There's many things that Alex doesn't know about her dad and his friends before she met her dad and found out he was still alive, just as there are many things that she doesn't want to know from before all of that. She doesn't want to be able to count the amount of times that her dad has almost died and ended up wheelchair bound for a while, nor does she really want to know all the hare brained spy stuff Morgan has done.
In a way, sometimes it's almost easier to pretend that that isn't in the background at a family dinner or that no dates have been cancelled due to spy stuff. But, she doesn't pretend that it doesn't happen either. Most of the time, it's easy enough to deal with, but that doesn't stop the pit that will form in her stomach, if she finds out a mission is going on.
Honestly, life is crazy enough as is, and yet within the craziness is a sort of humanity, a sort of normalcy, almost. Now with most of the spy work behind them, sort of, she's able to lead a pretty normal life with a pretty normal boyfriend. Or maybe the craziness of spy life that had seeped in stole all of their 'normalness' away before it could even grow, even without the steady threat of missions.
Sometimes she wishes that she could just hold Morgan close, wish away the spy life from before, or just keep him safe. Most of the time, Alex pretends that the old worry is something she grew out of, like an old t-shirt or something. Yet, maybe because of the fact that she wasn't a spy, and yet her boyfriend had been a bit of a spy, was enough of a reminder that she couldn't necessarily protect him if he needed protecting.
In a way, that should make her feel safe as if he'll scare away any bad guys, but he's human and not perfect, nor is he as strong as her dad is, who she still justifiably worries over despite his strength and the huge amount of gun power that often seems like an additional layer of clothes for him.
Or maybe it's something about the fact that the spy life had stolen her dad once out of her life, not giving her a chance to meet him, only allowing her to know her dad in her mom's memories. And even those, as heartfelt as they are, weren't the same as getting to know him has been.
Growing up thinking your dad died at war makes you aware that no matter how strong someone is, that person can die and will die one day. So, Alex tries not to worry too much over Morgan, now that she's more sure than ever that she is in love with him, quirks and trials and past breakups aside. Morgan is someone that she'll gladly have in her life, despite everything that often forced them apart before.
It took a whole lot of forgiveness and a lot of work to make this possible, but the love as the undercurrent always made it worth it, even when she was ready to forget that love as much as possible, which had never really worked. Nothing made Alex completely give up on Morgan, because that would require extinguishing the love from her heart, and that love had been a steady flame for a while now.
So, sometimes she worries that her strength won't prevail, and worry will take over. Because even the little stories of before she knew everyone or even the aftermath of the stories she'd first heard shortly after they happened, could make her heart twist in pain, just imagining if one more thing had went wrong, if luck or Whoever was on their side, hadn't been there, then her dad would really be dead and probably her boyfriend too.
Either way, she doesn't like to live in the past, not anymore, not since finding out her dad is alive, not since getting a chance to start over and really get to know him, not since all of the forgiving that she's done. She refuses to be defined by the past, because it's always better to live in the moment.
And right now, what matters is that she's snuggling up against Morgan's side, eating Sizzling Shrimp, as a movie that she's seen a couple times before plays on the t.v. in the living room. It couldn't be more calm, more peaceful.
With the taste of shrimp on her tongue and the warmth that seems to fill her up that Morgan possesses a generous amount of, Alex couldn't be happier.