Naruto wakes up in the living room, on the couch. What happened to his bedroom? Naruto rolls off the couch and heads upstairs to find out. On the way up, he meets Iruka-nii, heading down stairs. "Iruka-nii!" Naruto jumps on Iruka-nii, tackling him down in a ferocious hug.
"Woah!" laughs Iruka-nii, giving Naruto a noogie. "Calm down, or you'll send us tumbling down the stairs."
"Look," grins Naruto, pulling the First Hokage's necklace out of his collar. "I made a bet with Granny Tsunade, I won so she had to come back to the Leaf and give me her necklace! It used to be the First Hokage's, 'tebayo!"
"Naruto, while it's great that you won, you really shouldn't make bets with people," says Iruka-nii, grinning.
"It was the only way I could get her to come," whines Naruto. "She refused to even listen to me until I said the word 'bet'! Also, I won the bet by mastering the Rasengan in a week, 'tebayo!"
"The rasengan?" says Iruka-nii carefully. "You mean the Fourth Hokage's original jutsu? That Rasengan?"
"YEP! Pervy Sage taught me!"
"You learned it in a week? The whole jutsu?" Iruka-nii looks dumbfounded.
"Well, just the final stage," says Naruto. "I'd already learned the first two steps. Then I got in a fight with Granny Tsunade, and she is really good! She beat me with ONE FINGER! How is she so strong, 'tebayo?"
"Well, she has been through two wars, she's the First Hokage's granddaughter, she's about a third Uzumaki, and she's one of the three Legendary Sannin, the greatest heroes of the Third Shinobi war."
"Oh." Naruto isn't sure how to respond to that. He is impressed. Really impressed. That weird old-young lady is that cool? Wow. Then he remembers his original quest. "How come I was sleeping on the couch?"
"Well," says Iruka-nii, taking a deep breath. "While you were away, a little girl arrived in Mount Myoboku clothing-"
"Hey, Chief Toad said they were making clothes for a little girl!" says Naruto, remembering. "It must be the same girl, 'tebayo!"
"Well, probably," says Iruka. "But she's Jiraiya's daughter."
"Pervy Sage has a kid?" says Naruto, not really surprised. "Well, I guess if he has sex with any woman that'll let him, he should've expected to end up with a kid at some point, 'tebayo. Sex makes babies, after all."
Iruka-nii laughs. "Jiraiya's kid is sleeping in your room at the moment. We are gonna sort out what to do with her today."
"I wanna meet her, 'ttebayo!" says Naruto, jumping off Iruka-nii and running to his own room.
Just as Naruto reaches his room, the door opens and a kid about Konohamaru's age walks out, rubbing her eyes. The little girl sees Naruto and freezes, staring at him. Her hair's a mess, her pyjamas are all rumpled and she looks half asleep.
Naruto stares back. Then he grins. "I'm Naruto Uzumaki, dattebayo!"
The little kid squeaks and runs back into Naruto's room.
Naruto follows. He is going to make friends! Pervy sage's kid is hiding under the quilt on Naruto's bed. Naruto simply hugs her, quilt and all. The kid pokes her face out, glaring at Naruto. Naruto grins. "You're Pervy Sage's kid," he says. "And Pervy Sage is my Godfather. That means you're practically my sister."
"Um…" the kid mutters, burrowing back into the quilt. "Hi."
"You're so cute!" says Naruto, rubbing his face against Kimiko's cheek and squeezing her tight. "So cute, 'tebayo!"
"Hey!" the kid pushes Naruto away angrily.
Naruto, not to be deterred, hugs her tighter.
"LET GO OF ME!" the kid shouts, her hair puffing up like a cat's and turning all sharp and prickly.
Naruto lets go.
The kid runs out of Naruto's room and shuts herself in the bathroom. A minute later, the toilet flushes. Naruto heads back into the hall in time to see Pervy Sage's kid stomp out of the bathroom, scowling. She marches right past Naruto, back into his room and slams the door behind her.
Naruto hears a snort and turns to see Iruka-nii leaning against the wall, red in the face from trying not to laugh. "What's so funny?" demands Naruto, crossing his arms.
Iruka-nii gives up and laughs out loud.
Grandma emerges from her room and asks grumpily, "Who's shouting and banging doors?"
"Kimiko!" laughs Iruka-nii.
"Seriously?" asks Grandma, her eyes wide. "Kimiko spoke above a whisper?"
"I was just trying to make friends, 'tebayo!" whines Naruto.
Grandma's eyebrow twitches. Then she starts laughing too.
Jiraiya is woken up by kids shouting and doors slamming. Sounds like Kimiko's met Naruto. Jiraiya gets up and heads to the kitchen to get some food. If he's awake, he might as well get up - he has research to do today, not to mention meeting the Hokage to let him know the mission was a success. Oh, and he should probably spend some time with his kid.
Jiraiya feels jealous of his main protagonist. He has all the sex and doesn't have a kid-
Wait. That's a brilliant idea! After all, he did base one of his protagonist's love interests on Kimiko's mum…
His arms loaded with breakfast, Jiraiya sits down at the table, pulls out a pen and paper and starts scribbling out his idea. He can't fit it into the volume he's working on, maybe another book, revolving around the protagonist discovering he has an illegitimate kid...should he kill off the mother, or leave her alive? Maybe the book could end with them getting married.. Nah, then there's no room for another one!
Half an hour later, Jiraiya is still jotting down ideas, his breakfast he devoured between words.
Kimiko and Naruto appear, both scowling and looking like they had their hair brushed for them against their will, which might actually be true. Definitely true in Naruto's case. Kimiko is wearing purple now, and Naruto is wearing clean pants (about time) and a T-Shirt with Gamakichi on it. Kimiko is wearing a matching purple jacket and pleated skirt. The jacket, Jiraiya cannot help but notice, has Gamabunta on the back, and the skirt has a tiny Gamabunta on the left side, just above the hem.
Jiraiya wonders how Kimiko's mother managed to get her Mount Myoboku clothing. Ah well. He has ideas to brainstorm!
Kimiko trots around the table and leans against Jiraiya, obviously expecting something. Absentmindedly, Jiraiya puts his arm around her and pats her shoulder, like he used to do when his students cried. Kimiko is trying to see what Jiraiya is writing.
"You shouldn't look at that," says Naruto. "Pervy Sage writes books that aren't for kids, 'tebayo."
Kimiko glares at Naruto and trots off to find herself some breakfast.
"We have to go see the Hokage once we've had breakfast," says Jiraiya. "We need to tell him the mission was successful."
Naruto is busy trying to sneak cup ramen out of the cupboard to have for breakfast, but Kazama enters the kitchen and gives Naruto a look. Naruto puts the cup ramen back and gets some cereal.
Jiraiya takes his stack of notes away from small children's eyes. This is not appropriate for anyone under the age of 18.
Kimiko is baffled. Very baffled. She is not sure what's come over her, but something about Naruto makes her wants to punch things. And yell at people. And slam doors and glare at Naruto and lots of things she's never really wanted to do before.
Kimiko survived her Mummy's friends by making herself invisible, which wasn't hard considering how shy she is around people. But now…
Kimiko glares at Naruto just 'cause.
Naruto grins at her.
Kimiko grins back.
"So are we friends, 'tebayo?" asks Naruto.
Kimiko never had many friends, and certainly none her age. She blushes and looks down at her bowl of cereal. "Okay," she whispers.
"Yay!" shouts Naruto, jumping up from the table, running over to Kimiko, snatching her off the chair and dancing around the room with her.
"Oi, finish your breakfast," says Grandma Kazama, who is sitting at the table reading the newspaper. "You can play later."
"I know some kids your age," says Naruto, dragging Kimiko back to her seat. "I wonder if they'd let you play with them, 'tebayo?"
"Once you've been to see the Hokage, make sure Jiraiya comes back here," Grandma Kazama says. "We need to talk to Jiraiya about where Kimiko is going to live. He travels a lot, and that's no life for a child."
"We're gonna keep Kimiko, right?" asks Naruto. "I mean, she's practically my sister, so of course we have to keep her, 'tebayo."
"That's up to Jiraiya, not us," says Grandma Kazama.
"Oh I can convince Pervy Sage," says Naruto, grinning. "And Kimiko can sleep in my room! We could get BUNKBEDS, 'tebayo!"
"No, Naruto," says Grandma Kazama. "You two can't share a room, you would drive each other nuts in a couple of minutes."
"Then we should build another room," sasy Naruto, sadly. "But I really want bunkbeds, 'tebayo."
Kimiko would rather like bunkbeds too.