Hana Inuzuka laughs as the small rubber ball she bought for Itachi's baby rolls off Itachi's distended stomach. Itachi raises a long-suffering eyebrow and wonders how she ever became friends with Hana. Oh yeah: Hana gave her dango one time. Hana grabs the ball before it bounces onto the floor and carefully balances it on top of Itachi's belly. A moment later, a tiny hand hits the ball from inside said belly, causing the ball to go flying.
"YES!" screams Hana. "OH MY KISHIMOTO, YES!" Hana leaps off the couch where she is sitting with Itachi and does a victory dance.
"What happened?" asks Izumi Uchiha, one of Itachi closest friends within the clan. She and most of the room are staring at Hana and Itachi in fascination.
"I got the little bugger to play ball!" yells Hana, fist-bumping the air.
Tenzou, who is sitting across the room chatting with another of Itachi's old ANBU team mates, laughs heartily. All of Itachi's still-living female ANBU team mates are present at this function: Itachi's baby shower and gender-reveal party. Itachi is 23 weeks pregnant, and her mother decided now would be a good time for a baby shower. Specifically because Shisui is out of town and they don't want another spectacle caused by an angry Hokage chasing down the village's top jounin because someone threw a party for aforementioned jounin's baby. Aside from the ANBU, every woman in the Uchiha clan is there, along with Tsume Inuzuka, all the other clan heads' wives, any daughters the other clan heads have, Kurenai Yuhi and the girl from Shisui's genin team. Tsunade Senju is there too, as she is the one handling the gender reveal. All Itachi knows is that the reveal involves things that light up, so they have to wait for nightfall.
Itachi glances out the window at the sky. It is beginning to grow dark. Not long now before the torture of having to entertain so many guests is over and Itachi's can go to bed. There is a f### ton of presents in one corner of the room, all of which will probably be useful for Itachi's tiny human. Well, all of them except the nipple pads for making breastfeeding less painful or something. Itachi won't need those because she is not breast feeding. No way. Itachi is not like Tenzou, who does not mind the idea of having tiny people latching onto her boobs, in fact, there is one doing just that right now. Minoru is the only male at the party, even Eizo is not there, he is off visiting Sasuke with their father. But no matter how much people tell Itachi she will change her mind once the baby's born, Itachi is not breast feeding. Besides, if Shisui is going to help look after their offspring, he needs to be able to feed it too.
Itachi sighs as her tiny human starts wriggling around and making her uncomfortable. She is so over the whole pregnancy thing. She wants the baby out where she can see it, so she can give it a name and start growing attached. Well, even more attached.
Hana's victory dance ends, and everyone goes back to what they were doing. Tenzou goes back to discussing the finer points of silent assassination with her ANBU buddy while Minoru drinks happily from his mother's milk supply, which is out in the open for all to see. Ah well, it's not like there are any people around who get offended by open breastfeeding. Itachi is not doing that. Not ever. Ew.
Itachi gasps internally. The stress of this party must be getting to her if she is ranting internally about breastfeeding and using expressions that only normal teenage girls use.
The next half hour drags on for Itachi, who is forced to talk to each of the guests in turn. Deputy Kinoko is obnoxiously gushing about her adopted sons to anyone who will listen, and when her turn to listen comes, Itachi actually does because a kid who can pull out his spine is actually really cool.
And Itachi is using the word 'actually' entirely too often, like, who even does that?
Oh. Crap.
Don't start thinking like a teenager, don't start thinking like a teenager! It's just the pregnancy hormones, it has to be! It has nothing to do with the fact that she's been hanging out with other teen mums, all of which came, most of which are chatting about baby things with the older women and getting some good advice. Drat those teen parenting classes her mother is making her attend. Itachi sooo doesn't want to act like a normal teenager. She is, like, a SHINOBI.
"Alright, everybody," says Itachi's mother, grinning alarmingly widely. "It's time to go outside for the gender reveal."
Itachi uses up all of her self control to keep herself from yelling 'FINALLY!' She manages to calmly accompany her guests outside to where Lady Tsunade is setting up a fireworks display.
"What are the fireworks for?" asks Karin, crouching down beside one of the numerous explosive toys. There are a fair few of them.
"Well," says Itachi's mum, grinning. "Lady Tsunade and I came up with the most wonderful idea: we will let off fireworks to reveal the baby's gender. Blue mustache-shaped fireworks mean a boy and red unicorn-shaped fireworks mean a girl. Isn't that just the best idea ever?"
Itachi feels cold horror seep into her very bones. "Please no," she whispers. This is a punishment. It has to be. It can't possibly be anything else.
"Yes!" grins Hinata Hyuuga, one of the clanhead-daughters who is present. Hinata probably would have come anyway, being a friend of Shisui's, but Itachi really wishes she was not there. The same goes for all the other guests. Except maybe Tenzou, Hana and Izumi, since they are actually Itachi's friends.
"Stand clear, everyone!" says Mikoto, weaving hand signs. "I want to see what happens just as much as you all do. Only Lady Tsunade knows the gender at this point." Itachi's mother releases her jutsu, delicately setting all the firework-fuses alight.
There is a silent, expectant pause as the fuses sizzle down. Then the fireworks go whizzing up into the sky and explode in the shape of giant blue mustaches.
Itachi is having a boy.
Normally, Sasuke would be jealous that her Dad is paying attention to children that are not herself. However, right now, she is just too embarrassed to feel jealous. Sasuke was recently moved to a room with three other girls her age. One of them suggested that Sasuke's Dad try balancing Eizo on one shoulder and Peanut on the other. Peanut, the traitor, now spends most of his time clinging to Sasuke's Dad's shoulder. Originally, Sasuke's Dad thought putting a kitten on one shoulder and a two year old on the other would be a terrible idea, but the girls in Sasuke's hospital room called him a frady-cat. Determined to prove to the adolescent girls that their Hokage is no frady-cat, Sasuke's Dad is currently trying to make Eizo sit on one shoulder and Peanut sit on the other.
"Moew!" says Eizo, trying to sit on their Dad's feet like a cat.
"Mrrow," says Peanut, leaping delicately onto Sasuke's Dad's head.
"No, no," says Sasuke's Dad patiently, picking up Eizo and sitting him on one shoulder. "Sit on my shoulder like a cat."
"Meow," says Eizo, and tries to purr.
"Good boy," says Sasuke's Dad, patting Eizo awkwardly. "Now stay there." Sasuke's Dad reaches up to his head and tries to lift up Peanut. Peanut clings to his head and hisses violently. "Oi, let go!" says Sasuke's dad. But Peanut just puffs up his fur and clings tighter.
The other girls laugh as Sasuke's Dad tries desperately to pry Peanut off his head. Sasuke wonders if her Dad was always this weird.
Maybe he was, and she just never noticed how weird and embarrassing her dad is because she was scared off by is resting frowny face. Embarrassing Dad is far better than Scary Dad, Sasuke decides, and laughs along with her roommates. To her surprise, Sasuke's Dad freezes with his hands around Peanut and turns slowly to stare at Sasuke. He looks even funnier from the front, especially now that Eizo and Peanut are frozen and staring at Sasuke too. Now that Sasuke has started, she cannot stop laughing. It occurs to her that this is the first time Peanut or Eizo have heard her laugh, and it must be a long time since her Dad heard her laugh.
And all because some idiot told Sasuke Uchihas don't laugh. That silly piece of advice seems stupid now. Sasuke's parents laugh all the time over Eizo's antics, and they probably laughed over her and Itachi when they were little too. And now Sasuke is remembering all the things she wanted to laugh about, but stopped herself, and she laughs until her sides hurt and she is crying from the exertion.
And all the time, her Dad, brother and kitten are starting at her like she's grown a second head, which just makes her laugh harder. The other kids have all stopped laughing and are just staring at Sasuke like she's insane.
And then Sasuke surprises herself by chortling and abruptly stops laughing. She freezes in shock, trying to come to terms with the fact that she, Sasuke Uchiha, actually chortled. The other kids all start laughing at Sasuke's snort, as does Eizo, and then, nervously Sasuke's dad laughs too.
Then he lets go of Peanut and hugs Sasuke kind of awkwardly and says, "I thought I'd never hear you laugh again."
And then the moment is interrupted by fireworks exploding in the night sky outside the hospital window, and everyone turns to look at them.
"Blue mustaches?" says one girl, raising an eyebrow. "What?"
"Well, it looks like Itachi is having a boy," says Sasuke's Dad, smiling. "I'll have to tell Shisui...with the appropriate amount of traps on the letter, of course."
Sasuke giggles, and decides she likes the feeling of being happy. "I am going to have a nephew soon."
"TINY HUMAN!" yells Eizo, from his perch on their dad's shoulder.
"Mrooow!" says Peanut, from his perch on the Hokage's other shoulder.
"Heeey, you did it!" says the girl who issued the challenge. "I guess you aren't a 'fraidy-cat, after all."