Disclaimer: Imagine knowing your having a baby the moment it happens…imagine knowing the out come of BLEACH. Imagine being Kubo-sensei!
THIS FANFIC IS WRITTEN FOR/INSPIRED BY: CAS
A/N Right so Ishida was supposed to make an appearance in this chapter but he decided he didn't want to share and so he'll make his debut in part 4. Anyway hope everyone enjoys!
WARNINGS: UBER OOC-NESS, SWITCHING VIEWS, BERRY CHASERS/ADMIRERS SPELLING, GRAMMAR, PUNCTUATION AND ALL THAT WAS PREVIOUSLY LISTED
Italicsflashbacks and italics ~ inner thoughts
THANK YOU TO THOSE WONDERFUL 13 WHO FAVED THIS FIC! THANK YOU TO THE 12 WHO ARE FOLLOWING AND THANK YOU TO THE 4 WHO HAVE DROPPED REVIEWS!
~SLY~
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SKIRTING THROUGH LIFE
003 LIL STORY 'BOUT U
Ichigo looked forward to English Literature with Ukitake-sensei, not just because the language itself fascinated him but also because the man himself was so laid back and easy going.
Not that Ukitake didn't take his work seriously, for he did, but rather than making students like Ichigo feel pressured and overwhelmed, the man was patient.
Everything from his gentle timbering voice to his kind forest green-eyes, Ichigo always found it very easy to talk to Ukitake-sensei.
It was because of this reason (and perhaps a few more) that the berry teen practically tripped over the other students crowding the hallways in order to get to his English class.
Ichigo did this as often as possible all in the hopes that he would receive Ukitake's nod of approval. And not that the berry teen was one to brag or anything but he was pretty sure the man liked him just as much as he liked the man.
Why else would Ukitake keep the chipped coffee mug Ichigo had presented to him last year on his desk when it was clearly no longer usable and he had a collection of non-chipped mugs at his disposal?
Why else would Ukitake insist that Ichigo sit at the front the class? It was obvious to anyone with half of brain; of course Ukitake-sensei would want to look at him. Ichigo was the man's favorite student.
Of course none of this meant anything even if Rukia tried to tell Ichigo otherwise.
'You have a crush on Ukitake-sensei Ichigo, just admit it!'
'No I don't! I just admire and respect the man. Stop being so weird Rukia!'
'Denial, denial, you are so in denial my brightly colored friend'
Ichigo shook his head and snorted. Why the hell was he thinking of that memory right now of all times? Rukia didn't know what she was talking about.
And he did not have a crush! Ichigo was just a boy who had a deep sense of admiration for his teacher. It was perfectly natural to scribble the man's name over and over in his spiral notebook.
It was perfectly natural to draw hearts and cupid arrows around the U in Ukitake's name.
It didn't mean he had a crush. Besides Ukitake was like practically the same age as goat face. Hell the man had white hair already! Not that it detracted from his looks-not that Ichigo was looking or anything-
'Denial, denial, denial' Rukia's voice sing-songed inside his head.
The berry teen scowled. Damn her for putting such thoughts into his head! Heck Ichigo wouldn't be surprised if the next words that came out of the ravenette's mouth were
'You're gay, ha ha I always knew there was a reason you acted like a girl'or something equally insulting.
Not that Ichigo had anything against gay guys but he wasn't one of them! He didn't braid his hair or paint his nails or check out his reflection in the mirror every 5 minutes.
He didn't steal his older sister's underwear-well actually he didn't have an older sister-actually he didn't have any sisters but that wasn't the point!
Point here was Ichigo did not have a crush on Ukitake-sensei. He simply admired the man and enjoyed the subject. That was all.
'D-E-N-I-A-L'
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Save the one hooded figure sleeping in the last row in the back of the room, Ichigo was surprised to find that he'd been worried for nothing.
Apparently he wasn't the only one running late today. His fellow classmates and Ukitake-sensei were nowhere in sight.
A bit strange but the berry teen decided not to dwell on it. Everyone would be along soon enough and so he could use this time to review his answers to the take home quiz Ukitake had assigned over the holiday season.
Not that Ichigo wasn't pretty confident in his answers but it never hurt to double check-correct any errors.
Mind make up Ichigo sat down in his assigned seat and pulled his papers and a pen out of his bag.
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There was slight movement coming from out of the corner of his eye, pulling Ichigo's attention away from his current task.
The hooded figure had woken up from his/her nap and was now making their way towards the front. Making their way towards Ichigo.
A bout of nervousness crept over the orange-haired teen.
Ichigo jumped out of his seat, dropped his red pen and turned to face the hooded figure, determined not to scream and flee like a little girl.
After all they were in a classroom. A brightly lit classroom on the 2nd floor not down in the basement or something. If the hooded figure tried to mess with him, Ichigo would do his best to stand his ground until Ukitake-sensei showed. It wouldn't be long now surely-
"Kurosaki Ichigo, ka?"
Despite his inward pep talk Ichigo couldn't help nearly jumping out of his own skin as the hooded figure not only addressed him by his full name but also placed a pale hand on his shoulder.
"Gah! Ha ha uh um ah who's asking?"
The hooded figure decided to humor the teen and answered, "Ulquiorra Shiffer but you can call me Quiorra or Orra. I've been watching you for awhile."
During this semi-more-like-uber-creepy introduction Ulquiorra lowered his hood and Ichigo felt some color return to his face and breathed a little easier when he took in the other boys' appearance.
Pale bone white colored skin, just a micro-shade darker than that of the hall monitor Shiro, bottle green eyes heavily lined with black mascara and a down turned mouth.
Overall this Ulquiorra guy reminded Ichigo of a sad clown or a china doll found inside an antique toy store.
Thin and willowy like a tree, Ulquiorra looked like he could be easily knocked over if Ichigo so much as breathed too hard.
"Uh," Ichigo wasn't really wasn't sure what to say outside of, "I've never noticed you until today."
Ulquiorra's down turned mouth twitched the slightest bit as though he found Ichigo's comment amusing and then he added, "You have not noticed me until just now because I have chosen to go unnoticed until just now."
Right. Yeah so on top of his semi-creep-tacular physical appearance, Ulquiorra had a funny way of speaking too. Well not ha-ha funny but-
"Wait! What do you mean you've been watching me?"
Did this mean he had a stalker? Creepy to the max. Ichigo wasn't sure how he felt about being watched by another person let alone another guy like Ulquiorra.
Hell had the kid even blinked during the past 3 minutes?
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Ulquiorra Shiffer honestly didn't know what had come over him. He couldn't understand why on today of all days the sudden urge to approach the loudest boy in school had come over him. He usually went out of his way to avoid other students at al costs.
He was not so much a loner as he was an observer.
Ulquiorra liked to watch. He felt by doing so he would gain a better understanding of the trouble and tiresome species known as teenagers. Never mind that Ulquiorra himself was a teenager.
However Ulquiorra did not consider himself a true teenager since he was in fact a great deal smarter and more mature than the average teen. Born in the wrong era, in the wrong body, Ulquiorra considered himself to be more alien than human.
Of course his mother thought it was nonsense but what did she know?
And anyway aliens were interesting where as humans were boring. Sure it sounded ridiculous but Ulquiorra didn't care and he wasn't going to change.
"Oi, I asked you a question, what do you mean you've been watching me?"
Or make that Ulquiorra wasn't going to change much. Just a little bit. Enough so he could form some type of bond with the loud boy known as Kurosaki Ichigo.
It wouldn't be easy. Ulquiorra knew it would not but the moment he'd gotten up from out of his seat and walked over to the other teen, he knew there would be no turning back.
He was determined to befriend the other boy.
"Never mind that just tell me where can I acquire a skirt like the one you were wearing earlier this morning?"
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Ichigo sputtered and turned a fine shade of red. "The hell?!"
He watched Ulquiorra's down turned mouth twitch once again and was almost positive the other teen was laughing at him now.
Ichigo scowled and backed up a good couple of feet. Ulquiorra interpreted it as some sort of unspoken challenge and took a few steps forward, bottle greens blinking almost owlishly as he did so.
Shit. Just when Ichigo thought his hooded classmate couldn't become any freakier, he did. And so the berry teen had no other choice but to back away a few more feet. Ulquiorra followed apparently thinking it was some sort of game.
"I'll keep following you until I get an answer Kurosaki Ichigo."
The hell? Ichigo nearly tripped over his damn book bag in his attempt to distance himself from Ulquiorra. His voice came out rather shaky and embarrassingly squeaky, as he demanded the other to just, "Stop! What are you-? Just get back! Stay back I mean uh look Ulquiorra if you want to be friends or something you need to knock off this creepy act."
Almost instantly Ulquiorra stopped.
Ichigo breathed a sigh of relief and mentally patted himself on the back for showing a good amount of courage. If Tatsuki could see him now she'd surely-
"I'm only asking about the skirt because-
"Yes you want one well listen sorry to break it to you Ulquiorra but-
"Yes?"
"The skirt I was wearing, as far as I know it's a one of a kind, and it belongs to my Kaa-san."
"Your Kaa-san?"
"Yeah."
"I see."
"Yeah so-
"Your mother encourages you to cross-dress?"
Cross-dress? Ichigo scowled. He didn't consider what he was doing cross-dressing. Cross-dressers were strange perverted college dropouts with no future who hung around shady parts of town offering sexual favors to old men.
"No! I'm nothing like that I've never even had sex!"
Ulquiorra titled his head to the side and blinked owlishly a second time. "Beg your pardon? I don't recall asking whether or not you've had sex Kurosaki Ichigo. In fact I'm not even going to ask how you jumped to that conclusion."
Orange brows furrowed with confusion and Ichigo huffed angrily.
"Well that's not how it sounded and anyway gah forget it! Look like I said before if you're looking for a skirt I don't know what to tell you but if you're looking for a friend," Ichigo held out his hand giving Ulquiorra the chance to take it.
"Friend?" Ulquiorra tested the word out on his tongue before grasping Ichigo's hand and squeezing it hard and declared, "We are friends now Kurosaki Ichigo."
Ichigo bit back a wince and inwardly marveled over the strength in the other boys' hand.
The saying 'appearances can be deceiving' certainly rang true with Ulquiorra.
Ichigo decided then and there that he'd made the right choice. Befriending a guy like Ulquiorra would only benefit him in the long run.
"Eh uh um Ulquiorra you can let go now I mean my fingers are kind of going numb and-
Ulquiorra seemed to realize his mistake a moment later, black bangs falling into his green eyes he quietly apologized, "I'm sorry to have hurt you just now, Kurosaki Ichigo."
Geez Ulquiorra was too high strung. After a moment or two of awkward silence Ichigo decided he'd had enough and slapped the pale teen on the shoulder. If Tatsuki could see him now she'd be grinning from ear to ear of this the berry teen was certain.
"Lighten up Ulquiorra no harm done, just uh I wasn't expecting you to have such a killer grip." A small laugh, "Remind me never to get on your bad side."
This time it was Ulquiorra's turn to look confused. "Bad side? I am no angel by any stretch but let me assure you that I do not have a bad side Kurosaki Ichigo."
"Uh," Ichigo blinked once, twice, three times and scratched his head. "Right yeah, noted so anyway about the skirt, tell me honestly did I look good in it?"
It hadn't been the question Ichigo originally intended to ask but during his bizarre conversation with the other teen an idea of sorts came to him.
"Honestly your ass is too bony and your waist is too thin to properly fill out a skirt like that. You'd look better in a tank top and fitted skinny jeans or a dress."
"A dress huh? But uh I mean isn't that wouldn't it be a bit I don't know too revealing or something. Plus I'm a guy and-
"There are many options available to you Kurosaki Ichigo. Even if you insist on keeping it simple and modest, you don't have to be a prude."
"Prude?"
Ichigo had been called many things but never a prude.
"Don't take it the wrong way Kurosaki Ichigo. You're only 14 and you've got a lot of growing up to do but trust me when I say I know what I'm talking about."
Er um what?
"Listen Ulquiorra I appreciate you being honest with me and everything but-
"We'll start tomorrow after school. I'll blow off my music recital and take you out."
"Out? Out to where?"
Ichigo felt anxiety creep up on him once more, felt his face flush. He didn't want to accuse Ulquiorra of anything nor did he wish to offend the other teen but it almost sounded like the other boy was asking him out-well not asking more like telling him that he was taking him out whether he liked it or not.
Ichigo didn't think he was ready for such a step. Hell he still had Saturday night with the princess to think about and freak out over.
"Uh Ulquiorra before we go any further I think now would be a good time to tell you that I'm not um you know into guys like that. I mean sure I joke around sometimes and slap my friends on their butts with beach towels and stuff but that's just horsing around and you know guys being guys and Ul-Ulquiorra wh-why are you looking at me like that?!"
Honestly Ichigo couldn't pin Ulquiorra's current expression if his life depended on it-all he knew was the look on the other boys' face was only adding to his uneasy feeling.
"I've seen the note book Kurosaki Ichigo. I know you wish to wed Ukitake-sensei one day and that's fine, as your friend I will not stand in your way," green eyes flashed and Ulquiorra's lips twitched and twitched and twitched until finally forming a smile, "Instead I'll help you get there."
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Ichigo was careful not to make too much noise as he tiptoed down the stairs and headed towards the drama hall later that same afternoon.
The last thing the berry teen wanted was to be caught wearing the skirt before he entered what he was loosely terming "would-be-sanctuary".
Principal Bach/Zan had already given him a pass once and he didn't think the man would do so a second time.
Of course Ichigo wouldn't even have to worry about such a thing if he'd gone against his newly made friends' request/demand. Putting his mother's skirt back on had been Ulquiorra's idea.
'Don't you think the members of the drama club will take you a bit more seriously if you wear you mother's skirt?'
'What do you mean? Why do you think that?'
'Isn't it obvious? Only an actor can understand a fellow actor. Only an actor can embrace another actor wholly. Plus its perfectly natural for boys in the drama club to dress up like girls. You'll fit right in Kurosaki Ichigo.'
'Uh I guess but uh hey Ulquiorra while we're at it can you please stop addressing me by my full name?'
Green eyes bored into brown 'What would you have me call you then?'
'Ichigo, just Ichigo everyone else does.'
Ulquiorra's down turned mouth twitched just the slightest bit as he informed the berry teen, 'But I am not like everyone else, Kurosaki Ichigo."
Ichigo sweat dropped, sighed and then decided to let it drop. Can't change a tiger's stripes or a leopard's spots.
'Fine but you're gonna have to help me into my skirt because unlike this morning I don't have a mirror to look into.'
'By helping you into your skirt would require me to look at your underwear, would it not?'
A pause. An awkward pause.
'Uh on second thought I'll just-
'Nonsense,' green eyes flashed, 'I'd be delighted.'
Ichigo shook his head banning the recent memory. Ulquiorra was seriously the strangest guy he'd ever encountered. What the hell had he been thinking by befriending someone so damn
"OUCH!"
Fuck! Walking into a solid wooden door was so not cool. Ichigo rubbed his forehead hoping it wouldn't bruise, adjusted his skirt as best he could with out a mirror and opened the door.
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What you're doing is wrong, can't you see that?"
"No what we're doing is necessary to keep mankind alive unless of course you have a better suggestion Keri-dee?"
"It just so happens that I do."
"Oh really? I'm all ears go ahead."
"Fine I will, somebody hit the lights!"
No sooner had an upbeat tempo started then the director shouted "CUT!"
"What? What was wrong with that take?"
When Ichigo stepped inside the room he wasn't sure what he had been expecting but he hadn't imagined anything quite like this.
The room was about half the size of a grand auditorium, the walls painted a deep plum color, the floors black and white checkered tiles, freshly polished and rather than benches or stiff metal chairs the actors were lounging about on velvet plush couches and LA-Z boys.
Well all but the one girl with big doe eyes, rosy cheeks and an upturned nose that was currently up on the stage.
Having enough common sense not to interrupt Ichigo sat down on one corner of one of the many couches and was careful not to wake the guy who had apparently fallen asleep on top of his copy of the script.
Ichigo didn't know much about the play other than the main character was Keri-dee and she was a sole vegetarian protesting against the meat factory world she was forced to live in.
At the moment "Keri-dee" was having what appeared to be a heated argument with the director.
"Hinamori if you're not going to take this seriously then perhaps you should find a different way to spend your afternoons?"
"Wait! Wait you don't really mean that Shiro-chan Director-sama, I can do better believe me I'll do better!"
"Fine let's try it again and this time you either get it right or I'll select some one else to play the role of Keri-dee."
"Oh you don't mean that. You can't mean that. Take it back Shiro-chan. Take it back now!"
Hinamori stomped her feet like a child and Toshiro swept his hands through his snow-colored locks and released a tiered sigh, "Fine! Fine cue the music!"
The same up beat tempo started again and this time Hinamori burst into song.
I looked into the mirror
And did not recognize the face
(the face) staring back at me
My face (my face) is sickeningly pale
My skin dry and peeling (peeling)
I clutched my throat
Wanting to scream in horror
Ichigo sat and waited for someone/anyone to acknowledge his presence but the actors were too absorbed in their cell phones, I-pods or each other to notice him.
Which would be fine except it kind of wasn't because all Ichigo wanted to do was get this over and done with. It had been a long day and he was tiered.
What have I become?
In this age of meaty buns
And milk shakes?
What have I-
"CUUUUUUUUUT! Hinamori I've had enough of this just step off the stage and let some one else-
"NOOOOOOOOO! You can't do this to me I'm Keri-dee your Keri-dee pleeeeeeeease Shiro-chan give me another chance?"
The director looked like he might rip his snowy locks right out of his skull if he had to listen to another minute of Hinamori's whining. Ichigo couldn't help but feel sorry for the guy.
"Whatever. Fine. And it's Toshiro. To-shi-ro do I make myself clear?"
Hinamori batted her lashes and shook her head "Nah uh you'll always be Shiro-chan to me."
"Enough! Let's run through it one more time and if you don't get it right we'll take a break, okay?"
"Yes!" Hinamori pumped her fist into the air and beamed brightly at Toshiro "I'll be perfect this time just watch and see!"
The chibi director rubbed the sides of his temple and barked
"ACTION!"
What have I become?
In this age of meaty buns
And milk shakes?
What have I-
When the music started again Ichigo attempted to drown out Hinamori's awful banshee like screeching (that she was trying to pass off for singing) and studied her costume.
She was wearing a ruffled blouse, which was clearly 3 sizes too big for her small body, a puffy white skirt that looked more like a garbage bag and metallic colored ballet flats. Ichigo was no expert but he couldn't help but think that Hinamori looked like an overgrown glittery marshmallow dancing around on the moon.
He silent prayed that whatever costume the drama club planned for him to wear, it wouldn't be as ugly as the one girl on stage had been forced into.
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Unbeknownst to Ichigo at that exact same moment 3 pairs of eyes were watching him from the backstage curtains.
TBC