The Shotgun Approach

Chapter 8: Pieces on a Board

. . .

Cold, unyielding as stone. Ice so thick the brightest of blazes could not melt it. A body forever frozen, a dagger embedded in his side. The rush of blood, the smell of death. A river ran red. Even the trees bowed in their grief. The forest silent as a tomb.

I pressed my hands against the tile of my shower. But not even the cold water could stop the heat that coursed through my body. A dream...so long buried. It had reared its ugly head even through the drug haze.

I wanted to scream.

But Yusuke was in the other room. Waiting. Watching.

As he had been for days.

My time away from work was up and I would be happy to return. I was not sober, but I was not lost to the world around me anymore either.

This wasn't the first time I'd gone on a bender. And it wouldn't the last. But it was the first time anyone was there beside me through it all. It brought an unbridled sense of guilt, more so than I was harboring before. I never wanted to drag anyone down with me.

A knock at the bathroom door startled me from my reverie and Yusuke's too gentle voice drifted through the wood. "You okay in there?"

I stood to my full height, as little as it was, and called out a, "Yes!"

No need to worry him further.

I made quick work of my usual routine, taking special care to tame the mess my hair was in. I braided it, the tiny braids that framed my face a symbol of my past I was never willing to let go of. So many reminders. No matter how small, they dug in and plundered what was left of my wretched soul.

I took a final look in the mirror—the earthly colored eyes, the hair almost white, the scar at my lip—how I wished I could change my appearance like a shape-shifter.

But it wouldn't change anything...would it?

Yusuke was sitting at my kitchen table and the scent of food made my mouth water. He was a good cook, I would give him that. And I appreciated the hot meal after days of not eating, of being sick.

I devoured it all, as uncouth and uncivilized as I must look.

"Slow down or you'll make yourself sick."

I looked up at him with rice stuck to my lips. He smiled and said, "Glad you're feeling better."

I hummed my agreement, even if it wasn't sincere. If I didn't hurry I would be late and the dream was still snapping at my heels. I needed a distraction. One that wouldn't make me comatose.

I finished my meal, taking the dishes to the sink to be washed later.

"Thank you," I said to Yusuke, "for everything."

He shot me a funny look, half grin, half confusion. "Don't have to thank me. I stayed because I wanted to."

I was halfway to the door before he was even finished. He followed after me, picking up forgotten items of his he'd strewn about the place. "So that's all I get? No goodbye kiss?" he joked.

For a long moment I stood at my door and stared at him. The look caused a nervous laugh to slip past his lips. I knew my face was devoid of anything. Because for a split second I'd thought how lovely that would be.

But it would also be a sin of the greatest magnitude.

Instead of giving into an urge that could very well ruin me, I said, "What made you stay, Yusuke?"

He was confused by the question, that much was clear. "Why wouldn't I?"

"You owe me no loyalties or allegiances. You are king and yet you've nursed a commoner for three days and nights with no gain on your end."

"I hate when you talk like that," he said, "like you're from the dark ages or some shit."

"Enough with the jokes, Yusuke. It's a serious question and I would like a serious answer."

"You're gonna be late for work," he said instead.

My most recent conversation with Hiei was still in the forefront of my mind. I was the straw that broke the king's back. I needed Yusuke's friendship. But I could not afford to have it turn into anything more.

Keeping that thought in mind, it turned my words biting. "I will be clear with you, as you deserve that respect. You do not know me. I am no one and nothing. Do not make the mistake of thinking differently."

"Where the hell is this coming from?" There was anger in his tone now. Good. Be angry. That's better then the alternatives.

I promised Hiei I would nip it in the bud. And I would, even if it meant being harsh.

I pulled a pair of boots over my feet and gathered up my leather satchel. My eyes lingered a little too long on the tattoo at the back of my hand. Another reminder.

"I mean no disrespect," I said to him, hand on the doorknob. "But it is within your best interests not to grow too fond of me."

"If it's because of the drugs, it's nothing I can't handle," he snarled, "I've dealt with that kind of thing my whole life."

I turned, searching his face, running my eyes down his body to his toes, watching as they curled into the wood beneath his feet. I drew in a breath.

Lifting a hand, I placed a palm against his cheek and smiled sadly. "Then even more so you should keep your distance."

I left him then, allowing him to find his way out of my home and back to his. There were places I needed to be. He would forgive me in time and come to realize that I was right. Being allies was the only choice...for now.

The ride to the station was freeing. I left the helmet behind and just let the wind blow through my hair. I took deep breaths of the city air and smelled human and pollution, but there was also life and power and wonder. It was exhilarating after days of being cooped up inside and completely out of it.

When I pulled into my parking spot at the station I was hesitant to go inside. There was a particular energy there that made me wary, but I did not want to be known as a coward.

So I strode in as if I'd never left and I was greeted as such by my crew.

I worked my way towards the locker room, receiving "welcome backs" and pats on the shoulder as I walked by. I smiled at each in return, happy to see them.

It was with every intention that I planned to change into uniform and ignore his presence, but I should have known he would have none of it. I stopped in my tracks and stared at the body in front of my designated locker.

Hiei sat on the bench, arms behind his head, leaned back so he was resting against my locker door. His feet were crossed, legs stretched out in front of him. I was tempted to kick them to see if it would knock him off balance, but thought better of it when his eyes cracked open.

"Is this your way of welcoming me back?" I asked.

He was in uniform, which was a shock. Did he plan to continue this charade even though it was no longer necessary? Surely the culprits would not be fooled twice.

"You've been with Yusuke for the past three days," he said in way of greeting.

"Yes, I suppose I have," I said, shoving my way behind him so I could get at my locker.

He resisted at first, before leaning forward on the bench and giving me more room. Most likely because he preferred not to be touched.

I changed, not at all caring that Hiei was still sitting there watching me. What I told Kuwbara held true, a body was a body, nothing inherently sexual about it unless you wanted there to be. And Hiei was a demon, just like me. His eyes did not roam inappropriately, they stayed eerily trained on my face, and caused an unpleasant chill to slide down my spine.

"Why are you here?" I finally asked.

"Work," was his reply. "Someone had to fill in while you were off frying your brain cells."

I ignored the insult, which I was sure he hoped I'd grasp onto, and asked, "Have you gone mad? Fill in? Do you honestly think you're a medical professional now?"

Hiei cocked his head and raised an eyebrow, one corner of his mouth twisting into a rather sinister smirk. "It's a good way to keep a close watch on you."

I stood a little straighter, keeping my face so carefully blank you would think I turned to stone. "Is this about what you saw?"

There was no Kurama to step in between us this time. And I was ready for that.

Hiei stood, his full height several inches taller than I was, and stared down at me with a menacing gaze. "You are a liar. You say you were born in Gandara; that you're incapable of violence. Yet what I saw among your memories belied the exact opposite."

I stood my ground, planting my feet and letting the haze my brain had been under for days dissolve. An argument spawned in my head, my mind building scenarios and outcomes and picking the best course of action.

"How long have we known each other?" I asked him.

This pulled him up short, he stopped to think about it, his gaze not any less lethal than a moment before. "About seven months. Not including the time you pinned me to a table during the last tournament."

So he did remember. The bastard. "And in that time have I done a single thing that might lead you to believe I plan to hurt any of you?"

He flickered from my view and even though I could see his blur, my eyes were not fast enough to follow it. He appeared behind me, hand at my throat, but not yet choking. It felt as if a menacing dark cloud was leaning over me, waiting to suffocate what little life still remained.

"You hold yourself as a warrior. An instinctual part of you that your body will never forget. And while you may have once lived in Gandara...you certainly weren't born there. Wherever you come from is not a place I've ever seen."

Too much. He knew too much. I needed to prod that confession from him, to know how much he'd seen. But it was worse than I'd thought.

"Gandara is my home. The other place you saw is not one I wish to remember."

"So you say," he murmured, "but where do your loyalties truly lie, in the end."

"Here. They lie here and nowhere else. They lie within me and go where I go. I belong to no one and nothing. All I've ever wished was to help those who were hurting."

"As you hurt?" he asked. "To the point you take drugs to dull it. You were once a warrior...yet you are weak. A pathetic excuse for demon kind."

I reached up, wrapping a hand around his wrist and encasing it in ice. It covered the lower half of my face in the process, stopping just over my bottom lip. The ice would not last long, I could already feel the power of his fire searing across his skin. But with a swift crack I spread the ice further until it ran down my neck and covered his arm to his elbow.

It was one of the gentlest shows of power I could afford to use. And he did not need to know what I was truly capable of—not yet.

When he burnt the ice away the water it created was boiling hot and it hurt when it cascaded over my skin, slipping down my neck and shoulders.

"You hold no power here," he said. "Unless you have decided to show me that fire that burns within you."

"What is your goal with this?" I asked. "Do you plan to kill me? To be rid of me so I may not interfere with the king?"

He let me go abruptly, but I did not stumble forward. I held my ground—that warrior's stance he had so observantly noticed.

"I want to learn all your secrets, Etternia. That is my goal. And once I have, then I shall decide if you deserve to live or die."

I spat at his feet and snarled, "Ganga til helvete," the words burning through my throat. It had been so long...so long since I spoke my native tongue.

It felt both good and wrathful; as if I had just spat out the underlying rage that came along with the remembrance of my people.

Hiei's head cocked, the rage at being spat at disappearing almost as soon as it came. "Say something else."

"Why should I?"

"Do as I say, woman."

It was out of spite when I finally ground out, "Neinn."

"What language is that?" he posed the question as a demand, but the curiosity in his eyes had me grinning wryly.

"You believe yourself to be so smart, I am certain you can figure it out on your own."

It would not take him long, I was sure, if he was serious. It would take only him repeating the words to Kurama and no doubt the fox would know it upon hearing it.

The radio at my shoulder crackled to life and the tension between us came to a stalemate. I listened to the codes and then went running to gather the team and our equipment. Hiei rode beside me in the ambulance, falling back into the rhythm he'd learned from watching me.

And I wondered once again what his motivation was. Surely his dedication to this wasn't solely based on his unyielding desire to figure me out.

His steady gaze held many secrets, but also many truths.

He wouldn't be here if he didn't want to be. That much I knew. Just like I knew that he would not give up until I told him what he wanted to hear, and I just couldn't do that.

It seemed I would soon be running out of time.

. . .

A week after I returned to work there was another bombing. This time at a college. It was especially cruel, the bomb going off during classes, killing teachers and students alike. It was one of the few colleges in the city that were accepting applications for students of demonic descent.

I rushed so many to nearby hospitals with third and fourth degree burns. Some with missing limbs and broken bones. And even more that left in black bags, after my team and I had helped place tags on their toes, each one scrupulously checked for signs of life.

At the end of it all, I found Hiei sifting through some of the wreckage, his face more haggard than I'd ever seen it.

He spoke before I realized he even noticed I was there. "These bombings reflect poorly on Yusuke."

"They think he's incompetent as a king," I said. I'd heard plenty of rumblings from our kind, mostly displeasure with Yusuke and his failed attempt at integrating demons among the humans.

"He isn't," Hiei snarled, as if he took personal offense. "When I find whoever is doing this they'll be begging me for death by the time I'm through with them."

"Yusuke means a lot to you, doesn't he?" I was curious. Hiei often spoke of Yusuke as if he revered him. Even while he found ways to insult him.

Hiei sneered at me and refused to answer, continuing to search for any survivors or looked over bodies. He was dirty, covered in ash and debris from head to toe. And for a moment I wished I had my sketch book so I could draw him, just as he was.

"Don't just stand there, idiot," he snapped.

"You are...a much different man than the one I met during the first tournament."

"Hn," he grunted and then flickered away to the other side of the area, as far from me as he could get without actually leaving.

We searched for a long while, until the team gathered weary from the day and ushered the last of the ambulances towards an available hospital. We returned to the station after, showering off the day's grime and trying to wipe away the images seared into our minds.

Shou suggested drinks and we all went to a bar that was close to the station. The evening was sullen, but amicable enough, even with Hiei brooding in the stool beside me.

"You don't have to be here, you know," I said.

He took a long gulp off the disgusting concoction he'd forced the bartender to make and glare at me. "Am I not welcome?"

I turned back to my own drink, running my fingertips through the condensation on the glass and smearing it across the bar top. "I did not say that, you just look a bit uncomfortable."

"Why do you care?"

I shrugged, taking a sip off my drink and listening to the ice clink in the glass when I set it back down. "I suppose I don't," I said. "Stay or don't stay, the choice is yours."

An uncomfortable silence fell over us then and I concentrated on the voices of my crew around me, the laughter and jokes and ribbing. They were good people, I thought. Good people that did not deserve to see such horrifying things.

"Do you plan to betray us, Etternia?"

Turning, I cast him a dreamy, broken smile. And said with certainty, "No, of course not."

"Hn," he grunted into his glass, finishing off the drink and pushing a bill across the counter.

He got up to leave, not even saying goodbye. And I just stared at the empty space he'd once occupied, thinking of all the tiny nuances of our dance. He was learning the steps. And soon I would not be able to hide from him.

"Ettie! Wanna play a round of pool?!"

I finished off my own drink and ordered another. I spent the rest of the evening forgetting and pretending. Forgetting who I really was. And pretending that I was someone else entirely.

. . .

Fall – November 2003

"Koenma told me this morning he might have a lead on the bombers."

"Oh?" I asked, as my fingers darted across the course paper in my lap.

"Yeah, he should be swinging by my place later tonight. I'll call you to let you know what's up."

"Stay still, please," I said, smudging some of the shading with my thumb.

"Why are we doing this again?"

"Because I asked you to, so sit still for just a little while longer."

Yusuke sighed but did as he was told, holding the pose I'd arranged him in more than an hour earlier. He spent most of the time I was drawing him filling the silence with pointless chatter. This was the first bit of any kind of notable worth.

"I just don't get what's so special about me today that you felt the need to draw my ugly mug."

He wouldn't. It was with an artist's eye that I noticed the subtle change of that light in his eyes. It had grown brighter, as if he'd found some new purpose. And this had also given me an excuse to draw him shirtless, because the markings he bore on his chest and arms were far more intricate than the ones on his face.

"You are quite attractive, Yusuke. Don't put yourself down like that."

A blush bloomed across his cheeks and he reached up to scratch at the back of his head. "It was just a joke, no need to get all serious on me."

I chewed at the stud in my bottom lip, cursing when I just couldn't get one of the marking's on his chest correct. It took much longer than I expected and when I was finished I still wasn't satisfied.

I handed the finished piece over to Yusuke, whose mouth flopped open. "That isn't me," he choked out.

"You don't like it?" I asked, only a little disappointed.

"No, it's not that...just...is that how you really see me?"

"I see you as anyone else might," I said. "I did not embellish the drawing, if that's what you're asking."

I slipped by him to the kitchen, intent on making some coffee and perhaps eating the pastries Kurama had sent over with Yusuke.

"Hey," Yusuke called from the other room, "it's snowing!"

I looked out the kitchen window. So it was. The white was heavy enough to stick on the flower box I'd never bothered to plant anything in.

I set the kettle down onto the stove, a devious plan hatching.

While Yusuke was still in the other room, I pulled open the window, careful to keep it from squeaking, and scooped up some snow. I balled it up and hid it behind my back.

"Yusuke, can you come help me please?"

He rounded the corner just as I hoped and I flung the snow at him. He dodged, much to my disappointment, and it smashed into the wall on the opposite side of the room.

He turned to look at the already melting snow and then back to me with a face that said he was clearly unimpressed. "You gotta do better than that, babe."

All thoughts of mischief fled. "Don't call me that."

"I didn't mean anything by it."

"I'm serious, Yusuke. If you keep doing things like that I won't let you come over anymore."

"Oh, come on. That's not fair. It was just a joke."

I sighed, busying myself with making coffee for the two of us. "Everything's a joke to you," I said.

I set out two small plates, old and chipped, with a flaky pastry and fork for each of us. But Yusuke didn't sit. He hovered on the other side of the table, that light shining in his serious gaze making goose flesh rise on my skin.

"What is it?" I asked, eyes dipping to the table and voice soft as the snow that fell outside my window.

"Nothing," he murmured and then finally took his seat.

I did not prod for an explanation, knowing it was better left alone. We drank and ate in silence and when Yusuke left it was a rather somber affair. He promised again to call me and I nodded, wishing him well.

I was glad for the face he didn't invite me along. Seeing Koenma now would not work in my favor.

Alone once again, I stepped out onto my balcony, barefoot and aching, but not from the cold. My plans were starting to spiral down into a place they should never go. I did not account for Yusuke's unusual charisma and magnetic personality. I had foolishly thought I could befriend him without it effecting me.

But I could use that to my own advantage, if I played the game correctly.

In my mind I saw all the tiny chess pieces and tried to predict all their movements, from start to finish, but Yusuke was always the wild card—that one unknown factor that could ruin the entire game.

And then there was Hiei...who was fast becoming just as fierce a player as I was.

I should have kept my distance...but this was the only feasible option; the only choice. Without the king the rest of the pieces would not move where I needed them to.

I was certain that it was time for me to make a move of my own.

And hope to the gods that the knight did not also decide to join us on the board.

Cold wisps of winter's breath created a halo about my head. I clutched the glass bottle between my fingers, counted the pills twice, and took two.

Later that night the picture I'd drawn of Yusuke found its way into a box where I hid all my treasures—mementos I was never able to let go of. And there it would stay. I always wanted to remember his face as it was now—strong, confident, unyielding as well as kind.

But I knew without a shadow of a doubt that the final face I saw from Yusuke would be one of hatred.

And it hurt far more than I ever thought it could.

. . .

A/N: The reviews you guys have been sending me really lift my spirits! I'm so appreciative of the feedback and nice things you have all said! Thank you so much! I love hearing from all of you and it really made the last couple of weeks (which were not so great) a lot more bearable.