"Hey boss, what's up, kore?" says Konohamaru, grinning up at Naruto.
"Konohamaru, I have a mission for you," says Naruto, trying to act tough.
"Oh, what is it?" asks Konohamaru, excitedly.
"I want you to find your friends, Udon and Moegi, and bring them to my house! On the double, dattebayo!"
"Yes boss, kore!" Konohamaru salutes and runs off to find his friends.
Naruto grins and shunshins to Kakashi sensei's house. He wants to see the First Hokage about a Granny Tsunade.
"NARUTO!" Aki latches onto Naruto's leg as soon as he arrives outside Kakashi sensei's house.
"HI AKI!" Naruto greets Kakashi sensei's kid, patting her on the head. Naruto sees Kakashi sensei sitting in a tree with Minoru is his arms. Below him, the First and Second Hokages are sitting quietly with flowers in their hair.
"I'm making Grandpa and Uncle all pretty!" says Aki, pointing to the First and Second Hokages.
"Cool!" grins Naruto, not sure if they would take it the wrong way if he told Aki that Lord First looks like a princess. Ah, what the heck? "Lord First looks like a princess, 'tebayo."
Lord First faceplants into the dirt. "But I'm a feared shinobi!"
Lord Second laughs mercilessly. "You're a princess."
"Hey, Kakashi sensei!" calls Naruto, waving at Kakashi sensei and hobbling over to the tree he is sitting in. Aki clings to Naruto's leg and laughs as he drags her along.
"Hello Naruto, I see you are as savage as ever," says Kakashi sensei. "How was your road trip?"
"It was fun!" says Naruto, grinning up at Kakashi sensei. "Pervy Sage taught me the Rasengan, and I made a bet with Granny Tsunade - and yes, she hates me calling her that, but I don't care, 'tebayo - and I won this necklace, 'cause I won the bet, and also Granny Tsunade had to come back to the Leaf and heal Sasuke, and she's already fixing up Sasuke, and Mrs. Karin's Mum is helping her, and they said Sasuke's gonna be fine, 'tebayo and Grandpa Hokage picked the Fifth Hokage and now he's gonna retire for good, and I met a Masked Man who wasn't Rain, he was evil and I totally kicked his ass, well, actually I only managed to break his mask before he ran off so no one would see his face and stabbed me-" Naruto is forced to stop and take a breath.
"Good job," says Kakashi sensei. "It sounds like you had a very successful trip!"
"Hey, is that my necklace?" asks Lord First, staring at it.
"Yep!" grins Naruto, holding up the necklace for him to see.
Lord First hangs his head, a black cloud hanging over him. "Why did I teach Tsunade to gamble?!"
"Because you're stupid, 'tebayo?" guesses Naruto. "Anyway, I just wanted to tell you that Granny Tsunade is at the hospital if you wanna go say hi to her. I have to go play with some eight year olds."
"CAN I PLAY TOO?" asks Aki.
"Well, um…" Naruto has a feeling that Kimiko will only be able to handle a few new friends at a time. He's not sure how to tell Aki 'no' without making her cry.
"You haven't finished doing my hair yet," says Lord Second sadly. "I was looking forward to seeing what you did."
"Oh!" Aki's eyes widen and she looks over at Lord Second. Then she looks up at Naruto. "Sorry, I can't play. I have to make Uncle look like fairy prince."
"That's alright," says Naruto, relieved. "I'll play with you some other time, 'tebayo." Naruto waves goodbye and shunshins home.
Hashirama is excited to see Tsunade again. He shunshins to the hospital as soon as Naruto is gone in order to see Tsunade. When he arrives, Hashirama finds several orderlies setting up a trestle table in the hospital cafeteria. They are rushing like they expect the sky to fall down on their heads. Two chairs are set up beside the table, along with a second, and then a third table. A minute after Hashirama arrives, about six genin and two jounin run into the cafeteria with their arms and a couple of handcarts piled with stacks of takeaways.
Hashirama recognizes one of the jounin and one of the genins. "Hey, Tenten!" he grins, waving to his great-something niece.
Tenten turns to look at him. "Lord First?" then she laughs.
The other genin and the two jounin turn to look at him and start laughing too.
"What's so funny?" asks Hashirama, grumpily. (Is there something on his face? Did he put his armour on back-to-front?) (No stupid, you still have flowers in your hair.)
"Nice flower arrangement," says one of the other genin, grinning at Hashirama. "I'm Ino Yamanaka. I know about flowers."
"This is troublesome," mutters one of the other genin.
"A toddler did my hair," says Hashirama, grumpily. (He actually likes the flowers. Why does everyone keep making fun of him?)
"Aw, that's cute," says one of the other genin, a chubby boy with a bag of chips hanging out of one pocket. "It looks really nice."
"We must get the rest of the food," says one of the other genin, a Hyuuga boy with very long hair.
"Then let's get on with it," says the other genin, a boy with pink hair.
"What's going on here?" asks Hashirama, curious.
"We have to get as much food as we can gathered here before Lady Tsunade and Lady Okami get out of surgery," explains one of the jounin, a man who looks a lot like Hiruzen.
"Lord First," says the other jounin, the tacky green one with the bowl cut. "You ought to help us! The fires of YOUTH do not REST for the DEAD!"
"Um…" Hashirama is not sure about this. "Maybe I should just stay here and guard the food."
"Oh, the orderlies can do that," says Tenten. "Come on, Gramps, help us get the food."
Hashirama gives in and helps them ferry mountains of food to the hospital. Anyone would think they were trying to feed two hungry Uzumakis with chakra exhaustion. (That's exactly what they are doing, silly.) (They are gonna need more food than this.)
Finally, Hashirama flops onto the floor by the tables piled high with fast food and says, "That should be enough to keep them going until all of you catch your breath. I refuse to do any more."
"How do you know this much will keep them going until we can get more?" demands the Hyuga, who Hashirama has learned is called Neji. "I have seen my cousin eat more than this for breakfast."
"The only person I have ever seen beat an Uzumaki in an eating contest is a Hyuuga," Hashirama says. "But trust me when I say: take a break. You're gonna regret it once they start eating if you do not."
All the living shinobi collapse onto the floor in relief.
Hashirama stays down until he hears footsteps coming towards them. Hashirama looks up to see Kami and Tsunade staggering towards the pile of food. They both look exhausted and are holding each other up.
"It looks like they wised up and sent two genin teams and one of the undead Hokages to go and get us food," comments Kami.
"Undead Hokages?" asks Tsunade, plopping down in a chair and cracking open a box of BBQ take aways. "Who's been reanimating Hokages?"
Kami sits down on the other chair and attacks the food closest to her like a starving wolf.
Hashirama signals the two genin teams to back away slowly. The pile of food is depleting fast. (He underestimated these two.)
"Grandfather?!" Tsunade sees Hashirama.
"Hi," says Hashirama, grinning like an idiot. "I'm undead."
"Why do you have flowers in your hair?" asks Tsunade, laughing at him.
Kami laughs too. "I had no idea the First Hokage was such an idiot! I mean, they call him 'the god of shinobi', but look at him."
"Yeah, he's a moron," agrees Tenten. "Now we're going to get some more food for you. We should be back by the time that lot gets low."
"...and then I said, 'if there is such a thing as true peace in this world, I will find it!'" Nagato says. He is telling Jiraiya how he became leader of the Hidden Rain. "And then Hanzo said, 'well I want to retire, and you seem like a good young man to lead our people to a brighter future, how would like like to be my successor?' And I said, 'Alright, I'll be your successor, but only if we shake on it properly and stuff.' And then we shook on it and I signed something and he made an announcement to the village that I'm the new leader. And then I went and talked to the leader of the uprising and we're friends now. He wanted a bunch of stuff that sounded like a good idea to me, so we're gonna work on it together. Then Yahiko and Konan caught up to me and told me off for doing crazy stuff, but that wasn't that crazy, was it?"
"Nah, not really," says Jiraiya. "It sounds like you made an impact on your village in a good way."
"Are you seriously not even surprised by this?" demands Yahiko. "I had no idea Nagato was crazy, and next thing I know he's got half a god-complex and is taking over villages legally and with the full permission of literally EVERYONE!"
"He is a good leader, though," points out Konan, smiling.
"How can you have half a god complex?" asks Jiraiya, wondering how that would work, but not really surprised.
"Well, I am only half Uzumaki," says Nagato. "And the Uzumaki half of me cannot have a god complex since Okami-sama has one, and only one Uzumaki at a time can have a god complex. The other half of me REALLY wants one though, so I'm a little torn. I could be an Uzumaki without a complex or I could embrace my non Uzumaki half, abandon the Uzumaki and gain the god complex."
"You're funny, Uncle Nagato," says Kimiko, who has been silent up until this moment. "You're not supposed to know you have a god complex. You're supposed to just have one or not have one."
"Ooo, speaking above a whisper now, I see," grins Yahiko. "That's good."
"She met Naruto," says Jiraiya.
"What's so special about that?" asks Yahiko.
Naruto himself drops down from the sky yelling, "I am the KING OF THE SKIES!"
"AAAH!" Yahiko screams like a little girl.