Disclaimer: Don't own AHS

A/N: Thanks for all the positive feedback, everyone! Also, I'm glad you guys approved of Lana being somewhat affectionate with her son. I wanted to do this a bit differently than on the show and in Dear Johnny/Dear Father so there might be a few differences but for the most part; it'll still be a struggle on Lana's side for obvious reasons.

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FIVE

Johnny B.

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Lana stayed up that entire night contemplating what Wendy had said to her earlier that day. She hadn't responded to her, in fact, she just couldn't. The baby boy had slept in a tiny little wheeled crib in the room with them. Wendy hadn't wanted to let him go and Lana didn't fight her on it. Wendy was so attentive to him and Lana was ready to leave the hospital. A woman from social services would come in the morning for the boy and that would be that.

Lana's thoughts were interrupted when the boy began to stir. He hadn't slept very well and he was awfully finicky. Wendy had gotten up with him the past few times since around nine o'clock but now she lay exhausted on the tiny sofa across the room.

So with all the strength Lana could muster, she stood off the bed and went to the tiny crib, pulling it closer to her so she wouldn't have to venture too far. Giving birth had tired her body and her legs were sore beyond belief. It was an uncomfortable pain she wasn't used to.

The newborn was squirming about, not wanting to fully wake up. Lana stuck her hand in the crib and softly brushed him with her hand. "Shh, you'll wake her." She whispered to him.

The baby opened his eyes, scanning Lana's face with his blurry newborn vision. The window was open, letting in the moon's soft glow. He squealed louder on the verge of tears. Against all the anger and fear raging inside of her, Lana picked him up and awkwardly cradled him. She had never really been around babies and holding her own was no exception.

He was wobbly get stiff at the same time and strangely strong. His squirming was unbelievable and Lana feared she'd drop him so she sat back down on the bed. She looked down at the boy that was fussing to nurse again. It was unbelievable to her that she had brought something to life. It was such a strange feeling that she just couldn't shake but unlike all the other mothers who cried with pure joy from seeing their newborn children, Lana cried out of pain and humiliation.

Keeping the boy meant everything would change. It meant that Lana would have to live with Oliver's memory for the rest of her life. That baby would grow into a boy and that boy, into a man. That man could be the spitting image of his father. However, looking like Oliver was nothing compared to acting like him. If Lana didn't have a say in his genetics, well, she had a say in his behavior.

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Wendy was awfully quiet in the morning. She didn't speak a word as she packed the last bit of Lana's belongings in the little suitcase she had brought to the hospital. She knew she would have to say goodbye to the little boy any minute now and the thought pained her till no end but she didn't want to bring it up anymore to Lana. It seemed as if Lana had made up her mind on the matter and would not budge.

Lana was out of the hospital gown and back into her own clothing and she couldn't be more relieved. She still felt rather sore but much better after having a shower and getting dressed into something more familiar. The baby boy had been formula fed and changed and now lay upon the bed ready for Social Services to take him. He had taken his formula feeding a bit better than the first time but was sure to become fussy if it didn't sit well.

Lana could see Wendy brooding in silence. She didn't accept Lana's decision to give the boy up but her guilt let Lana do whatever she pleased. After all, he was Lana's son, not hers and according to law, Wendy had no power over the boy. Only Lana. Even if they did keep him, the boy would under her custody and have her last name. Wendy wouldn't even be a parent in the eyes of the public. Maybe an aunt if she was lucky but she didn't care about that. She wanted the feeling of motherhood, not that title that came with it.

Nevertheless, Wendy had no reason to be upset. Lana was the one who had suffered at Briarcliff and at the hands of Bloody Face. She didn't deserve to live the rest of her life with that reminder.

The baby cooed, catching Lana's attention and she slowly began to realize something.

Baby or not, the memory was forever engraved in her mind. Ridding herself of the boy wasn't going to make it go away. It would make it easier but it wouldn't erase the past.

Lana took a hold of his little hand, studying his little fingers and became amazed at how tiny his fingernails were. He looked like a little toy doll and it was hard to comprehend that he was real. Slowly, his little hand closed around her index finger with a tiny grasp that was so strong it was unarming. The tiny action moved Lana in a way she didn't understand but in that moment she knew what was right.

"So…" She spoke loud enough to catch Wendy's attention, "What should we name him?"

Wendy stopped and slowly glanced up at Lana. "Are—are you? Do—do you mean it, Lana?"

Lana glanced down at the baby boy. Just the sight of him filled her with fear and disgust at the thought of his father and how he had been conceived but at the same time there was a feeling of pity and tenderness towards him. He had no faults and was not to blame. "I don't want him to grow to be the man Thredson was…I want to give him a chance at life."

The next thing she knew, Wendy's arms were around her in a tight hug. "You won't regret this, Love. I know you won't." She kissed Lana's face over and over.

Lana slowly hugged her back. "Let's hope not…"

There was a knock on the door and Wendy quickly stepped away from Lana. One of the young nurses that had been helping Lana poked her head in, "So is he ready?" She stepped fully in.

Wendy looked to Lana and smiled.

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"Johnny Winters."

It had taken Lana a moment to fully take in and comprehend the name that had just been repeated back to her. She sat in a wheelchair with the infant in her arms, still too weak to fully walk on her own. Social Services had arrived and Lana had let them know that she had chosen to keep her child after all. The woman was a bit hesitant, Lana being a single mother and all, but pleased no less that St. Jude's home for boys would have one less occupant.

Lana signed all the papers she needed to, including his birth certificate. She had let Wendy choose the boy's name for she didn't care.

"Lana, he's not a puppy. He's your son."

"Well, he's your son now too, isn't he?" She asked with a bit of coldness in her tone. She was exhausted and wanted nothing more than to go home. Of course they couldn't leave without all the proper paper work and the child needed a name.

Wendy bit back a little smile at the thought that Lana wanted to share mother ship with her but choosing a name for the boy had too much responsibility.

"I don't care what his name is. Just give him one." She was growing impatient and the boy was fussing in her arms.

"So you wouldn't care if I named him Christian then?"

"No." Lana said firmly.

"What about Matthew?"

"That's fine."

"Henry?"

"Wonderful…"

"And Oliver?"

Lana's eyes shot straight up at Wendy and if looks could kill then Lana would be raising that boy on her own. Wendy hadn't wanted to go there but Lana's sarcastic and monotone voice on the matter was infuriating. She swore like they were naming their pet cat.

"That's not funny." Lana said curtly.

"I'm sorry." Wendy sighed and knelt down in front of her, "But look at him, Lana. He's going to carry this name for the rest of his life. He needs a good one, don't you think?"

Lana glanced down at the boy who had his tiny little fist resting on his chubby cheek. She nodded.

"So?"

Lana felt that same bitterness begin to eat away at her but the boy's tenderness melted her heart. "Johnny." She muttered the name.

"Johnny?" Wendy asked a bit confused but then slowly remembered that she had once mentioned to Lana that Johnny was her grandfather's name. Wendy adored her grandfather growing up. The two had a very lovely bond.

So Wendy smiled and caressed the boy's head, "Johnny Winters." The name along with her surname sounds so foreign to Lana and so deafening that she needed a moment to come to.

But alas, there it was. Johnny Winters. The child had a name and a family. More than Lana thought he would that day.

When the nurse came in to sign the family papers she asked if he were to have a middle name as well. Lana didn't even have time to react before Wendy said the name, "Benjamin."

Lana's head whipped up so fast she thought it would snap. "We're doing grandfathers, aren't we?"

Benjamin had been the name of Lana's paternal grandfather. And he was the only one who would have stood by her side if he hadn't passed away before Lana left home after coming out to her parents. Or course Benjamin was also the name of her father who had ostracized her.

But Lana didn't feel like arguing and only nodded in agreement.

"Johnny Benjamin Winters. It suits him well." The nurse smiled and wrote it down.

Lana was the only legal guardian on his birth certificate and his father was not named on Lana's orders. A nurse helped push Lana out of the hospital while Wendy pulled the car around and helped her in the car with the boy still in arms.

Lana held the infant in her arms for the entire ride. They hadn't planned on taking him home so they weren't prepared in any way. Wendy talked about going to the store to buy diapers and anything else he would need in short notice but to Lana it all sounded like static noise and all she could do was stare out the window, watching the neighborhoods as they cruised by.

"We'll need diapers and blankets and pacifiers and little clothes. A lot of clothes." Wendy said, "Infants grow out of things so fast. But we'll also need a crib and a high chair and a car seat. Mrs. Evans purchased her son Donny a car seat, she said they're becoming very popular but Edna from down the street says they're unnecessary." She went on and on but Lana could care less about all of that.

When Wendy parked the car on the driveway, it was just past four o'clock and the autumn sky had taken over with a grayish light. The sun was hidden beneath the clouds and night was soon to take over. The house was decorated with carved pumpkins and paper ghosts. Wendy had said the day before Johnny was born that she wasn't quite done decorating for the children.

Her students loved to drop by and she liked to have the house spooky for them. However, now with the baby, she probably wouldn't have much time to do so.

"Let me help you." Wendy took Lana's arm and carefully guided her out of the car. She helped her slowly make their way to the front of the house but Lana stopped, looking up at her home. The lights inside were on and so were some of the Jack o' lanterns on the porch. The lawn was covered with dying leaves in brilliant colors of orange and yellow. There was a fresh breeze in the air that made her skin crawl.

Once she stepped over that threshold, there would be no going back. So Lana took that first step up the porch and carried her son through the door.