Chapter Forty-Eight
Old Habits, New Beliefs
T' minus 150 minutes and counting...
The fast food store was small and overcrowded. Its walls were painted in off-color whitewash and its floor was paneled with sheets of imitation tiles. The furniture was basic and shoddy, the food ill-prepared and under-cooked, while the staff each looked as though they were sitting on twenty years of constipation — their faces set in low scowls. The hygiene of the place was adequate, but no more than that, and the atmosphere was more fitting of that of a famine relief center than a diner. The building was cold, uncomfortable and not at all like the pleasurable warmth of Joe's Place, where Nick had pampered Judy four days prior.
Judy didn't mind though, as she pushed open the door and stepped inside. She knew that the situation now was more than a little different than it had been before — that this was just a quick fix for the necessity for food, rather than an attempt by Nick to woo her with a meal, like it had been last time in those initial romantic steps. Judy had visited here only a few times in the past year, despite the fact it was only a short walk down her road. The case that it was cheap and near wasn't nearly enough to make her a regular user, for the service was grim and the food grimmer.
The bell clinked behind her again when Nick stepped through. The rabbit glanced towards him, but he was too busy to notice, because he was observing around at the rest of the patrons of the eatery. "Go take a seat, Hopps. In the corner if you can, but not against a window. I'll order you something." Judy nodded and made her way to an empty table, obeying him without question. It surprised her just how seriously he was taking this. Then she started to wonder why she wasn't, while Nick conversed with a pig who was frying sausages behind the counter. Was the danger she was at that much?
The fox took the salad burger proffered to him, a moment later, and paced back across the establishment, sitting down opposite Judy at the square, white table. "Here," he offered the food and passed it over. Judy stared down at the soggy burger, then lifted the top piece of bread with an uncertain paw and stared suspiciously at the four pieces of cabbage leaves and the one lone piece of sliced tomato within. Sighing, she lowered the burger top, picked it up in both paws, braced herself and started to eat, despite the dislike chiseling at the back of her head.
"I'm not sure we have time for this, Nick," she munched between mouthfuls.
"That doesn't matter, Hopps. Just eat. You need your strength."
"But… it's half past one. We've only got about two and a half hours left. You sure we've got time for this?"
Nick regarded her with a simple smile. "Our orders are to break in, undetected, to an industrial establishment that could just be the drug den of a gang of criminal operatives. Said operatives have already committed at least one murder, probably more. They've burnt down a building, splashed around more drugs in Zootopia, in one week, than there's ever been in the last decade, and they could be the reason for the guy in your bedroom... And they could make another attempt on your life literately any moment." Her chewing upon the soggy burger took a turning hinder.
"Then," Nick continued, "after dealing with that little adventure, it's off to a fleeting trip to the ZPD. There we gear up in tactical armor for nothing short of a raid on this building full of murderous drug runners. We have no idea of what kind of munitions these guys have… But if they're prepared at all for us, it could turn very nasty and very-very fatal for a lot of officers. So tell me, dear sweet-Carrots-mine..." Her mouth froze amidst the gawk of her meal, while Nick's own lips took the journey of elation. "Do you really want to do all that on an empty stomach?"
Hopps stared blankly at the tabletop and went through all that had been just said. Her expression motionless, she pondered deeply on the fox's words. A leaf of salad slipped out of her burger and flopped damply onto the plate; hence, Judy blinked and filled her lungs with the stuffy air. "Okay, fair point."
Nick grinned as Judy returned to her eating, leaning back in his chair and craning his head around to look about himself, but keeping his manner calm and uncaring, as though he had no real interest in keeping track of what was going on around him.
Judy noticed his tactful observation under the cover of her angled vision. A casual onlooker might've thought that he was just taking a relaxed glance around at the scenery, particularly with that smirk he was wearing. But Judy knew better. More than anything, she recognized that kind of smirk: it was the one he always wore when he was in haunt or doubt, but didn't want any onlooker to know. It was his 'don't let them see that they get to you' face which Judy personally knew all too well.
The door's bell clinking dully behind him, Nick's head shot around, like an elastic band, to check on the person who had just entered. "What are you doing?" she asked.
"Just keeping a wary eye on the horizon."
"Huh. Poetic."
"I suppose you think it's unnecessarily cautious of me?" Judy didn't react anyhow else, apart from taking another bite. "Well, let me tell you, Hopps," the fox reasoned, his gaze turning intently to the rabbit, "if you had seen what I have seen, you wouldn't think it overkill. If you had any idea how quickly… how instantly a professional killer could snatch away your life, you would want me checking the pockets of every mammal in here for so much as a penknife. You need me at my most cautious."
Nick sat closer. "Now, I'm not calling myself the greatest officer in the ZPD or anything like that. But in matters like this, its experience that counts, and I am the only mammal, the only mammal, who understands just how much alertness and care is needed to handle situations like this. None of the cops truly understand what this kind of operation is capable of. They can't protect you… they're not quick enough or efficient enough to keep you alive at any rate. Only I... can protect you."
Judy blinked up at the fox, her food all but forgotten. "Even Bogo? I thought it was practically his work alone which ended The Firm?"
"It was. And it is true that to catch a villain you have to think like a villain. And to that extent Bogo is very apt at understanding how a criminal mind works... but I lived it, Hopps. For over five years, I lived it."
After a pause, a guilty smile grew on Hopps' essence. "Is it wrong I'm finding that a huge turn-on right now?"
"Not at all," Nick beamed with some satisfaction, "a lot of females can find 'danger' very attractive in a male. It's a natural reaction, I think. At least..." he added, sending a wry gaze her way... "it would be natural, if you were a predator."
Judy couldn't stop the euphoric smile that danced on her face. "You're saying there's a little bit of predator inside me?"
"Well, if there wasn't before, there certainly will be later tonight..." Her tongue was moistening her lower lip, while her body found the words very alluring, needed and erotic.
"You meaaan… a little of you inside me?" she asked with a finger touching her cheek in a buzz of mischievousness, yet Nick appeared as if he was missing the beat.
"Ohh, yeah," he nodded, and she assumed that he was oblivious to her thoughts of carnality-expanded.
A chance such as this didn't usually appear easily, and she liked the rare times when she'd get his silver tongue tied in a knot. "So... just how 'little' are we talking here?"
Nick's face fell without a second thought. "N— no! I mean, like, in a—"
Hopps' giggled. "Walked right into that one, didn't ya?"
His expression froze for an instant, then the amusement grew upon Nick's cheeks. "You planned it? It was a trap?"
"Yep. And you walked right into it."
Nick chuckled and opened his mouth to retort, but then there was a sudden crackle across the other side of the room, and Nick's head immediately snapped to look. A moment later, content that it was just the sound of a dropped plate hitting the floor, and not a gunshot, he resumed his eyes towards the window that loomed over the rabbit's head.
"Good spot you picked," he noted, while Judy still ate, though without much relish, "we're a good distance from the door and any windows. But from here I can still keep an eye on things. We're flanked on one side by a wall, and directly behind us is the fire-door out. Good job."
"I'm sorry," Judy wondered with one brow up, "the fire door helps us how?"
"Well... if a crazed drug runner should happen to suddenly burst in here, we can make a get-away before they have the chance to fire off more than a couple of shots."
"Jeez. I just picked this one 'cause it was relatively clean. I didn't consider it from a tactical point of view." Her lack of current worry turned into quick nervousness. "Was I supposed to? Is that much thought necessary?"
"No, Hopps, not at all. It's just a habit I picked up from my time with The Firm."
"Do you always consider a plan of action for what you'd do if you were suddenly attacked?"
Wilde chuckled. "Used to, Hopps… many years ago. No, it's just the recent developments that have brought back that habit."
"It's a pretty old habit, huh?"
"Yeah. Old habits, but new beliefs."
"New beliefs? So, is that 'habits' as in routine or… like, what monks wear?" Nick rested into the wooden back, sending a sweeping glimpse out of the windows, as a small group of mammals paced by.
"There was a time when I lived each day as it came. I had no plans for the future. All I cared about was staying alive day-to-day. Now, I have you to believe in. I have a bright future to look forwards to, rather than just another day conning people or subverting the law. It's surprising, actually."
"What is?"
"The strength it can give you. When I know I'm fighting for my life, it gives me a charge, you know?"
"Uh-huh…"
"Now I know I'm fighting for more than just my life. I'm fighting for your life, for the sake of your family... for our future together. It gives you strength when you really believe in what you're fighting for… That can't be easily matched. I would say it's a good thing, but..."
"What?"
"I'm not sure how to put this, Hopps. I mean, when you're living on your nerves, it gives you energy, sure… But it's paper-thin, there's nothing beneath it. It can only last so long before it burns out. And then… then you're left with nothing. It's addictive too, like an adrenaline high or cocaïne." Judy kept her eyes to the table as she finished her mouthful, not noticing the fox's expression when the flash of strong anxiety played out across his face. The rabbit did look up, however, when he cleared his throat uncomfortably. He scratched at his purple nose in distraction and sighed, "I wasn't actually planning on telling you this, Hopps… but I guess a part of this new belief system I've got myself following… it needs absolute honesty, so it seems."
Nick watched as Judy put down her food, apparently with no stomach for it any more, to listen fully to him. "When I was investigating the body just now, I wanted to find out exactly what he'd overdosed on. So, I dabbed my paw in a little of the powder and tasted it while you were still in the bathrooms."
"Well, that's fine, Nick. You were just doing your job in trying to find out—"
"Wait, Hopps, there's more. This batch was of especially good quality: pure and expensive… It had been so long since I last tasted such or had felt the high it can give you… I wanted just to try a little more."
"So you're saying what? You were tempted?"
Nick nodded. "Cocaïne has got a funny way of making you want it. You know it's bad for you, I've seen what it can do many times. And yet, when you're just there with some staring you in the face, you just want to take it, regardless of the risk. I don't know what would've happened if you hadn't come in when you did. I might've taken a dab more, a little more after that. Heck, I might've even snorted some before you got back. I don't know what might've happened… But if things had got out of paw, I could have wound-up back in rehab. I wouldn't have taken enough to overdose like that armadillo, but I certainly wouldn't've been in any position to protect you."
Judy pushed her plate aside, reached at Nick's paws and took them in hers. "Nick, thank you for telling me this. It means a lot to me to know you trust me enough to let me help you when you need it."
"Well… I figured after last time, when you nearly broke my arm, heh… It was best I just let you know when something was the matter. There's no real risk now, but I just wanted you to know."
Judy's ear twitched. "Wait, did you say you've been in rehab?"
Nick adjusted himself slowly, still holding the rabbit's paws in his, and spoke after the thoughtful pause. "Do you want to know what got me off that old path of belief? Stopped me thinking only about the now? No plans for the future and only how to survive 'til the next day?"
"Go on, Nick. Tell me."
"Well, I'm sorry to say this, but it wasn't you. You are still the best thing to happen to my life. You know how much better you've made things for me. But that was just the most recent step in the evolution of how I came to be the fox I am today." Judy listened intently, her ears upright and ready. From what Judy could tell, she was about to receive a new, deeper understanding of Nick's past than she had been as yet privy to, and she was not going to miss a single detail.
"You're right. I have been in rehab. When me and Scar were working together, we often used to—"
"Hopps, Wide!" both mammals flinched with a start as the door was pushed open, the form of McHorn stepping inside. "We've been looking for you. Your orders are to report any findings to us and then to go to your next assignment. Time's short, so let's get a move on!"
Judy glanced back to Nick with an apologetic smile, while he sent her an easygoing shrug of acceptance as he got out his seat. "Sorry," she whispered at him.
"Not your fault, Hopps. I'll tell you later."
The two mammals stepped past McHorn who held the door widely open. He kept watching them with uncertainty and then moved his beady eyes at the table they had shared. He couldn't be sure, but… had they been holding paws just then?
Author's notes:
Hesitance jumps around your mind,
Grooms decision thus chosen blind.
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