"What do you want to be when you grow up, Cove?"
"I want to be a man."
Her nice laughter was like a music in my ears. Her loud laughter that brought me closer to her...
Grow up.
A phrase that seemingly rolls off the tongue of an adult as easy as one, two, three. It is the excuse for everything, and yet it is the constant demand. Grow up, be mature, learn, become responsible. When his father told him to grow up, he took him so seriously he forgot that he is only nine years old.
That is when he decided that he would grow up. Because his father told him to do so.
Growing up meant saying good bye to childish toys and wind-up cars and dolphin balloons acquired from dubiously talented magicians. Saying good bye to sleeping late at night and stargazing and bug-catching on the hill behind the Last home. Saying good bye to candy, skipping while walking and silly little children's games with Lizzie breathing down his neck.
And growing up meant saying good bye to his Jamie.
As for Jamie, when Cove asked her to grow up with him, she shook her head and let go of his hand.
"I don't want to grow up yet!" She said determinedly. "I like being a kid, and I like all that things that you say it's bad! I don't want to be like my moms, on the telephone all day, I want to go to the beach and play in the water and the sand."
Cove knew that it was going to be hard convincing his Jamie to grow up. He did not know what to do anymore, and his arguments did not seem to be moving the little girl a single inch.
His father began teaching him how to surf the day after. He wanted to hone his son's skills while he was young. He thought that being an adult was all about having a large amount of patience and determination, and dealing with nature and his physical limits would be a great way to instil those qualities in the boy, the child of two flighty people that hurt and destroy all those around them, especially when they are in love.
It hurt. Arguably more on them than on others.
The first few days of surfing lessons, Cove gave it his full potential. A burning desire to please his father drove him to becoming the best surfer this side of the Pacific.
However, as the Summer days passed them by, his passion grew weaker and weaker. Somehow, he got tired of his rigorous training that it made him want to be a kid again. At times like these when he's feeling down, his Jamie would smile at him and cheer him up.
You know what... He is beginning to miss being a kid.
Six months of becoming a grown-up made him weary. In fact, he did not even look ten anymore.
He wanted to revert everything. Bring back time, if ever possible. He should not have listened to his father and he should not have taken what he said so seriously. Cliff Holden is not trustworthy and he knows that very damn well.
For short... He missed spending all of his time with his Jamie. He wanted to see her smile again.
He finally gave himself a day off after six months of strenuous training, and when he gingerly knocked on the neighbour's door, he found his Jamie waiting for him, just like how he left her.
She made him dream of the most impossible things. He hated her for it. He loved her for it. Candy apples, unicorns, silver rain and a world somewhere over the rainbow.
She made him dream of those things when all he ever wanted to do was grow up.
However, he abandoned all his thoughts of growing up because the truth is, she is all he ever wanted. If growing up meant he had to let go of his Jamie and live a life without her by his side, then he would rather not grow up.
He would rather not be a great surfer, or even a decent adult.
Yes, his father scolded him for giving up, but he knew that his Jamie would do the same thing for him.
His father took a second thought, and realized that he was rushing his son into growing up. Why did he rush his son? Was it because he feared his son would repeat his terrible mistakes?
Was it because his own father made those mistakes? That it all seemed a prison, a cosmic karma the Holdens were forever beholden to?
Why would he want for Cove to learn how to surf, of all things? How would that be any useful for him in the future?
It is because you have never felt you did anything as good as you could surf. You have nothing else to give.
A few days later, Cove happily began playing with his Jamie again, wreaking havoc around their little town.
No. He did not want to grow up yet. If he rushed his childhood too much then he just might lose his Jamie for good this time.
Of course, he did not want that to happen. Not now, not ever.
If for that he would have to take it slow, one day at a time, then so be it. For now, all he wanted to take his time and be a kid.
"What do you want to do now?" She asks, looking at the boy with wide eyes, as if he hung the moon and the stars. She missed him just as much as he missed her.
The kid with the seafoam-coloured hair shrugged. "I just... Want to be a kid. With you."
And then, she smiled at me again.
Just as long as her smile remains, just as long as she keeps smiling at me, I know I'll be a kid with her forever.