Chapter 2
The next few weeks pass by in a blur. The only thing of note to mention was the next day, when Emelaigne knocked on my door after breakfast was over.
I had opened the door, affixing an irritated look on my face when I saw who it was.
"Um, I heard from-from some others-they said you took my gift up to your room?" Emelaigne asked hesitantly, biting her lip.
Why does she care so much?
I had felt infuriated. First, I started to realize that maybe I cannot trust Fritz, then Emelaigne came to my door because she was that insistent that I receive her gift.
So I left her at my door, dug around my bottom drawer, and threw the gift in her shocked face.
"I did take it up to my room. But it was taking up too much space, so you can have it back," I had said, spitting the words out in her face.
Later Rod took it upon himself to ask me why.
"Why what?" I had asked, leaning against my door, arms crossed.
"You didn't have to do that. If you didn't like the gift, you could've just given it back to her earlier. Or even thrown it in her face when she gave it to you, if you really wanted to do that. But instead you gave her some hope, only to crush that hope right as it was growing."
And then he had glared at me, and I was slightly surprised for this was the first time he looked at me that way, and shook his head slightly. "You know, you really are cruel. I've wanted to say this for so long, but Emelaigne wanted me to be nice to you. But I can't act nice anymore. So I'm going to be honest; I hate you."
And then he had stalked away, and I had been too stunned to say anything back.
How could he hate me? What have I done?
Does he really think I am cruel? Emelaigne was the one being pushy, when I have made it clear time and time again that I do not want her friendship, and it seems the only way to get her to leave me alone was to make it extremely clear.
And just a few days ago I was thinking Rod wasn't so bad.
Well, he is still not as bad as his sister. And at least he is honest about hating me, unlike a certain someone who insists on pretending she wants to be my real sister.
She just wants my position.
But the next few weeks pass without incident. The days flow into one another, so it is hard to distinguish one from another. I wake up, endure breakfast, attend lessons some days, while others I go to the garden, and others I go back to my room. I am accompanied by Fritz the entire time.
Fritz has been speaking with me a lot more lately, and I do not mind, but…I am still suspicious, though, ever since that day I realized he was hiding some things from me, but he is still the only person I can tolerate, and I do not want to lose him so quickly.
Mother really would be disappointed.
I let out a sigh. But she's not here now. If she were still here, I wouldn't have to wonder about who to trust. I would only trust Mother, and she would sort out all the bad people. She would be able to tell me very quickly whether Fritz was to be trusted or not.
Trusted with what, though? Because I can surely trust him with my life but…to trust him with my thoughts…
He has told me, several times in fact, that I could talk to him if I wanted to…
It will be weird talking to someone besides my dolls but…
I sigh.
Mother, I need you.
"Is something wrong, princess?" Fritz asks, approaching me.
We are in the garden. I am sitting on a bench, admiring the different flowers. Technically, he doesn't have to stay so near me when I am in the gardens; just close enough to block any possible attack and watch out for intruders, but Fritz has been approaching me a lot more often ever since I admitted that I liked conversing with him.
I can't say I mind, though.
I shake my head at Fritz's question.
"Princess," Fritz murmurs. "I know I have said this before but…you don't have to keep it all inside. You can always talk to me. If you want, I mean. You don't have to, princess."
Perhaps I can…?
I decide to broach a subject, but about him, not me. I still don't know if I can trust him fully.
"Fritz, you are not very close with your father, are you?"
He blinks, then sighs. "I did not think you noticed, princess."
"You rarely talk about him, and I have never seen both of you together," I say, starting to list off what I have noticed within the past three years. "This is a large palace, yes, but considering you both work here, one would think you would try to see each other more often. After all, Emelaigne never fails to find me when she wants."
He lets out a chuckle at that, but I continue.
"And the only time I have observed your father wanting to see you was a few weeks ago, but that was only on urgent business. So, it is not hard to come to this conclusion."
Fritz closes his eyes for a few moments, then opens them again. "I…I am surprised, princess, that you have made all of these observations."
"You are my personal knight," I say, crossing my arms. "I have known you for three years, it would be surprising if I didn't notice these things."
"You're right," he says, smiling. "After all, I know so much about you as well."
I blink, not expecting this turn in the conversation. "And what exactly do you think you know about me?" I ask, narrowing my eyes.
He chuckles. "Just things."
"I didn't know it was in your nature to be so vague," I say.
"Well that was a vague question, princess," Fritz says. "There are so many things I know about you it would be impossible to list them all."
I scoff. "Whatever. But back to my original question…?"
The smile drops from his face. "Why do you ask, princess?"
"I am merely curious," I say. Because as much as I have noticed about him, I do not think I really know all that much about Fritz. I do not even know if I can trust him.
And…I am not close with my father either. Emelaigne and Rod…from what I have heard them and Ophelia say, they were both close with their father before he died.
And apparently, it is normal to be close to one's father.
So Fritz and I are apparently exceptions.
This is strange, as Mother used to say the only true love that exists is between a mother and her daughter.
So it really should be normal for people to be distant with their fathers, right?
Even though I don't say any of this to Fritz, he still smiles anyway.
And maybe he really does know me a little because he seems to know that I'm asking for many more reasons than being curious, but he doesn't ask to hear those reasons.
No, he simply smiles sadly and answers. "No, we're not close. We don't really see each other except at night, when we both return home."
"Home?" I ask, surprised. "I was under the impression you lived here."
For many knights lived in their given rooms in the palace. Many were too far from home, or they had too much to do in one day to take the time to go home and back.
Fritz shakes his head. "No, our home is close by. And my father always makes sure to come home, no matter how late it is or how early he has to leave for work."
"I see," I say, because there is nothing else I can think of to say. I wonder…
Does he ever feel as…empty as I do?
Because I know his mother passed away years ago.
His mother is gone, and his father is distant…
It sounds very familiar, I think, feeling that Fritz's and my situation are more similar than I thought.
But Fritz is not like me. He is less cautious of people, more willing to help them. He is friendly with everyone, even Emelaigne and Rod. He never pushes me to get along with them, but he will say things here and there that I know are meant to soften my opinions of the siblings.
He gets along with everyone. He has a positive view of the townspeople, even after witnessing how they stared at me when I went out to town a few weeks ago.
"Princess?"
"Yes?"
"You…forgive me if I'm presuming too much, but…you are lonely, are you not?"
"What?"
What? Am I lonely? But I'm surrounded by people. Emelaigne cannot leave me alone. The king insists on talking to me at random times.
He lifts a hand behind him to scratch at his head nervously. "I-I am sorry if I said too much, princess."
I shake my head slowly. "No, you're fine."
"Thank you, princess."
Well, I do spend most of my time alone. But…I feel this…emptiness even when I am in the presence of others.
"Fritz, what would you say is the difference between being lonely and being alone?"
He tilts his head to the side, contemplating. "There isn't a concrete difference, I would say. One can be alone and lonely at the same time. But, conversely, one can be alone and not feel lonely, or they can feel lonely even when surrounded by people."
Feel lonely even when surrounded by people.
That is how I feel, isn't it? This feeling of emptiness.
Fritz smiles at me. "If you ever feel that the loneliness is overwhelming you, princess, I am always available to talk."
"You've already told me this, no need to repeat yourself," I say. I do not have a bad memory, after all.
"Right, sorry, princess," Fritz says, still smiling. If it were Emelaigne, she would have been frowning by now. That girl is much too sensitive.
Fritz, still standing, suddenly does frown. He stares at no point in particular, seeming lost in his head.
"Fritz?"
He slowly shakes his head, as if clearing some thought. "I'm sorry, princess. I just…I keep feeling as though I am forgetting something. Something important. It is as if the memory is so close, yet…"
"Yet it is out of reach? Right outside of your grasp?" I finish for him. He looks down at me, surprised.
"Yes. That is exactly how it feels, princess."
"I…I feel that way too, sometimes," I tell him finally. I can trust him, right? It is not as if this information can be used against me, anyway. "I feel that I should remember some things, but I can't. There are only gaps in my memory that I can't fill."
He tenses, as if he wants to say something, but then relaxes once more. "I…had no idea, princess."
"How could you know?" I say sharply. "I haven't told anyone."
"Then I am honored to be the first you have trusted to tell me this," Fritz says, looking as if he wants to say something more. As if he wants to tell me something but he is being held back.
I simply nod at him, not knowing what else to say. It is strange how similar Fritz and I are; our mothers are both gone, our fathers distant from our lives, and we have problems with memory.
And yet, we could not be more different.
It has been another few weeks, and every night, the dreams come back with more impact and fervor than ever before. I seem to wake up every morning with tears running down my face and breathing hard.
I can never seem to remember the exact content of these nightmares, only that most have to do with Mother.
Are they old memories coming back? Or are they just figments of my subconscious, determined to torture me?
Fritz has been acting…even more strange. He has started avoiding my eyes when talking, has started to retreat back into himself when I try talking to him.
And yet he said that it was nothing when I had asked.
He is hiding something, for sure. I know I should not feel hurt at this; that I should have known he wasn't to be trusted.
But I feel hurt anyway. Mother would be disappointed.
I just…if this secret had nothing to do with me, if it was just to do with him, then he could just tell me that he does not want to tell me.
But instead, he insists there is no secret, that he is not acting weird, that there is nothing wrong.
The only reason he would lie so directly to me is if it concerned me directly, right?
Besides, all those times he has said I could talk to him, yet he doesn't even feel that he can talk to me and return the favor?
No matter, I just won't concern myself with Fritz anymore. I have other things to worry about.
This morning the king summoned me to the throne room.
"You wanted to see me, Your Majesty?" I say.
The king smiles as he sees me. "Yes, Lucette. I…understand that your trip into town a little more than a month ago wasn't exactly pleasant."
"That is an understatement."
He frowns. "But I do not think you really experienced the town as you should have. That is why I hope you will accompany Emelaigne tomorrow on her visit into town."
"Again?" I ask, clenching my fists. "Wasn't putting me through that torture once enough for you?"
"That you see it as torture is exactly the problem, Lucette," The king says. "I want you to see the town for what it is. The people are not out to hurt you. It is unfair to assume the worst of them without trying to even look for the best."
"Really?" I say incredulously. "Then why do they all hate the mere sight of me? Tell me, Your Majesty, what is I have done that they all despise me so? You know what is unfair? That they all hate me despite the fact that I have only stepped foot outside of this palace twice in my life. So, no, I am not going."
"Lucette…" The king deflates, and a guilty look appears in his eyes. "I am sorry."
"For what?"
"For not being the father you needed. For not keeping the hate away from you…" He sighs, looking away.
"Ah, so you know the reason, yet you do not tell me? Do I not deserve to know?"
"Lucette…" He looks guilty, but it is probably fake emotion.
Is that all you can say?
"It doesn't matter. I cannot believe anything you say as truth, anyway."
"Why do you assume I will lie to you? Have I given reason for you to distrust me?"
"You have given me no reason to trust you. You were never there for me when I needed you," I say, staring daggers at him, "So how do I know that anything you say won't be just another way for you to make excuses for yourself?"
"Lucette, I…I am sorry. If I could turn back time…"
"It doesn't matter now," I say, waving away what he was about to say. "But as it stands, I will not accompany Emelaigne."
"You went before."
"Only because it was an order from the king," I correct him. "I would not have gone if it were up to me."
"If it has to be an order again, Lucette…" My father trails off, giving me a meaningful look.
I shake my head. "If you are truly sorry, Your Majesty, then you will listen to me when I say it was torturous. If you are truly sorry, you would not want to put me through that torture again."
The king closes his eyes for a few moments, takes a deep breath, then opens them again. "Lucette, please, just one more time."
I clench my fists. Does he not realize how horrible it was the first time? I should never have left the palace, yet he wants me to experience the same hate and disgust that I experienced before?
I sigh, then look straight in his eyes. "This conversation has made one thing abundantly clear. I am not your daughter, and you are not my father."
The king's eyes widen. I have thought this many times, but this is the first time I have ever said something like this so directly to him. "How can you say that, Lucette?" He asks, alarmed. "Do you not-"
"I will go with Emelaigne, so you can stop pretending to care for me, Father." I spit out the last word mockingly. "Am I excused?"
The king looks as if he is at a loss.
I have never seen him this way.
Do I really have such an effect on you? Or are you just faking?
Mother would say you were faking.
Then he just shakes his head, resigned. "Yes, Lucette, you are excused."
I manage to reach my room before the tears come. I muffle my cries in my pillow, hoping that a passing maid or knight or other servant will not hear me through the door.
Finally, when the tears have stopped falling and my eyes are rubbed raw, do I raise my head and face my shelf. Face my shelf, with my ever dependable dolls.
"Why is it that he can know me my entire life, yet not hold any love for me, when he has only known Rod and Emelaigne for little more than a year and yet they have become the world to him?"
There is no answer, as usual.
I wipe my eyes, even though the action is pointless as I have already rubbed them over and over until I could not feel anything.
"I wish you could respond to me."
I turn back to my pillow, and as I do, I catch a movement out of the corner of my eye. For a brief, fleeting moment I think Delora is moving, but when I look back, she is as still as ever.
Probably just a trick of the eye. It is just because I am wishing for them to be alive that I am imagining them moving around…
I turn onto my back and stare at the empty ceiling. I am not looking forward to the afternoon, because my lessons take place in the library at the same time as Emelaigne's. We have separate tutors, of course, as she still needs to learn much in terms of etiquette and the politics of being the leader of Angielle, while I am far ahead of her.
Well, it is still several hours until lunctime, so I have even longer until I have to see her face again.
I am not looking forward to it.
As I walk to the library, I run into Fritz, who decides to accompany me there.
"What is wrong, princess?"
I huff. "The king has ordered me to accompany Emelaigne to town. Again."
Though he is slightly behind me, I hear the momentary stop in his footsteps, before he continues.
"When?" Fritz asks.
"Tomorrow morning. The king was…much more insistent this time."
"I am sorry to hear of this, princess," Fritz says, and he sounds sincere. As if he truly cares for me.
Does Fritz really care for me? Outside of it simply being his job as a knight protecting the princess, does he really care for my well-being?
"Nevertheless, I will make sure no harm will come to you, princess."
I sigh. "You said the same thing last time."
"I…am sorry for not protecting you from the gazes of the townspeople," He sounds…sad.
On my behalf?
"But you can rest assured that if any of them were to act on their…feelings…I will not allow any of them to step near you," Fritz continues. "So you do not need to fear them. I know it will be hard to relax…but as long as I am there, you can do so without worrying for any danger."
"I do not fear them," I snap.
"I was only saying this just in case you did."
I stop walking, clenching my fists again, trying to keep from shaking entirely. "The king…did not listen to any of my protests. He did not listen to any of my reasons, as if none of them are valid."
"I think you have plenty of valid reasons to not wanting to go to town, princess," Fritz says quietly, stopping at my side. "Especially after the last trip. I…do not want you to only see the town negatively - I grew up there, after all - but your reasons for disliking the town are completely understandable."
"The king does not think so. In his eyes, I am being irrational. He will not even tell me why the townspeople hate me so much, even though I am almost certain he knows the reason."
"Princess…" Fritz clears his throat, then tries again. "Princess, there are many things my father keeps from me as well. But instead of dwelling on those things, I like to focus on what I know will make me happier, not bitter."
"Are you saying I am bitter?"
"I-well-no-I just," Fritz sighs, rubbing the back of his head. He comes to stand in front of me, looking down at me gently. "I just wanted to tell you what I do. Because it is unfair that he is keeping such large secrets from you, and seemingly for no reason…but I find that if I dwell on the things my father keeps from me, I may go crazy. So I decide to just focus on the positives in life."
"What if you do not have any positives?"
He smiles. "I used to think there were no positives. But then, even small things can help. Such as when I went to this bakery for the first time and tasted their pastries for the first time; there was so much flavor I had not experienced before! It quickly became my favorite bakery. Or the smell of the forest right after it rains; I do love that smell. These small things helped me feel at peace. Then there were some bigger things, like when I won my first duel with my teacher. Soon, I started recognizing the major positives in my life that I could look forward to, such as how I was able to become a knight even though I wasn't trained from a young age like the others. Or…that I was able to serve you, princess, because you have brought so much light into my life."
"I…have?"
How could I have? Everyone hates me. Even my own father holds no fondness towards me. Yet, Fritz says I am a positive in his life?
His smile is so sincere, though. I want to believe him. I want to believe that someone actually cares for me, that someone in this world is not simply waiting for the right moment to strike me once my back is turned.
"Of course you have, princess," Fritz says as if it is obvious, as if I hear this statement every day.
For a few more moments, I still do not know what to say. Until I finally bring myself out of my speechlessness and manage a quiet, strained, "Thank you, Fritz."
His smile widens, and he looks so happy at my expression of gratitude.
How can I make him look so happy? This cannot be real. It has to be fake. No one has ever been this happy when I am around.
"Princess, aren't you going to be late for your lesson?" Fritz asks, pulling me out of my thoughts.
My eyes widen. "I…yes, I should probably get going."
We have been talking for far too long, it seems. I don't know why, it is just…easy to talk to Fritz. I don't feel irritated, even when he talks for a long time, unlike with Emelaigne. I…don't mind listening to him speak, even if for a long time.
I continue walking at a faster speed. Even though I am the crown princess, meaning that I cannot really be reprimanded by a tutor for being late, punctuality is still important. Mother hated lateness. She always got very angry whenever I was even just a moment late.
Fritz doesn't speak until we reach the library. "I hope the rest of your day goes much smoothly than this morning, princess," he says as we part ways.
I nod at him, then enter. The tutor does not say anything about my lateness, deciding to just get striaght to the lesson.
When Mother used to teach me…she would have hated that I was even just a few minutes late. She would have taken away some of my dolls for a few days.
Mother had the right idea about discipline. Ophelia lets her children get away with too much, and the king himself is much too passive. That passivity only extends to the rest of the kingdom.
On the other hand, Mother was a much better leader. She didn't allow weakness in herself, in me, or in the citizens of Angielle. And we were a much better kingdom for it.
When I finish my lessons, Emelaigne is waiting by the door, big smile on her face.
"Lucette! I was waiting for you to finish!"
My constant rejection of her friendship still has not deterred her, even though I am sure Rod continues to try to discourage her from it. He does not talk to me at all, now; he simply glares when I have to tell Emelaigne off for being too pushy.
If anyone should be hated, it is Emelaigne, not me. Rod is much too loyal to his sister to listen to sense, though.
"What do you want?"
Her smile does not falter. She seems to have grown immune to my curt tone. "Father said you were coming to town with us tomorrow! I am so glad! And grateful, of course."
I glare at her. "Don't act so naive," I say. "You know he ordered me to go. If it were up to me, I would never step foot outside of the palace again."
I cannot help but also hate how easily she says "Father" when I rarely refer to him as such even in my head.
Did you not have a father of your own? It is not as if I call Ophelia "Mother."
She can never be my mother.
And yet the king has so easily become the father of Rod and Emelaigne, yet he has never been a father to me.
It is only now that Emelaigne's smile falls. "Even so, thank you for coming anyway. I know…it is unpleasant for you. I promise I'll try to make the visit better this time."
I scoff. "Don't make empty promises. If you feel bad, just make sure to make the visit as short as possible. Or better yet, don't even leave the palace at all."
She shakes her head. "I could never be like you, Lucette. I adore the town."
I raise my chin. "Well, at least it keeps you away from me. Most of the time, at least."
Her eyes widen. "Lucette, I…I want to spend time with you, and you say you would rather I stay far away from you?"
"That is exactly what I am saying," I sneer, pushing past her into the hallway. "My day would go much smoother and much happier if I never had to see you at all."
The next day comes much too quickly. Emelaigne pulls Rod with her and the guards follow, with Fritz and I following at a slower pace.
The entire carriage ride was quiet, providing me with at least some peace of mind.
It was strange, though, considering how much Emelaigne likes to talk.
As I expected, Emelaigne leads us to the toyshop first, enthusiastically greeting the shop girl, Viorica. Her quiet mood dissipates as the two talk. Strangely, though, Rod's own greeting seems much colder than the last time we were here. I notice him clenching his fist before hiding it behind his back, his shoulders remaining tense.
Oh, well, it does not matter to me.
"Being engaged suits you!" Emelaigne says brightly, while Viorica blushes. "When's the wedding?"
She is engaged? So quickly?
"We haven't set an exact date yet," Viorica says, "But Decimond and I are planning for sometime in a few months."
I hold in the urge to sigh. I have no interest in listening to them chatter.
What surprises me is when Rod leaves the shop, saying he will wait outside. Even Emelaigne looks surprised.
"I will go wait outside as well," I tell her, and walk outside, Fritz on my heels, before Emelaigne can respond. I find Rod leaning against the wall, looking sullen, but he looks up when he hears us step outside.
"Is Emelaigne done?"
I shake my head. Then I raise my eyebrows. I don't care one way or another why Rod is acting this way, but it would be nice to provoke him. "I'm surprised, Rod. I didn't think you disliked Viorica."
He glares. "I do not dislike her. What makes you think that?"
"Well, from the way you just acted, it's obvious," I say. He scowls and I roll my eyes. This is getting boring fast. It is only then that I turn my gaze to the main street of the town, where there are clusters of people here and there.
I prepared myself this time for the stares, for the looks of hatred. Disgust. Fear. I suck in a breath.
I thought I prepared myself.
Fritz follows my gaze. "Ignore them, princess. No harm will come to you as long as I am here."
I hear Rod scoff from next to me and swivel to face him directly. "Do you have a problem with me being safe?"
"I don't care one way or another what happens to you," he says. He looks as if he is about to say something more, then shakes his head and sighs.
"Prince Rod!" Fritz exclaims, shocked. "I-I am sorry, but do you really not care what happens to our crown princess?"
Oh, right. Fritz does not yet know that Rod has put his hatred out in the open. For I am sure he has always hated me, and as he said, only never let it be known because of Emelaigne.
But now he has let that facade drop.
"Leave it, Fritz," I say, "After all, I hardly care what happens to him either."
Fritz looks between the both of us, bewildered. He has known for a long time how much Emelaigne irritates me, everyone does, but I suppose it is new to him that Rod has now started to irritate me as well. He deflates. "All right, princess."
We stand in silence for a few more minutes. I take this time to observe all the different shops on the street that I didn't pay attention to before, ignoring the several customers going in and out of Viorica's shop.
Think about positives, huh…
Well, some shops have nice colors painted on their walls, I guess. I try not to think of my trip to town with Mother four years ago, but I do remember that the buildings were all drab with peeling walls, grey and brown being the prevalent colors throughout.
I guess many people decided to make their shops more colorful after the war. It makes sense, anyway.
It still doesn't mean I have to like it, though.
Emelaigne walks out and smiles when she sees us. The strange mood she was in before we went to Viorica's shop seems to have disappeared completely, with Emelaigne back to her normal cheery self.
"Ready to go?" Rod asks. Emelaigne nods and skips ahead of us, with Rod following her. Fritz lags behind with me.
"Are you all right, princess?" He asks quietly, so that only I can hear.
"Yes, why?"
"You seemed lost in your head for a bit."
"I was just looking at all the shops."
Fritz smiles. "Yes, the town is very pretty to look at, isn't it?"
I shrug. As we keep walking, I am distracted by a wonderful smell coming from one of the shops. I look at it closer, noticing it seems to be some sort of bakery. Fritz stops when he notices I have stopped walking.
"Are you hungry, princess?"
I look away. "It does not matter. We will be back at the palace soon."
"This is my favorite bakery, you know."
Should that make a difference to me?
"What's wrong?" I hear Emelaigne's voice call.
She and Rod have made their way back to us, having just noticed we haven't been following them.
"Oh, nothing, I was just telling the princess about my favorite bakery," Fritz says with a grin. Emelaigne gets a sparkle in her eye.
"Oh, should we go in? I heard they have delicious cupcakes," She exclaims, clapping her hands together excitedly. "And that their croissants are to die for."
Croissants?
Fritz must have noticed me perk up, because he chuckles gently. "Ah, yes, their croissants are amazing. They have all sorts of different pastries as well."
Well, I am hungry…Although the palace's food is made by top chefs…how could a simple bakery compare?
Emelaigne beams. "My mouth is watering just hearing about it. Come on, Rod, Lucette!"
Fritz holds the door for us as we enter. As he follows inside behind me, I hear him say, "I apologize if you did not want to go in, or if I drew unnecessary attention to you, princess."
I shake my head to silence him.
If Emelaigne goes in then it doesn't matter what I want.
Emelaigne starts happily chatting with the man behind the counter, who bows both to her and Rod with a smile on his face.
Does she have to make friends with everyone?
I ignore her and focus on the different pastries, fully aware of my growing hunger. It is only when I lower my hood that the baker notices me, and he gets the same expression on his face I have seen from everyone in town.
Anger. Fear. Disgust.
He bows quickly. "Your Highness, I am sorry I did not recognize it was you at first."
I stare blankly at him. The baker frowns but quickly recovers when he sees Fritz behind me. "Sir Fritz! It has been a while."
"It has," Fritz agrees with a smile. "How is your family doing?"
Fritz never striked me as the kind of person who pretends to be interested in other people's lives…not like Emelaigne does…I suppose that he must frequent this bakery often enough to be close with the owner.
"They are well," the baker says. "And your father? Still very busy, I'm sure."
Fritz chuckles, but I can see that the usual crinkles by his eyes are not there. "Yes, as can only be expected. But we are not here to talk."
Thank you. I almost thought this conversation would last as long as Emelaigne and Viorica's.
"Of course, of course! What would you like?" The baker asks brightly, turning to the rest of us. While Emelaigne and Rod make their selections, Fritz turns to me.
"I simply love the croissants they have here, they are my favorite," he mentions.
"Very well. I will have a croissant," I say, and Fritz looks startled.
"Really, princess?"
I nod, and he smiles happily.
The baker tells us to "please come again!" as we pay for our food, and I catch Fritz giving him a handshake before following us outside.
The four of us exit the bakery, with two of the guards waiting outside. I cautiously bite into my croissant, surprised by the burst of flavor in my mouth.
Well, at least I can trust Fritz's taste.
"I can certainly see why this is your favorite bakery, Sir Fritzgerald," Emelaigne says, biting into her own cupcake as we make our way to a crowd. "Don't you agree, Rod?"
"Yes, they're very good," Rod says, the tension seeming to leave him the farther we get from Viorica's shop.
"And what do you think, Princess Lucette?" Fritz asks.
Is he being hesitant? Why?
"It's…good."
Emelaigne squeals at this and Rod raises his eyebrows.
What? Is it strange what I said?
But Fritz simply smiles and says, "I am glad to hear it, princess."
Emelaigne, however, quickly distracted, hovers over the edge of the crowd. "Oh, it's that street performer! Waltz, I think!"
At her voice, many members of the crowd turn to us, and when they see who we are, they all move away to make room for us. Emelaigne blushes and thanks everyone as she leads us into the center, where I see the same boy that made lilies appear the last time I was in town.
It doesn't seem like he's just a magician, though, as this time there is a small stage that Waltz is setting up, and I notice that the front of the crowd is mainly populated by children.
"What is this?" I ask Fritz. He leans over to answer me over the sounds of of the audience.
"A puppet show, I believe, princess."
A puppet show, huh?
Well, I suppose I might as well watch it. Emelaigne seems excited about it, and we all have to follow her whims at the moment.
I am surprised, actually, by how many adults have gathered. Aren't puppet shows for children?
Is this what you wanted me to see, Your Majesty? People lazing around watching shows for children instead of doing their jobs?
And didn't he say the people of Angielle work day and night to restore the kingdom? I don't see that anywhere. All I see is them out to enjoy themselves; as Mother said, people only care about themselves.
I tune out most of it, until I hear the boy - Waltz - mention witches.
His story is ridiculous. He talks of good witches working together with fairies. What is he trying to prove?
I said what I said to my father back then, about a month ago, before my last trip into town, mainly to contradict him. That didn't mean that I believed there was such a thing as good witch. They created the war, they are the reason that Mother never let me leave the palace when I was young, they are the reason that my father spent more of his time looking after the kingdom than looking after me.
The show ends, and the crowd starts to disperse after an applause, except for many of the children who swarm Waltz. He looks in our direction and his eyes light up. "Is that the princesses and prince over there? I am honored that you have once again seen my performance!" He says with a bow. Emelaigne smiles and compliments him on the show while I turn to Fritz.
"We should go back now," I say. "If Emelaigne does not want to, yet, I am perfectly okay with splitting up."
"Princess…" Fritz frowns. "Okay. I will escort you back."
Emelaigne looks down, hands clasped in front of her, fidgeting. Finally she looks up at me. "You really don't like it here?"
I roll my eyes. "Did you think another visit would change my mind?" I look her up and down, sneering. "You really are more lacking in intelligence than I thought."
"Lucette!" Rod says. He clenches his fists and glares, taking a step towards me. Emelaigne grabs his arm to pull him back. "Don't worry about it, Rod. Lucette wants to go back, that's fine. Father didn't say she had to stay with the me the whole time, anyway, right? And…I think right now…I would rather just visit the rest of town with Rod only. But…we only have the one carriage."
Emelaigne voicing that she doesn't want to spend time with me? That's a first.
It always feels that anything I say, anything I do, Emelaigne will not let go of some delusion that we can be friends. Maybe now she is finally starting to give up on that.
I'm still surprised, though. I have never heard her utter any negative word towards anyone; this is probably the closest she has gotten to directly expressing her displeasure towards me.
"We finally agree on something," I say, then turn to face the direction in which I know is the palace. "Come on, Fritz. We will walk."
Fritz looks conflicted, but he follows dutifully as my guard back to the palace. It is only when we are inside and walking towards my room that he speaks.
"Princess…" Fritz takes a deep breath, then starts again. "Princess, I am not sure why exactly you wanted to come back early, but I was under the impression that this trip was not going as badly as the last."
"It…wasn't," I acknowledge. I was able to ignore most of the stares this time, now that I knew they were coming, and the bakery wasn't bad, exactly, although I still think the show was ridiculous. "But I simply had no desire to remain."
He nods. "I am glad, then, that it did not go as badly. But…your mood seemed to worsen, during Waltz's show."
"It was nonsensical," I explain. "The witches started the war, and yet this boy is telling people that there are good witches? And the children's parents are perfectly okay with this?"
Fritz frowns. "I…I am not entirely sure how to feel about his show either, princess. But, I have met a good witch."
I raise an eyebrow. "Really," I say skeptically.
He smiles. "Really. She can be…unkind sometimes, but I know that on the inside, she is truly a good person."
I scoff. "You are naive if you think like that. That someone is simply 'good' deep down inside. You almost sound like Emelaigne."
Fritz just keeps smiling at me, as if there is something he knows that I don't. "I know her well enough to know she is good. And Princess Emelaigne is truly trying to be your friend, princess."
I shake my head. "She is too kind for any of it to be genuine, Fritz."
"Princess…there are people that care about you," he sighs. "I know that with the way the townspeople have treated you, and your own distance from your family, it might seem impossible…but we do care."
"We? Are you including yourself in that?" I ask.
He smiles. "I have served you for a long time, princess. You have become important to me."
"You only serve me because it is your job."
"Ah, yes, but even if it wasn't my job anymore, I would still do everything I could to keep you safe."
"Maybe you are being sincere, but most people are not. I'd rather not take the risk," I say.
"I…" Fritz frowns. "I understand, princess."
Fritz excuses himself, bows, then walks away as I enter my room, mentally and physically drained from the day, and there is still plenty of daylight left in the day!
I crumple onto my bed. "Delora…" I start, then sigh and roll over to face my shelf with the aforementioned doll. "Is there such a thing as a good witch? There was a boy putting on a puppet show today who talked of good witches."
Silence.
"I really do wish sometimes that you could talk."
More silence.
"I mean, sure, humans started killing witches first, so it was their fault the war started, but if there isn't a such thing as a good human, how can there ever be a good witch?"
I bite my lip, deciding to change the subject.
"Is Fritz being honest when he says he cares? Or is he just trying to get me to trust him? I cannot figure him out, Delora. Because he says he cares…he says things that imply I am important to him but…I think - no, I am certain - that Fritz is hiding something from me." At this, I cannot help but deflate. I know what Mother would say. I know what I have been telling myself.
But…I still wanted to trust him. And the way he acts…I wanted to believe he is genuine.
But it is difficult to trust someone who is most surely keeping secrets from me.