Chapter Twenty-One: Growing Pains
Lily and Marlene watched James come into the classroom alone. He looked lost. Alice was chatting animatedly beside them. She stopped talking when she saw who they were looking at.
"Sirius is still in the hospital wing and Remus isn't back from visiting his mother yet." Alice murmured softly. Arithmancy was one of the classes that Peter was not taking.
James normally sat with Sirius and Remus normally sat beside one of the girls, usually Lily. James looked over at the three girls and then to his usual spot. Lily's stuff sat on the seat next to her, knowing that Remus wouldn't be in class today.
Marlene couldn't miss the look of hopelessness. Something was wrong. She grabbed Lily's things and dumped them on the floor. Lily didn't even object. "James! Come sit with us!"
The boy looked at them glumly before sinking down into his seat. He placed folded arms in front of him on the desk and his chin on top of them. What might have been the first time in Marauder history, James sat alone in a class and focused on the lesson.
Madam Pomfrey allowed Sirius out of the hospital wing at dinner. He took one look at the curtained bed at the end of the wing before being ushered out by Madam Pomfrey. He desperately wished he could go back in time and stop himself from doing what he did.
Snape was coming out of the door to the dungeons as Sirius came down the stairs to the Great Hall. A look of absolute hatred plastered to his face. Sirius followed him through the great doors, making sure to give hime enough space. Each boy went in opposite directions to their respective tables. James and Peter were sitting near the end of the table talking quietly. Peter saw Sirius first.
"Padfoot!" Peter waved and smiled. James looked up and frowned. Sirius sat down beside Peter and looked across the table at James.
"James, I —" Sirius started to try to apologize as James stood up. "Wait, don't go."
"I'm not that hungry anymore." James didn't look back.
Marlene watched the trio. It didn't take a genius to figure out that something had happened. A big something. Lily felt a pit forming in her stomach. Normally the day after the full moon the boys were falling asleep over their meals but in good spirits. She hadn't seen them this way ever.
"What do you think they fought about?" Marlene asked as she turned her attention back to Lily. Alice was eating with Frank and some of the seventh-years down the table. Lily was still a sore spot with the other seventh-years though Frank and Alice did a good job of remaining neutral in the spat.
Lily looked at Sirius. She could see the guilt oozing from him. "Sirius did something and James isn't happy about it."
"What makes you say that?" Marlene knew that the boys fought but she had never known them to hold grudges afterwards.
"James Potter left a plate full of food on the table when Sirius sat down. Have you ever known either of those boys not to lick their plates clean? Sirius isn't even eating."
Remus entered the dormitory late in the evening two days after the full moon. He looked between Sirius and James. Devastation written across his face. "Professor McGonagall told me what happened. Thank you, James."
Despite feeling exhausted and looking worse, Remus grabbed his school bag and left. Sirius watched him go. Trying to find the words to make him stay. James hung his head and struck his fist on the bedpost. He thought about going after him for a moment but decided against it. Remus needed space and nothing James said now was going to make a difference.
The Common Room had been mostly cleared out save the fifth-years up, all of whom were studying like mad men with final exams quickly approaching. Lily sat at a table she had snagged early in the afternoon. She had chosen not to go down for dinner. For one she didn't have much of an appetite. She also couldn't bear the sight of the Marauders not talking to each other. Even though they had driven her made for what felt like an eternity, it was just wrong to see them not together.
Remus appeared in the middle of the room looking for a place to sit. Most surfaces had been spoken for at this point. He and Lily looked up at the same time. Lily kicked out the chair on the other side of the table and gave him a warm smile. He hesitated for a moment before walking over to her.
"Is it okay if I sit with you, Lily?" He asked tiredly.
"Of course, Remus. Are you sure you want to study right now though? Maybe you should get some rest?" Lily offered him a piece of chocolate from the bar she had open next to her. She had decided that she was allowed to have a piece every time she got to the end of a page. It was a motivation system that was working rather well.
The sandy-haired boy scowled slightly before sitting down. "I'm just a little tired is all. I'll be fine. I can't afford to fall behind."
"Speaking of, here." Lily pulled a bundle of parchment out and handed it to Remus. He looked at her questioningly. "Notes from the past three days. I can't help you with History of Magic but I figured this might help."
Remus sat there speechless. He was always in awe of the person that Lily Evans was. "Thank you, Lily." He bit back a heavy breath and tried to maintain composure.
Lily watched him for a moment. "Remus, I don't know what is going on with the boys but if you ever need someone, I'm here for you." She gave him a reassuring look. "No matter what."
A debate raged in her head whether or not she should tell him that she knew. Little did she know that Remus was having the same argument with himself. Both decided against it. Eventually, Remus let the tension go. Lily was being Lily, a kind person who could see he was hurting and wanted to help.
The next week was filled with discomfort in Gryffindor Tower. The whole school knew that Sirius Black had been removed from the Quidditch team and was in detention every night. James and Sirius weren't talking to each other, Sirius and Remus weren't talking to each, James and Remus were lukewarm with one another, and Peter ran back and forth between the boys as messenger. Saying meals were uncomfortable was an understatement. Remus had chosen to not sit with the other boys. He now sat with Lily, Marlene, and occasionally Alice and Frank if they weren't off snogging somewhere.
Lily and Remus left their friends after dinner Friday night for Prefect duties. Marlene quickly turned to Frank and Alice and told them the she was kidnapping Alice for a girls night and Frank could bugger off. Frank raised his hands in defeat as he got up from the table. He gave Alice a quick peck on the cheek before telling them he'd be in the library studying.
The sixth-year Gryffindor prefects wandered along the Charms hallway. Remus stopped halfway down the hall. He took a deep breath and exhaled. Lily stopped and looked at him.
"Lily, I need to tell you something. I should have told you before now and I'll understand if you don't want to be my friend after this." Remus tried to form the words but they wouldn't come out.
"Remus, I already know." Lily smiled up at him. "They call you Moony for Merlin's sake."
The girl raised her eyebrow and told him that they could talk while they walked. Remus trotted to catch up. "How long have you known?"
"Mmm, sometime in third year? I had my suspicions for a while and then Sirius started calling you Moony and making comments about your furry little problem." Lily ignored the look on his face when she mentioned Sirius's name. This time she stopped and looked at him. She tried hard not to laugh. "Did you think I would think you're a monster? You're wearing a sweater with elbow patches and you walk around handing chocolate out to crying first-years."
Remus chuckled a little. "And I know three boys who think the same thing. What happened? Why are you fighting?"
"We're not fighting." Remus muttered petulantly. "We're not talking to each and you know there's a difference. Don't tell me you forgot the time fourth-year when you refused to talk to Marlene because she tried to trick you into a date with James in Hogsmeade."
"That was completely different." Lily tried to maintain the look of disdain on her face but she couldn't. She started laughing and then Remus was laughing. They rounded the corner towards the library.
James was on his way back to Gryffindor Tower. He looked at the two of them laughing. His hand went to the back of his head, ruffling his hair. Lily looked from Remus to James and back. She and Remus stopped walking.
"James," Remus nodded curtly and then started walking. Lily looked confused and shrugged her shoulders to James.
After rounding the corner at the end of the corridor, Lily asked Remus what the boys had done to cause him so much pain. She knew that they knew Remus was a werewolf. But they must have done something last week to cause this fracture in their group. Lily could tell Sirius must have played a big part in this.
Remus looked away from Lily. "Sirius told Snape about me. I have no idea how Dumbledore has gotten him to stay quiet about it either. I keep waiting for the rest of the school to find out."
"If Dumbledore spoke to Snape then he'll keep quiet." Lily told Remus. She reached for his hand. It was clammy and warm. "I'm sorry that Sirius did that. You deserve better. Why aren't you speaking with James?" A tiny piece of her prayed that he hadn't been part of the trick on Snape. She had only just admitted to that part that there was a chance she might actually be warming up to him. She had started calling him James for Merlin's sake.
Colour bloomed on Remus's cheeks. "James stopped Snape. He risked his life to save him."
It was Lily's turn to stop walking. James Potter had risked his life to save the life of Severus Snape. If it wasn't coming from Remus she would never have believed it. "Remus, I don't understand."
"Sirius told James what he had done and instead of going to find a teacher, he ran after Snape. James must have gotten there just in time, though I don't have much recollection of it. Dumbledore told me that both he and Snape saw me transformed."
After another week, Remus had started speaking more frequently with James but was still very much reserved. Sirius was still in the dog house with his friends though. Lily couldn't help it, she felt bad for him. Anyone could see that he was kicking himself harder than anyone else. What was worse is that Gryffindor knew their odds to beat Slytherin in the final match of the season had shrunk enormously with the loss of Sirius as beater.
McGonagall had been quite clear when she had explained to Sirius his punishment. He would sit in detention for the remainder of the year with the exception of the Gryffindor-Slytherin match. Sirius had thought he had misheard her at first. He knew Minerva McGonagall just about lived for Quidditch though you would be hard pressed to get her to admit it.
"You heard correctly, Mr. Black. You will not serve detention the day of the final match. You will watch it from the stands with the rest of the students."
Sirius thought he was going to be sick. To miss the last match for detention was one thing. Especially given he should have been expelled for his actions. Instead he was going to have to watch every minute of the game and sit in his guilt. If they lost, he knew he carried some of the blame. If they won, it was not his victory to claim.
Sirius walked alongside McGonagall down to the pitch. None of the Slytherins dared aunt him, not with McGonagall there. He almost wished they would. He felt so much anger inside and he didn't know what to do with it.
The Gryffindor team lost their first match since Sirius was in his third-year. McGonagall did not make him walk back to the castle with her. He was left alone with the cheers from Slytherins and the jeers from the rest of the houses. When he finally wandered into Gryffindor Tower the disappointment was palpable. Remus sat in a corner with Lily, notes and books spread between them.
Down by the pitch, James watched his team file out of the locker room. He waved them on saying he was going to polish his broomstick. He didn't notice Marlene come in.
"Are you going to tell me what's wrong, little brother?"
James looked up at her, the corner of his mouth tugging ever so slightly. The smile didn't meet his eyes. He ruffled up the back of his hair. "I never was a good loser."
Marlene sat down on the bench beside him. She slung her arm over his shoulder. "You'd think after growing up with me you'd better at it since you had a lot of practice. But there's more to it than that. You look like you're alone is this world even though you're not."
James told her roughly the story of what happened with a lot of omission. He knew that Remus had struggled with his intimacy with Marlene because of his affliction. If he told her too much neither of them would be pleased. She sat by him, start to finish, asking few questions.
With a heavy sigh, Marlene squeezed James's shoulder. "It sounds like Sirius needs his brother right now."
Marlene left as quietly as she had come. James sat there for a few moments longer. One of his favourite things about the Quidditch pitch was its smell. He hung his Quidditch robes in his cubby. He tipped his head back to the late afternoon sun. June was creeping around the corner and with it came the promise of summer. The last summer that James would have to sit around and relax. A summer he should spend planning pranks and mischief. The reality of it was that James knew this summer would not be like that. Somewhere in the last year James had stopped being a kid. What terrified him most was that he didn't know when that happened.