Don't own AHS.

A/N: Thanks for the love, guys! Really having fun with this one. Like I said, there's going to be a few changes from Dear Johnny but there's also going to be some minor ones that are going to be similar to the show. Johnny's eye color for example. In DJ I made his eyes brown to resemble Lana's but here they're gonna be blue like in the show. Just a heads up! Enjoy the chapter!

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SIX

A Different World

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He had not stopped crying for Lana didn't know how long. Yet, she had done nothing to ease her infant son's cries and remained in bed to herself with a lit cigarette hanging from between her two fingers. The smoke twirled from the tip and disintegrated into nothing. So far, motherhood had been heavy on the post-partum depression and Lana wasn't coping to well.

She lay in bed in an oversized button up polo that she had been wearing for three days straight. She was without make up and she hadn't even bothered to brush her hair. Maternity leave was a horrid drag but Lana didn't even feel the need or the want to return to work. She didn't want to do anything but lay in bed and smoke all day.

Baby Johnny lay in a portable bassinet on the bed next to her, crying his tiny lungs out.

The door opened and Wendy hurried inside. As soon as she saw Lana lying there useless as can be, she sighed heavily, "Shit, Lana." And went to aid the crying boy. "Hey there, Johnny. Shh, shh, you're all right." She soothed him with a motherly instinct that had been lost upon Lana.

She cradled the crying boy to her, "What's the matter, hmm? Is Mama being mean again?"

Lana didn't even bother to snort at Wendy's comment or disagree with the fact that she had been rather neglectful of the child but post-partum depression was so heavy, she didn't even bother with herself. Wendy tried to understand Lana's state of mind but it had been three weeks since the boy was born and Lana was showing no initiative at all. Life had to keep moving forward, it was what Wendy believed.

"Lana, Johnny's upset." Wendy pointed out the obvious.

"Why? Did he take a look at our declining economy?" Her voice was monotone.

Wendy sighed again, "Ha-ha. It's nice to see that you still have your sense of humor." When Lana didn't respond, Wendy rolled her eyes and went to the side of the bed Lana was facing, "No. He wants you to hold him. And what did I tell you about these?" Wendy plucked the half burned cigarette from Lana's hand and smashed it in the ashtray on the nightstand, "At least don't do it around him."

Lana rolled around, "Not right now…"

Johnny continued to cry. Neither women knew a baby that small could cry so much for so long.

"Lana, I think he needs a feeing." She turned Lana around and settled Johnny into her arms. "Come on."

Lana sat up and leaned against the headboard of the bed. She cradled the boy in her arms and studied his face. In his first three weeks of life he had changed much. His skin was a soft fare color and his hair was chocolate brown like hers. His eyes had lightened into a cobalt color. Lana didn't understand how he had gotten such blue eyes. He surely hadn't gotten them from her and definitely not from Oliver. Her mother's eyes had been green and her father's had been brown. Perhaps Oliver's mother had given the boy those piercing eyes. What Lana did notice was the birthmark on his little arm. It was very much like the one on her own arm.

The baby boy squirmed and kicked about, still unhappy about his situation. He was awfully cranky and demanded attention. All he wanted was his mother's warmth but Lana's coldness and reluctance to hold him was heart breaking; especially for Wendy. She couldn't stand to see Lana so beaten. She hadn't even been so after arriving from Briarcliff.

"Do you mind?" Lana asked, her eyes meeting Wendy's. She didn't like anyone to watch her breast feed the child. She would often lock herself in the room with the boy, angry and hurt. Lana knew Wendy didn't understand her feelings towards the boy or her new role as a mother since she herself wasn't in her position. Lana hadn't wanted any of it but she knew it was her fate and fate was so cruel.

"Lana—"

"Wendy, please." Lana was firm.

Wendy saddened but gave Lana a nod and leaned in to kiss her cheek. "I'll be home at two." She caressed Johnny's cheek, "Please be good to him…" She said before she left, closing the door behind her.

And so Lana was left alone with the boy. She had been breastfeeding him for the past three weeks and after some time; she had become numb to it. The task had become less painful and more tedious than anything. She didn't cry anymore unlike she first had upon coming home. She often thought about Oliver and the way he had molested her in his basement. All those memories came rushing like water bursting through a dam, drowning her lungs no matter how hard she tried to keep her head above water.

Johnny took his time to feed with eyes closed and hand nestled upon her chest. Lana often watched him when she felt strong enough. She couldn't help to notice that his nose was the cutest and his lashes went out for miles. Wendy always bragged about how handsome he was becoming but to Lana he looked an awful lot like all the other babies.

She sighed heavily and brushed his cheek with her thumb, "It's just you and I again, kid."

Johnny made an angry sound as if annoyed that Lana was speaking to him while he ate. He was becoming so mouthy.

Lana sighed, "Yeah, yeah. Whatever you say…" She leaned her head back on the headboard and closed her eyes.

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Wendy stood outside her classroom watching her students play out in the playground for recess. They were all dressed up in their sweaters and coats to keep warm in the Massachusetts' fall weather. It would be winter before they knew it and snow would be coming down upon them.

Wendy was awfully serious. Her mind had been on Lana and Johnny all day since she left home. Wendy was always nervous to leave him as if she would come back to find that Lana had rid of him. Lana's attitude towards the baby really worried her. She had heard of instances where post-partum caused mothers to harm their children. Those stories were the ones that she feared the most. But how Wendy had come to love the child as if he were her own. He was such a little miracle in her eyes and she was determined to raise him with much love and happiness. How could she not be happy when she was raising a child with the woman she loved? It was a dream come true.

Still, reality always came down upon her like a bucket of cold water in the middle of winter. Johnny had been conceived when Lana was raped by a serial killer with mental problems. She had kept the child in hopes of saving other women that could be victims to the boy in a future in where he'd find himself walking in his father's footsteps. Wendy knew that Lana didn't love the boy. So many things prohibited her from loving him but Wendy knew it was only a matter of time before she stepped out of her own nightmares and saw the boy for what he truly was: her redemption.

If Lana was getting another chance at life, it was that boy.

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Lana left the boy in his bassinet on top of the sofa cushion next to her. She turned the television on and sat down with a cigarette. She slightly tilted her head to the side as she took in a long drag and exhaled it back out into the air. Johnny was in his bassinet moving about and making soft noises.

Lana let her mind wander off into a world far away from the child and from her reality. She felt her body become numb with the weight of depression. It was a dark void she continued to walk through and she wasn't sure when she would see the light. She wasn't brought back into reality until the doorbell began to ring multiple times. Lana sat up and slowly killed the cigarette in the ashtray upon the coffee table. It had burned close to the butt where it came close to burning Lana's fingers if the doorbell hadn't rung. With all the time in the world, Lana calmly lit herself another cigarette before she answered the door.

She opened the door without bothering to ask who was at the other end first like Wendy asked her to do multiple times. When she did, she immediately regretted it for she saw two young women dressed in plain brown dresses and brown penny loafers to match. They had their hair done neat and tidy and in their hands they held thick black leather bibles.

The girls looked nervously at one another when Lana didn't greet them and instead watched them with brooding eyes.

"Hello, ma'am. How are you today?" One asked.

Lana only lifted the cigarette to her mouth and stuck the butt of the cigarette between her lips and inhaled. The two young women watched as she blew the smoke back out and answered in the most sarcastic tone, "Just peachy."

The second young woman cleared her throat, "We're here today to share with you the word of the Lord."

"Are you familiar with our Lord Jesus Christ, ma'am?" The first young woman asked. She flashed Lana a bright smile and Lana felt a shutter go down her spine as she remembered the electro shock therapy Sister Jude made her under go. Bible thumpers would forever send chills down her spine.

"No," Lana said and blew out another puff of smoke in their direction, "but I'm very familiar with his demons." The two women exchanged glances of nervousness and fear. "Have a nice day." Lana says without emotion and closed the door behind her, leaving the women standing there confused and rather afraid.

Lana sat back down on the sofa and continued to smoke her cigarette. Johnny was awfully quiet so she peered into his bassinet and found him in deep slumber. He felt so distant from her and Lana just couldn't find the means to bridge the gap and she wondered if she would ever feel a connection to the boy.

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When Wendy came home, she found the two on the sofa watching TV. Lana looked a little livelier than she did when Wendy left in the morning but she noted that Lana's eyes were red and she had been crying. However, the boy was alive and well and Wendy was grateful for that.

She kissed Lana on the cheek, "I missed you."

Lana didn't respond and Wendy noted the yellow nicotine stains on Lana's fingers. All she had been doing all day was smoking and wallowing about. Just the sight of her fingers made Wendy angry.

"You should shower, you smell like smoke." She commented as she picked up a wiggly Johnny from the bassinet, "And you didn't change his diaper, did you?"

Lana continued to stare at the television. She could care less what Wendy had to say about her.

"Lana." Wendy snapped her fingers in front of Lana's face.

Lana's attention snapped right at her and she glared at Wendy, "What?"

Wendy saddened, "Lana, I don't like seeing you like this. Why don't you go take a shower, change clothes and I'll have something done in the kitchen by then."

"I'm not in the mood to play family." Lana muttered and turned away.

Her words struck Wendy like a dagger and she grew annoyed, "You can't feeling sorry for yourself. You have to toughen up and take care of your son."

Lana snorted. "You're the one who wanted to keep him."

"You did too." Wendy retorted.

Lana stood from the sofa and walked away, "Yeah, well I'm regretting it now."

"What?" Wendy demanded and followed after her with Johnny in arms, "What did you say?" She reached over to grab her arm but Lana pulled away.

Lana turned to look at the boy in Wendy's arms and felt a feeling of regret for what she had said. The little boy was awake with his eyes half open, gazing from one direction to the other the way newborns did when they tried to become familiar with things. Her heart ached for the boy in a strange way but the rest of her body, including her mind, denied him. She was stuck between wanting to mother him and wanting nothing to do with him at all.

It was then she thought of Oliver's mother and how she had abandoned her son. Lana didn't want to be like her. She didn't want to bring a monster into the world. So she felt the tears prickling her eyes and turned to enter the bedroom without another word to Wendy.

Lana striped naked and stood in the shower as hot water came crashing down upon her body. She stood there letting the clean water wash away all the feelings of hate and remorse. She couldn't help but to think of her sweet helpless boy and before she knew it, she was sitting on the shower floor crying.

Lana didn't know why she cried. The hormones were raging inside of her, battling with the post-partum depression and the memories of her wounded past. Her situation with Wendy and the fight they had just moments ago. They all came bearing down upon Lana without any mercy and she gasped for breath while the water and the tears made their way down her face.

Life had been so different in the past three weeks and she wasn't coping well but she knew she was strong. If she could endure Briarcliff and Bloody Face, then she could endure motherhood and everything that came with it.