The Shotgun Approach

Chapter 15: Freedom Isn't For Me

A/N: Back to Ettie's POV!

I wasn't going to update until after the holidays. But Merry Christmas guys!

. . .

Soft music, the sweet scented breeze that blew through the open sliding door, low light—it all set the perfect mood.

The perfect mood to be stared down with a hawk like gaze from none other than the king of demon world. I chewed on the stud in my lip, each one of my nerve endings on fire, and his constant staring did not help matters.

"Please stop watching me so closely, you're making me uncomfortable."

He didn't listen and I was beginning to wonder if the incident from earlier broke his mind.

I dragged a small, thin stone wand with a black crystal at its tip down my right arm, Yusuke's watchful gaze never wavering. A small line of light would flare, burn into my flesh, and then fade, connecting into the dark artwork of my tattoo. With the fresh, rebirthed skin on my arms I needed to fix the tribal markings that made up most of my right arm. It wouldn't do to have half of it missing.

"What is that tool you're using?"

"A memento from my old life," I told Hiei.

The fire demon was curled up in the corner of my room. I'd wrapped him in a blanket, much to his protests, and forced him to drink an herbal decoction I'd made from some plants Kurama was kind enough to acquire for me.

Every time he took a sip he would make a face, hoping neither Yusuke or I noticed.

The demon was still quite drunk, the drain on his energy not allowing for it to burn off as it normally would. The tea would help with that as well, if he would stop grousing and just drink it.

"I'm really pissed off," Yusuke announced.

He was sitting on the edge of my mattress and I was in the center of it, legs folded in front of me so I may use them as a resting place for my arm. I tried to concentrate on my work, any misstep in the spell and it would mess the entire thing up. I could very well ruin the entire arm once again and asking for Hiei's assistance in fixing it twice would definitely be pushing it.

I'd only just managed to convince him the first time and it was not without payment on my part. He'd asked for something in return, something I was not necessarily willing to give, but the loss of my arms and hands was far too great.

"I'm sorry you feel that way," I said to Yusuke, not bothering to look up or even acknowledge his anger.

He was acting like a child. Just as he had been since Christmas.

If only I could speed this along, but the tattoo held too many intricacies, too much heritage. I needed to mark it all down, in chronological order, or some would be lost.

"What you showed me was not a fair enough trade," piped up Hiei from his corner. "It wasn't nearly enough."

"It was an answer to one of your questions, is that not good enough? It isn't like I took all of your power."

He scoffed, took another sip of his herbal tea, and grimaced once again. "This is vile," he decided.

"And yet you drink alcohol that smells like paint thinner," Yusuke said.

"It will help replenish the energy I took...and perhaps sober you up some." I was nearly at the back of my hand...just a little more to go.

"Who said I wanted to be sober," he snapped. "Anyone would need to be drunk to deal with you constantly."

I sighed, running the tip of the wand over the back of my hand, I suppressed the shiver that wished to travel down my spine. Hiei's ribbing did not phase me, what did was the fact he thought himself worthy of more than what I'd given.

The exchange was for one memory that would answer one of the questions he harbored in concerns of me. He did not specify which one, but was hoping considerably that I would give up something of great importance. I was hoping the one I did decide to give him would placate him.

It was apparent I judged incorrectly.

"Perhaps you should have been more specific," I said, swirling the stone around my wrist, gritting my teeth against the onslaught of pain it caused.

"I should not have been so trusting," he replied. "I should have known you would not give up anything of importance."

"What the hell are you two talking about?"

Yusuke's irritation would soon crescendo if I did not explain the events of the past evening. It was bad enough Hiei was in on the entire thing, and my hope that he would let slip to the king what I planned to do was my own folly. Hiei was as tight lipped as ever.

"I gave Hiei a memory in exchange for his assistance this evening," I told Yusuke. "Although, it seems what I offered him was not to his liking."

"I still don't get what just went down, I mean, that was some freaky shit."

I tried my best not to laugh. Freaky shit was one way to describe it. "I offered a sacrifice to the Gods—Hiei's power in exchange for repairing my hands and arms."

Yusuke did laugh, an incredulous bark that held no humor. "The Gods? Koenma doesn't accept sacrifices last time I checked."

"Not your God, you foolish boy," I snapped. "My Gods. The Gods of my people. The Gods of legends."

I let the tip of the wand curl around my fingers, leaving black circles in its wake. A few more finishing touches and I could escape my current hell. This conversation was bordering on intrusive. I should not speak of the Gods to outsiders who would not understand. I needed to be thankful that after all these years they had not forsaken me—they granted me the ability to heal my arms.

My powers came with some healing processes—I could fix some wounds, temporarily keep someone from tumbling over the brink of death—but I couldn't do anything more major, such as regrow bones or replenish blood. It cost much of my youki and put myself at risk if I were to try. And I never, ever used those abilities on humans. It could have adverse reactions to their organs and it wasn't a risk I was willing to take.

To do more massive amounts of healing, I must sacrifice enough power to the Gods. They would then choose if I was worthy of the wish.

Tonight, Hiei was my catalyst. His fire was in tune with my own, it was easy to take and use as I saw fit. It enabled me to merge it within myself, make it my own, and give it up as sacrifice.

Not an easy feat, that. But far easier with his help.

"I've heard of our Gods and I don't give a shit about a single one of them. What makes yours so special?" said Yusuke.

The last line of light brightened...and then faded. I flexed my hand—once, twice. It would do.

I tossed aside the wand and rose from the bed, picking up an abandoned sweater off the floor. I pulled it over my head and deftly stepped around the various pieces of junk strewn across my room. My intent was to make my way to the kitchen, something hot in my belly sounded nice—I should have known it wasn't meant to be.

My pager went off, crackling loudly in the sudden silence of the room.

It buzzed once, twice, before a voice came over the com. The dispatcher listed off several codes, all of them harrowing.

Hiei was on his feet a second later and I rushed to my closest to get dressed.

This was an all hands on deck situation.

"What's going on?" Yusuke asked in the flurry between me dressing and gathering my belongings.

I was pulling my shoes on at the door when I answered him, "Another bombing. A big one. You'll want to come along too."

And then I was making a mad dash to the basement of my building, towards the parking garage. Yusuke was beside me, easily keeping in step with my fast pace. Hiei left through one of my windows, assuring me he would be at the station helping to assist the others get ready.

"It's been months, why now?" Yusuke asked between breaths.

And I just shrugged, as unsure as he was. "Perhaps they were celebrating the holidays."

"Now isn't the time for jokes," he said. And he was the last person I ever thought to hear that from.

He was right, of course, now wasn't the time. But the fact he was taking this as seriously as he was...it meant that it weighed on him far heavier than he was letting on.

I am sorry, Yusuke. I am sorry that I was not able to comfort you like you needed. That I cannot be that pillar of support you are so desperately searching for.

But now was not the time for such thoughts. Or regrets and could have beens.

The run to the parking garage took too long. Damn my building for not having an elevator.

My bike was parked in its designated spot and I did not hesitate to swing my legs over it and pull my helmet on. I held the spare out to Yusuke who stood by staring at me with a raised eyebrow.

I shook the helmet at him once and he broke out of his stupor, grabbing it up and cramming it over his head.

I started the ignition, the bike roaring to life between my thighs, and ignored the feeling of warmth at my back. Yusuke did not wrap his arms around me, but chose to hold onto the back of the bike instead. It was petty on his part, but probably for the best.

I tore out of the garage, quickly pushing the bike to its maximum speed. To Yusuke's credit, he did not scream like Kuwabara, but I did sense a subtle change in his energy—one that spoke of exhilaration more than fear.

He was enjoying this.

Too bad this was not meant to be a leisurely ride.

It took me mere minutes to reach the station and park beside the building with all intentions of leaving my bike and Yusuke behind. He would find his own way there, I knew.

Before I could race off, he grabbed me, quick to let go when he had my attention. "Give me your bike keys," he said.

I didn't hesitate, didn't have time. "Hope you know how to drive it," I tossed over my shoulder as ran towards the back door of the station.

A grin lifted my lips when I heard my bike roar to life and speed off. Seemed like he knew just fine. Just another thing I didn't know about Urameshi Yusuke.

Inside, Hiei was rounding up the crew as if he wasn't the newest member of the team, already dressed in his gear. But no one thought to undermine or contest his authority and soon I joined him, calling out orders as I pulled on my own gear and made sure my triage bag was fully stocked.

Our crew was decent sized, our bay held four ambulances, but it was not the biggest in Sarayashiki nor the surrounding cities. There would be other teams there, other members we needed to collaborate with.

I told my team this—their eyes and ears only for me. I made them swear to work together, to help our comrades in arms.

Now was not the time for rivalry or pettiness.

Now was not the time to let pride get in our way.

Once they had all called out their agreement, we loaded up. All four ambulances, me behind the wheel of one, and Hiei beside me with his face as grim as I'd ever seen it.

This was technically his first big trauma as a certified member of the team.

"You okay?" I asked, in the breath of time while I waited for the rest of my crew to back out of the bay.

"Just drive, fool."

My hands clenched around the steering wheel. Fine. Don't talk to me.

I didn't take it easy on him during the drive. I drove the ambulance the same way I did my bike—too fast and on two wheels.

I was on the receiving end of a rather nasty glare when we pulled up to the site of the bombing. And slowly, stiffly, Hiei turned to look at the wreckage. His face turned to stone, all emotion gone. No anger, no fear...just blankness.

The noise of outside was muffled within the rig and I took the chance to turn to him and ask again, "Are you okay?"

He scoffed, his jaw drawing tight. "I've seen far more death and destruction than you realize."

"It is...different when you are not the one causing the destruction."

"We do not have time for this," he breathed, before reaching behind the seats to grab his triage bag.

The sound that entered the cabin when he opened the door was almost deafening. So many voices, all yelling, screaming. The sound of crackling flames and fire engines and sirens. The voices of emergency medical personnel calling out information and asking for assistance.

My head swam for a split second. Began to drown. And then I shook it off, feeling my veins turn cold and my head cool.

I wasn't the lead Paramedic for nothing.

This particular target wasn't as small scale as some of the previous ones. Each bombing had become more daring, more destructive. The people behind this were either becoming desperate...or they were trying to rub it in our faces.

I was guessing the latter.

It would have taken a lot of planning...and more than one bomb to blow up an entire industrial complex. So many buildings...so many human and demon workers. So many lost lives...

This was one of the few places of employment that were considered acceptable for demons of all kinds—factory work. Demons of all types flocked here to run machines, do manual labor; the heavy lifting. In fact, it caused many humans to lose their jobs, because having demon workers in this line of business was more efficient and cost effective.

It was no surprise that they would choose to target this place.

My team was gathered around me, itching for orders, waiting with barely concealed anxiety. "Okay," I said. "I am going to handle as many of the injured apparitions as I can. If you come across any, help them, but call me on the radio to let me know where they are."

"Alright, boss, what do you want us to do?" Eric asked, clutching his triage bag in a white knuckled death grip. Always so serious.

"Do what you always do. Help them. Work hard. Keep your cool. Report back to me when you can, but I know you guys can handle this."

He nodded and took it as dismissal. Momo followed him, her face pale and hands shaking. Shou went his own way, seemingly calm, but I knew on the inside his stomach was roiling with panic. The team spread out, assisting members of other crews, helping the helpless, helping each other.

Fires raged in many areas and the fire fighters were having some difficulties putting them out. I wished I could help, but I was the only demon paramedic in Sarayashiki...possibly all of Japan. But I took a good long look at Hiei, the only member of the team still at my side...perhaps it will not be that way forever, I thought.

"Go," I said, "help them."

"You'll need me," he said.

I felt my energy push at my seams—waiting. I shifted my core towards air, with a small mix of earth. Healing energy.

I wouldn't use my powers on humans because it came with great risk, but our demonic kin were different. Their bodies did not react as poorly to the sudden rush of youki. Of course, it would work out better should they be more in tune with one of my elements, but I would be able to heal them alright anyway...even if it caused a little added strain on my body.

But with Hiei...that might become a moot point.

I nodded, "Alright, then stay by my side."

I did not question his logic or pry into his reasoning, he was unlikely to tell me anyway. So I reached out with my youki, feeling the hum and pulse of the multitude of other energies, and I took off to the nearest one. A weak energy, near to death. Not the only one amongst them, but the first I would help this night.

A demon female. Young. A quick scan told me she was a type of wolf demon and she'd lost a lot of blood. Many broken bones, bruises, and lacerations—but not the worst of her problems. She was missing her left arm, a bloody, destroyed stump was all that remained. Hiei cauterized it and the woman attempted to scream, but only gurgled on the blood filling her mouth. I rolled her, let her spit it out, and began the arduous process of healing her.

There was just enough time to draw her away from the brink of death. If I lingered longer more lives would be lost.

I pulled a fire proof cover from my bag, wrapped it around her and radioed in to my team the woman's location. She would need to be taken by ambulance and I didn't dare move her without a stretcher.

From there, Hiei and I moved onto the next...and then the next. It was a never ending race against time. One injured demon after another. We lost many, but saved many. When my energy grew thin and brittle, I would take from Hiei what he was willing to give. Soon, his brow was covered in sweat and soot and blood that was not his own.

The flames at our backs still raged, controlled but not stopped.

It was in the briefest moment of time that I took a second to breathe...that I saw something...something that made my core pulse out of rhythm. If I had a working heart, it surely would have stopped in my chest.

Silhouetted atop one of the burning buildings, its walls still crumbling and turning to ash, was the undeniable body of a man. A man built sturdy, with hair that flowed with the raging flames, as white blonde as my own. It struck a chord so sharp, the sight of him, that for a solid few seconds I could not pull in a proper breath.

"Etternia!" Hiei snapped and my eyes shifted to him. "What are you staring at? We don't have time for dawdling."

When I did not answer him, but merely turned my gaze back to the building, his eyes followed...and then narrowed when he saw nothing was there.

"You saw something," he said. Not a question.

"I...do not know what I saw. Perhaps a figment of my imagination." It was possible. If I went without the drugs too long I sometimes hallucinated. Hell, sometimes I did that even while on the drugs.

Hiei looked unconvinced, but saved the questioning for later, moving onto the next person who needed our help.

I healed demons well into the afternoon. Carried bodies out of the wreckage with Hiei and my team. Watched as Yusuke picked up the pieces, smoothed things over, helped the ones who were not so injured but were afraid and searching for the beacon of hope he seemed to carry like a torch. Even humans flocked to him, begging for him to help their families.

He lifted stone walls and pulled people out of danger and rescued just as many as all of the first responders present. He helped put out fires and made contact with us when he was able, but mostly he hunted for clues.

Later, when he came to find Hiei and I, sitting on the back end of one of the few remaining ambulances, I told him about what I'd seen. Hiei listened on raptly, sipping on a bottle of water and pretending he didn't care.

I described the man as best I could, but deep in my soul I knew who it was—the one claiming to be the Aesir.

I kept that part to myself, buried it close to the center of my being and saved it for a time when I would need it.

Yusuke thanked me for my help, but lingered, staring at me awkwardly. His lips twitched into a frown and swallowed thickly, before his eyes darted towards Hiei. "Well, better go tell the cops what you just old me...and report this crap to Koenma too, I guess," he said. "You guys should go get some rest if you can."

He tossed me my bike keys and gave me a two fingered wave goodbye.

Many unanswered questions still hung between us and I could feel a strange tension between Yusuke and Hiei I did not quite understand. But when Yusuke turned and walked away, Hiei was quick to solve my curiosity, though it did nothing to calm my unease.

"He thinks we have some sort of romantic relationship," he said with a derisive snort.

"And this bothers him?" I asked.

"You are not so naive," Hiei replied. "You are very aware of how he feels for you. He has never been subtle about it."

"This is...a human problem, I think," I said.

"Yes it is. They feel monogamy is most important when it comes to choosing a partner." Hiei rolled his eyes and rubbed at some of the soot covering his uniform—a lost cause; it was everywhere.

"He is still very much a human," I said, sighing. "But he is worrying needlessly anyway."

"Hn," Hiei agreed, handing me his half drank bottle of water so I could take a pull off it as well. I slipped two pills into my mouth just before I did, half expecting Hiei to slap them from my hands, but he said not a word.

However, he refused to look at me after I swallowed them.

As the drugs began their descent into my blood, I eyed Hiei up and down, noting the dirt and dust and black ash that covered near every inch of him. He ran a hand through his hair, shaking some of the dirt out and covering his clothing further. Blood crusted his arms and face and clothes, black dirt clung beneath his fingernails. Even wearing gloves didn't keep our hands spotlessly clean.

Hiei had nice hands, though. Rugged and rough, but large—the hands not of a man meant for healing, but for delivering penance unto his enemies.

Beautiful hands. Beautiful body. Beautiful face. But a soul blackened by his misdeeds.

Did he think...if he helped people now, that he could pay for his sins that way? That this was meant to be his penance?

No. Nothing could take away the weight of our sins. The weight of the pain we've endured. I should know—I've been trying for years. So why do this? Why go along with my whims and decide this was what he wanted to do with his life?

"Why are you staring?" he asked, though his voice was just a rumble in his chest, lacking anger or annoyance.

I wished to voice all of this, but my tongue was glued to the roof of my mouth and my eyes were drooping from exhaustion and the rush of the painkillers lancing through my system. I leaned over, resting my shoulder against his, not caring if he decided I was too close and chose to push me off the back of the ambulance.

He didn't, though I felt him stiffen and then sigh as if exasperated.

I hoped someday...someday we would be free from our sins. That they would not follow behind us like shadows snapping at our heels until the day death came to claim us.

Someday.

Someday I hoped to be free.

But such a foreign concept...

It was not for people like Hiei and I.

Freedom...was not something that I would ever hold in the palms of my hands. I was not deserving of something meant for the good and righteous people of the world.

The weight of my sins I would carry upon my back until they crushed me into the earth beneath my feet. And even then, I still will not have repented for all the horrors that plague me even during the light of day. Nothing would save my soul from the damage it has wrought.

Freedom was nothing but a dream...for someone like me.

. . .

A/N: Who was the man at the scene of the bombing? And are Hiei and Ettie getting a little closer? Hmm. And what memory did Ettie show Hiei that he was so unsatisfied with? Guess you'll have to wait to find out ;)

Seriously want to thank everyone for the awesome support I've gotten for this story. You all keep me wanting to write more! I hope you enjoyed this chapter and all the ones to come!

I have several updates for Ticking Timebomb ready to go out but this will be my last update of this year for both fics and there won't be another until sometime after New Year's. I wasn't planning on posting this until then, but couldn't resist. I've also added new songs to both playlists, so go check them out! Happy Holidays!