AN: I'm back from having bronchitis. My province is on fire now and I can't see my town through the smoke. Here's a new chapter for you all! Enjoy!

Warnings: None.

Chapter X

I Can Never Love Like That

She knew it was wrong.

Everything that she believed in screamed inside her head to tell her to stop. That it wasn't too late to pull back before the words left her lips and it happened.

But it did.

And she didn't regret it.

Because once his lips touched hers everything she believed in left her mind.

It was the softness and warmth that surprised her the most. His feathery touch rushed through her nerves like a velvet blanket covering her on a cold day. She imagined kissing a demon would be something vile, - a cold, hard touch with a taste of copper - a touch of death. But his…his lips were different. And as light as the kiss was, she wanted more.

Her hands remained on his chest. He touched her backside lightly. What felt like hours had only been a mere few seconds. It wasn't until they pulled away and Lotte looked into his glowing red eyes that she knew she wanted more.

And when he began to pull her even closer to him, she knew then he did too.

So she let him. Her hands gripped his collar tightly as their lips connected once more, this time with more force. Every nerve, muscle, and bone shook like a staggering earthquake, craving to get closer and closer. Her hands moved behind his head, burying her fingers into slick, dark locks. She saw bright silver stars in her own night, all blinking, watching as she dwelled deeper into the demon's arms. Her legs began to shake, growing weak as she knew she was losing control, falling deeper for this creature. She felt his lips slightly rise in domination as he took action and moved his hands to lift her from the floor.

She felt like she was floating. Her legs automatically wrapped around the demon's waist like a child to a mother. There was no space between them. They were one.

She felt his tongue move past his lips, asking for entrance in her own cave. They waltz, their tongues moving in a synchronized pattern almost planned to perform. She savoured his taste – a somewhat sweet, surprising since he doesn't eat human food.

There was movement under her. She could feel his footsteps once after another moving. She heard nothing. All sound had been cut when she first tasted him. And they hit the stairs; she could almost feel the velvet carpet under his feet. Each step closer and closer.

She didn't stop him. She knew where this was heading, where he was heading. She couldn't tell what was happening in his head, if this was real or not. She didn't know if he wanted it or was running off of pure instinct. He was a demon…but she knew from the passion of this kiss, there was something human about him – a characteristic that he denied but knew. She smiled from the thought and felt him pull her tighter to him.

At the top of the stairs, there was nothing stopping them. Lotte knew in her heart, after all the years that had passed since what happened back then that this was what she was looking for.

What her soul was looking for.

It was when they got to her bedroom door when the doorbell of the manor rang through the corridors. Her ears, barely picking up the noise over her loud heartbeat, awakened. Her mind woke from the passionate hibernation. She felt Sebastian stiffen as they both pulled away from each other and her out of breath. He let her down onto her feet, her knees still weak. Her eyes still on his watching them turn back to their normal maroon colour.

He cleared his throat, fixed his attire, and she watched him walk back down the way they came, disappearing from her sight.

Lotte stared at her door, touching her lips, trying to figure out what just happened. For the last five minutes, she had been in a heavenly sphere, where no mortal could ever touch. If it wasn't for the sudden intruding alert at the door, Lotte could only imagine where she would be right now. Her mind wandered, imagining getting deeper into Sebastian's own soul.

She could be under him, looking up to him as they…

…dammit. She shook her head, trying to rid the thoughts.

Lotte looked back down the hall, wondering then who would be coming this late to the manor. It was past dark and there was only one person she could think of that would come this late.

She sighed heavily, walking quickly on the same path as the demon did. When she reached the stairs she saw him waiting, smiling up at her with the glasses and bowler hat covering his eyes. She didn't smile back.

"Ah, Ms. Phantomhive," Mr. Wilson began, "good evening. I hope I wasn't interrupting anything."

Lotte opened her mouth when she made it down to his level, glancing at the demon butler for a moment. His eyes landed on hers quickly before returning to his normal facade. She looked at the old man. "No. You didn't. What can I do for you at this hour?"

"I am sorry to bother you so late, but I haven't been able to reach you all day. I have some mail for you. For some reason it keeps on being sent to the office and not to your home. I shall have this fixed immediately."

She nodded. "Okay."

He stepped forward, pulling out a pile of envelopes and handed them to her. When their fingers touched, she connected eyes with his green ones, feeling a slightly chill run down her spin. His smiled disappeared, and like he had peered into her soul and knew the taboo event that just happened, she waited for him to comment about it. She cleared her throat, and the man's eyes closed as he smiled again. "Again, I am sorry for the inconvenience."

"No, I'm sorry you had to come all this way in the evening," she replied.

"Yes, well, it is my job after all," he tipped his hat slightly. "Good evening." Lotte watched him turn back towards the door, but before he got there, he turned back. "Oh I did forget one thing. I believe it is a good idea to decide what you wish to do with the old toy factory. I have a few people that may be interested in purchasing the company for a good price. If you are interested, we can arrange a small dinner party of some sorts to meet them."

Lotte blinked, remembering the toy factory left in her name and the dust that it had been collected with her grandfather's will. She knew she was too busy to manage and maintain a factory, so she nodded at the man.

"Excellent. I'll be over tomorrow with more information. Again, I do apologize for…interrupting." He bowed his head. "Good evening."

He opened the door and left into the night.

Once the door was shut, the silence fell down. Lotte stared at the door as the butler did the same. Then she heard a slight hiss. "That man sure appears at the most inconvenient times."

Lotte blushed at his words, glancing at the envelopes in her hands. And her eyes caught it - a strange looking envelope different from the rest. This envelope was light brown and felt rough in her hands. There was no return address on the front- only her name -, and the only distinct feature was the red wax stamp to keep whatever was inside a secret. Her eyes narrowed on the stamp, her mouth slightly dropping as she felt her heart do the same.

She recognized this stamp's marking.

"Lotte," she heard Sebastian say her name. She looked up. "Is everything alright?"

She blinked at the demon, taking a deep breath, opening her mouth to say what was on her mind but completely saying something else. "I need drink."

She didn't look back as she marched through the long corridor and into the moonlit lounge. Before she could get to the table hiding the scotch, Sebastian had already lit the fireplace, illuminating the room in a heavy, orange glow. She poured the golden liquid quickly, dowsing it back like a shot. She breathed out, feeling the burn run down her throat and into her stomach. She poured herself another, turning around to see the demon butler standing there watching her with a look Lotte could've mistook as concern.

"What?" she asked with a slight snap, slipping the drink.

"You seem troubled," he replied.

She looked another sip, walking towards the lounge chairs. "Do I? I didn't notice."

"Who is the letter from?" he asked as she sat on the couch, staring into the dancing flames.

There she got lost in thought, imagining that only moments ago she and Sebastian were just like an active flame, moving quickly and burning energy. There was nothing inside her that wished they would've kept burning instead of being dosed in water.

"Lotte?"

She came back, glancing down at her drink, and muttered. "…an old friend."

"I see," he said, his tone somewhat calm, making her look up to see him begin to bow. "Then I shall go and prepare dinner. You must be starving."

She scoffed, standing up. "Are we not going to talk about what happened?"

He stopped and turned back to face her, granting her a small smile. "Whatever do you mean?"

She opened her mouth, trying to find the words. "We…we were inches away from my bedroom door."

"Lotte, I only did what I did because I could feel your human instinct craving the lust."

"…my human instinct?" she stated, feeling the glass in her hand shake. "Are you serious?"

"It was only an order, Lotte. You wished to test the contract we have together, a test to see if my loyalty really existed. However, it was also something you wished to test on yourself."

"I only gave you the order to kiss me. What we almost did…don't tell me you didn't want more."

"Just as I said, Lotte: it was merely an order. What happened after was completely through your emotions."

"That's bullshit," she hissed. "I know you feel something too."

"Lotte…"

She continued before he could say more. "And yes, maybe…maybe half the test was to see if my feelings were real, but don't tell me you don't feel the same."

"Lotte, I do not feel the same ridiculous human emotions as you. You know I can never love like that."

Her eyes widened. All she could do was stare at the demon silently. She felt the burning at the back of her eyes moving fast. There would be a stream down her cheeks soon and she would not show it to him.

She shot the last of her drink back, and marched towards him, shoving the glass in his hands before brushing passed him. "I'm going to bed," she muttered angrily.

"Lotte…" he began. "Lotte!"

Once she was out of the lounge, she ran. The letter still tight in her hand, she ran as fast as she could to her room. And once there, she slammed the door, letting herself slide down and the tears freely fall.

xXx

New York City, March 1958

Lotte ducked as he swung his sword towards her. She stood up, taking this opportunity to kick him in the stomach, only to be taken off guard as he grabbed her leg and slammed her on the concrete floor. She cried out quietly as the laceration on her shoulder she tried to keep hidden from her teacher had connected with the ground. She laid there, looking up at the metal frames of the high basement gym when her teacher came over and stood over her, giving her a look of disapproval in his deep purple eyes.

She took a deep breath, and waited for the lecture.

"Alright," he spoke up, his voice echoing through the room, "what happened this time?"

"I panicked, sorry. I should've known that you would've grabbed my leg-"

"That's not what I mean," he cut her off. "Stand up, take off your jacket."

Lotte sighed, standing up, grimacing from the pain. She took the leather jacket off slowly revealing the deep laceration wound on her left shoulder.

"Nice one," he commented. "How'd it happen?"

She didn't want to say she broke one of his rules. She only snuck out to get something to eat, only to be jumped on in the process. "One of Maggie's friends."

"Ah, should've known. Come over here. I'll clean it up."

She followed him to the table as she sat on top of it. He began to work cleaning it with moonshine. She hissed on impact, but contained her pain. She would not show any weakness.

"You know I think you're the strongest hunter out there."

She looked over her shoulder briefly at him. "Yeah? What makes you say that?"

"Well, you got not only demons but humans that hate you. I must say that the fact you survived this long is nothing but…"

"Luck?"

"Skill."

"And yet I can't use these skills to help clean the demons out of this city," she stated in a low tone.

She felt him finish as she put her leather jacket back on. He came around to face her, his half-naked body making her blush slightly. "You know this feud between the demons and the hunters shouldn't be crossed. You shouldn't get involved."

"Then what am I doing?"

"Aren't you trying to get some kind of revenge…or something?"

"Yeah, but…this could be good practice for that and…what if I come across the demon who killed my father? I can also gain trust back into the hunters and-"

"No," he pointed a finger at her. "Absolutely not. Have I not taught you anything, Lotte? War isn't something that you want to be part of. Our world has seen many wars over the centuries and all of them ended in death. You cannot stop war without having death. And you don't deserve to die like Maggie's group will."

Lotte bit her lip. "Then how should die?"

There was a small pause in her teacher's answer. "By sacrificing to save others."

Lotte scoffed. "Isn't that the same thing when dying in war?"

"Not this war. This war is nothing but an idiotic feud for domination. There is nothing good about dying from this war." He stepped forward and placed a hand on her right shoulder. "You should die by saving your family and loved ones- through honour and sacrifice."

She narrowed her eyes at the man, and then looked quickly away. "What's the point when you don't have a family?"

She felt the rough hand of her teacher on her chin, forcing her to glance into the eyes of her mentor. "Then who the hell am I to you?"

She raised an eyebrow. "A man who decided to pick up a young teenage girl and train in the arts of a demon hunter to get a thrill and excitement out of it? Oh and so I could do all your dirty work."

He let her go and stepped back. "Touché."

Lotte looked at the ground and stared at her mentor's brown, worn out shoes. "Tell me, what do you know about my family?" she touched the back of her right shoulder where the mark was located. "Everyone is afraid of this birthmark and yet, I have no knowledge of it. All I know is that it's a mark passed down from generation to generation."

She heard a sigh. "I know as much as you, Lotte. But use that knowledge as power. Yes, other hunters seem afraid of that mark. Why? Who the hell know? So use that fear and feed from it. Make them afraid of you. Build your abilities through that and you shall be the most infamous hunter in the city."

Then she locked eyes with him, grinning from ear to ear. "So then tell me, Raphael. What do they say about you here?"

He grinned back. "That is for you to find out."

She smiled, slightly blushing. "I'm surprised you would decide to mentor me regardless of the amount of unnecessary hatred this city has for me." She looked at him then. "Why did you decide to mentor me?"

"Call it curiosity, Lotte. You're strong, smart, and able to get through very sticky situations with only a minor…scrape." He grinned at her, making her heart leap. "Don't underestimate yourself, Lotte. You are more powerful than any hunter I've ever encountered. And no, I'm not just praising you because I've taught you almost everything I know."

She shook her head slowly, feeling the warmth of praise fill her chest. "You know, you are one amazing mentor. You know that right?"

He leaned forward. "Careful, Lotte. One more word and you may fall in love with the wrong being."

She heard his words echo through her mind, as her entire nervous system froze. She blinked fast, trying to comprehend the words. His eyes made her heart leap. His words made her heart burst. The feelings inside her before were questionable. She had no idea what was happening, and yet deep inside her heart knew.

Her fifteen year old self laughed at Raphael's words. "Yeah, as if that would ever happen."

She had fallen in love.

xXx

Lotte sat on her bedroom floor; her head leaned against the door as her tears quickly dried up. The words of the demon she fell for had given her the message.

Rejection.

Ridiculous human emotions.

For the first time in seven years she thought it could be real, that perhaps this time it would happen and she could trust again fully. But she was wrong. All she could do was grip the letter in her hand, wishing for everything to be over. But she knew deep down her feelings would never go away. Not like last time.

Somehow it was different than last time.

She sighed, looking at the envelope in her hand, almost knowing what it would say.

Taking a deep breath, she opened it and read the messy handwriting from her old mentor, teacher, and first love.

Lotte,

I know you probably resent me from disappearing without a trace, but I heard what happened about you leaving the city. By now you probably will know the truth behind the mark on your back. Yes, Lotte, I've known about it since the very beginning. The only reason why I didn't want you to know was to build that strength of determination in your mind to become the strongest of hunters. You had a goal, and to take that goal away to focus on a curse that mark has brought you and your family would be wrong. Remember what I said one step at a time? This is what you had to learn. First become strong, and then hunt the demon who took everything from you. I know you, Lotte, and I know you would've done everything in your power to stop and run blindly into battle. It's who you are, and it is one of the best and worse traits about you.

I know the position you are in dealing with your demons, but you must stop and think about the situation you will soon get yourself into. Don't run towards it. Stop, and assess the problem. War is the last thing you want to be a part of, and you will be a part of it soon.

Lotte, this sudden letter isn't a letter of forgiveness. It's a letter of warning. The truth will be coming soon, and you'll be facing more than just demons in your path. I know, myself, I have held back a secret from you. A secret I hope to tell you once our paths cross again. And I know it will soon.

You probably won't read this letter, but if you do, please do me a favour and don't do anything reckless.

And remember: don't trust the stars.

-R

Lotte shook her head at the letter, standing up, and scrunching the paper up into a ball. As quickly as she could, she marched over to her fireplace, took one of the matches, and lit the letter on fire, throwing it into the hearth.

"You piece of shit, Raphael," she muttered at the fire. "Seven years and you finally surface, and a through a mere letter too."

She looked her head and laughed quietly.

"You fucking piece of shit."

But his words stained her mind - the messy handwriting of her once mentor would haunt her thoughts. Questions would rise, and she knew that his words were true. One he did have a secret. A secret Lotte knew for a very long time that he hid well.

And two, and most importantly, their paths would cross again.

Lotte's hands shook and gripped the mantle in front of her, as she slowly smiled.

Yeah, I know it's a little shorter than normal. But I'm already working hard on the next one and I promise it'll be very long. Review help me out a lot! :D