge; there are skylights directly above, and the large windows appear to be double the size of the ones in the house I'm living in. The rest of the house is very geometrical. Each room leads to the next, and it's very open. I step down into the living room, and his wife coaxes both of us into the kitchen. I do my best not to look like I'm checking the place out, but it's impossible.
He has the same screens Daniel and Blythe have. A cell phone, blinking on an end table. A laptop and a tablet on the oversized coffee table. Despite living in Amity, there are dozens of nods to Erudite. The artwork is modern, lots of blues and darker blues, the bookshelf is modern, and the only overly telling sign they live here are the plants strewn about.
They're even in the kitchen, on the table, and I sit down slowly, looking up when his wife swoops by to move it out of my way.
"I'm Elisa," she smiles. "Would you like something to drink? We were just about to eat dinner. You are more than welcome to stay. Right…Ian?"
"Of course," he forces a smile, more of a grimace, and he takes the seat across from me like he'd rather be anywhere but here. "It's…so nice to meet you. Officially."
I have the feeling he knew I existed, in the way I knew Abnegation existed, but had no real connection to it. I nod, focusing on him, as his wife returns with glass plates for both of us.
"Daniel never told me about you." I break the silence as Elisa returns with drinks. She hands me a wine glass filled with what appears to be soda, and she quickly tells me their other glasses are in the dishwasher. "I didn't know he had a brother."
"In his mind, he doesn't," Ian answers sharply. He leans back in his chair, then sits upright. "Elisa, let me help you. I can –"
"No, no, talk to your nephew. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity." She grins at us, and I know right then and there she's from here. "Ian, do you want green beans with your steak?"
"Sure," he waves her off, reluctantly, and he turns to me. "So uh, you picked Amity? And your dad is good with this?"
I observe his posture –defensive—and his clenched jaw. When I inform him no, he tenses even further. "Do you know his wife? Blythe? She and her sister had a plan I would go to Dauntless. I was supposed to go through their initiation and become a leader there. Work for Jeanine while leading Dauntless."
"Do you call your parents by their first names?" Ian stares back, and he's so like Daniel it's hard to look at him. "They're okay with that? Or is it because they're complete assholes?"
"Ian!" Elisa's protest is loud. She hands him a plate, filled with steak and potatoes and green beans, then hands me a similar one. "They're his parents. You should….be cordial."
"Cordial?" He cocks an eyebrow at her, and he reaches for a knife to cut his steak. "Right. Daniel deserves all the cordialness in the world after what he did to me?"
"What did he do?" I slowly reach for my own knife, and the uncomfortableness of this dinner lessens as it changes into curiosity. I feel a spark of hope, perhaps at bonding over my lackluster family, and maybe this will change my thoughts on staying here. "Have you seen him lately?"
"I haven't seen Daniel in years," Ian announces, and Elisa frowns as she takes her seat. "I picked Amity to get away from the pretentious asshole. I'm a smart guy, I fully admit it. I can program any computer. Design an entire house. I could…I could make a serum that would drive you mad if I wanted to. None of that mattered. It all paled in comparison to Daniel becoming a brain surgeon. He was all our parents would talk about. I turned eighteen, and they almost forgot to come to the ceremony because Daniel was giving some lecture on brain cells."
"He's older?" I take a bite, and it's good.
It's familiar in how it tastes, and I realize Ian lives a very similar life to Daniel when it comes to fine dining.
"Five years. He was well into his medical schooling when I was your age. I got up there, looked right at my parents and knew it would never change, so I picked Amity. I wanted nothing to do with them. All I wanted was one day when someone was interested in what I was doing." His knife hits the plate, and Elisa reaches over to touch his arm. "They died a few weeks later. Dad first, then Mom. Daniel blamed me for their deaths. Said he'd never forgive me."
"What?" I nearly choke on the steak, and he looks furious at the memory. "He blamed you for their deaths?"
"He said I stressed them out. The shame of their son choosing Amity instead of Erudite was enough to do them in. Not their shitty health or the fact they both drank heavily. I didn't attend the funeral because I was here, and Daniel showed up on Visiting Day. He chose to tell me how horrible of a person I was, and how he never wanted to see me again."
"Interesting," I stab at the green beans, and Elisa stays silent. She doesn't remind me of Everly, but in a weird way, she does. She listens to him, and every so often, she smiles sympathetically. "And you haven't seen him since?"
"I saw him once at the market. He was with someone I thought was his wife, but Elisa didn't think so."
"That woman wasn't Blythe. We've heard about Blythe. Landon did the deliveries for her office cafeteria. He said the few times he ran into her, she was awful. We also have some friends in Erudite who fill us in. That's how we knew about you." Elisa explains carefully. "I'm from here, but my brother lives in Erudite. He worked on a project with her. We learned all about her marriage to Daniel and how she's mostly concerned with keeping up appearances."
"Sounds like Blythe," I confirm, and there's a speck of hope at this shared feeling. "She was the one pushing for me to go to Dauntless. So I could help her sister."
"Yeah, well, she's a miserable old bat. Even Daniel can't ignore that. Though he will," Ian points out, and he's right. Daniel will ignore this because it's easier than challenging her. "Have you picked a job here?"
"I have six weeks left," I answer. "I don't know. I haven't given it much thought."
"You live with Hank's daughter? Everly?" Ian zeroes in on me, and his expression is odd. "We know Hank. Good man. Hard worker. I don't know Everly as well, but I've seen her. Everyone is always talking about how she's pretty."
I swallow down mashed potatoes, and I have the feeling of being in the twilight zone. "I do live with her. I got the last house and she was assigned to live with me. I guess she was going to stay home then changed her mind."
"The Carlens do have a lot of kids. She was probably going to stay and help with them," Elisa reaches for the butter. The large glass table spans between us, and I wonder if she has a housekeeper. "Everly is very pretty. And sweet. She made cookies for us after I had surgery."
Ian frowns, and it sends creases deep into his skin. He quickly touches her hand, then changes the subject.
"So what are you going to do here?" He slices the steak again, with more force than necessary, and his edge returns. "Have you decided? Or has your father shown up yet? I'm sure he'd like to take you back to Erudite. Amity is his least favorite place on Earth. Even before he was a doctor, he was ranting about the wild ideas of not using modern medicine for every single thing."
"He hasn't shown up and I doubt he will." I watch them both, and I glance around again. "What do you do here? I've been in initiation for weeks and haven't seen you."
He cracks the tightest smile. "I work in solar power. There are a few specialized areas here, but you won't find them in your initiation. Most of you will wind up working in the fields or running a farm. I help power the faction. Your home has electricity, does it not?"
"It does," I agree, and having power and running water was a concern of mine.
"Well, when I got here, they had a few lousy generators, a dozen men who could kind of fix them, and they mostly prayed they didn't go out. Erudite doesn't give a shit that we need power here. The farms need power, the water treatment plant needs power, hell, the homes need power. You can't wash your clothes by hand forever." Ian waves his fork, and Elisa rolls her eyes.
"You can. It just takes longer."
"I came up with a way to use solar power. I'm currently testing out wind power, but the solar power has worked well. We can bank it for use during winter, and so far, we've only lost it once or twice, during the snowstorms. The panels are only on certain houses, and a few large structures out in the clearings, and I'd say it's worked well. However, it ruins the image that we all live like peasants. Johanna was very hesitant to implement it. Until she realized her computer would work faster."
"You did that?" I'm impressed, and he downplays it completely.
"Look, I might live in Amity, but I don't want to live like I live in Amity. You understand, right? I'm sure you're missing all the things you had back home. TVs, electronics, instant hot water." Ian makes a face as Elisa laughs, but it's good natured. "When I got here, the biggest thing going for them was they all had fireplaces. Groundbreaking. The aesthetic is good, the heat it provides is not."
I let out a small laugh. "I don't even have a fireplace."
"Oh, you will. Every house has one. I told you, they all had no power. They include them in the newer homes, just in case. Just wait. Once you move, you'll see what the real homes are like. Far too much space for all the children they want you to have. We learned that firsthand."
Elisa's face falls. She drops her fork, and it clatters against the plate. We both look at her, and Ian's apology is immediate.
"I'm sorry. Elisa, I didn't…" He pauses because her forced smile looks painful.
"No, it's fine. I'm going to wrap up the rest. Eric, would you like some to take to Everly? Does she know you're here?"
"That's okay, thank you. She does, kind of." I watch them silently look back and forth, and I hate them bringing up Everly. I had told her where I was going. She'd stared with a concerned look on her face, perched on the edge of the bed with her feet pulled beneath her, and she asked if I wanted her to go with me. I immediately said no. I felt like I had to do this on my own, and she'd looked not insulted, but worried. "I can go if you guys need me to. I didn't mean to interrupt anything."
"You're fine. It was nice meeting you. I hope you enjoy your time in Amity." Ian shoves his chair back, and his watch beeps. "I'm sure you'll end up wherever you're supposed to be."
Elisa stands up as well, and she watches Ian head into the living room, calling out he'll be right back. Her stare lingers, then turns to me, full of worry. "I'm sorry. This is very hard for him. I don't think he ever expected to see anyone from the Coulter family again."
"Yeah, I figured," I push my own chair back, and she takes my plate, insisting she wrap it up. "It's fine, really."
"No, please. Let me. It's just him and I, and we won't finish all this." She takes the plate into the kitchen, and there's a lot of clanking and some quiet swearing when she drops something. I take the opportunity to look around, noticing everything is clean and expensive, until she reappears. "I hope Everly likes it."
"Thanks." I stand up, taking the plate from her. It's clear the dinner is over, but I understand. "I'll bring the plates back tomorrow."
"Oh, um…" Elisa freezes, pausing as Ian returns. "That's okay. You can keep them. We have plenty."
"I don't live far from here. At least, for now." I stare in confusion, and Ian shoves his hands in his pockets. He exhales heavily, and I have the sudden, sinking feeling this family interaction is over. My stomach knots itself even further, and I feel incredibly out of place despite having met him and eaten dinner.
It dawns on me that neither of them want me in their house.
There is no familiar relationship here, nor will there ever be.
"Look, Eric, it was great to meet you. I've often wondered what you looked like or if Daniel had been a terrible parent. But I'm good here. I have a nice life and I don't need him back in it. You being here opens up that door again, one I shut a long time ago." Ian starts, and Elisa backs away.
She throws me one sympathetic grin, and I stare back, unblinking.
"I changed my last name when I got here. I only changed it back when I married Elisa, and I know Johanna had good intentions. But I don't need a nephew. I know this isn't the Amity politeness you're expecting. This whole section of houses, all of us who live here came from other factions. We wanted an escape. I can't have you jeopardize this. I do wish you all the best. You and Everly."
"Ian," Elisa says his name softly, and when he turns to her, I set the plates back on the counter. "Ian…maybe…maybe he and Everly can come back. He's not Daniel."
"He's his son," Ian retorts, and my stomach turns ice cold.
"Thank you for dinner. It was nice…. it's… yeah. Thanks." I leave as they both say my name.
The burning feeling is everywhere. It stings at my eyes, stabs at my stomach, and claws at my skin. I've always held my confidence in high regard, but in this moment, it sways beneath my feet. I've never felt so low, so unwanted or disliked, and embarrassed.
That's the worst part.
That part makes me feel hot, humiliated at going to see him, and shameful that I thought he'd want to get to know me. I should have known better.
I hear them call my name again, the sound of his expensive shoes on his high-end flooring following me out the large entryway doors, and down the driveway. I make it to the path knowing he won't follow; it slopes steeply, and a few neighbors are out, clinking drinks on their patios and they glance curiously in my direction.
I reach the main path in record time, and my house even faster.
I slam the door shut behind me, and the rage of being Eric Coulter rises up, fast and oppressive.
"Everly."
She's asleep.
I've learned little Amity likes two things in life: being close to me and sleeping. A third would be sleeping close to me. She must be making up for lost time, because I swear she can take a nap at the drop of a hat, and she'd probably go to bed at seven if I asked her to.
But tonight, I want her to be awake, even if I don't know why.
"Everly, wake up."
I try all the things. I hiss at her, I shake her shoulder, and I sulk next to her. I'd already brushed my teeth, ripped my shirt off, and kicked my pants toward the dresser. I'd tossed my boots far into the living room, a juvenile act that made me feel no better, and I swore loudly as I took the stairs.
Rejection is not something I am used to.
The Coulter family was well liked.
Everyone knew who we were. There was an unspoken respect in the name, and even if you didn't like us, you didn't shoo us away like we were beneath you. Ian had his reasons for not wanting me to hang out, but that didn't make this any better. I hated knowing he existed, hating knowing Daniel had failed to mention he had a brother, and he'd kept silent because it made him look bad. I never knew my grandparents, would have no connection to them or their death, and it made me furious to know Daniel felt no guilt over excommunicating his only brother.
"FUCK."
I grit the word out, pressing my palms over my eyes and swearing. I don't like feeling rattled, and I especially don't like this being out of my control. In Erudite, I could fix this. I could have Daniel tell him off, or if I really wanted to ruin his life, I'd slyly mention it to Blythe. She took care of anyone and everyone who dared speak against one of us, and for a single moment, I muster up some appreciation for her.
It's gone as quickly as it comes.
I slide beneath the covers, kicking off the heavy comforter and turning to face Everly. The side of her is small, for once she's chosen a tank top that fits and skipped pajama shorts, and her hair spills everywhere. I stare at the curve of her shoulder, the slow and deep inhale and exhale, and the way she's curled into her pillow.
I reach for her.
My actions are shameless in my desperation to reassure myself I'm fine.
I pull her back, the action taking little effort, and she moves willingly. She wakes up for a second to mumble my name, right as her back hits my stomach and chest, and I throw my arm over her. I pull her closer, sliding a leg between hers, and she sleepily reaches for my hand. Her fingers slide between mine, coaxing me impossibly over her, and once settled, she lowly asks if my night did not go well.
I shake my head no.
I drop it down to rest against hers, and I grit out how I was asked not to return.
"Oh."
Her answer is all the confirmation I need. She sounds as defeated as I feel, but it doesn't matter. I hold onto her tighter, giving in to the desperation to cling onto something good, and she lets me.
I fall asleep not much later, lulled by the feeling of her against me, and I forget all about Ian and Elisa.