Richonne (Short Love Stories) Question of My Heart (Chapter 21)
A/N: A request from literaturechick. Inspired by The Matrimony (Wale ft Usher). Hope you enjoy. Thanks to all of you for reading and showing your support. I truly appreciate you.
Rick tosses and turns on the cushiony sofa, trying his best to tune out the drone of conversation and occasional laughter drifting to him from the front porch. Michonne is seated outside with Morgan, the two of them conversing continuously for the past 20 minutes or so. The hour is well past 9 o'clock and Morgan should be a ghost by now. She offered for him to join them, but he refused, feigning tiredness and the need to turn in early, hoping one of them would take the hint to do the same.
He finally turns onto his back and stares up at the ceiling, wondering how he let things get to this point. He is sleeping on Michonne's sofa for pity's sake because he can't stand being alone at his house. They left him. The woman he loves, his children and it is all his fault. He doesn't know how he's going to do it, but he's going to win them back and they're going to be a family like they were always meant to be. He just has to come up with a viable plan and pray that Michonne will forgive him.
He starts as he hears the front door open, alerting him to her return. She tells Morgan good night and thanks him for the talk, then silence. He almost bolts off the sofa, thinking they must be kissing. Hearing the front door close, he quickly turns on his side and closes his eyes, pretending to be asleep.
Michonne walks over to the sofa and looks down at a sleeping Rick. She softly touches a hand to his head, then grabs the throw bunched up at his feet and covers him with it.
His eyes pop open with the sound of her footsteps on the stairs. How could I be so stupid?
Two months ago
She should be yelling at me, cursing at me, hell she should hit me upside the head again if it will make her feel better about this situation. Instead, she is standing in front of me, looking as beautiful as ever and forgiving me.
"We can find a way….and if we don't, I'm still with you," Michonne says softly, looking up at Rick with nothing but sincerity in her eyes.
He looks down at the gun in his hand, offering it to her, letting her know that he trusts in what she is telling him. His surprise is evident as she places her hand over his and gently pushes it back to his side.
She grabs her jacket off the bed and walks toward the door. "Don't be too long."
He watches her leave, then looks down at his hand, wondering at the lingering warmth he can still sense.
Two hours later, they are trying to calm everyone down as tragedy finds its way inside the Safe Zone's walls. Pete Anderson kept quiet the entire time the meeting was in session. Right before Deana was to give her decision about Rick's place within the community, Pete produced a knife and slit his wife's throat as he had stealthily made his way to a seat directly behind her.
Rick and Michonne both acted to subdue him but he began to swing the knife wildly almost catching Michonne in the mid-section. Rick quickly moves her out of harm's way and tackles Pete head on. The two men wrestle over the knife, trying to gain control. Pete manages to drive the knife towards Rick's neck, puncturing the skin. Blood starts to pour out of the wound, making it appear most severe.
Rick is beyond angry by this time as he drives his knee into Pete's stomach and gains control of the knife, simultaneously pulling his python from its holster and aiming at Pete's head.
Michonne steps forward, trying not to panic at all the blood pouring from Rick's wound. "Rick, please you need to go the infirmary. I'll take care of him."
A head tilt and a flinch of his nose tells Michonne all she needs to know as Rick pulls the trigger and ends the life of Pete Anderson.
The next day, Michonne is taking care of Rick, assuring that he remains in bed as his neck wound was deeper than they thought. He will heal, but needs to take it easy for the next few days. She is sitting by his bedside, changing his bandage.
"Deana will handle the bodies. She told me she feels responsible for not listening to you about Pete. She thinks she could have prevented this," Michonne tells him.
"Yeah. Too little too late, right?" Rick asks.
"You did what needed to be done like you always do." She sighs as she pushes his hair back from his forehead. "I thought I had lost you. I don't ever want to feel like that again."
He scoffs. "So does that mean you really do care about me?"
Michonne looks at him, a serious glint in her eyes. "I love you, Rick. Haven't you realized that by now?"
His slight comical demeanor changes quickly with her admission. He swallows visibly, suddenly uncomfortable as he wasn't expecting that from her at all. His eyes dart around nervously and looks at everything but her.
"Are you going to say anything?" She asks.
"I…I'm pretty tired so I'm just going to get some sleep," he answers.
Michonne frowns as she feels she and her admission are being ignored and dismissed. She assumes that he is tired and maybe he needs time to process what she just told him, so she decides not to pressure him. She gives a slight smile as she lifts herself from the bed and makes her way out of his bedroom. A sense of foreboding suddenly tries to overwhelm her, but she quells it down, reminding herself that he needs rest and his lack of a return admission is only a temporary lapse in judgment.
A week has passed and Rick is back to his normal activities much to Michonne's relief. She bides her time as she wants to have a talk with him about what she revealed a week ago. She doesn't want to continue ignoring the fact that he didn't acknowledge her feelings or admit to his own.
The hour is late and the house is quiet as the kids are asleep. Michonne waits up for Rick as he is working late yet again. What he is working on is a mystery to her as she carries the title of constable as well and knows their workload is almost non-existent.
He walks through the door, an expression of surprise crossing his face as he notices her in the living room. "Hey. I thought you'd be asleep."
"Obviously. Rick, I think we need to talk," she suggests.
"About what?" He asks.
"About what I admitted to you. I feel like you've been avoiding me, so let's just get everything out into the open," Michonne states.
Rick closes his eyes, not wanting to admit that he's been avoiding her and trying to think of any excuse to get out of the conversation she wants to have. "I just need to wash up and…."
"Do you love me?" She moves to a stand, remaining by the sofa, looking at him expectantly.
Silence ensues. It continues to grow as Michonne feels like she can reach out and touch it.
"Do you?" She repeats.
"I….." He looks away from her, concentrating on any and everything but her. "No…no, I don't. Not like you want me to."
She feels as if he just punched her in the stomach. After everything they've been through together, she thought they were on the same page, she thought they meant something to each other, she thought they were a family. "So the rumors are true then? The way you acted when we first got here, the immediate dislike for Pete, your killing him….was all of that because of an ulterior motive?"
"No. No ulterior motive. I did what I did for us. This is about you and me," Rick tells her.
"I thought so, too. I thought there was a you and me, but you just told me different. You're going to stand here and tell me I read you wrong. Everything we talked about, everything we shared and you don't feel for me like I feel for you? Bullshit, but that's fine. I get it. You keep running, Rick because as of right now, I'm done chasing you. Have a good night." She moves towards the stairs, making her way up to her room.
"Michonne, wait…." Rick begins, but tapers off as she completely ignores him and keeps walking.
She closes and locks her door, resting against it for just a moment, trying to reign in her emotions. The tears come slowly and quietly as she makes her way to her bed. She practically collapses as the sobs overtake her. She grabs a pillow and cries into it, trying to muffle the sounds of pain emitting from her body as she feels like her heart has been shattered into a million pieces.
Brush you off, see I'm kinda lost
And dark, troubled heart
Hours later, she's not sure how she is able to do it as she had little to no sleep the night before, but she rises from her bed at the usual time and goes through her normal routine before making her way downstairs to the kitchen to start breakfast.
Carl joins her soon after, carrying his little sister who immediately reaches for Michonne. "She was just standing up in her crib, waiting patiently for someone to come get her."
"Good morning you two. Yeah, that's my good girl, so sweet." She takes Judith into her arms, kissing her lightly on the forehead. "Let me freshen her up and I'll be right back to finish breakfast."
Carl nods as he moves over to the stove to take a look at what Michonne is concocting for their first meal of the day. He smiles with a little pride as she has been showing him the way around the kitchen, letting him know he should be self-sufficient in all areas. He is always glad to be a help to Michonne.
Twenty minutes later, the three of them are seated around the kitchen table, Judith in her highchair, enjoying breakfast.
"Is Dad going to sleep all day? He's missing breakfast." Carl states.
"Don't disturb him. He probably needs the rest," Michonne suggests.
[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[
At least two weeks have passed and Michonne has put her plans into motion. She spoke with Deana about one of the empty houses in an area away from her current residence and asked if she could move in and when. She also wanted to spend time with the staff at the infirmary and learn more about medical procedures and processes.
Deana is beyond impressed with Michonne as she has taken the initiative to be a vital part of the community. "Well, I hope you don't mind me asking, but why the move? Are you planning on remaining as constable even though you're working with the infirmary staff? I approve of everything you're doing. Just curious."
"The move is just something I need right now. As for the constable position, I want to slowly veer away from that. Maybe train someone else in my place if that's ok with you. I'll continue to make myself available for supply runs and anything else you need help with," Michonne tells her.
Deana looks closely at Michonne. "If I didn't know any better….I'd think you were after my position." She laughs, but notes how tense Michonne was prior to her joke.
"Not at all. Just trying different things."
"I see. Well, have at it. I see absolutely nothing wrong with what you're trying to do. How does Rick feel about it?" Deana notes the slight falter in the younger woman's demeanor with the mention of that name and determines that he is somehow integral to these changes.
"Fine. He's been busy helping his friend Morgan, so…." She trails off as Deana raises her eyebrows with a smile.
"Morgan, huh? I see you've befriended him as well," Deana offers.
"He appears to be a nice guy. Anyway, thanks for your help with everything. I appreciate it. I'll see you later." Michonne exits the residence before Deana has a chance to dig any further. She has yet to discuss her plans with anyone else as she doesn't want to afford them the opportunity to talk her out of it. The only person she is concerned with is Carl and she plans to talk with him as soon as she gets home as she will be moving out sooner rather than later.
"Now, there's a sight for sore eyes. I don't think I've seen her outside of that uniform. She's gorgeous," Morgan states, his eyes following the beautiful young woman as she walks from Deana's house.
Rick looks up from the map he was perusing to follow Morgan's line of vision only to land on Michonne. She's wearing dark pants and a purple cardigan with a grey top underneath. He frowns slightly as his gaze travels from her to Morgan, taking in the expression of fascination on the other man's face. He clears his throat loudly. "I was hoping we could take the search further out, maybe another 15, 20 miles."
Morgan reluctantly tears his eyes away from Michonne and gives his attention to Rick and the map.
Rick can't help feeling irritated. Morgan arrived the day after his debacle with Michonne. Aaron and Daryl found him on one their scouting trips and he is glad to see his friend alive and well, but is more than annoyed that he has taken notice of Michonne. The guilt eats him up every time he thinks of her which is constantly. She has been nothing but gracious with him, no anger, no animosity, and he can't help but love her even more for it. That's right. Love. I love her. I just didn't know how to say it or even if I should. The people I touch, the people I love…bad things happen and I can't even think about something happening to her. She's my rock and if…
"Hey Rick. You got a minute?" Daryl asks from a few feet away.
He hands off the map to Morgan and walks toward Daryl.
Meanwhile, Michonne is at home having that talk with Carl.
"I don't want you to think that this will have any type of impact on our relationship because it won't. I'm still here for you no matter what and my house is your house, so you can come and go as you please. Stay over if you want," she assures him.
"Even live there if I wanted?" He asks.
"Of course. You know I don't have a problem with that. Your dad, on the other hand…."
"This is all his fault. He's the reason…."
"Stop that right now. Do not blame your father. He's just having a few issues, but he'll work them out like he always does, ok?" She encourages.
"Well, while he's working out his issues, I think Judith and I should come live with you," Carl suggests.
"Nothing in this world would please me more, but we have to discuss it with your dad," Michonne tells him.
"Discuss what with me?" Rick asks as he walks into the living room.
Michonne cringes as she wanted a little more time before revealing her plans to Rick. No time like the present. She normally wouldn't use Carl as a buffer with Rick, but he's involved so here goes…. "I'm moving out and I'd like to take the kids with me."
Rick frowns as he looks from Carl to Michonne and back again. "Carl, could you go to your room for a minute please?" He asks, rolling his shoulders, trying to process the information she just gave him.
"I'm not going anywhere. You're just gonna try and yell and tell her she can't go, but we're going…" Carl trails off as Michonne taps his arm, indicating that he should go upstairs. "Fine. I'll go to my room, but if Michonne moves out, me and Judy are going with her." He gives Michonne a hug as if to reinforce his declaration, then moves off the sofa and heads upstairs to his room.
Rick watches his son disappear upstairs, then turns his attention to Michonne. "What is this? Is this because of what I…didn't say or what I did say? What's going on?"
"This is for me. I want to make a life for myself here and that's what I'm going to do, starting with a place of my own. I think it's what I need. You obviously need some time to sort out whatever is going on with you and I'm going to give you the space to do that," she states.
"You…don't have to do that. You don't have to move out," Rick tells her.
"I know, but I think it's for the best. As for the kids, let's treat this as a joint custody thing. They'll stay part of the week with me and the other part with you," she suggests.
Rick's heart falters at her words. Joint custody? She's divorcing me before we ever got married. He looks down at his boots, unable to meet her gaze. "I…I feel like this is a punishment."
"This has nothing to do with you, Rick. I just need…"
"Well, who does it have to do with then? Morgan? Are you moving out for him?" Rick doesn't know where that came from, but he's desperate at this point.
"For the last time, this is what I need. I'll start moving out tomorrow." She gets up, moving towards the stairs, but Rick blocks her exit, stepping in front of her.
"I'm sorry. Just…help me make this right." He finally meets her eyes, begging her not to leave.
She smiles up at him, placing a hand on his cheek. "It's ok, Rick."
He grabs her wrist, pulling her hand away from his face. "Stop doing that! Stop being so fucking understanding. Yell at me. Slap me. Tell me what an asshole I am."
She yanks her hand away from him. "This is exactly why you need this time to yourself. You don't want me, so why do you care where I live or what I do?" She puts a hand up to stop him before he can respond. 'No, I'm not doing this with you."
Cause I failed and see you bout to cry
And I'm sorry I'm wrong
But I'm promisin' you better though
[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[
Michonne looks around her new home with contentment. The layout is slightly different from Rick's house, but she has plenty of space and has added a few extra touches here and there to make this place officially hers. Judith has her own room, as does Carl while she occupies the master bedroom.
She is hosting the family for dinner tonight and is very excited. Sasha, Maggie, and Rosita should be coming up the walkway right now to help with the spread she has planned.
Thirty minutes before everyone is to arrive, Michonne comes downstairs in a comfortable red sundress wearing a pair of flip flops. She moves into the kitchen and checks on what is still warming on the stove.
"Well, look at you. That's right, girl! Show Rick what he's missing and what Morgan's getting," Rosita says with a laugh.
Michonne looks over at her with a smirk. "It is not like that at all and don't say that about me and Morgan. This place loves gossip."
"You got that right. All that mess they spread about Rick and you know who, God rest her soul.…is that why you moved out?" Rosita asks.
"Of course not. Could we not talk about Rick please?" Michonne requests.
"Well, ok but everybody's pretty pissed at him for causing whatever he's causing between you two. What is going on?"
Maggie and Sasha give Rosita a look as Michonne chooses to ignore her and starts arranging place settings on the table.
As usual, the dinner was nice and enjoyable. They have also had dessert and have branched off into different groups to talk, play cards, have a drink, etc.
Daryl, Glenn, and Abraham have pulled Rick out to the patio to have a little talk with him. They've been planning it for a while now, but seeing him tonight reaffirms that they should've done it as soon as they detected trouble in paradise.
"You fucked up bad. I don't know what you did, but she moved out and took the kids? She is done with you, dude," Abraham announces.
Rick throws him a not so kind look. "Make me feel better, why don't cha?"
"The point of all this is to help you," Glenn says.
"No one can help me except me. I made this mess, so I have to be the one to clean it up," Rick admits.
"But you ain't got one clue how to do that," Daryl chimes in.
Rick nods as that is all he can do.
"No, there's stuff you can do. Flowers, candy, gifts…women eat that shit up," Abraham states.
"We're talking about Michonne here," Rick puts in.
Abraham shoots him a stern look. "I know who the fuck we're talking about. See, part of your problem is you're still putting her in that friend zone. Your buddy Morgan over there, he sees all woman and that's what she is...all woman. She's got a soft side. The side that likes being chased after and wooed. Believe me, she wants the flowers and candy and stuff."
Daryl looks around. "Abe might be right. I mean when's the last time she got something like that since the world went to shit? Bottom line you ain't doing so hot with the way things are now, so you need to fix it. If she's what you need, then you're going to have to make this right."
They celebrate their game plan with a couple of bottles of liquor which Rick is more than happy to chug down.
Much later, everyone is preparing to leave. Michonne sees them out, so happy to have a successful dinner. She looks over to the living room area, noticing Tyreese and Bob holding Rick up between the two of them.
They move over to the door.
"He had a little too much to drink, but we'll get him home," Bob assures her.
Michonne can't help but be concerned as she has never seen Rick in this state before. "Thanks, guys. I'll be sure and check on him first thing in the morning."
Rick lifts his head to look at her. "Michonne…..I'm sorry."
My sincerest apologies, I mean it I'll admit it, all being pathetic
Cause I'm selfish and I need you to myself
Went from fallin' in love to drunk and fallin' apart
But you still sayin' let it go I can promise you forever though
I thank you baby, you strong But, I plan to do it better though