Chapter Twenty-Seven: Look for the Helpers
It took some time for both Lily and James to adjust to living with each other. Usually in the early hours of the morning or those late at night, one of them would forget that they were living with the opposite sex and forget their pants in their room. James forgot more often than Lily did but Lily was by far more embarrassed when James caught her coming out of the loo late at night the second Saturday of term.
James bumped into the armchair he had been walking past on his way into the Common Room. He had just come back from a late night run, the cool air and exercise had helped him to clear his mind. Now it was filled with those lovely, lean ivory legs. Lily gave a little shriek and James covered his eyes with his hands. He bumped into the armchair a second time before he realized maybe he should stop moving.
"I didn't see anything. I swear." James could feel the blood rushing to his face. He peeked through his fingers. Lily was no longer standing near the door to the loo.
"Now that you're here, we need to go over the patrol schedule for the rest of the month. We meet with the rest of the prefects tomorrow afternoon." Lily's voice was just a bit higher but she was now wearing a pair of jeans as she came down the stairs from her room.
Lily handed James a piece of parchment with a grid drawn up on it. He quickly scanned the paper. Looking for September 27th. He let a little sigh of relief pass through him. Lily hadn't put Remus and Dorcas on patrol that night. He didn't realize that she was watching him.
"This looks good. Doesn't look like you need me to help." James sat down on the couch. He took a look at Lily's face. "That's not what I meant. I just — you have a much better handle on all this administrative stuff than I do. Urgh, I'm not good at this." James ruffled up his hair.
"James, it's fine. Do you want to talk about how we divide up tasks or how to make the schedules?" Lily sat down beside him, she left space to set the schedule in between them. "Stop ruffling your hair, Merlin."
James froze with his hand on the back of his head mid ruffle. "Sorry, I know it bothers you. Nervous habit."
Lily inhaled deeply and let out her breath slowly. She murmured under her breath, "Doesn't bother me. It just makes me want to do it."
James scratched behind his ear and tried to process what he had heard. Lily assumed because he didn't automatically reply with something witty, sarcastic, or stupid that he hadn't heard her. He looked up from the parchment to see Lily's green eyes watching him. He caught the barest hint of a flush creep across her cheeks. They both reached for the schedule at the same time. Lily's fingertips brushed the top his hand just slightly. They both snatched their hands away as if they'd been shocked.
"Erm, I told Marlene and Alice I would spend tonight in the Gryffindor Tower with them." Lily stood up abruptly. The clock read a quarter to ten. "I better go, so that I'm not out — after hours." James watched her race up the steps and grab a bag from her room. She murmured a quick bye before leaving him sitting alone on the couch with the patrol schedule.
The boy reached into his pocket and pulled out the two-way mirror. He always had it with him. He slept with it beside his bed and he kept it in his pocket, even when he ran. After he had cut his hand on it one time in second year, Euphemia had charmed it so that the edges wouldn't cut him. She had also charmed it to not break but had told James every so often he would have to reapply the magic.
"Padfoot." James waited patiently for his best mate. "I think Lily likes me." James had to wait for Sirius to stop laughing before he could explain to him what Lily had said.
"You sure she said she wanted to ruffle your hair? Not rip it all out?" Sirius asked with much amusement. "Oh wait, she just came through the portrait hole. Should I ask her? Oy, Evans! Bad luck mate, she's up to the girls' dormitory."
"Do you still have the map? Lily said she was spending the night with Marlene and Alice. Do you want to come here?"
Sirius scoffed at his friend. "Like I need the map to get to you without getting caught. Puh-lease. I'll be there in ten minutes."
Lily burst into the seventh-year girls' dormitory. Dorcas and Mary looked at her with surprise. They had just been getting ready to go to bed. Alice was reading. Marlene was brushing her hair out. "What did you two do to me?" Lily sat down on Alice's bed.
Marlene turned away from the mirror to look at Lily and then to Alice. "Did we do something to her? I don't remember doing anything to her. Also, hello stranger. Welcome to our dorm room. We used to have a dorm mate who looked just like you."
"Okay, obviously there's a problem. Marlene, you're not helping. Lily, what's wrong?" Alice poked her friend in side with her toe when Lily didn't respond.
Lily took a big breath and then, "I think I'm falling for James."
Marlene dropped her hairbrush to the floor with a loud clatter. Mary scowled at her. Marlene stuck out her tongue and scooped to pick up her brush. She climbed onto Alice's bed too. A bed that used to comfortably fit three eleven year olds did not fit three seventeen year olds nearly half as well.
"So, you like James or you like James?" Marlene asked.
"I don't know." Lily bit her lip. She hadn't told them about the snog last Friday. "After we came back to the dorm on Friday night last week we kinda kissed."
"Kissed or snogged?" Alice asked. She was doing a good impression of Remus's skeptical expression.
"Okay, maybe we snogged a little bit and then fell asleep on the couch but it didn't mean anything." Lily was talking fast. A tell-tale sign to the other two that she was lying.
"Mhmm." Marlene looked at her in a very matronly way. "You want to tell us what's really going on?"
Lily scowled at them. "Fine. I snogged Potter last weekend and I liked it. And then we fell asleep on the couch after talking early into the morning and missed breakfast. Tonight I told him that I wanted to ruffle his hair the way he does. I don't think he heard but he might have and now I'm freaking out." Lily whispered heatedly. She trusted Dorcas and Mary not to say anything but she didn't really want to include them in this particular conversation.
Alice grinned at Marlene. "She's got it bad doesn't she? She's almost as bad as you and Sirius."
"I resent that. Lily, maybe you're realizing that you should give James a chance?" Marlene leaned away. These conversations usually ended with Lily swatting Marlene with a pillow, a blanket, her arm.
"I actually really want to. But I don't know how. What if he says no?" Lily looked aghast. The thought hadn't really hit her until now. What if James had gotten so tired of Lily saying no to him that he wasn't interested in her anymore. She had seen him talking with Emmeline Vance often over the past week. The seventh-year Ravenclaw was a pretty little blonde who never lost her temper like Lily did.
Marlene started laughing. "You're not serious, are you? You think that James doesn't love you anymore. You let him write to you all summer. He had this stupid grin on his face the entire time. Sirius and I had to confiscate Stella at one point because he was insistent on sending multiple letters in one day."
"Well what if we try and it doesn't work? Not only will I have to work with him for the rest of the year, it'll make our friend group incredibly awkward and I'll have to keep living with him."
Alice smiled at Lily. "You don't know, do you? Remus told me all about it. You remember when James spent a few nights in the hospital wing after that Quidditch match last year. The one where he nearly got his silly head cracked in two with a bludger?" Lily and Marlene both looked at Alice dumbfounded. "Okay, okay. Long story short. It was when we were working on the Patronus Charm in class —"
"My god, King. We'll be as old as Dumbledore by the time you finish this story." Marlene pretended to yawn.
Alice rolled her eyes. Marlene was never one for a good story. "Anyways, we were working on the Patronus Charm. Lily cast a corporeal patronus, remember? It was a doe."
It was clear to Alice that neither Marlene nor Lily thought that this was of any consequence. "Remus told me that during the Charms final James also cast a corporeal patronus. His is a stag. For Merlin's sake, you two can be real thick sometimes. James's patronus is a stag, Lily's is a doe. Multiple texts state that a corporeal patronus reflects the caster's soul. James and Lily are soulmates."
Lily and Marlene looked at each other and then burst into laughter. "You think James and I are soulmates?" Both girls clutched their sides. Mary yelled at them to keep it down. Both she and Dorcas snapped the curtains on their beds shut.
Marlene made a face and rude gesture towards their beds. The two of them had gotten a little stuck up since Dorcas was made a prefect in Lily's place. Lily swatted Marlene's hand.
"Okay, okay." She held her hands up to Alice, who was clearly a little miffed about being laughed at. "Suppose he and I are soulmates. That doesn't change the fact that I haven't got the slightest clue on how to even approach him."
"I'm pretty sure he'd be fine if you just walked up to him and said you wanted to shag." Marlene ducked as Lily smacked her.
"I don't want to shag him." Lily scooted over to Alice and glared at Marlene. "I mean I definitely think I maybe sort of might want to snog him."
Alice shrugged her shoulders at Lily. "Ask him to Hogsmeade? Speaking of, when is the first Hogsmeade trip. Frank told me to write to him and he would try to come visit."
Marlene made kissy faces at Alice who swung her pillow from behind her towards the blonde. Marlene grabbed it from her hand and swung it back at her. She buffeted Lily in the face in the process. The three burst into giggles again.
Lily sat down on the desk and rubbed her temples. Those Slytherin prefects were causing her such a headache. How was she supposed to lead them when she knew that they didn't respect in any way, shape, or form. She had hoped that Snape would at least try to keep them in line but she was pretty confident he's the one who riled them up.
"Alright, Lily?" James stood in front of her rolling up the parchment.
"Just a little frustrated." Lily looked up at him. She blew a stray strand of hair out of her face. James grinned at her. "What?"
"Well, you're kind of cute when you get frustrated. Probably the reason why I did my best to annoy you to death all these years."
Lily couldn't help but let the smile tug at her lips. "Well you certainly frustrated me for a very long time." James didn't miss her use of the past tense. Maybe Sirius and Remus were right. Maybe Lily was finally starting to come around to him. At least in a friendly way. James didn't think that he could handle her being with anyone else but if it made her happy he wouldn't interfere.
"Right, well — we need to start to plan the weekends for the Hogsmeade trips for this term so we can have McGonagall put the notices up in the common rooms." Lily held her breath and waited for him to ask her to Hogsmeade. James shrugged his shoulders and pulled out a quill from his bag.
"Alright," James ripped a bit of parchment from the bottom of the roll from the meeting. "I think we've missed the boat for this month and it probably wouldn't hurt if we had two in October. First and last Saturday?"
Lily nodded her head. "Christmas is on a Sunday this year, so the third Saturday in December makes the most sense."
James shook his head and told her that there was a Quidditch match that day between Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw. "Are we allowed to make it a Sunday?"
"I don't see why not. McGonagall can always tell us no." Lily drummed her fingers on her desk. "What does the schedule look like in November? Can we get a day in there too?"
James racked his memory for the schedule he had looked at this morning. "I don't think so. That's when Quidditch really starts to pick up. I think there's a match every weekend. I might be wrong but even so the Quidditch teams will want to use that weekend to practice."
Lily remembered how Gryffindor's season had ended last year and frowned. "Do we have a good team this year?" She knew that James was still Quidditch captain this year having been made captain last year.
"As long as we don't muck it up like last year that cup has our name on it." Lily knew that when James said we, that Sirius was a very large part of that. Losing him in that last match had really hurt the team. And though she knew James would never admit to it, the rift that have formed between the Marauders had impacted that game more than he knew. "It's not his fault. Not entirely."
Lily gave him a confused look. "What are you on about?"
"It's not Sirius's fault. I should have been there for him. He struggled a lot last year. More than he let on. I should have done a better job of being there for him."
Lily got up from the desk and took the bit of parchment. "James, I watched you last year. You were there for him. More than Regulus has ever been. Don't beat yourself up over it." She slung her bag over her shoulder and left the classroom, parchment in hand, to find Professor McGonagall.
James sat there thinking for a little longer. Lily had been watching him last year. Enough to make a comment like that. He shook his head as he stood up. How much did she know of what went on. James made a note to talk with Remus about it. But he agreed completely with Peter, women were confusing.
"Oy, Prongs! Mate? You here?" Sirius barreled out of the portrait tunnel. He stopped when he saw Lily sitting on the floor by the fireplace. "Chairs too comfy for you, Evans?"
Sirus saw that her eyes were a little swollen and puffy. She was holding a letter in her hand. Well, pieces of a letter. She had clearly ripped it up before he had shown up. Sirius looked around to see if Marlene or Alice were there but it was clear that she had been sitting alone. James was not where Sirius had left him earlier.
"Lily, what's wrong?" The boy sat down beside her. He caught a glimpse of 'freak' and 'unwelcome' written in loopy handwriting. His hands clenched into fists. "Do you want to talk about it?"
She turned her head slightly so that she could look at him sideways. The fire crackled in front of her. Her shoulders hunched forwards. Lily looked down at her hand with the bits of paper in it and back to the fire. She flicked her wrist and sent the bits into the flames.
"You know, if you ever need to talk about — family — issues, I'm all ears. I know that Alice is an only child and that Marlene has that loving-protective relationship with Max." Sirius fidgeted with his hands a little in his lap. "I know that you know Regulus and I don't really see eye to eye anymore."
Lily looked up at that. She had thought that Sirius had always been at odds with his brother. The way he was talking it sounded like they had been friends once upon a time. "When did it stop?"
Sirius didn't need her to clarify. "The summer I came home after first year. I was twelve, he was about to turn ten. Mum kind of started it. My family was less than thrilled about me being sorted into Gryffindor. It got worse once Reg was sorted into Slytherin."
"Petunia doesn't want to communicate once she gets married. She plans on pretending that she never had a sister." Lily swiped at a tear angrily. "We were best friends until I came home after my first-year. She wanted nothing to do with me."
Sirius wrapped his arm around Lily's shoulder and pulled her into him. Lily couldn't hold it in anymore. She buried her face into Sirius's chest and sobbed. Sirius wrapped his other arm around her and held her. He let out a sigh. He wished he could give a piece of his mind to this Petunia. Lily deserved so much better. He stroked the back of her head and whispered kind things to her.
Lily pulled away and started to hiccup. "I just wish I knew what I did wrong."
That broke Sirius's heart. "Lily, you've done nothing wrong. You cannot lay the blame on yourself. You have done nothing for her to treat you this way." He held her hands in his and looked her in the eye. "She wants you to feel bad about yourself so that she can feel good. She wants to feel whole and the only way she knows how to do that is to make you feel less."
This started Lily's tears all over again. Sirius let her cry into his shoulder. Once she'd calmed down some, they sat there for the better part of an hour talking about how stressful their relationships with Petunia and Regulus were. Sirius shared a little bit about how his parents's home was. Lily couldn't help but laugh when she thought about Walburga Black trying to remove the posters Sirius put up with a permanent sticking charm. This reminded her of that day in Charms when he had beaten her to producing a corporeal patronus.
"What was your memory when you produced that dog-patronus last spring? It seems like you've had a lot more unhappiness than a seventeen year old should."
Sirius gave her a full grin. "Jealous that I beat you to it, hmm?" He pretended that her push was harder than it was and rolled onto the floor. "I thought about how I felt when I showed up to James's house that summer and his family accepted me as a second son."
Lily smiled down at Sirius. She had never fully understood the love that was between him and James. The picture was a little clearer now. She smiled and gazed into the fire. When Sirius spoke she was a little off guard.
"You're starting to love him too, aren't you?" Sirius had propped himself up on his elbows, legs stretched out in front of him between Lily and the fireplace. She didn't need to say anything for Sirius to know he was right. "You should go for it. Regardless of what Remus says, I think Dumbledore had a reason for making you Heads this year."
Gooseflesh prickled Lily's bare arms. The thought of Dumbledore deciding to pair them up gave her the heebie jeebies. "Did Marlene tell you?"
Sirius snorted. "Why would I need her to tell me when I can see it plain on your face? What gets me is why James hasn't."
"I haven't what?" James looked at them from the portrait tunnel. He could tell that Lily had been crying. "Alright, Lily?"
Lily nodded and stood up. She reached her hand down to Sirius to help him up. She gave him a hug and whispered thank you before heading off to her room. She closed the door softly behind her. Sirius shook his head at James. "You two are as thick as trolls. Let's go, wouldn't want the captain to be late to the first practice of the year." Sirius steered James out of the Heads dorm. He grinned to himself.
The seventh-year Gryffindors were all bleary eyed and could barely keep them open long enough to pour themselves cups of coffee. The first three weeks of classes had flown by. It was Thursday of the third week and the seventh-year students of every house felt like they would never sleep again with the amount of work being piled onto them. Everyone hoped that they would find some breathing room for the first Hogmeade trip that was coming up next weekend.
Marlene reached her arm for the coffee pot as an owl came flying by. She cursed as she tipped the pot over and soaked the eggs with coffee. "Bloody owls."
Excitement filled the Great Hall as it normally does with the buzz of news that came with the morning post. Everyone was tucked into their meal and sharing the morning paper with one another when a terrible screech filled the hall and brought any still sleepy students to full attention.
Lily looked around for where the noise had come from. Sobbing followed the cry. She looked down the table to a third-year Gryffindor girl who was holding a later in her hand while her friends tried to figure out what had caused her to cry out. The girl was shaking badly by the time Lily had gotten to her.
"Eleanor, what's wrong?" Lily kneeled down on one knee in the aisle. She ignored the Ravenclaw students tittering behind her.
The letter was thrust at Lily's face. She took it gently from the girl's hand. Eleanor collapsed into her friend while Lily read the note. It felt like someone had stabbed her in the chest. She felt the bile rise in her throat. She whispered to Eleanor to come with her. Letter in one hand, arm around the younger girl. Lily whispered condolences to her as she led Eleanor at of the hall.
Lily shook her head at her friends as she passed by them. James and Remus stood up and followed her out into the entry way. Lily tried to keep her composure as she wrapped her arms around Eleanor just outside the doors and hugged her fiercely. Wishing there was something she could do to make the pain go away. She heard James call out to the other students to go back their breakfasts.
"Lily, what is it?" She handed the parchment to James so he could read it. Remus stood by and gave looks to the too curious students who had decided that there were a few things they had forgotten in their dorms before class.
"Move along, you lot." Despite his lankiness, Remus was still rather imposing based on the fact that he towered over most of the student population. Everyone who had come to see the scene scurried off.
James curled his hand into a fist. He knew that the last few weeks had been too quiet. Even that summer it had seemed like things weren't as dark as they had thought. James knew things were only going to get worse from here. "We should take her to Madam Pomfrey, she's in shock."
Lily nodded and whispered to Eleanor that she would walk with her to the hospital wing. "Careful, mudblood. Yours might be next." Lily's body seized. She had never truly experienced hatred. For all her talk, she had never hated James. Only disliked him. Right now, she felt the hatred spread through her.
Lily, James, and Remus all squared their shoulders and turned to face the knot of Slytherin students who had left the Great Hall. "What did you say, McBeth?" Lily's wand was in her hand. She was trembling with anger.
"Ooooh, look. Evans has got her wand out. Better be careful, she might cast some sparks at us." The tall black haired kid sneered.
"Remus, please escort Eleanor to the hospital wing. James, if you'd kindly fetch Professor McGonagall so I might explain to her the current situation." Lily was grinding her teeth. It was taking all her self-restraint to not hex these boys.
James shook his head slightly. "Remus will take her the hospital wing. I'm not leaving you alone. We do this together, we are a team."
Lily turned her head slightly to look at James. For the first time he saw through her anger. The passion to do what was right burned through her. They stood side by side and watched the boys. Waiting for them to move.
"Miss Evans, Mr. Black told me that you needed my assistance with something?" Professor McGonagall came trotting down the steps. Sirius a half step behind her. The woman had worried etched all over her face.
The girl thanked Merlin in her head and then turned to face Professor McGonagall. James was impressed with how quickly she had let go of the anger she'd been channeling before. "Yes, Professor. Though I think it might help if we walked and talked at the same time. Remus has already started walking poor Eleanor Rose to the hospital wing."
McGonagall hurried off with Lily asking what was wrong. She threw a glance over her shoulder at James and Sirius before they turned the corner at the top of the steps.
"Thanks, mate." James murmured. "MacBeth, ten points from Slytherin." He and Sirius ignored the boys as they re-entered the Great Hall to grab their bags. James grabbed Lily's so she wouldn't be late for class coming back for it.
Sirius shrugged his shoulders. "Figured maybe now was a good time to help instead of making things worse, you know?" The boy looked around at the worried faces of the students. Many of the older students were glaring at the Slytherins who looked like they hadn't a care in the world. He caught his younger brother's eye. Regulus raised his chin in challenge. Melancholy washed over Sirius. His conversation with Lily last week fresh in his mind. "Mum told me to look for the helpers. The ones I knew best were already helping, so I decided to step up to the plate."