Tsunade is sitting at her favorite bar, drinking her favourite sake. It has been a tiring morning of sobriety and dealing with Okami. Tsunade wishes she could just be drunk all the time like how her grandmother's brother Pantsu was always high. Oh to be able to always be in a state of- what's that pink nerd doing here?
Tsunade watches the pink nerd creep nervously across the bar, heading towards Tsunade.
"Oi! Nerd!" yells the bartender. "Unless you're here to collect a relative, you'll have to leave. You're too young to be here."
"Oh, um, I…" the nerd stammers nervously, and looks right at Tsunade.
Tsunade, realizing the nerd, who she remembers is an apprentice medic or something, was probably sent to fetch her, drinks more sake. Then she waves her bottle over her head and yells, "Nerd! Over here! Did them suckers up at the hospital send you?"
The nerd makes a beeline for Tsunade, intending to try to convince Tsunade to leave the bar. Tsunade puts her arms around the nerd's shoulders, forcing him to sit down beside her. "Have a drink!" says Tsunade, forcing some sake into the nerd's mouth. "Nerds need their alcohol to put hair on their chests!" Tsunade laughs. "Or if you're a girl, to put volume in your chest!" Tsunade grabs her own chest to illustrate her point. The pink nerd goes very red.
"Ma'am, I'm going to have to ask you to leave," says the bouncer, sauntering over to Tsunade's table. Tsunade sends him flying through the roof.
"THAT WAS AWESOME!" says the nerd, his eyes sparkling.
"You wanna know how I did it?" asks Tsunade, pouring more sake down the nerd's throat and some down her own.
"YES!" shouts the nerd, clasping his hands together. "Please, teach me all your secrets! I will be the bestest, most loyal, most hard-workingest apprentice ever in all of ever, shannaroo!"
"Alright," agrees Tsunade, thinking a nerd might be fun to mess with. "But we have to write it down and sign it, just in case we forget once they force me to sober up."
"Why would sobering up make you forget?" asks the Nerd.
"Sometimes you forget what happened to you while you were drunk or high when you sober up," explains Tsunade. "That's why my Great Uncle Pantsu, who I only remember when I'm drunk for some reason, is permanently high. If he ever came down off it, he'd have over 70 years worth of severe memory loss."
The nerd pulls out a piece of paper and a pen and slaps them down on the table excitedly. "Let's do it right now."
Tsunade grabs the pen and writes, "Tsunade Senju agrees to train the Pink Nerd-"
The pink nerd grabs the pen and writes, "Madoka Haruno" next to "The Pink Nerd".
Tsunade grabs the pen back and finishes the contract, "In all her techniques in order to turn the nerd into a healing, punching, badass ninja." Then Tsunade signs her name at the bottom.
The Pink Nerd takes the pen and writes, "The Pink Nerd, also known as Madoka Haruno, agrees to train under Tsunade, and learn all her secrets no matter what that entails." And promptly signs his name, and by default signs away his life.
Naruto, Iruka, Shishi, Neji, Burifu, Pantsu and Arashi are sitting in a circle, discussing their next move. Over the last day, they travelled together through the land of fire to the Temple of Jashin, the next temple on their journey. They spent a couple of days investigating the Temple of Steve, and now they are on their way to the next temple. The Temple of Jashin is halfway between the Hidden Leaf and the Land of Whirling Tides, making it half a day's journey away from the Temple of Steve - or most of a day if you are travelling with a high old man and a flighty seven year old. Needless to say, Iruka carried the flighty seven year old for most of the day. Arashi finds it amusing how Iruka is so good with kids and still doesn't have a girlfriend (and no, Mei Terumi does not count because she is an enemy nin, and they haven't crossed paths in years).
"Well," Pantsu is saying, while puffing in his pipe. "Unlike the Temple of Steve, the Temple of Jashin only allows those of Uzumaki or Umino Blood past the seal, eh. There is a way to let people from outside the clans into the Temple, though. The Temple of Dave is the only one that you cannot, in any way, let in outsiders, eh. The Temple of Jashin holds our important historical documents, so you will need to explore it fully, Arashi, eh."
"Ooh, that sounds like fun," grins Arashi, genuinely excited.
"Only you would be excited about a room full of books, Grandpa," sighs Naruto.
"Oh, it doesn't just have books," eh, says Pantsu. "The history is mostly pictures with captions and voice recordings made with fuuinjutsu, eh."
"OOOOOOOOOOOOOO I WANNA SEE IT!" Naruto shouts, his eyes sparkling. "That sounds AWESOME, dattebayo!"
"OF COURSE!" shouts Pantsu, pointing at Naruto. "That's why you seem familiar, eh! You're my great neice Kushina's kid, aren't you, eh?"
"You're my mum's Great Uncle?"
"Yes, we're all related somehow in the Uzumaki clan," says Pantsu. "Although the further down the generations you get, the less closely it is."
"Does that mean Burifu is my cousin?' asks Naruto.
"Third cousin," says Iruka. "And if we're getting into that, I'm actually your seventh cousin once removed. But once you get further away than twice removed, no one cares anymore."
"Why's that?' asks Shisui. "We're really big on how many removeds there are in the Uchiha clan."
"That's because most of you marry within the clan," says Iruka. "People whose dating options are not so limited don't give a damn."
"My dating options aren't limited!" protests Shisui.
"Says the guy who got his fourth cousin pregnant," counters Iruka.
"Shaddup!" pouts Shisui, crossing his arms and looking away.
Arashi realizes Naruto is gone. "Where did Naruto go?" he asks.
"Oh, s###," Iruka face palms.
"There he is," says Neji, pointing upwards.
They all look up, and see Naruto flying away towards the Temple of Jashin, which is currently surrounded by the Order of Jashin.
"Naruto!" Yells Iruka, jumping up and running after the flying ninja. "STAY AWAY FROM THE TEMPLE WHILE THE ORDER IS THERE!"
Naruto stops and turns to look at Iruka. "But I wanna see the Temple, 'tebbayo!" he insists. Sparky, who is sitting on Naruto's shoulder, squawks.
"Naruto, we can't go in while the order is watching, or-" But Naruto is already gone, so Iruka stops talking and sighs. "I'd better go stop him."
"We shall follow at a slower pace, eh," says Pantsu, slowly beginning to rise.
Iruka runs after Naruto, telling Neji and Shisui to stay with Arashi. Naruto can fly much faster than Iruka can run, and it is about ten minutes before Iruka catches up. By that time, Naruto has already reached the Temple of Jashin. Iruka estimates Naruto has been there for all of five minutes.
So why the Kishimoto is Naruto standing regally on the steps of the Temple of Jashin with the Order gathered around him bowing low. "All hail our new leader, Naruto Uzumaki!" the Order of Jashin is saying. Lying at the foot of the stairs is a corpse.
Iruka is not sure, but he thinks this might actually be normal behavior for an Uzumaki.
Iruka has never actually seen the Temple of Jashin before, only heard about it. The shield around the temple is seal that creates a wall of fire. So Naruto is standing at the top of the stairs leading to a temple shrouded by a wall of fire with a dead man lying below him and an entire cult of mass murderers bowing to him and hailing him as their new leader.
On second thoughts, that sounds more like something someone from the Umino clan would do.
Madoka stands opposite Lady Tsunade in training field seven wondering why they are all the way out here for lessons in being a medic. That is what Madoka signed up for, right? He doesn't remember what happened after Tsunade started pouring sake down his throat, be the contract didn't actually say what Madoka agreed to, aside from training. "So...um...what are we doing out here?" asks Madoka, nervously. He does not like the look in Lady Tsunade's eyes.
"You signed this agreeing to learn all my techniques," says Lady Tsunade, holding up the grubby contract. "So we're here for training obviously." Lady Tsunade cracks her knuckles. "Welcome to Tsunade Senju's School of Dodge, where Nerds grow muscles or die."
Madoka is confused. Grow muscles?
Lady Tsunade bends down, grabs the ground and rips up a huge chunk of earth. "DODGE!" yells Tsunade, throwing the boulder at Madoka.
Madoka screams like a little girl, flattens himself on the ground and throws his arms over his head.
"That's the idea!" says Lady Tsunade gleefully, ripping up another gigantic chunk of earth and hurling it at Madoka.
Madoka runs for his life, his mind buzzing with horror. What does this have to do with being a medic? What did he agree to while he was drunk? What does dodging have to do with healing people? OH S### THAT BOULDER IS HUGE! RUNRUNRUN!