Konan regrets many things. One of them is getting pregnant. Sure, she loves her kids. Yahiko loves their kids. But why, of all things, did she have to have a multiple birth? Yahiko was so happy when they found out they were going to be parents. She was happy, if a little scared of what might happen if their enemies ever find out about their children. They planned for a baby. One baby. Singular. Call them old fashioned, but Konan and Yahiko wanted a surprise birth.
As a result, they were completely unprepared.
And now their five-year-old triplets are off making a nuisance of themselves.
Konan sighs and goes back to reading Jiraiya sensei's book: Make Out Paradise. She is jealous of the main character, who has sex every day, sometimes multiple times a day, and still has no bastard children - at least that he knows of.
Konan and Yahiko got married after she got pregnant.
The main character of the Make Out series is never getting married. Probably. That would make a great twist, though.
Ah, the main character is trying to woo a foreign princess. It's not working. Oh no, she's gonna kiss him goodbye and go back to her fiance. Aw, she has a fiance. Ooh, she has a younger, prettier sister. Of course she does. Oh no! The sister is underage. Konan is so caught up in the story that she does not notice the strange pulling sensation in her gut.
Next thing she knows, Konan is standing in a dusty arena with a Leaf Shinobi and a Sand shinobi. "Um, how the hell did I end up here?" she asks. Then she sees the Leaf ninja's eyes. Rinnegan. "Huh, I guess we forgot to fix that."
"What," says the Leaf ninja, confused.
"Oh, I am friends with a dude who has the rinnegan," Konan explains. "I guess we forgot to take me off the rinne-summons list after that last fight."
"WHAT?" yells the Sand ninja.
"Yep, Nagato Uzumaki," Konan shrugs, thinking that that should be enough explanation.
It is for the Leaf ninja. "So there's someone else with rinnegan," he says. "Why am I not surprised it's an Uzumaki?"
"WHAAAAAAAAT?!" yells the Sand ninja, apparently shocked beyond reason. To be fair to the poor Sand ninja, the Uzumaki clan is sort of...insane. A Leaf ninja would understand. A Sand ninja would be shocked.
"Who's this idiot?" she asks the Leaf ninja, jerking her thumb at the Sand ninja. She keeps her stoic expression intact.
"A total scumbag," explains the Leaf ninja. "I'm Fugaku Uchiha. Who are you?"
"My name is Konan," Konan tells him. He seems nice. "I am a shinobi of the Hidden Rain. I am also a rinnegan summon, apparently." Konan looks over at the sand ninja. "What did he do?"
"He turned his kids into psychopaths."
"You cannot possibly understand, unless you have children, the choices I have to make!" says the Sand ninja, defensively.
"I do have children," says Fugaku. "Three of them...two…" tears well up in his eyes, but he shakes them away.
"I have kids," adds Konan. "They're already crazy, but it's a good kind of crazy." She turns to the Leaf ninja. "Do you need my help fighting this loser, or can I get back to my book?"
Fugkau looks at her book. "Oh, you read those books too. I heard there's a third one coming soon."
"Oh, yay!" Konan smiles. "So do you need my help?"
"Nah, I got this," says Fugaku. "But it would be great if you could help the Hokage."
"Okay, then," agrees Konan and flies off on her paper wings. Unfortunately, the Hokage is trapped inside a seal and no one can get at him. Oh dear. Konan flies back to Fugaku. "Unfortunately, Orochimaru put up a barrier that burns anything that touches it. I cannot assist the Hokage."
Fugaku swears. "You know what, whatever, Imma just crush this worm." Fugaku starts making handsigns. "Fire Style: Fireball Jutsu!"
The Sand ninja blocks the jutsu with a wall of gold dust. Oh, he's Rasa of the Gold Dust, the Fourth Kazekage. Rasa follows up by sending a spear of gold dust at Fugaku.
Fugaku simply absorbs it with his rinnegan and sends it flying back at Rasa. A moment later, Fugaku is behind Rasa, kicking him in the back of the head. Rasa goes flying across the arena. Fugaku throws kunai, shuriken and fireballs at his opponent. And then Rasa is on the ground with Fugaku standing over him, kicking him and punching him, over and over.
Konan can tell something happened, but she does not care, this man cannot be allowed to kill the Kazekage, lest the Sand and Leaf are plunged into an endless war. Konan wraps Rasa in a bubble of paper. Fugaku simply hits the paper.
"Fugaku," Konan says gently. "You need to stop. If you kill this man, you could start the Fourth Shinobi war."
Fugaku slows down, then stops and steps away from Rasa. "If he hadn't turned his son into a killer, my baby girl might still be alive."
Konan sighs. "Killing him won't change anything."
"I know...I know…But…"
"Let him live," says Konan. "And maybe you will be able to reconcile with the Sand. No one wants a war, and if a war starts, you may end up losing more of your family." Konan can see the distress in Fugaku's eyes. "There are better ways to grieve. Cry if you must, beat up a tree if you must, run around the village a few times if you must: just don't kill this man out of hatred."
Fugaku falls to his knees and stares at the dirt beneath him.
The reanimated Lord Second runs up onto the ridgepole and speeds towards Hiruzen. The reanimated First Hokage runs straight at Hiruzen, sending a few shuriken speeding ahead of him. Hiruzen dodges them, only to find himself needing to counter Lord First's taijutsu. Lord First flips backwards, away from Hiruzen and Lord Second tags in, reminding Hiruzen of the old days, training with his sensei. After countering Lord Second for a few blows, Hiruzen grabs the reanimation by the ankle, spins him around and sends him flying.
Hiruzen decides it is his turn to attack and sends a Dragon Flame Missile at the two former Hokage. Lord Second puts out the fire with a magnificent Water Wall, and then follows up with a tidal wave of water. Hiruzen blocks with a mud wall, which he then leaps on top of to avoid the waves crashing around the side of the wall.
Lord First runs across the water towards Hiruzen, and Hiruzen leaps down to fight him. Hiruzen sends bullets of fire shooting out of his mouth, towards the First Hokage, who blocks them with relative ease and attacks Hiruzen. Lord First splashes water in Hiruzen's face and then kicks him to the ground. Just as he is getting up, Lord Second grabs Hiruzen with tendril of water and drags him in the lake he has created. Hiruzen frees himself and runs back to the top of the wall. Lord Second slices the wall to pieces. Hiruzen is forced to vacate the wall as all Lord Second's water drains away and Lord First makes trees grow out of the roof.
Hiruzen bites his thumb in preparation to use the summoning jutsu, but is forced to dodge the growing trees. But then he is caught in the branches, and cannot move. Lord First, Lord Second and Orochimaru gather to stare at the captured Hiruzen. Hiruzen glares at them. He reaches towards a nearby branch. He can just about reach, even with his hands tied down. "Summoning Jutsu! Come Forth, Monkey King, Enma!"
Enma appears and has a look at the situation. "Orochimaru," he says. "You should have killed him back when you had the chance, Hiruzen."
Hiruzen doesn't have time for this. "Please, Enma: Turn into the Kongou Nyoi!"
"Kill them!" Orochimaru orders the Hokages. "Don't let him transform!"
Lords First and Second run forward and attack Enma, who knocks them aside and transforms. Then he frees Hiruzen and their pair prepare to do battle. Hiruzen hold the long staff, the Kongou Nyoi, under his arm and waits for an opening to attack.
Orochimaru presses his stomach and out comes a snake, which then spits out a sword. Hiruzen recognises the sword as the Kusanagi.
"Let's go Enma," says Hiruzen, slimming down the Kongou Nyoi.
"Even though I am as hard as diamond," says Enma, "That sword will still hurt me."
Twirling his staff, Hiruzen attacks Orochimaru, who has difficulty blocking his former sensei's attacks, but no difficulty dodging out of the way. The tussle ends when the two reanimations attack Hiruzen from both sides. Hiruzen fights them off, slapping an explosive tag on each of them.
Orochimaru takes the changes to dart forward and punch Hirzen a few times before knocking him to the ground. Hiruzen could have countered that attack, he could have been in control of this whole fight…
If he was about 20 years younger.
I'm too old, Hiruzen thinks. I need to find a Fifth Hokage and retire. But where am I gonna find one of those?
Orochimaru walks over to Hiruzen and grabs the front of his shirt. "Get up sensei," says Orochimaru. "Surely you can put up a better fight than this. You are the Professor: the man who knows all of Konoha's ninjutsu."
"Orochimaru," says Hiruzen, shedding a tear and remembering the innocent little boy his student used to be. "You fool!" Hiruzen grabs Orochimaru's arms, throws him to one side, kicks him in the back of the leg and punches him, sending him reeling backwards. Enma reaches a long arm out of the Kongou Nyoi and grabs orochimaru by the throat. Orochimaru turns to mud and slops to the ground. Then he rises back out of the mud and grins. Hiruzen kicks him back and Orochimaru goes rolling across the roof.
The two reanimations head towards Hiruzen, ready to attack. Hiruzen sets off the two paper bombs, incapacitating the reanimations. Orochimaru gets back up and Hiruzen notices that the two reanimations are mending. Soon the damage done to them will be gone. Hiruzen will have to seal them away after all.
A man in a long dark cloak and a full face mask walks out from behind the trees. He walks over to the Second Hokage and reaches into the back of his head, pulling out the control kunai. Then he walks over to the First Hokage and does the same.
"Rain!" sneers Orochimaru. "What are you doing here?"
The cloaked man, Rain, turns to Orochimaru and says, "I have destroyed all your curse seals and fallbacks. I am here to finish you for good."
"Hah! As if you could," taunts Orochimaru. "Fire style: Fireball jutsu!" Orochimaru breaths out a rather large fireball. Rain walks right into it, and it vanishes as it touches him, disappearing into a space near where his eyes are.
Rain walks right up to Orochimaru and puts his hand on Orochimaru's head. Then he grabs on to something Hiruzen cannot see and pulls. Orochimaru falls to the ground, lifeless, as Rain pulls something shiny and shaped like a person out of Orochimaru. The shiny thing vanishes and Rain turns away, heading back over to Hiruzen. "Are you alright?" Rain asks.
"What did you do?" asks Hiruzen, astonished.
"I pulled out his soul," explains Rain. "He is dead for good. Oh, and Anko might not notice for a while, but her Curse Mark is gone."
Hiruzen is not sure what to think. "Well, thank you. You just saved my life."
"Saved your life?" asks the Second Hokage, standing up. "You are getting rusty, Hiruzen."
"And old," adds the First Hokage, standing up and walking towards Hiruzen and Rain. "It seems that we are still here, even though Orochimaru is dead."
"Not to mention our full fighting power is returned, along with our personalities."
"Oh, no!" says Rain. "I thought taking out the tags would undo the jutsu! We still have to fight these guys!" Rain droops in sadness.