The Shotgun Approach

Chapter 17: Helvegen

A/N: Still in Ettie's POV! You can find the song accompanying this chapter on The Shotgun Approach playlist on Youtube! The lyrics to the songs I use are important, you can find the translations under many of the videos. Enjoy!

. . .

There was a door. A door made of solid oak, carved to resemble the life tree—Yggdrasil. Beyond that door was either salvation or gods divined destiny, but never both. It held secrets of old, tales spun from its very creation. To open the door meant you were chosen for great things, for only the most blessed of beings could even touch its knob.

Once, I was given the opportunity to open that door. All it took was an oath.

Oaths were sacred to my people. To break one meant being forsaken by the Gods...and ultimately death. You would wander the land forever cursed, until the day your sword turned on you in battle. You would not enter the halls of Valhalla. The Gods would not welcome you with drink and revelry.

Only Hel awaited you.

The day I broke my oath, I cast aside my sword...and became a simple healer. As if that would prevent the curse I knew would befall me.

I betrayed my people...for the love of a human man.

The door of Yggdrasil was lost to me. And I was cursed by my ancestors; by Freyja herself. I was given the fire.

None of my people used fire. A forth element was almost unheard of.

Earth, air, water...those were the elements of my kin. They were useful to them—they healed our people, kept them fed and clothed and protected.

But fire could only destroy.

. . .

May 2004— One year since the start of the bombings.

"You need to stop taking the drugs."

Hiei's attempts at training me to use my fire were utter failures. He realized quickly that, unlike with his own flames, mine would turn my own body to ash. There was no controlling them, and many times Hiei was forced to absorb my power to prevent undue damage to myself. There would be no new limbs this time around and my abilities in healing only stretched so far.

As it were, most of my energy went towards healing the minor (but many) burns covering me, instead of learning to use the power properly.

And Hiei's solution to this issue?

"The drugs are putting a damper on your control. Stop taking them."

Did he not realize it was not so simple? I could not just stop taking them.

And after many days of poor results...my mind was starting to wonder if this plan wasn't hashed out of the agony brought forth with the recalling of an old memory. The Gods would not follow me into battle, it would be a cursed endeavor. I was likely to get myself killed.

And I did not wish to use violence ever again.

Each day I trained with Hiei, the sicker I grew. I took more and more pills until I knew I would need to change the dosage. They weren't working anymore.

"Are you listening to me?" Hiei snapped.

My hands shaking, I pulled the bottle from my pocket, fully planning on taking another even though I must have taken one only minutes before.

It was snatched from my hand and crushed beneath Hiei's boot a split second later. The bottle...and all the pills.

I stiffened, felt an unbidden rage roil its way through my gut, and bit the inside of my cheek to keep from screaming. Home. I needed to go home. There were more...hidden in my bookcase. I just needed to get to them.

"If you try to leave this building, I will cut you down before your hand even touches the door."

The glare I settled him with only caused him to smirk. He ground his boot into the floor, making sure I saw it, his sword held at his side. He was serious.

"Use it Etternia, the anger, and make it your own."

Hiei learned the hard way that day what I meant when I said my flames could not be contained. The only thing that ruled them was pure, unadulterated rage.

He dragged me, nearly unconscious, from the building which was up in flames behind us. All it took was one errant spark. I was thankful it was in an abandoned part of the city.

"Tch. This will be harder than I first thought."

If I was able to speak...I would have told him precisely where he could put his sword.

He laid me down on the ground and sat beside me, watching the building burn, a knee pulled up towards his chest. He cast me a look and smirked, ever so slight. "We will try again tomorrow."

When I was able to drag myself up, I did not say a single word to him. I stumbled my way to my bike...and drove off.

There would be no tomorrow.

This was a mistake.

Revenge...? Is that what I wanted? Would that absolve me of my sins? Would that bring my son back to me?

No.

I could not let him manipulate me into thinking it was my only course of action. He had ulterior motives here...something he tried to keep hidden and failed.

Hiei's only goal since the day we met was to learn all he could about me...and use it to ruin me. There was no reason to believe that did not remain true now. His only loyalty lied with Yusuke, no one else. And he would do what he thought best to protect his king.

He was not wrong.

And I...

I needed to reroute my plan. I was suffering, but not all was as lost as I first thought.

The Aesir could be dealt with. Yusuke would help me with that.

He needed to find him just as much as I did. And it would take very little to convince the king the man needed to die before he was ever given the chance to talk.

Revenge could wait.

And destruction by fire...was too kind a fate for them anyway.

My ride home was over in what felt like an instant, I was so lost in my head—too high to be driving. Parking the bike, I took the helmet with me, and took the stairs to get back to the lower levels of the garage. There was a guest waiting for me inside my apartment, I could sense him when I pulled in. It was irritating, but not unexpected. To give up so easy would not be within his nature.

When I made it to my door, shaking my head at the fact it was busted in, I kicked off my shoes and shut it behind me anyway. I did not fear burglars or murderers come to kill me in the night.

What I feared could not be fought with might alone.

He was in my kitchen, smoking a pipe filled with sweet tobacco, his booted feet propped up on my table. I threw them off, as was always the habit.

"Ingvar, was burning your face not enough to scare you away?"

It had left a nasty scar, I noticed, but men like Ingvar took pride in their scars. He would wear it with no shame.

He smirked at me and without a single word, pulled out that damned box and pushed it across the table. It was nothing special—square, simple, made of wood. But inside...it was not something I ever wanted to see again.

"Take that away...or I will shove it down your throat," I threatened.

Ingvar released a bark of laughter and tipped his chair back on two legs. With a grin he said, "No, you will not, Etternia. You will take the box and what lies within and you will wear it with pride as you once did."

"Pride?" I growled. "What do you know of pride? You betrayed me, just as the others did."

Ingvar's face took an ugly turn. It turned dark and hateful. That same look...

It was that same gaze from years previous; the same evil within his eyes.

I would never forgive Ingvar for what he did to me that night of my thirtieth year of life. How he was the catalyst that started everything. It took every once of willpower I held not to pick up a knife from the wooden block on my kitchen counter and slit his throat with it.

"Do not speak to me of betrayal...after what you did," he said from between his teeth. "You wretched wench."

I turned to regard him with a vicious smile. "I've been called far worse," I said.

Killing him in cold blood was sounding better by the second. No one would be here to stop me this time and as it was, my conscience was waning. Day by day, hour by hour, revenge sounded sweeter than honeyed meed.

"I cared for you once," he said. "Long ago, I was happy to call you wife."

"I never felt the same," I said.

"No, I suppose a heart as cold as yours would not be able to."

I could kill him. I could. No one would know. I would dispose of the body and clean the mess before anyone was the wiser.

But I would not break another oath. Even if the Gods did not listen, I promised myself all those years ago I would not take another life with these hands. I would not use violence as a means to an end. I would only use those measures if my life or the lives of others were in danger—as a last resort.

"Leave," I snarled. "And this time do not come back. I mean it."

The sound of Ingvar's chair hitting the tile sounded like a gunshot. He rose to his full height, a massive six foot, five inches, and snatched the box off the table. He forced it into my hands, cupping his own around them.

"Take it. Send a raven when you have truly decided what you want."

He swung his hooded fur cloak off the back of the chair and placed it over his shoulders. He did not turn to cast me a final look as he left, his boots leaving dirt in their wake.

I clutched the tiny wooden box in my palms, feeling the corners dig into my skin. Why after all this time...?

It must be some sort of trick. Even if father were at war...he would need to be truly desperate to ask for my aid. And a deep, long buried part of myself...wished to heed the call. Even after what they had done, they were still my kin.

I thought of my mother, the woman who allowed her husband to so cruelly tear my son away from me. Who allowed him to throw her only daughter, naked and bleeding, out into the wilderness to die. But also the woman who later spared my life. I owed her a life's debt.

I wandered into the main room, placed the box atop my dresser, and sunk to the floor.

Perhaps it was time...to return home.

But then thoughts of the Aesir made my stomach twist with anxiety. I could not leave without resolving that first.

If I returned home...I would not come back.

Not for a very long time.

. . .

Avoiding Hiei over the course of the next week was impossible. And it was cowardly. But I was not certain how to tell him his training was unwanted. He was not wrong, I did want revenge. But burning them to ash would not satisfy the hunger.

No, my revenge needed to be more methodical. It needed to make them suffer.

However, the conversation could no longer be avoided. We were alone on a run together, called out when the others were already busy with calls of their own.

It was disconcerting to say the least, having his gaze bore into the back of my head.

I was in the process of healing a demon who'd gotten mixed up in a territory war. Many suffered from gunshot wounds as well as energy burns from them resorting to using their youki. Just like humans, demons formed gangs here as well. There were rundown and abandoned parts of the city they took over and claimed as their own.

It was demons like this that gave the rest of us a bad image. But I treated all patients the same, no matter my views on it. It was my job.

As I knitted back together a nasty bullet hole in a demon's shoulder, Hiei's patience broke. "Have I done something wrong?"

That was the last thing I expected him to ask, as devoid of emotion as his voice was, the question still stung. It was rather counter intuitive to make him feel as if he'd failed.

"No, of course not," I replied. "Why?"

"Do not play stupid."

"Can we have this conversation later?" I asked, as the demon beneath my hands began to cough up blood. Internal injuries. I shifted my position, moving my palms towards his abdomen.

"No, we can have it now," Hiei snapped. He was at my back, working on a patient of his own. Packing wounds and removing debris from another demon's leg. Luckily for him, his patient was unconscious, because Hiei was being none too gentle.

I sighed, frustrated. "What is there to say? My mind has changed."

"Just like that? Something must have happened and you're refusing to tell me."

"I am remembering a time rather fondly when you did not speak so much," I said.

He said something beneath his breath I was sure was an insult and then went to retrieve a stretcher from the ambulance. I helped him load his patient up and then turned to look at the one I was still working on.

"I'll finish up," Hiei said. "I can't drive the truck anyway."

"I've healed him enough he should be fine on his own," I said. "But your patient might need an amputation. His leg is..."

"Hn," Hiei grunted in what I assumed was agreement.

I turned to do as I said but then paused, turning back to him. "Thank you. For trying to help me."

His jaw tightened and he gave me his back, waving me off. "Go, idiot."

I popped a pill just before I climbed into the ambulance. It never affected my driving. Even if it made my head fuzzy and my blood feel sluggish in my veins. I still had a lead foot. And driving the ambulance was second nature at this point.

Half way to the hospital I noticed something off with my steering. At first, I thought my lack of judgment in taking the pain medication was coming back to bite me in the ass. But after a moment I also noticed a noise—an odd click, click, click. That wasn't there before...

Prepared to pullover and check the sound—perhaps something was loose or there was some kind of damage to the ambulance—I slowed to a near stop.

But when the noise stopped...and a single loud clack took its place, I threw up a barrier without even thinking, running on pure instinct alone.

The sound was deafening.

My ears rung to the point I could not hear anything and most of my body felt as if it were one giant bruise—or as if I was placed through a meat grinder.

I dragged myself up off the pavement, bits of asphalt falling from my skin. Even the barrier hadn't saved me from flying through the truck's windshield. The bomb broke my magick like it was shattering a sheet of glass, but at least it was enough to protect me from the brunt of it.

My patient was not so lucky.

The truck was in flames, a burnt and twisted facsimile of what it once was.

I covered the lower half of my face with a hand, coughing blood into my palm and protecting my nose from the noxious smoke pouring from the remains of the ambulance.

I drew my energy around me...and froze what was left of the vehicle to prevent any further damage to the surrounding area. Many people stood by on the sidewalks, staring with wide eyes, murmuring to each other. It did not take long for sirens to be heard in the distance.

I stumbled forward, intent on doing what, I did not know, when a hand clamped down on my shoulder. My legs gave out and I fell to my knees.

"You can't even feel how much pain you're in, you fool." He sounded very far away, as if he were speaking through water.

I coughed again, blood dribbling down my chin. Perhaps I was a little worse off than I'd thought.

"Heal yourself," Hiei snapped.

"When..." It felt hard to breathe. I took in a gulp of air and tried again, "When...did you...get here?"

He didn't answer my question, merely demanded I heal myself again. But I shook my head, it didn't work like that. "Too—too much damage."

He paused and then sighed, irritated. He knew what it took to fix more major wounds within my own body. Healing others was easier. I just drew their own youki out with a bit of encouragement from my own and sped up the process of regenerating their cells. With my powers combined within theirs, it would travel beneath their skin and heal as it went.

But for me, it did not work like that, for I only had my own energy to sacrifice. The more I used the closer I came to touching my life energy. It was a double edged sword. Die from the injuries. Die from the loss of energy.

"Take mine," he finally snapped, just before he placed his uniform top around me and swung me up into his arms.

I dangled in his hold, seeing for the first time how truly covered in burns and blood I was. My clothes were ruined as well, my uniform in tatters. I understood why he chose to cover me now, not that exposing my naked body to the masses would have mattered much in this situation.

"You...should not offer your power...so willingly," I choked out. "Just take me...to the hospital."

"So your drug dealer can pump you full of morphine? I don't think so," he snarled. "Take it, Etternia."

I did not have the strength left in me to argue with him, so I reached for one of his hands. When I was able to clutch his palm in my own, threading our fingers together, I rested my head against his chest. "Okay..." I sighed and whispered again, "Okay..."

He released more than he needed to. It flooded through me—warm and cold and magnificent. I loved the feeling of Hiei's energy. It lacked the malignancy that some demons' power held, no matter how hard he tried to seem evil.

And now he was feeding it to me even as I took it—flowing swift and sure. It heated my skin, made me feel like I was burning and freezing all at once.

I felt when my wounds began to knit back together, as I switched my core to wind and earth and mixed them to heal. The burns sizzled as they disappeared, the bigger wounds itched, and internal injuries ached as the power flooded to them and fixed those too.

But the bones couldn't be fixed with Hiei's gift. There were a couple of snapped ribs making it difficult to breathe...and if my assessment was correct, a fracture in my left femur.

Nothing my own body would not heal with a couple nights of deep sleep.

"You're glowing..." he murmured.

And I was. A bright gold. Just like his youki.

"It will pass soon," I replied.

"Not soon enough," he said.

"It is beautiful," I murmured, eyes drooping. "Do not shun it so."

I burrowed deeper into his shoulder, ignoring when he stiffened, and pulled his hand closer to my chest. Beneath the metallic tang of someone else's blood, was a scent uniquely Hiei's. It reminded me of home—crackling campfires, steal, and pine.

"Do not fall asleep," he hissed. "You have a concussion."

"What does something such as that matter to an S class demon?"

"Because I refuse to carry you home, you lazy woman."

I chuckled, a smile curling my lips for the first time in days. Always so cantankerous. It was becoming rather endearing.

"The police will want a statement," he said.

"I don't care...and neither do you..."

Next thing I knew, I was falling asleep to the feeling of warm flames, the scent of my homeland, and the touch of a man that I thought I would never grow to trust.

But things were changing.

Maybe those things would mean nothing good for me.

Or maybe...just maybe, they would end up being the missing pieces I'd been searching for. The pieces on the board I still needed—the knight, the king, the bishop, the rook.

And I—I would be the queen.

. . .

I wasn't allowed to return to work for a few days—Eric took over my position in that time (though Hiei was really the one leading the show). And someone told Yusuke about my accident. So for the past twenty four hours he was in my apartment fussing over me like some mother hen. Completely out of character for him.

"Can I get you anything?" he asked for the thousandth time.

I refrained from rolling my eyes and instead rolled over in bed, giving him a nice view of my naked back. If he was going to be here, he would have to deal with seeing me in the nude. I would not put on airs after being blown up for the second time in so many months.

"Okay then," he muttered. "Guess not."

He felt guilty. He thought he was the reason I was targeted. I failed to tell him that it was my own fault, that The Aesir now considered me a threat because I chose to protect Yusuke instead of give him over to the terrorist group.

There was no need to put more on his shoulders then there already was.

"I am fine, Yusuke. As I have said many times before."

"You don't look fine."

This time I did roll my eyes. Of course I didn't. My broken ribs still weren't healed, so I took extra pills to try to dull the pain. I was sure I looked a wreck. Strung out and tired.

"You can go home, I will be fine on my own."

The bed dipped behind me and I listened to a beat of silence before Yusuke swallowed audibly and said, "Hiei helped you again."

I licked my dry lips and pursed them together, rolling over to face him. "Yes, is there something wrong with a comrade helping another comrade?"

"No! That isn't what I meant by that..."

"Then what...?"

"I just wish...I could do the same. Give you energy like that."

I frowned, why did he sound so forlorn? Was it really that important to him?

"Hiei and I share two similar elements. One of them is a perfect match, the other is just another form of water—ice."

"How do you know that? Did he tell you?"

"About what?"

"The ice half of him."

Confused now, I shook my head. "No. Was it meant to be a secret?"

"Well...he just kind of pretends that part of himself doesn't exist. So it's a little weird you know about it."

Ah. A half-breed heritage he wished to hide. I could understand that. Demons did not take kindly to that sort of thing, which is why so much interbreeding occurred in many of the species.

"He did not tell me," I said. "I can sense it, being what I am."

He made a little oh with his mouth and nodded in understanding. He fell silent afterwards and I took the time to look him over. He looked haggard, overworked. His hair was down instead of slicked back and his skin, normally lightly tanned, seemed pale. A light sheen of sweat shone on his forehead.

I was surprised I didn't notice it before.

I shot up in the bed and clambered out, picking up an abandoned shirt off the floor to pull on. It was two sizes too big and hung to my knees. Yusuke watched me with a confused frown and I half expected him to demand I get back into bed. But he was sick. He should be the one resting.

In my kitchen now, I put the kettle on the stove and plucked some of the dried herbs off the pegs on the wall. One for fever, one for the stomach, one for congestion, one to give you a boost.

Carefully removing the leaves from the stems, I mixed them all together and then placed them into a metal tea infuser dangling from the end of a tiny chain. Yusuke wandered his way into the room then, eyeballing the infuser with trepidation.

"That better be for you. Like hell am I drinking anything like that shit Hiei had last time."

I outright laughed, pouring the hot water from the kettle into a cup and placing the infuser into the liquid. "Do not fret, this will taste much better than a hangover cure."

He still looked dubious when I handed him the mug. But he blew on the cup anyway, causing the steam wafting from it to float towards me. He took a tentative sip...and then sighed. "Damn, that's pretty good actually."

A smile stretched across my face. "Drink the whole thing. You are unwell and it will help."

"You noticed, huh?" Yusuke took another sip of the tea and went to sit at my table, the mug clutched between his palms now.

"It is easy to see if you bother to look," I said.

I went to walk by him, to take a seat of my own, but one of his arms snaked out and tried to catch me around the waist. I dodged at the last second, feeling the movement at my back, and pivoted to face him.

His eyebrows were raised to his hairline, because he hadn't expected me to move so fast. "I wasn't trying to attack you," he said.

"I know," I replied.

His jaw tightened and he let his arm drop, turning back to his tea. He drained the cup and pushed it away when he was finished. "Thanks for the drink."

He got up to leave, striding to the door and bending to put his trainers on.

"Yusuke, wait. You don't have to leave."

"You're right, I'm not feeling well," he said, completely ignoring that I even spoke. "So, I'm going to go hit the hay. I'll see you later."

He wouldn't look at me, he kept his eyes averted, head down so his fringe covered part of his face.

I bit my tongue to stop myself from saying what first came to mind—to tell him why I was the way I was. It was best he didn't know. And I didn't know how to tell him, even if I were to try. Didn't know if I even could.

It was something...I always thought should be kept to myself. And if Yusuke were to know...if he found out...

I was certain he would hate me.

So I nodded and said, "Alright. Get some rest."

But he hesitated at the door, his hand ready to push it open (it was still broken courtesy of Ingvar), left poised above the wood. He pulled it away after a few seconds and clenched it into a tight fist. For a split second, I thought he would turn and hit me.

And then chastised myself for even considering it. Yusuke would never do that unless he absolutely had no other choice.

He spun around on his heels, his face set into hardened determination. "I love you, Ettie. At first, I thought maybe I was just crazy, that I was lonely or crushing on you like some idiot kid in high school."

"Yusuke..."

"Nah, you know what, you're gonna let me talk. If you still reject me after this—then that's it, I'm done. I'll give up, I swear."

My eyes closed and I took in a shuddering breath. My throat felt too dry and I bit my bottom lip hard, afraid I was going to start crying. Why was he doing this to me? Why was he forcing me to do the last thing I ever wanted to do?

I said nothing and Yusuke continued anyway, as if unable to stop himself.

"You think I haven't thought this over? That I'm not serious after all this time? I want you, Ettie. I want you so fucking bad. It's like—like a craving I can't break. Worse than cigarettes or booze or fucking drugs. I'm so goddamn in love with you, it hurts."

I bit my knuckles until I tasted blood this time, bowing my head to hide my face with my hair. I wanted to scream. It didn't help...it didn't help that he reminded me so strongly of Artair. That brightness, that infectious personality, the light in his gaze—they were all so similar. Even the dark hair was a constant reminder.

A cold air seeped from my skin, frost crawling up the walls and across the wooden floor. There was not a deep enough cold in all the world to make me numb to this.

My hands shook and my control wavered.

What choice did I have? This...this type of courage demanded respect. This amount of pure honesty deserved nothing less than total honesty in return.

What choice was there left? Other than to tell him...

I still had some honor, after all.

And if he chose to hate me afterwards...if he decided I was more enemy than friend—so be it. I would chalk it up to the will of the Gods.

But it was time. No more hiding. No more games.

He would find out soon enough anyway...if he were to capture the Aesir.

Let him hear it from my own tongue.

"Let me...let me tell you the story of Artair," I said, voice soft. Broken. "Let me tell you...why I am the way I am..."

. . .

A/N: So, the story of Artair was supposed to come a bit later, but this chapter kind of wrote itself and I've spent so much time going over the Artair backstory that I just think it's time. We're almost 20 chapters in and still know very little about Ettie. So next chapter is going to be big. Thank you guys for all your support! I hope you'll continue loving the story!