"NAGATO!" Mei screams as her ally is stabbed through the chest by a branch.
Nagato falls to the ground, a pool of blood spreading across the grass underneath him. The masked man bears down on him, but Mei intervenes with a water style tidal wave. Mei's wave pushes the masked man away from Nagato, but does not seem to have much effect otherwise.
The clones are gone, and the masked man himself is the one who attacked Nagato.
"Who are you?" Mei demands, weaving the horse hand sign. "Boil Release: Skilled Mist jutsu." Mei breathes out a spray of acidic steam, aiming right for the masked man.
The masked man leaps into the air, above the acid mist.
A moment later, an orange blur rockets overhead, aimed straight at the masked man. The masked man is sent flying backwards as a blonde Leaf chunin dressed mostly in orange headbutts him in the gut.
"HOW DARE YOU ATTACK NAGATO-NIISAN!" the orange kid yells. "I'll KILL you, not-Rain, dattebayo!"
"You again!" the masked man growls, as he lands in a bush. "Zetsu was supposed to take care of you lot!"
"Zetsu didn't know about us," says an ordinary looking man in a red and black outfit. The man, and ten others dressed just like him, are walking towards Mei and Nagato from around the other side of the maze. There are two other Leaf ninjas, two old men and a little girl with them.
"Who are you?" the masked man demands.
"We are Kurama's Guards," says the man.
"Are you the leader of your group?" the masked man demands, freeing himself from the bush he landed in.
"Oh no," says the man, smoothly. "The Nine Tailed Fox is the leader of our group. We are his Guards, after all. I've just been appointed the spokesperson so no one else needs to be named."
"What do you mean, so no one else has to be named?" asks one of the old men standing behind the Guards. "You all introduced yourselves just now."
"Never mind, I'm just breaking the fourth wall," says the Guard dismissively. "It's not important." The guard walks up to Nagato, kneels down beside him and his hands on the giant puncture wound in Nagato's chest.
"What are you doing?" asks Mei, suspiciously.
"Oh, just being a plot ex-machina," says the Guard, and his hands start to glow with a strange energy. Nagato's wound begins to close slowly.
"A what?" asks the orange chunin, floating down and hovering beside Nagato.
"It means I'm fixing all the problems at the last second," says the Guard. "Now shouldn't you do something about that masked man?"
"I will retreat and meet you again another time," says the masked man, vanishing in a swirl of Leaves.
"Aw, I wanted to kick his butt again," complains the Orange Chunin.
"I am sure we will see him again, Naruto," says one of the other Leaf ninjas. This one seems familiar somehow...Shunshin Shisui. Mei has seen him in her bingo book.
The orange kid, whose name is apparently Naruto, sighs in longing and then turns his attention on Mei. "Hello," he says, bowing politely to her. "I am Naruto Uzumaki. What is your name, 'tebayo?"
"I am Mei Terumi, Fifth Mizukage of the Village Hidden in the Mist," says Mei, inclining her head ever so gracefully.
"Ooooh!" The younger of the two old men grins at Mei. "Now I understand."
"What do you understand, Grandpa?" asks Naruto, looking a bit confused.
The kid's grandpa walks up to Mei and says, "I am Arashi Namikaze. I believe you've met my adopted son, Iruka Umino?"
"Yes...I have…" Mei blushes as she remembers what happened last time they met. Damn was Iruka ripped. If only they weren't enemies…
"Oh so you're the Mist ninja Iruka-nii likes!" Naruto crosses his arms and nods importantly. "You know, you're the reason he's still single."
Mei is not sure how to feel about the fact that her crush still likes her. Dammit, maybe it's not as one-sided as she thought! Maybe they will get married and-
Oh, that's right, they are enemies. S***.
"You know, you're in luck," says Arashi, still grinning. "Iruka is here with us on this mission. He's actually in the maze right now getting the scroll, which I understand you are after?"
"Yes, we are after it," says Nagato, lifting his head off the grass. "We need it for something important."
"Well so do we," says Naruto. "So we won't let you have it, 'tebayo!"
"Hey, I have the scroll," says a voice Mei didn't think she would hear again in a hurry. She turns to see Iruka walking through the entrance to the maze. He is holding Namiko in his arms, and she has a scroll gripped tightly in both hands. "Unfortunately, this kid also has the scroll." Iruka sees Mei, and he smiles brightly. "I think she's mine, care to confirm, Mei-senpai?"
"Uh...yes." Mei nods as she realizes that she is Iruka's sempai-crush.
"What?" says Namiko, looking from Iruka to Mei and back. "Mummy?"
"Sweetie, that man is your Daddy," says Mei, feeling a little lightheaded.
"OOOH!" Arashi makes a beeline for Iruka and Namiko. "Is this my granddaughter?" He takes Namiko off Iruka. "Come here, Grandpa wants a cuddle!"
While Arashi is squishing his cheek against Namiko's and squeezing the stuffing out of her in affection, Iruka casually takes the Sacred Scroll out of Namiko's hands. That cunning little bastard! He got Mei to admit the kid was his so that his father would come and cuddle her, giving Iruka the opportunity to take the scroll!
"Hand over the scroll!" says Mei, getting into attack position.
"I feel like we've been here before," says Iruka smoothly. "I have a feeling this time will go a bit differently because of the presence of other people."
Mei knows she is blushing. What she wants to know is how Iruka isn't blushing. "We need that scroll, Iruka," she says. "Hand it over."
"Tell me what you need it for," says Iruka. "This is a sacred relic of my people."
"We cannot tell you," says Nagato, sitting up, his injury healed now. "We do not want to involve anyone else."
"Tell me, Nagato," insists Iruka. "What do you need this scroll for?"
"No," Nagato refuses.
"Do I have to pull rank?" asks Iruka, with mildly threatening undertones.
"I identify with the Uzumaki Clan," says Nagato, standing.
"Is that why you're such a s*** teacher?" asks Iruka.
Mei's eyes widen. Nagato is not a bad teacher, but he is sensitive about his lack of experience.
"Unlike you, I wasn't professionally trained!" snaps Nagato, crossing his arms.
Iruka holds up the camouflage seal that Namiko was trying to learn how to use. "This right here is proof you need some training," says Iruka. "What kind of teacher nearly makes their student glow accidently?" Iruka shakes his head in disappointment. "No, you need help. Oh, and did you know that in the Hidden Whirlpool, the better teachers outranked the ones of lesser skill simply by being better? So clan differences aside, I still outrank you. Twice."
"Twice?" Nagato frowns in confusion. "I am the leader of a village."
Iruka looks around as if he is searching for something. "Nope, can't find a single damn to give."
"Nagato," says Naruto patiently. "Iruka-nii already out-badassed you twice this morning, just tell us why you need the scroll. I don't wanna have to kick your butt too."
"You still need years of training before you could beat me in a fight," says Nagato, frowning at Naruto. "But fine, I'll tell you - before you decide to bring the Queen into this. The Scroll from the Temple of Joe and the Scroll from the Temple of Dave each have half a jutsu in them. The jutsu is a method by which you can seal away Zetsu forever. The jutsu has never actually been tested, but it is our only hope to defeat Zetsu for good at the moment. I wanted the scroll from the temple of Joe for the special seal recorded inside it, but then when I read it I discovered a way to beat Zetsu. And I found out why Zetsu wants to unite all the Tailed Beasts and seal them into the husk of the Ten Tails, then cast the Infinite Tsukuyomi over the whole world. The Scroll from the Temple of Joe said that when the Ten Tails is revived and the world cast under the Infinite Tsukuyomi, Kaguya will return."
"You're an idiot," says Naruto, surprising everyone.
"Excuse me?" says Nagato, an expression of disbelief on his face.
"You're an idiot," Naruto repeats. "If you'd told us about all this when you were in the Hidden Leaf, we could have helped you. Mr. Nice Hokage wants that scroll because it has Lord Seconds notes about the sharingan in it - we found that out from Lord Second's reanimation. When we were fighting Zetsu just now, he said he messed with the Uchiha clan's sacred stone tablet, and the real words the tablet is supposed to say are in that scroll. I'll bet that has something to do with this Kagua person."
"I remember seeing her name on the Uchiha Tablet," says Shisui, nodding. "It would be bad if she returned. You are an even bigger idiot than me, and I have this blue mustache to prove how stupid I am."
The blue mustache is the reason it took Mei a few seconds to realize who Shisui is. "But the Leaf and the Mist are enemies," says Mei. "And the Mist is helping Akatsuki defeat Zetsu."
"Then we'll just talk to Mr. Nice Hokage about becoming allies," says Naruto, nodding reasonably. "He'll be cool with it. He's nice, 'tebayo."
"We can't just go with you to the Hidden Leaf," says Mei, sighing because she wishes it was that simple.
"Then we'll just have to take all three of you prisoner," says Iruka, matter-of-factly.