Unlike what he'd thought originally, Kakashi didn't have to worry much about spilling apologies from his lips the first time he laid eyes on Minato-sensei. Nor did he have to concern himself with clutching onto the man like a forlorn child, clinging tight and never letting go. No, it seemed that instinct was ingrained too deeply into his bones for any of the melodramatic scenarios that he had daydreamed of, back when he still allowed his mind to wander to such useless endeavors (more for the sake of keeping him sane than anything else).

Kakashi instantly dropped to one knee, head bowed low. His lips began to form the words Hokage-sama, but they never got the chance. Dizziness rushed through him, and the irritating throbbing behind his left eye surged to life with a new anger, pounding at his skull. His left hand gripped the side of face that felt aflame, his body going rigid with tension, but he managed not to utter a sound at his discomfort.

Luckily - if Kakashi could count it as luck - the wave of pain smoothly covered his ANBU instincts. Unluckily, it also brought his very concerned, very alive sensei inches from his face. "Kakashi?" Minato questioned, hands hovering near Kakashi's shoulders, ready to steady him if needed while also giving the Chunin as much personal space as he could. "Kakashi, what's wrong?"

"My apologies, Sensei," Kakashi managed, slowly getting his bearings around him once more. He weakly tried to open his left eye, hesitantly pulling his hand an inch away, testing the pain level. Although it was still near unbearable, it was fading steadily. He set his hand on the ground and locked eyes with the to-be Yondaime Hokage. "I-"

Before he could get out another word, Minato was placing a hand on his forehead, checking for fever. "Are you sick?" The man questioned. Kakashi had nearly forgotten how much of a mother hen his sensei could be, when his precious people were in need. "Your chakra levels are low. Were you training by yourself again?"

Kakashi gently pushed Minato's hand away, and the Namikaze allowed it. He didn't think his mental state could handle everything that had happened within the past twenty-four hours, and his sensei's concerned touch was pushing the line too far. "You could say that," he replied, slowly easing himself back up to his feet. Minato mimicked his movements, although he didn't quite give Kakashi the personal space that he would have liked. "I've been… feeling ill today," he continued, staring off somewhere to the side. Instinct mingled with leftover pain kept his left eye closed. "I would have told you that I didn't think I could have made it to training today, but I only woke up a few minutes ago." It wasn't technically a lie. If anything, Kakashi thought he was being quite honest.

One look at his sensei's face had him wondering if honesty was the best way to go about it. Minato stared at him with thinly disguised worry, and his sensei glanced at his closed left eye more than once, but considering Kakashi felt as if he was looking at and speaking to a ghost, he figured he must not look too well off either. For the umpteenth time, he was thankful for his mask to hide whatever expression might have slipped. His chakra was also carefully monitored, as to not give away his distress that he was trying, with great difficulty, to keep a lid on.

The Namikaze seemed to be searching for the right words to say. Kakashi's stomach twisted itself in knots as the silence dragged on, but he did not break Minato's stare. He had always been a stubborn brat and had to at least try to keep himself acting somewhat normal. Finally, his sensei broke the silence. "You'll go to the hospital if you don't get better soon?" Minato asked, although Kakashi knew it to be an order. He nodded, even though his sensei knew as well as anybody that Kakashi had a particular loathing for the hospital. "You can be dismissed from training for today, then. Let me know if you're not feeling like yourself by tomorrow."

"Yes, Sensei. Is that all?"

Minato frowned but did not question his impatience. "Yes. Get some rest... That's an order, Kakashi," he added as an afterthought. With how lousy he was feeling, Kakashi knew the order was unnecessary. Minato, however, did not. It just went to show how much his teacher cared for his well being.

"Yes, Sensei."

His sensei nodded, temporarily satisfied, and shunshined from the room. As soon as he was gone, Kakashi let out a tremendous, trembling sigh and collapsed on his bed. His reeling mind didn't have the chance to keep him awake and worrying before he was soundly asleep.

_へのへのもへじ_

"Kakashi!" Came a familiar cry. The cave was collapsing around them, and he knew that Iwa-nin were lurking nearby, ready to end their lives. Kakashi watched, in horrifying slow motion, as Obito whirled around, intent to throw him from the path of the inevitable boulder barreling towards him. He couldn't let that happen, not again. Finding strength he didn't know he had, Kakashi released a blast of pure chakra, lighting flickering dangerously from his palm, forcing Obito to stay back. His teammate watched in horror as the boulder impacted, crushing Kakashi almost wholly. Blearily, as pain and chakra exhaustion consumed him, he could only smile, relieved that his teammate was safe.

He opened his eyes again, and still, he couldn't move. Chakra exhaustion burned through his nervous system, tempting him to slip back into unconsciousness, but adrenaline and fear kept him awake. Pein fired his missile, on a collision course with Choji Akimichi, one of the Rookie Nine and carrying S-rank level intelligence for Tsunade. Kakashi's life, in comparison, was meaningless. He was a tool for the Village, and an old shinobi at that. It had been a miracle - or a curse - that he hadn't died yet. Silently, the Hatake asked Naruto for forgiveness, and activated his Kamui. The missile disappeared, and it took with it the last of his energy. Knowing he was facing death, however, did not bother Kakashi as much as it probably should have. Staring at the blue, peaceful sky, he thought of Rin and closed his eyes once more.

"Ka...ka...shi…"

He didn't want to look at her, but this time, his eyes would not close. They were frozen wide in terror and disbelief, watching blood slip from Rin's mouth.

"Kaka...shi…"

The Chidori chirped deafeningly, and yet, nothing was louder than Rin's dying whisper. The hole in her chest gushed blood, coating his hand, his arm, his torso. No, no, he moaned, pain erupting through every nerve, tears streaming from his eyes. I'm sorry, Rin, Obito, forgive me.

"Kakashi…"

He tried to pull his arm free, but it was lodged firmly through Rin's heart. Her face contorted into rage, and her soft whisper grew to a scream.

"Kakashi! Kakashi! Kakashi!"

Kakashi shot awake in a panic, gasping for breath and covered in a cold sweat. His hands were trembling, and, for a long moment, he was disoriented. This wasn't his room, or his apartment. Where were his pictures of his team? Or Mr. Ukki? Even his body felt wrong. But then, suddenly, Kakashi remembered where he was. When he was.

"Kakashi!"

His eyes widened at the sound of the sweet, sing-song way his name was called. No… It couldn't be. Throwing himself from the bed, he rushed to the front door, ignoring the way his skull flared painfully and how he stumbled. Panting, he slowed as the front door came into sight.

"Kakashi, I know you're in there. You didn't show up for training today. Minato-sensei said you weren't feeling well, so I thought I should bring over something for you to eat…"

"Why do you even bother?" Came a loud, familiarly obnoxious voice. Dread rose in Kakashi's chest, threatening to consume him. "You know he's not even going to answer the door."

Unbeknownst to his teammates, the Hatake was only a few feet from the door. He could sense their chakra, weaker than he last remembered it, but still there, strong and steady. The wound in his heart begged him to open the door, to wrap them both in his too-small arms and beg for their forgiveness. Yet, he couldn't find the strength in him to move, paralyzed by fear. The darkness within him too easily reminded him that he was the reason for both of their deaths. If anything, he should push them away. He should push them far, far away, and then maybe then they would be safe from the destruction that he caused everywhere he went.

Obito and Rin were freshly fallen snow, and Kakashi was soaked in their blood, trying to keep it from dripping from his fingers with every breath.

"See?" Obito broke through his thoughts. "I told you he wasn't going to answer."

"Hush!" Rin scolded. Kakashi silently approached the door, using every ounce of restraint that he had finely honed during his decades as a shinobi. "Kakashi, please, talk to us."

His voice came through low and hoarse, like a hiss. "Go away."

Unfortunately, his acknowledgement of their presence only encouraged Rin. "Kakashi!" She exclaimed. The happiness in her voice tore at his soul like savage claws, and everytime she said his name his resolve crumbled a little more. "I brought some miso soup, since I know it's your favorite… It has eggplant, too! I-"

"Go away. I don't want to see you."

"Oh. Alright…" Rin trailed off, and Kakashi could hear the dejection in her voice. Of course, if Rin was upset, Obito felt the need to jump to her defense.

"Why do you have to say that, Bakakashi?" Obito shouted. "You're always so mean, and Rin was just trying to do something nice for you-!"

The voices hushed momentarily. Kakashi swallowed, his mouth dry and a lump in his throat. The silence seemed to drag on forever, but it was only a few seconds later that Rin spoke up once more, quiet and yet still so kind. "I'll leave the miso soup here, then. I hope you feel better soon, Kakashi. I really do."

Kakashi could hear Obito's huff and could easily envision the scowl that adorned the Uchiha's face. However, he made no move to open the door or even attempt to appease them, as much as he wanted to apologize for his behavior. They should hate him. They should run as far from him as they could, because he was poison. He didn't deserve their kindness. He deserved exactly what he suffered through every day with the memory of their deaths and the guilt weighing on his shoulders.

The Hatake waited until he could no longer hear their footfalls or sense their chakra before he opened the front door. As Rin had said, miso soup was sitting at his feet, covered neatly in plastic wrap to keep it warm and from spilling. Carefully, as if touching it might cause reality around him to shatter, Kakashi picked up the bowl. Warmth seeped into his hands. For a moment, he merely stood in his doorway, holding a bowl of miso soup with eggplant. Then something clicked, and within seconds, the front door was slammed shut, the miso soup was tucked away in his refrigerator, and Kakashi was escaping out his bedroom window.

His feet carried him far from his little apartment. It was the first time he had left his home since he had woken up in his teenage body, and seeing the Village as it used to be, before the Kyuubi attack, was like another suckerpunch to the gut. He had forgotten how different everything was, how much it all had changed. Running across the rooftops, keeping his chakra tucked close, he wondered what the Village would look like after Pein's attack. It pained him to know he wasn't there to see it, or to help rebuild.

Even the Memorial Stone was not the same. Kakashi didn't have to read any of the names to know that simple fact, even as he stood in front of it and his eyes scanned the names. He had memorized them all long ago and sometimes pondered their stories. Did they die like Obito did, saving a teammate who was worse than trash? Or did they die like Rin did? Or Minato? He had never learned their stories, but he hoped that Obito gave them good company, at least. But, now, all those people were still alive. They could still be saved.

Kakashi took a step forward, fingers tentatively reaching out to brush the stone. It greedily sucked the warmth from his fingers, but he didn't mind. He traced the empty spot where Uchiha Obito used to be written, and his resolve hardened. Not again, he thought. Never again. No matter what it takes.

He stood until the sun sank and rose again, the coming dawn breaking over the horizon a cue that he should get going now. His joints were stiff and achy, painful from having stood so still for so long. He hadn't moved much at all, if only to look elsewhere when the guilt grew too much or he needed to shift his weight from one foot to the other. With a sigh, Kakashi stepped back from the Memorial Stone and stretched, hearing the satisfying sound of his popping bones. Soon he would need to head to the training grounds. His chakra was still too low for his liking, steadily replenishing but taking its sweet time, and his left eye was still closed and occasionally pulsed with pain, but he couldn't hide from his team forever. And he didn't even have his beloved Icha Icha to hide behind, since Jiraiya wouldn't be publishing it for a few years now.

Sighing, Kakashi gave one last glance at the Memorial Stone. Then, he shunshined back to his apartment to get ready. Five minutes later, he was sitting on a tree branch overlooking their designated training area and waiting to relive his nightmares.

Never again. No matter what it takes.