Week 1
After seeing her mother Alex was transferred to Litchfield minimum. They didn't toss her into the general population for two days. They kept her in the medical bay due to her shoulder. Alex couldn't figure out whether it was a good thing or a bad thing. She took her pain meds and stayed in bed most of the time. It looked like a clinic if she ignored the COs stationed outside and of course, the handcuffs.
But she couldn't ignore the handcuffs. Or the officers. Their snickers and glares. It was worse that she was the only patient in med bay. It felt like Middle School all over again. Like everyone was laughing at a joke she wasn't in on. Then came the inmate with the food trolley.
She was this tiny little human wearing khaki scrubs and a grey sweatshirt. And lipstick. Dark red lipstick. She beamed excitedly and handed Alex her tray.
"Hi," the inmate said. "I'm Lorna. Lorna Morello. Welcome to Litchfield. I have heard a lot of things about you. All good things. You are kind of a legend around here, you know."
Alex didn't know how to reply to that. The previous inmates had never really tried to talk to her. She was glad for the conversation but it felt odd nonetheless.
"Is it true that you have a cop girlfriend?" Lorna said in an inaudible whisper.
"How do you know that?" Alex asked.
"Oh, dear, everyone knows that around here." Lorna said with a grin.
"Morello, leave her alone." Officer McCollough warned in a soft one. She was one of the good ones.
"Just saying hi." Lorna turned away to get her cart. Then she stopped to say, "By the way, Nicky says hi."
"Nicky?"
"Yes, Nicky Nichols. She told everyone that she is your friend. That's how we know all about you."
"She is. She is my friend." Alex said earnestly. "Can I see her? I mean, can she come here?"
"Oh, she really wanted to." Lorna said with a frown. "But you know how things are here. I have to go now. Get well soon. "
"Morello! Do you want a shot?" McCollough warmed for the second time.
"Just talking. Just talking." Lorna said sweetly.
"You can talk all you want. Vause is going to Gen Pop tomorrow."
"That's so good. We can't wait to see you there. Bye, sweetie."
She left after that. Alex felt something good in her. Something like hope. Maybe it wasn't always going to be dark and gloomy like this. Maybe Nicky will make it bearable for her. Maybe she will survive.
She wanted to call Piper. If she could only pick up a phone and call Piper and tell her that she had found Nicky in here. She could tell her about the garbage food and the creepy COs. The weird smells and strange inmates. The redicoulesly stupid counsler. And the real reason why Nicky was here. They would have a good laugh about it too. But she couldn't. She couldn't contact Piper. Apparently calling someone or mailing was considered a privilege now. A privilege she would have to earn.
The reality of her situation was sinking in slowly. She was anxious all of a sudden. Maybe she wasn't ready for it yet. Maybe they should keep her in Med Bay for a couple more weeks. What would she do in a prison? She was not a cold hearted criminal. She was smarter than most of them and she had had a good life since she was a teenager. Sure, she was surrounded by criminals most of her life but prison works in a different way than a drug cartel.
Giving it deep though, she came up with a strategy that was pretty basic. Just lay low for two years. Just lay low. She knew for sure that Piper would appreciate that.
—
Week 1
The day after Alex was gone, Piper didn't get out of bed. She didn't eat. Or cry. Or shower. Or slept for that matter. She just laid there empty like a shell. It was better to feel nothing than to feel pain. It felt like a bad break up. Piper chuckled at that thought. She remembered that Alex had told her that they were over in this very place. The same words were going over and over and over in her head now.
"When this is over, I don't have any idea how it will be, but when it is over, I am done. I am done with your lies. I am done with your deception. I am done with you-"
Relationship wise, they were in a better place now. A much better place. But she couldn't contact Alex. Couldn't call her. Couldn't see her. Couldn't kiss her. Couldn't keep her safe.
A prison is an unpredictable place, Piper knew that much. Anything can happen. You step on someone's toe and they could make your life a living hell. And life - what life is there exactly. Four walls capturing someone not only physically but mentally as well.
The strange thing that made Piper get out of bed was that there was no sign. There was no sign of Alex ever being in her life. Although it felt like a big chunk of her life was missing, there was no photographs of her with Alex. No extra toothbrush in her bathroom or extra clothes in her cupboard. No proofs of her existence. Nothing in her bedroom that reminded her of Alex.
She went to the guest room. The housekeeper had changed the sheets. It just smelled like detergent and softener. She went to the kitchen found it squeaky clean as well. Goddamn it. She regretted having a housekeeper for the first time. All that was left was the study and her memories of Alex walking in with so much wonder in her eyes. She savoured those moments.
On Monday, she wore her old suit and trouser, tucked her gun in and went to work like old times. Maybe a new mission was what she needed. Some work to get her mind off of Alex even though she knew it was nearly impossible.
Going back into office was strange. Not everyone knew the full story or the true story of what had happened. They knew bits and pieces. But that was enough to warrant curious glances her way as she walked down to her office. Nobody asked anything which was good but Piper could still feel their eyes on her back.
In the conference room, her team was already waiting. Carlin was on the phone with someone. Bennet and Washington engrossed in their computers. They didn't notice Piper getting in. She cleared her throat and tried to smile a bit. She was unsure how her team was going to respond to everything.
"Chapman!" Poussey jumped up excitedly. "You're back." She rushed to give Piper a hug. Piper accepted it gladly.
"We didn't think you'd come back here." Agent Benett said with a smile.
"Yeah, me too." Piper was astounded with the warm welcome.
"We thought they would disintegrate us and send us to some ditch like they did with Joe." Carlin sat up on the desk with legs dangling beneath.
"It's a good thing you are back." Washington patted her shoulder.
Piper smiled and looked around the office. She was curious for what was to happen next.
"So, where's the new boss?" She asked glancing around the three of them.
They looked at each other one by one like Piper had made a joke. Poussey turned to Piper with a barely restrained smile.
"Chapman," She said. "You're the new boss."
—
Week 2
She could handle it. She knew she could. She had it under control. She knew how to live an unprivileged life. She had someone on the outside whom she loved. She had a friend on the inside. Had a story that made her almost untouchable, although she would have preferred to be invisible. But she was positive.
Yet it didn't stop the anxiety that crept in every time she stepped into a room. The orange scrubs didn't help either. It made her stand out in a sea of khakis. The first time she met the general population of the prison at dinnertime in the cafeteria, every head turned. The inmates. The guards. Everyone watched her like a hawk. Like she would do something crazy and they would miss it if they blinked. She rolled her eyes.
But then a bundle of curly blonde hair embraced her out of nowhere. She stumbled. Unsure on what to do. Then she heard that delirious laughter that only Nicky could produce.
"You are real-" Nicky chuckled. "I thought Lorna made you up after all the stories. Can't say good to see you here, eh?"
Alex laughed. She wanted to say it was good to see Nicky here. Nicky dragged her to her table after that. She introduced everyone like they were having brunch on a Sunday, except the food was shit and the people funnier. Nicky made it easier. A hundred times easier. She made her ignore the stares and the comments that people spat her way.
The funny thing was that they didn't even research properly. Some of the inmates (most of them) thought that she was the one behind the attack. The meth heads definitely thought she was the mastermind of the attack and that she was there to plan her next move. Alex didn't even correct their sheer stupidity.
Alex figured prison was like high school in more than one ways. The food was shitty. The bathrooms. The four walls that made you feel more depressed than you already were. The popular and the crazies. And the bullies. Oh, the bullies.
They painted her cubicle wall in what seemed like blood, spelling the words -
Child kiler Vase
Alex laughed it off. It was hard to feel threatened by someone who couldn't spell her name right. Apparently CO McCollough had seen her meth head bunkmate fiddling with her stuff. She came forward and offered help which Alex gladly accepted. The day went down with her bunkmate wiping down her work of art on the CO's orders which Alex enjoyed more than she should have.
The next days she went about asking about privileges. There was a lot to learn about the prison system. Good thing, she was a fast learner. She asked about when she will have visitors or when she will get to make a call or how to put money in her commissary account which was already full. It was strange that she wasn't given the facilities yet. A talk with her prison counselor revealed that her case was an exception that there was some glitch in the system that prohibited her from those things. Alex knew exactly what it fucking was. She put Piper's name on the visitation list anyway.
She went back to her cubicle to lay down. And perhaps cry a little bit. Maybe she should have taken the runaway option.
The doubts in her head were creeping back up. Maybe two years was a long time. Maybe Piper wasn't going to stay around for that long. Maybe she needed to break it off before Piper -
"Yo, Vause," Nicky said, dangling from the edge of her cubicle entrance. "Heard that your girlfriend caused a scene in visitation 'cause they wouldn't let her visit ya. Guess all that sexual frustration is blowing up, huh…"
"Get the fuck out of here, Nicky-" Alex groaned. Nicky has been trying to tell her about all the great prison pussy she had been missing out on.
"Okay. Okay. Get that you're all committed and shit. Just telling ya how it is, eh."
Knowing that Piper was here made her heart lighter yet heavier at the same time. She was what, three or four walls away. They were so fucking close while she wallowing in her misery. Piper had come all this way for her. Yet they didn't see each other. The universe must be having a good fucking laugh about it.
Sleep came easily after she doubled her dose of pain meds.
—
Week 3
On the eighteenth night after their separation, Piper didn't drown her misery in alcohol. She didn't sleep on the sofa with her limbs dangling. She went to bed sober even though it hurt to sleep alone in that big house. She turned the lights off and closed her eyes.
Her mind went over every possible way someone could harm Alex, something could happen to Alex or something Alex could do to herself. Her mind had an exceptionally detailed way of planning for the worse. Like it always did when it came to Alex being away from her. That was the reason of her refuge in excessively expensive wine.
Eighteen days she hadn't talked to Alex. Or seen her. Or heard her. Or touched her. Or told her that she loved her. Or kissed her with every fiber in her body.
Tonight she's going to bed sober. Because tomorrow is the day she will get to see Alex. She had taken the day off from work to drive to Litchfield as early as possible and see Alex. She was so excited that her stomach felt weird. She hasn't eaten anything either. She has so much to tell and so much to hear. She couldn't contain the anxiety. Or the overwhelming giddiness that she felt. She has meticulously planned the hello and shunned away any thoughts about the goodbye.
She wore Alex's favourite royal blue sweater and dark skinny jeans. Alex had once told her that they compliment her eyes. They had had sex at the back of a roman theatre after that. Piper blushed into the mirror. The thought alone made her sensitive at her core. She kept her hair casual and washed away signs of distress. She was not gonna be a mess this time around.
The drive was peaceful, scenic and long in Piper's honest opinion. She wished she could teleport just for the sake of arriving there faster.
Litchfield stood in the midst of all the greenery like a sore thumb. A sole reminder that nothing good happens in there. The barbed wires and scaling paint. And that smell. God, that horrible smell. Piper took a few disgusted deep breaths before getting out of her car and walking to the reception area.
The walls inside were designed to drain all hopes and dreams of the person entering. Piper felt the dread instantly. She ignored the scowling COs and walked straight to the officer at the desk. She told them who she was here to visit.
The officer frowned and told her that Alex wasn't privileged to have visitors yet.
Piper raged. What fucking nonsense was this? She didn't come all this way for nothing. Alex had the right to have visitors. She ought to. Piper had waited two awful weeks to come here. To make sure she wasn't hopping any boundaries.
Piper took out her fake FBI badge and lectured the whole desk on human rights for a good five minutes.
But the officer raised her hands above her head saying she didn't have anything to do with it. She was just following the orders. There must have been some kind of glitch in the system.
Piper punched the table. Let out a frustrated sigh and apologised for her behaviour. The little commotion had brought a small audience and some COs to the scene. She picked up a blank white sheet and a pen from the table.
"Can I mail her?" She asked in a hopeful voice.
"Yes," the officer replied. "I'm afraid it'll take four or five days to rea-"
"That's just ridiculous." Piper shouted losing her temper again. "I'm handing it to you here, why can't you just give it to her!"
"Ms. Chapman," another young officer who had come to the scene upon Piper's shouting came forward politely. "I can pass it to her. As quickly as it can be. You don't need to worry about that."
"McCollough-" the Officer at the desk glared at her.
"It's okay O'Neill." McCollough said kindly. "She is with the FBI. It must be important. We don't want to get in the way of law, now do we?"
O'Neill agreed reluctantly. Piper shared an understanding look with McCollough and sat down in the waiting area to write her heart out in a piece of paper.
—
Week 3
She got her first mail at the end of the third week. It had two books and an envelope addressed to her name. Alex immediately knew who it was from. She held the books close to her nose to see if it smells like Piper. She couldn't stop the stupid smile that spread across her face. She placed the books on the side table and sat on the bed cross legged to read the letter.
Dear Alex,
I guess it goes without saying that I miss you. I miss you so much. I miss you so much that I am willing to run through these doors between you in me without a worry in the world. Sadly, the doors are locked and I am not the hulk. I kept my stupid temper in control like you always wanted me to.
I'm writing this from the visitor's waiting room. Do you feel how close I am? I feel it. I feel you. They won't let me get in. They are saying it's some kind of fault in the system. But I am gonna fight this. I'm gonna fight them. In the meantime, I want you to know that I love you. Never forget that. Never doubt that.
How are you sleeping? How's your arm? How are they treating you in there? And how is Nicky?
I'm sorry if this letter seems all over the place. I'm attaching this to the books I wanted to give you. I hope to see you soon.
Be safe and take care of yourself.
Love Always,
Piper
Alex folded the page and held it over her heart. She traced the faint lipstick mark on the back of the page with her fingertips. She grinned like an idiot at the antics of her dorky idiot of a girlfriend.
—
Week 4
It turned out that it really was the shitty prison corporation that hadn't updated Alex's status. Piper took the fight to PolyCon headquarters and threatened them with a lawsuit. They succumbed obviously but they explained that it will still take a few weeks because they were going under some renovations.
Piper was furious at the situation. She threw herself at work like a madwoman. Following trails of Figueroa's evil enterprise.
A couple of days later, she got an envelope in the mail and she felt like she could breathe again.
Dear Pipes,
I am proud of you for not Hulk smashing your way in here. I'm so fucking sorry that you had to come all this way for nothing. They told me about the faulty system too. I just hope they are not trying to fuck us up. They should know better than that.
Pipes, some nights - who am I kidding - every fucking night it feels like my skin is screaming because it misses you so much. The pain becomes unbearable sometimes. The inmates are still kinda afraid of me. So far it's been a good thing. They don't bother me that much. Still, prison sucks.
Did you know why Nicky came to this ditch so willingly? She's fucking bonkers. Do you remember the girl she was talking about back at her place? The love of her life - Lorna Morello. Well, that girl is here in Litchfield. I am pretty sure that's why Nicky came here.
How are they treating you at work, kid? Are you back to kicking asses? And how are you sleeping? I want to know everything. Thanks for the books.
Counting the days till we meet again.
Love,
Alex.
—
Week 6
It started with Nicky acting weird. Agitated. Itchy. Alex had been in the library for some hours when Nicky barged in as if looking for something. She caught her eyes and gave a small nod. Alex invited her to sit down on the floor beside her. She was intrigued by Nicky's strange behaviour for the past few days. Surely, it had something to do with Lorna's recent and very surprising marriage.
"Hey," Alex said as Nicky sat down and folded her legs beneath her. "Looking for Morello, I assume."
"You assume wrong kid." Nicky smirked looking down at her lap.
"What? Is she not fuckable anymore?" Alex said in a hushed voice. "You fucked up rule number one - never fall in love with a straight girl."
Nicky chuckled and scratched the back of her wrist.
"She is married." Nicky said gloomily. "I don't fuck married woman."
Alex raised an eyebrow.
"Okay," Nicky rolled her eyes. "I don't fuck woman who are happily married. I fuck when they are unhappy. Cause then I am doing them a favour and favours are nice!"
"And Morello is happily married?" When Nicky didn't reply, she continued, "That is tragic-"
"Not as tragic as your face."
"What's wrong with my face?" Alex laughed.
"Your thirst for Chapman is written all over it."
"You-"
Before Alex could retort, Nicky was already on her feet and jogging out of the door. Alex saw Luschek following after her.
—
Week 9
It was the end of the second month when Piper was back in the visitation room. After a dozen of letters and books, she was finally here. She bounced her leg and nervously looked around the room. Families and couples and friends sharing stories, some crying, some smiling. Piper wondered whether they will also seen like just another couple. She patiently stared at the door from where the other inmates had emerged.
When Alex entered, Piper stood up immediately. She was not sure how her face looked - crumpled or relieved. She just wanted Alex to find her. And she did. Alex took several long strides and she was in her arms in seconds. Holding her so tight that she couldn't breath. And maybe in that moment Piper didn't want to breath. Didn't want to let go. Didn't want time to go on. Someone barked something and she felt Alex loosening her grip. She grabbed the fabric of Alex's prison uniform in her fist.
"Let's sit down kid." Alex tenderly pushed her away.
Oh, it's the angry looking CO.
Once they were on their seats, they just stared at each other. Neither said a word. Turned out the more she had to say the harder it was to speak. Piper was worried so much that she wants to cry. She didn't cry. Alex was still holding her hand across the table, rubbing slow circles with her thumb. Their feet touching lightly under it.
There was nothing glamorous about Alex in a prison uniform. Nothing fancy. Except Piper wanted to touch the rose tattoo that's peeking through the rolled up white undershirt. She looked older. Piper could see that her hair has grown a couple of inches. The green in her eyes, paler.
Alex had this longing look in her eyes. This strange dryness in her throat when she tried to talk. She cleared her throat. Licked her lips. Blinked and looked away. Piper realised that Alex was struggling to hold back tears as well. She wasn't sure what she will do if Alex broke down.
"Hey," Piper said softly. "We don't have to talk, you know."
Alex smiled. "This is so fucking weird."
Piper agreed. They didn't really talk after that. They just sat there stealing shy glances and suggestive smirks. At one point Piper was lifting Alex's pants with the tip of her heels under the table and Alex was tracing her fingers. Piper bit her lower lip. They giggled at their own shenanigans. It was so juvenile and silly that Piper couldn't hold back her laughter that reverberated throughout the room.
When time was up, they were back to the longing looks and gloomy sighs. They ended it with a tight hug. Alex kissed her deeply, not caring what anyone else thought. Piper was into it. Giving every bit of control to Alex. She moaned when Alex pressed her favourite spot on her torso. But like every good thing in their life, it ended. They were both panting and teary-eyed. They exchanged hurried I-love-yous as a CO threatened to break away. Alex was the last one to leave when visitation time ended.
Later, Piper stayed in her car for an hour outside Litchfield penitentiary. She didn't think she could drive while her tears seemed to have a brain of their own. This is the last time, she thought. This is the last time.
On the other side of the wall, Alex seemed to have a similar problem. She tried to control the trembling lips and shameless sobs but failed miserably. An hour later, she found herself in a secluded corner of the library. Her knees drawn close to her chest and head down as tears washed down her black eyeliner. Is it always going to be this fucking hard?
—
Week 11
The second time - they talked. They really talked. Piper pretended to be happier. Alex too. They smiled more. They genuinely laughed at each other's stories. It felt like they were coming to terms with their tragic lives.
Piper told her more about her new job as interim agent in charge. Alex told her about the shitty prison food, crazy meth-heads and Nicky's strange behaviour. Piper told her about Cal's fascination with her.
"He thinks you are my hot-ex-drug-dealer girlfriend." Piper said.
"Am I not though?" Alex smirked raising a single immaculate eyebrow although her inside were gushing at the fact that Piper told her brother about her.
Piper felt a hotness rushing to her lower abdomen.
CO Bell announced ungraciously that the visiting time was over.
At the end, Piper was still in her car, unable to drive, unable to stops her tears.
And Alex was back at that corner in the library. She wished she could touch Piper. Wished Piper could touch her. She was happy for Piper. She really was. But she was scared too. So fucking scared that Piper will move on one day. One of these days, she will stop coming. She will find someone else who could touch her. Who could give her everything that Alex couldn't. Alex couldn't dismiss the stupid insecurities that crept through her, rattling her fucking brain.
—
Week 13
The nightmares had begun after they stopped her pain meds. She hadn't been expecting those horrible glimpses of blood and gunshots and the fuckload of shit they went through. It played in her head in loops that she couldn't get out of. Vivid and surreal. Sometimes it was Larry. Screaming for his life as a bullet ripped through his skull. Then it was Fahri choking to death. Aydin was one of the most terrifying ones. She watched herself killing him. Mercilessly. Like the devil himself.
But what made her lose her breath was Piper. The dream would always start the same way. A bright day in Paris. Curtains flowing with the wind. Her and Piper in that quaint hotel room. In their bed. On the couch. Kissing. Sometimes just smiling. Then her face would crumple into a gloomy look and she would utter those words - Al, I can't go with you. The words would hit Alex right in her heart. She would pray for the dream to fucking stop but Piper would climb out of the bed and walk backwards to the door with that same longing look on her face.
"I am so sorry, Al." Piper would softly say. Then the masked man would come behind her and shoot her in the head from behind. In her dream she would be screaming. Sobbing. Crying out for help.
Then only she would wake up gasping for air. Panting. Pinching herself to make sure she was back in the real world. Her bunkmate would throw something at her face and curse at her for waking her up. Alex would sigh and lay back down with her eyes open. Waiting for the sun to come up.
Then, as if the higher powers had found her weakest spot, only dreams about Piper came at night. Piper leaving her. Piper getting shot. Piper beneath her, dying, just like Aydin.
After two week of barbaric tortures and sleepless nights - Alex gave up. Her sleeplessness was evident in her face. She was certain that Piper noticed it too. She could she the worry pooling in her eyes at visitation. She didn't tell her about it though. It wouldn't do any good anyway. Plus, there were only a few days left before the worst day of her life.
So, she gave up. She wanted the nightmares to stop so badly that she went to Nicky and outright asked where she could get some sleeping pills. Nicky - perhaps witnessing the torture her friend was going through - didn't pry any further. She gave Alex very specific directions for where she could get those. In return, Alex didn't question how she came to know about possible drug dealers in prison.
Alex brought a very shaggy looking bag of pills with the last of her commissary money.
Sleep came easily after that. So did the headaches.
—
Week 16
Piper brushed her finger over the spines of hardcovers. The smell of books oddly relaxed her nerves. Her eyes roaming the shelves for the titles Alex had given her over the phone. She was on a break from office which didn't happen very often. They kept her busy. She kept herself busy. She glanced at the clock and hoped that the person she was here to meet will be on time and not late like their previous meetings.
Piper was now used to plan her days around Alex. Visiting weekly was an impossible task. Her job was unpredictable most of the time. She was glad for the new job title that granted her most of the office work. It kept her busy and in town. Although she had to attend the boring budget meetings and briefings with the director. There was still some bad blood but her skills preceded their inner feuds.
When she was not at work, she wandered around bookstores and bars. Going back home only when it was absolutely necessary. She always made sure that Alex had enough books to keep her occupied. She was a fast reader. Sometimes Alex would ask for a particular title over phone or in a letter and sometimes Piper would choose one for her.
The visits became harder with time. Or at least Piper thought so. Alex lost some weight. Her eyes sunk by millimetres. And if Alex thought Piper didn't notice, she was wrong. Piper noticed. From her general disinterest in everything relating to prison to her skirting around the questions about her sleep. Alex would ask Piper about her day, about her life and not give much in return. At first Piper chalked it up to the mundanity of prison. Then Alex wouldn't even talk about Nicky. Piper noticed. The deterioration and the deception, she noticed it all.
The bell at the entrance of the bookstore chimed signalling the arrival of someone new. Piper turned around. Finally, she thought.
The newcomer woman spotted Piper and walked briskly towards her with a tight smile.
"Good to see you again, Chapman." The woman stretched out a hand once in reach.
"Artesian," Piper shook her hand.
—
A/N:
I will make this quick don't worry. Wish I could tell you what I have planned for the next chapter but that will just ruin it. So have some patience. Just two more chapters. And no there won't be a sequel. Sorry guys, gotta wrap it up here nice and clean.
Have you read Waves of Nostalgia by Liggycow? It's one of my favourites. I go back to it whenever I crave pain and suffering. Also a happy ending (since it's completed).
Thanks for the amazing reviews. Keep them coming. Happy reading :)