TAGS: Canon divergence, fluff, very self-indulgent, first time, intimacy, I just wanted to write some softness for them.
The fire and brimstone of Rick's dreams cling to the space behind his eyes as he slowly comes awake. It's late. The soft glow of the lamplight through the gap in the curtains is enough to remind him he's no longer in his veritech and that the fight was over – at least for now.
Instead he's in the quiet glow of Lisa's bedroom, her quarters miraculously unscathed following the attack by Khyron's battlecruiser. It should be unfathomable that inside these walls everything is much the same, when outside there is little else but utter devastation and confusion.
He takes the time to breathe, to take a moment to catalogue the aches and hurts of his body from the hours spent in battle and even more spent in the clean-up. He takes the time to savour the quiet with the woman he's taken so long to admit he loves curled beside him.
He rests against her back, one arm protectively curved around her as she sleeps. He enjoys the way she fits against him so perfectly and despite everything, he finds himself treasuring this small moment of happiness. He was so close to losing all this before he even understood what it was he had under his nose all along and he promises himself to never again let a moment with this woman pass for granted.
He lifts one hand and slides it gently down her arm and across her hip, infinitely careful not to wake her from the rest he knows she so desperately needs. He moves slowly, drawing her closer to him and breathing her in. He's helpless not to touch her now that she is his. He has long admired her scent, her warmth, her shape, but somehow it astounds him that he now has the permission to touch too.
He leans in to brush a soft kiss against her cheek, only to realise her face is damp when he pulls back. She shudders slightly in his arms, her face turned away and hidden behind the chestnut strands of her hair.
"Lisa?" he whispers, fearful of making his voice too loud lest he shatters the quiet, even though the quiet was shattered long ago. He rests on his elbow and leans over her. "Are you alright?"
There's a long pause before Lisa shifts on the bed to face him. She lies on her back, her eyes bright and shimmering as she stares up at him, then she grips the material of his uniform jacket and pulls him close. She buries her face into the side of his neck and he can feel her hot breath on his skin. Another shudder rolls through her slim frame as she clings to him. "Lisa," he murmurs again, his heart sinking with dismay.
Rick can't seem to join her in her display of grief. He wishes he could cry, that he could mourn like she is with rough salty tears, but he's long since locked away that part of himself. All he can do is hold her and hold on to what they still have together. He tightens his arms around her tenderly. "It's okay, Lisa," he says softly, breathing his love into his voice. "I'm here."
"Rick," she shudders his name against his chest in a sob and the echo of it rips through him painfully. "Oh, Rick."
"Shhh," he hushes as he presses her against him. He hates how helpless the sound of her sobs make him feel. He doesn't know how he can fix this, how he could possibly make it better. It's impossible. He promised her he would take care of her amid the scream of Zentraedi fire raining down around them but he doesn't know how to save her from this. He strokes her hair and his heart aches with their shared loss. Instead he tries to focus on the words that beat so strongly in his chest in echo to the confession she had offered him on his doorstep. "I love you, Lisa."
"Rick," she shakes out his name again and the sound is so tortured, for a fleeting moment he wonders if his admission caused her pain. But then her fingers curl against his back, her short nails turning into talons through the material of his clothes. She grips to him with a desperation he appreciates all too well. He tries to soothe her again, wiping her tears, stroking her hair but she's helpless in her choking grief.
It takes a long while for her heart wrenching tears to subside.
Eventually, she lifts her head to meet his gaze. Her eyes are red from crying and her cheeks streak with silver, but somehow she's the most beautiful he's ever seen her.
"I'm sorry, Rick," she tells him softly. She tries to make her voice brave but it still cracks with the pain he knows she feels.
He strokes her back and presses a kiss to her lips. "You don't have anything to be sorry for, Lisa."
"I feel so guilty, Rick."
The words take a moment to make sense in his mind. Guilty? What could Lisa possibly feel guilty about? The attack by Khyron caught them all unawares, but he knew as well as anyone the sacrifice it had taken to take out the cruiser. Without all that Lisa and the bridge crew had done, who knows the unchecked destruction Khyron would have rained down on what was left of Earth's human population. He flounders in his understanding for a beat before a frown forms along with a vehement denial. "Lisa, no. You did everything-"
"No," she cuts him off with a press of a finger to his lips. His words die under her touch. "I don't mean about the attack-"
Lisa suddenly purses her lips and her eyes swim with tears. She's trying so hard not to fall back into her grief. "Because… How?" she whispers brokenly. "How can I feel so happy with all that's happened?"
Rick's heart twists inside his chest. "Oh, Lisa," he murmurs. He raises his hand to smooth away a tear that's threatening to drip silver down her cheek. It radiates through him, the warm swell of joy to realise how much this woman means to him, that his feelings are returned, then the crushing devastation when reality creeps in and he remembers the events of the last twenty four hours.
Lisa leans into his touch and her eyes drift closed. She continues to speak, her voice low and torn. "I thought I was still dreaming when I woke up and realised it was you beside me. For a moment, I forgot. I forgot everything that happened and I-"
Her hand flies to her mouth, cutting off another sob as she blinks rapidly.
He's pained by her suffering but he understands the seesaw motion of her heart. His follows much the same path; from the highest high that Lisa belongs to him - to the fear and sadness that the world they knew would be forever irrevocably changed.
Rick doesn't like to consider himself a coward, but a tiny part of him wants to stay within this tiny sanctuary they've found, to seal themselves away and forget the rest of the universe exists.
And for a moment, he's bitter. Bitter at the way the chips have fallen, at the path of fate that had led them all to this destruction, angry that a moment that should be a shared joy is still laced with so much pain.
Even though he's long ago realised that being bitter achieves them nothing.
He finds that his eyes are the ones that prick painfully now, and Lisa's image starts to blur. He presses his forehead to hers, gripping her hand tightly in his. His breath shudders even as his heart threatens to crack inside his chest. For a split second in time, his brother Roy and Ben's faces flash behind his eyes, along with Claudia, the trio and Admiral Gloval and their loss washes over him anew on the tail end of the warmth that blooms within him for Lisa.
"Haven't we earned this, Lisa?" The words tremor out of him, plucked from the depths of the doubts that suddenly plague him as much as he vainly attempts to push them to the side. "I want to believe that… that they would want us to be happy-"
"But how could I forget, Rick? How? I opened my eyes and I saw you and all I wanted to do was pick up the phone to tell Claudia and-"
Lisa buries her face into her hands. It makes his heart ache for her; his beautiful, strong and courageous Lisa. He's not a stranger to her tears, there's strength in them he doesn't let himself shy away from but the losses they've all suffered are far beyond anything they could ever hope to recover from.
"Lisa, it's… it's a lot," he tells her miserably, knowing how inadequate his words are. He pulls her to him as a wave of sadness rushes over him as he thinks about the final impact of Khyron's battle fortress slamming into the dying shape of the SDF-1. So many lost, and although they were still pulling survivors out of the water, he holds very little hope that any of the bridge crew who didn't make it to an escape module could have survived.
The world was a scarier place without them, but he tries to comfort himself with the knowledge that at least Claudia was with Roy now. "All we can do is… is live. It's what they would have wanted, Lisa. It's what we fight for."
Lisa is quiet for a while. They're face to face on the bed now; he has one arm looped around her protectively and the other clasped in hers between their chests. Her grip is like a vice, but his is just as tight.
He holds his breath as she watches at him. There's something behind her eyes he can't quite read but that he thinks he may have seen once before. She licks her lips briefly before her gaze drops to his mouth and Rick finds his heartrate kicking up at her stare. "What is it?"
Lisa reaches out to trail a fingertip over his jaw, lingering against his lips. "Rick, I… I want to feel alive," she says softly. She takes as breath, as though gathering her courage. Her words are a breathless whisper. "Will you make me feel alive?"
He searches her gaze. Their love is new, but in some ways it's as timeless as the war. He doesn't have any difficulty in understanding what she's really asking of him. His heart climbs into his throat and his voice threatens to crack under her faltering gaze. "Is… is that really what you want?"
She bites her lip and red blooms against the pink. She nods, but she doesn't take her gaze away from his. There's a calmness that's formed there, an assurance that wasn't there a moment ago. Her voice becomes stronger with her conviction. "Please, Rick. I love you… I... I need you."
His heartrate, rapid just a moment ago, now soars into overdrive. He whispers her name and pulls her close, seeking out her mouth as he traces one hand along the side of her jaw to tenderly cup her face. Her lips are warm under his and her kiss tastes like the salt of her tears. Rick is suddenly seized by the sudden irrational fear that if he doesn't seize this moment, right now, then maybe they'll never have another chance.
And he can't deny that he needs this just as much as Lisa after waking with the scream of torn metal and the smell of smoke from his dreams. He needs the affirmation of her taste on his tongue, her heart, her love.
He needs her sweetness to drown out the bitter tang of sorrow.
She shifts on the bed, reaching up to loop her arms around his neck and thread her fingers through his hair and he takes the opportunity to roll her under him. He props himself up on his elbows. Lisa looks up at him with her hair spread across the pillow, her eyes bright but not with tears now. He pauses to admire her, to take in the shining softness in her gaze that makes his heart clench with gratitude and wonder.
"Beautiful," he murmurs, unbelievably pleased by the soft blush that spreads across her cheeks at his compliment. He doesn't know how she can be so demure in some ways, and so demanding in others but it's a riddle he's willing to take a lifetime to solve. "It's true, Lisa," he says quietly, leaning in to nuzzle the soft skin by her ear gently. He hears her breath hitch and her fingers tighten in his hair. "I love you so much."
"Rick," she gasps breathlessly. "I've dreamed for so long to hear you say that to me. Please don't ever stop saying it."
"I won't," he promises. No more shying away from his feelings, no more beating around the bush. He was in love with Lisa Hayes and he was determined to prove it to her every day. "I swear, Lisa. I'm going to make you happy."
"You already have," she whispers just before she pulls him down into a kiss. Not so long ago, they had shared their first real kiss finally understanding the true measure of his heart in the shadow of the SDF's battered frame and Rick hadn't been surprised to discover that kissing Lisa felt a lot like coming home. She was his sanctuary, his heart. She had long been the safe port in the storm even when he hadn't even known he was at sea.
He wants to be that for her now, he thinks to himself briefly under the press of her mouth against his. Rick wants to shelter her, cherish her, he wants to drive home the force of his love for her so she never has to doubt his feelings for her again.
He tries to draw back to tell her as much, but she melds herself to him hungrily. He's inwardly delighted to realise the same drive that propelled her through the ranks of the RDF holds true even when she's in his arms. Lisa is no passive wallflower. Instead, she meets his touch with sweeping strokes of her own and soon Rick is drunk on the taste of her. Her hands tug insistently at his clothes, reaching between them as they kiss and starting with his belt. It's a fumble that makes him groan and break their kiss when she finally frees him from the confines of his pants.
"Lisa," he mutters darkly, sliding a palm up her thigh and pushing up her skirt. He can't reach the buttons to pull it away and he's not entirely sure how he would manage it anyway. For all his mooning after Minmei, they'd never actually got as far as consummating their relationship. Rick wonders briefly if Lisa will find his skill lacking, and hopes somewhere inside him that his lack of experience won't tarnish her love for him.
Thankfully, Lisa takes pity on him although it takes him a heart stopping moment to realise the reason she has placed a solid palm against his chest and applied enough pressure to move him backwards was simply because she wanted him on his back.
He falls backwards with a grunt, his back flat against the sheets. He stares up at Lisa as she straddles his thighs. It's not an easy thing to do with her pencil skirt so she reaches down to unhook the button at her side and lower the zip until the skirt bunches at her hips.
"Damn these uniforms," she mutters but Rick can barely hear it, struggling as he is to keep his wits about himself as Lisa shifts on his lap. There's no way she can be oblivious to the effect she has on him, and he groans again as her weight brushes over him.
It's the best kind of torture.
"Lisa," he growls roughly as her confident hands finally tug on his jacket and his skivvy. He struggles up enough to let her yank it over his head then quickly returns the favour, divesting Lisa of the top half of her uniform. He's so mesmerized by the pretty pale blue lace that curves over her breasts that he almost doesn't notice she's shimmied her skirt away and she's now reaching behind her to presumably unclip her bra.
"Wait," he protests wildly. He wants to savour the view a moment and he takes a breath to still Lisa's hands. For a brief instant, she looks unsure and she glances down at herself self-consciously.
Rick rushes to reassure her.
"You're so lovely," he tells her, capturing her wrists to hold them in place. His body is screaming at him to throw away of the entirety of their clothes and sink into her, but his heart wants to pause and savour this moment. "Let me look at you."
Lisa's gaze drops and the now familiar pink stains her cheeks. He's part way pleased to see it, part way nervous that she might suddenly change her mind. He looks up at her from the bed, tracing his palms along the skin of her arms reverently. When he reaches her shoulders and travels down and he brushes them gently over the curve of her breasts. She stiffens slightly at his touch but her eyes raise and her gaze meets his.
He holds her look, letting his hands explore over her body where his eyes can't. "Lisa. My beautiful Lisa."
There's a heartbeat of hesitation then Lisa's palms come to rest against his bare chest. Before he realises it, her hands start their own exploration. Her touch is light, fluttering as his skin heats. They haven't broken eye contact and Rick's heart seems to thunder painfully inside his chest. He's never felt like this before. He didn't know it could be like this.
After a long moment, he pushes himself upright and Lisa curls her arms around his shoulders. He wonders briefly how he's going to get the rest of his pants off without having to let Lisa go but the thought is lost in the tangle of her hair and her mouth trailing kisses along the side of his jaw. He hums at the delicious touch of her lips then wraps one hand low around her hips.
From there, it's a simple matter to flip her so that she's trapped between him and the sheets.
She lands with a soft gasp and her eyes wide but Rick swoops in to claim her mouth again. She's loose limbed under him, her green eyes wide and full of something warm. He recognizes that look, he's seen it before – the vulnerability, the trust. The knowledge she's placing her fragile beating heart into his hand.
He leans down to kiss her lovingly before a less than delicate manoeuvre has him shucking the rest of his pants. It's not an easy task and he swears low under his breath when a foot gets caught in a pant leg and Lisa laughs quietly at his fumble. He should be embarrassed by the sound but instead he chuckles along and when he's finally naked, Lisa holds her arms out to him and he falls into her embrace.
"I need you, Rick," she sighs as he draws his mouth along the line of her collarbones. He takes great pleasure in pushing one bra strap off her shoulder, mouthing his way along the lace. He kisses her curves, makes the lace damp under his mouth as she digs her fingers into his hair and arches under him. His hands get busy too, delving low and subtle under the edge of the lace until he's peeling it away slowly from her body as he would unwrapping a precious gift.
"I need you too," he says and he means it. He settles between her thighs and her warmth welcomes him close and draws him in. For a long moment he holds himself impossibly still, sheathed in her heat as he stares down at her. Underneath him, her eyes glow with love and it's not until she whispers his name and encourages him to move that he can snap himself out of the wonder of the moment.
In the low light, her skin is pale like starlight and her hands curl around his shoulders. He leans down to kiss her, cradling her in his arms as he carries them both away on a rhythm that belongs only to them.
It's much later when he cradles her close, a sheet pulled up to cover their nakedness. Her head is tucked against his shoulder and he idly fiddles with a long silky curve of her hair. He's thinking about his fortunes, about his undeniable luck when it comes to all matters of his life. It's not the first time he's wondered if he might have a guardian angel at his shoulder but it's the first time he's felt truly thankful for all of his near misses.
He's drifting at the edge of sleep when the words slip out of his mouth. "I've wasted so much time, Lisa."
Lisa lifts her head and the movement startles him into alertness. She regards him calmly, but her fingers stretch to the back of his neck where they dance through his hair. She touches his hair a lot, he realises. He likes that.
"We have the rest of our lives," Lisa says softly, catching his gaze. Neither of them say out loud that they don't know just how long their lives might be. It could be all over tomorrow or they might outlive their grandchildren but it goes unspoken between them that whatever time they have left, they'll spend it together. "And there's a lot of work to do," Lisa continues. Then her brows shift into something stern even though her cheeks are still streaked from her earlier tears. "So no moping around, understood mister?"
He can't help the smile that tugs on his lips. Her firm tones always managed to get under his skin and affect him in ways he couldn't predict. He thinks back to their first meeting and wonders how could he have ever have thought of her as an old sourpuss. He was going to marry this woman one day.
The unexpected thought doesn't terrify him like it had thinking about Minmei. A future with Lisa looked like one of partnership and companionship, of security and affection no matter what outside forces tried to push at them. He looks at Lisa again, still stunned at the force of his feelings for her. It was as though her confession on his doorstep had been just the battering ram his heart needed to let it all escape, to let himself finally feel it. He couldn't let himself be toyed with again and had been easier to keep Lisa at arm's length, to chase after something unattainable in a backwards way of protecting his heart.
But now she was his and even with all they had lost, they had gained so much more.
He kisses her again, pouring in the things he still couldn't find the words to say into his kiss. She melts into him, holding him tightly, like a life raft in a turbulent sea. She is his calm and he hopes that this is what they will always be to each other. A beacon, a sanctuary when their battles on the outside become too much.
"We'll make them proud, Lisa," he murmurs in the dawn when sleep tugs at him. "We'll never forget them."
Lisa curls against him, all smooth skin and peace but the phone suddenly trills harshly into the silence.
They're both instantly on their feet but Rick reaches the phone first. He picks it up, his gut dreading what will be on the other end. It has to be a scramble at this hour, another attack, another battle-
"Captain Hunter here."
There's a muffled sound on the other end, some muddled exclamation he can't make out before a familiar voice comes over the line.
"Rick? Rick, it's Max. You're not going to believe this-"
"Max?" Rick says in confusion. "Believe what?" He catches Lisa's eye and she presses close to him with a sheet wrapped around her naked body so she can listen in on the call. Rick thinks Max is all but incoherent on the other end but it's actually Rick that can't make the words make sense in his mind.
Lisa steps back, her hand flying to her mouth. "Rick," she gasps, her eyes wide.
Then Max is yelling through the line. "Rick! Did you hear me? We found them! Claudia, Admiral Gloval - they're alive!"