A/N: Hi, everyone! I know last chapter was quite the downer so I decided to update the new one sooner than expected. Also, yeah on the show Dylan McDermott who plays Johnny Morgan has blue eyes, I believe. That's why they had a little blue-eyed boy as a young Johnny when Lana visited him on the playground. I figured it wouldn't hurt to have that similarity to the show just to make it a little different, anyways, before I rant on any further.

.

SEVEN

Lucky One

.

When Lana came out of the shower, Johnny was in his bassinet wide-awake with a pacifier in his mouth. He suckled with much enthusiasm and seemed to be awfully preoccupied with himself. Lana stood closer, leaning in slightly to get a better view at him. He looked so innocent and peaceful that her heart began to ache for him.

"You didn't really mean what you said, did you?" Wendy's voice came from the kitchen.

Lana glanced up to see her at the kitchen entrance with her arms crossed. Lana lowered her eyes back down to the baby and sighed, "I'm not myself, Wendy…I don't know what's happening to me…"

Wendy went to her and cupped Lana's face in her hands. "You're Lana Winters. That's who you are. What's happening to you is just a rough patch you'll endure and overcome."

Lana looked into her eyes, "What if I don't?"

Wendy smirked, "This isn't you, Lana. You aren't weak and you aren't petty. You're strong. The strongest person I know. You're going to get through this. I know you are."

Lana sighed, "Then why does it feel so hopeless?"

"Because you're making yourself suffer, you dimwit." Wendy sat her down next to the bassinet and took a seat on the coffee table across from Lana, "You're letting the past get to you, Lana. You're letting the memory of that monster get in between you and your son. This depression, it won't last forever and neither will the pain."

Lana closed her eyes, "I hate when you get wise beyond your years, you know that?"

Wendy laughed lightly, "And I hate when you wallow in your own self-pity so knock it off."

"I've just never felt so beaten before…"

"It's the post-partum. It'll pass."

"Are you sure it will?"

"I'm sure it will." Wendy took her hands. "It will pass." She stood from the table and patted Lana's hands before letting them go. "Now, how about you make us dinner?"

Lana frowned, "You're heartless, Wendy Peyser. Did you know that?"

Wendy smiled and looked to Johnny, "I'll tell you now, Johnny. Your mother can't cook for shit but you'll learn to love it."

Lana was able to crack a smile. She didn't know how she'd cope without Wendy in her life to help guide her.

.

The following mornings after that night consisted of cries from both mother and child. Lana woke up in a mood that no one could humor, not even herself. She became frustrated changing Johnny's diaper and broke out in ugly tears that Wendy blamed on the hormones.

"I don't think he likes me."

"Lana, don't be ridiculous." Wendy helped her fix the diaper. "All he wants is you."

Lana looked at the finicky boy and gave him a frown, "He sure as hell isn't cooperating with me."

In the past three weeks, Wendy had gone above and beyond to purchase everything they needed for a baby. Upon coming home with all the supplies, she had gotten a few curious onlookers (mainly their lady neighbors that liked to gossip). Of course a single mother in their day wasn't so common but Wendy told Lana not to listen to what others had to say.

"He's a baby, love. He doesn't know any better."

Lana scoffed, looking at the boy she still struggled to find a connection to but managed to stand the sight of. She didn't want to admit it, but her heart fluttered whenever she saw him and Wendy knew that Lana hadn't rejected him all together. She struggled to accept him but she would come around. Sooner or later, she would come around.

"Now, I left you clean diapers in the closet and fresh bottles in the kitchen just in case he'll take them this time." Wendy said as she collected her things to leave to the school.

Lana came out of the room with the baby boy in a swing around her chest. He was awake with his head rested on Lana's chest. His eyes looked all around him and he made soft noises and coos as he blew spit bubbles with his lips, drooling all over Lana's shirt.

"Stop if he gets colicky."

Lana sighed, annoyed with Wendy's motherly attitude, "I know, I know."

"Oh and don't forget his bath."

"All right."

Wendy went over to Lana and gave her a teasing smile, "This looks good on you, by the way." She referred to the baby sling.

Lana only rolled her eyes. Wendy laughed and kissed her lips and then the top of Johnny's head. "I'll see you both when I get home."

"Be back soon." Lana said, resisting the urge to cry. The depression still lingered but she was holding strong.

"I will." She glanced down at Johnny, "Take care of your Mama while I'm gone." Johnny only squirmed and gave her a coo. And like that she was off to see her students, once again leaving Lana alone with the baby.

.

For the most part, Lana lay in bed all morning while Johnny napped. When he woke, he cried and squirmed and cried some more. The post-partum depression persuaded Lana to ignore him but the better part of her managed to get out of bed and tend to him.

"Don't look at me like that." She told him as she changed his diaper. "I'm your mother, damn it."

Johnny kicked his legs and wailed his arms about. He gave Lana a little growl and a short cry as if talking back to her.

"Oh, hush." Lana scolded him. She was annoyed for the most part but amused as well. Johnny stuck his tongue out for a split moment and whined. "Plucky, aren't you?" Lana slowly picked him up, "I guess you get that from me."

She nestled him against her chest and crossed her legs upon the bed. "I wonder what else you get from me…" her voice trailed off as she thought of Oliver and wondered what he had passed down to their son.

She forced the thoughts out of her mind and took Johnny to the kitchen where they often bathed him in the sink. She had watched Wendy do it multiple times and figured it wouldn't be that hard. She helped Johnny sit up and bathed him with warm water. The boy cried and cried his lungs out, hating it. The sound began to numb Lana again and in moments she began to zone out and mentally distance herself from the situation. Her hands continued to move, one holding Johnny up while she ran her fingers through his soft hair. At one moment she stopped and glanced out the window, the feeling of despair trying to consume her, drowning out the cries of her son.

Lana quickly snapped out of it and shut off the water, lifting Johnny out of the sink immediately and nestling his wet little body against her chest. She grabbed a towel and wrapped it around him until he stopped shaking.

Even though Lana struggled to get used to the boy and feel any sort of connection to him, she would never harm him. She hated to admit it but having him so close brought out those motherly instincts that couldn't be ignored and there was a moment of relief she couldn't explain. She inhaled his scent; he smelled like heaven. She closed her eyes and whispered to him, "I'm sorry…"

.

When Lana dressed the baby, she laid him on the bed and lay next to him. She watched him squirm about but not do much else. His belly was full and he was bound to nap. He had denied the formula once again but Lana would keep trying.

Lana rested her cheek on her fist, her elbow prompted on the bed. She reached over and placed her index finger in his hand. Slowly, he closed his tiny fingers around her own and gave out a little coo. Lana was amused, "Despite everything you're still here…" She moved her finger about but he kept it in a tight grip, "You're a lucky one, aren't you?"

Johnny made another little sound and gurgled his own drool. Even after she tried to get rid of him, once before birth and once after, the boy was there to stay. And even though she had called him lucky, Lana wondered about his impending future.

Lana exhaled, "Silly boy…" She smiled weakly at him, hoping he truly was her redemption.

Later in the day, Lana placed Johnny in his sling and took him out to get the mail. She felt paranoid and hadn't wanted to leave him alone. As she got out the letters from the mailbox, one of the neighbors came strolling by with her little dog on a leash. She didn't say anything to Lana but gave her a strange look Lana hadn't seen before. And she stood there for a moment, wondering what it could be and she wondered it for the better part of the day.

.

When Wendy came home that evening, she found Lana in the bedroom with the baby. He was laying on the bed in front of Lana, bathed and in a fresh diaper and onesie. Wendy gently entered the room as to not wake him but she became extremely concerned when she saw the look on Lana's face. Her eyes were red from crying and her lips looked plump as if she had been biting down on them. Tears had streamed down her face but had settled for now. Yet, they were clear to see.

"Lana, are you okay?" Wendy approached the bed slowly, setting her purse down on the dresser.

"Wendy, how is this going to work?" Lana met her gaze.

"What do you mean?" Wendy sat on the edge of the bed, facing Lana. The baby boy lay between them.

"In the future when he begins to talk and understand things. What are we going to tell him about us?"

Wendy looked a little disarmed at Lana's question and she remained silent for a few seconds until she finally answered with much faith, "The truth."

Lana wasn't convinced. "A truth he'll have to hide for the rest of his life? What's he supposed to call you? What's he supposed to say to his friends and his teachers when they ask who you are? His aunt? His mom's friend? What example are we going to set for him?"

Lana asked so many valid questions and truth be told, Wendy had only thought some of them through. She figured they would cross the bridge when they came to it but it looked like that bridge was approaching fast.

"I want to raise him with the truth. I don't want him to be ashamed of us."

"Ashamed of us like you were when you signed me over to Briarcliff?" Lana asked bitterly. She hadn't meant to but the anger had been too much to handle and it slipped out.

Wendy gasped, "Lana!"

The baby stirred slightly. Lana reached over to him and placed her hand upon his belly and rubbed it softly to soothe him back to sleep. She kept her eyes on the both as she spoke, "You were afraid of the truth then, how is now any different?"

"I'm different now, Lana. I'm not afraid anymore." Wendy assured her. Tears had begun to gather in her eyes.

Lana gazed up at Wendy and met her eyes; "I just want you to know that if you ever deny that truth to this boy and to the world, I'm gone. I'm gone and I'm taking him with me."

Tears were rolling down Wendy's cheeks, "You can't be this cruel."

Lana shook her head, "Don't talk to me about cruelty." She remembered all of the feelings of hurt and betrayal that she felt in Briarcliff.

Wendy scooted closer and took a hold of her hand; "I'd do anything for you and for this boy. I won't let you go again." She leaned forward and kissed Lana's lips and cheeks repeatedly. "I won't—" She said in between salty, tear-stained kisses, "I won't ever let you down again. Do you hear me?"

At first Lana refrained from kissing Wendy but gave in. "I don't want him to suffer how I've suffered."

"He won't." Wendy pulled away, her hands upon Lana's face, "We're going to give him the happiest life, just you wait and see."

Lana looked at the little boy, "I don't want him to be ashamed of where he comes from…"

"Like you said, Lana. He doesn't have a father. He only has us. He won't ever be ashamed."

Lana's fears settled only a little. She rested her head on Wendy's shoulder and sniffled. "Don't leave me alone in this."

"I won't. Not this time." Wendy swore, "Not this time."