"Harry?" Ron said gently, shaking him awake. "Harry?"
Harry awoke from a restless sleep and opened his eyes to see Ron halfway into his curtains. Ron leaned away from him and was frowning.
"The Slytherins were talking about you, and Snape docked points because you were absent – the git. He's worse than ever since you left, you know. I came up as soon as class finished."
Harry had slept for four hours, then – straight through Potions. He hadn't dreamed a thing as he slept. He didn't even realize he had fallen asleep.
"Why?" Harry asked.
Ron put himself on the defensive suddenly. "Why what?"
As if Harry would ask why he came up to check on him.
"Why is Snape worse than ever?" Harry clarified, trying to wrap his mind around being alert.
Ron shrugged. "Well, maybe he's the same as ever, but today he was worse. I think he was looking forward to having you back in his class; probably wanted to hang you from his rafters as celebration of your return."
That got a smile out of Harry, and Ron finally was relieved.
"I'm sorry, Ron…" Harry shook his head and sighed deeply, then mumbled, "I met a group of Slytherins in the hall. Malfoy, too."
Ron pulled his curtains open a few feet further and sat on the edge of his bed. With them open this far Harry could see the whole other half of the room – where Neville and Dean's beds were – and all the baby plants surrounding them. It seemed that Neville took up his hobby of planting right after Harry had arrived back at Hogwarts and had that little chat. It was a good sight to see. Neville was a great boy.
"What happened, mate? What'd they do?" Ron asked, bringing Harry back to the present.
"Nothing," Harry lied, unable to look Ron in the face. It wasn't that he didn't want Ron to know, it was just that he hated how weak he was in the face of them all. How could he have been so useless? He wanted to corner Draco, but instead it was Draco who cornered him – Draco and all the Slytherins, anyway. He wasn't expecting that. Really, he was lucky to have gotten out of that alive. Any other day they would have just killed him and been well rewarded by Voldemort, no doubt.
Ron wasn't about to let up. He carried on, "Well…what'd they say, then? Anything…about…"
"Whatever it was," Harry said sourly, now able to focus his blurry eyes on Ron with a small amount of menace, "at least it wasn't a lie."
"What –"
"Don't even," Harry warned with a jerk of his head, now ready to face the facts of Ron's relationship. "You weren't there at the hospital because you were with Hermione."
Ron's mouth hung open – ready to defend his self – but nothing came out. He was like Harry was just hours before: surprised, trapped, and useless.
"You were going to tell me that weren't you? You and Hermione are together. You have been together since before I left." Harry said bitterly.
Ron at last nodded. He was beginning to blush, and his ears were bright red. Harry had forgotten that they got that way when he was embarrassed.
"We are friends, Ron," Harry whispered, jaded. "I know I was brainwashed and kissed you a few times, and yeah…I did have a crush on you for awhile – even – even before the toxin…"
Ron pursed his lips and his brow wrinkled up. He couldn't find his voice, though.
"Don't worry," Harry said sternly, "I got over it. Trust me. I like you as a mate now. Only. But you should have just told me. You should have just – told me."
"Couldn't," Ron whispered dolefully.
"Because you thought you'd hurt me?" Harry wondered.
"No…because you weren't here. I never thought it'd hurt you."
Harry swallowed hard.
"That night you got hurt was first night anything happened. You have no idea how guilty I felt. I had your invisibility cloak and your map, and I was all ready to come down, but as I was leaving Hermione was coming up the boy's stairs. I surprised her and she talked me into going back up to the room so she could talk to me in private behind my curtains."
Harry pulled his legs up under him. This story he was telling took place in this room…right in the bed next to his.
"We…didn't go all the way, but you have no idea, mate…" Ron tried to smile but it was very shaky.
"I thought you got started long before I left."
"I know," Ron said, now a bit sad.
Ron reached up and scratched the back of his neck, looking at Harry offhandedly. "Um…did you really…have a crush on me?"
Harry tugged at his shirt and shrugged. "It doesn't matter."
Compared to how hurt Harry was feeling still, it definitely didn't matter.
"Since when?" Ron seemed shy just asking, and Harry shrugged again. "Okay…well…"
Harry was looking at his bed covers for the longest time, and then finally he looked up at the back of Ron's head. Ron was looking at the floor. Some sort of solution had to be found, that much was clear. Ron was the one who needed answers now.
"Kind of since always, Ron." Harry said quietly.
Ron hesitantly looked back at him.
"I'm sorry," Harry said.
"Don't be. I should be sorry. I should…maybe have spotted that."
"So you could have told me to stop it?" Harry wondered, and he thought it was a small miracle that Ron shook his head, no.
"So that I would have just known. I…never really thought about two blokes before. It never really came up."
"I…" Harry thought a long time about how he needed to say this. Ron waited for him, but looked quite ready to urge him onwards if he didn't say something soon. "…want you to know that I don't want to be with you…anymore."
Ron nodded, still looking at him.
Harry went on, "Because I can't. It – it was your face. It wasn't you but it was your face."
His face that kissed him in the hospital ward. His face that made him so afraid.
"I'm so sorry this happened to you."
"Yeah."
Okay, so, now Ron knew he had his crush, and he knew that now it was over. Albeit, Ron missed all the space between figuring that out. It was time, then. Time to move on a little more.
"And it was Hermione's idea we not tell you in a letter," Ron said in his defense.
That figured. "Of course it was. She's the brains of your outfit, right?"
He got shoved for that, and not all that softly, either.