The Shotgun Approach

Chapter 27: Two Steps Back, Zero Forward

. . .

The End of March 2005

It was cold this early in Spring, the air still holding onto the bitter bite of winter. The night sky was clear, the moon high and full. Stars dotted the blackness, like holes punctured into a dark canvas, so seldom seen from the city.

I sat in a glade, far away from the bustle of Sarayashiki, the city lights a soft background glow.

The people down in the city would be celebrating Shunbun no Hi—the Vernal Equinox. I knew even Yusuke was choosing to attend a party, which is why I was hidden up here, as far from the joviality as I could get. There was nothing for me to be celebrating.

My fingers dug deep into the earth, churning up dirt and staining the tips of my fingers a deep brown. I felt nothing. No life, no lines. Just a deep emptiness. One I was beginning to hate.

At first, it felt like a blessing, not being tied down by the "gifts" given to me by my father before me. But as days passed...it began to feel like the punishment it was—it hurt when I attempted to use my energy, a searing agony that caused me to bite my own tongue to keep silent several times already. And even now, I sat in the grass only just barely begun to turn green and tried to break through the invisible barrier blocking my powers.

Nothing happened but white-hot pain.

I flopped back, falling on the still tender mark engraved into my skin, and groaned.

A small bottle rolled out from beneath my shirt, attached by a bit of leather and wound around my neck. Inside it was a fine powder—crushed painkillers and a mixture of herbs I'd smuggled in from the Makai years ago. It was more potent than just the pills alone and with it being powdered, I was able to just stick the tip of my small finger into the bottle and spread it across my gums. Faster than swallowing a pill.

I did just that after a moment, spreading the powder across my gums and letting it sink in a bit before I ran my tongue over my teeth.

There was much to think about. Too much. And most of it I wished to avoid—and had been for a week or better now.

I was keeping tabs on Yusuke for my own sanity, but often my ravens were interfered with if not killed outright. I knew it was Hiei's doing...if not Kurama's and it was frustrating, but expected. I should be thankful they weren't actively hunting them and the birds only died when one drew too close to the king.

My hands dug into the earth again, ripping up clumps of grass and tossing them across the field in frustration. All of this was my own fault. I thought them fools to be played to my advantage—as if I were playing a game a game of chess and they were all the tiny pieces; no minds of their own, only to be manipulated into what I needed them to do to win. It was poor judgment on my part. A folly I would not come back from.

And then there was Magni...

No. I couldn't think of Magni right now. Not when the rush of drugs was making a warmth spread through my chest to my head, where a cozy fog like blanket fell over my mind. So nice. Safe.

I wasn't human, lack of powers notwithstanding, I still had demonic strength and biology. That would never change. And the more I used the drugs the more my immunity to them grew. I knew my inevitable—a dishonorable death by overdose. I would welcome it with open arms once my job here was done. It was the least of what I deserved...

I drudged myself up, covered in dirt and half dead grass, and spun around straight into someone's chest.

From the scent, I knew it to be Hiei, but I cringed when I realized. This was only our second meeting since I was released from prison and once again I dreaded the sight of him. Even his open hostility when we first met was better than the look of utter loathing he held in his gaze now.

"You are still a demon, act like one," he snapped when I backed away.

True. While I might not be able to sense energies any longer, I still had my instincts. But of course, those were dulled by the drugs too.

"Why are you here?" I asked, not bothering to brush the dirt off. I merely smeared what remained on my hands across the jeans I was wearing.

I took the time to notice Hiei was dressed in his EMT uniform, complete with the stethoscope I'd given him around his neck. He looked unkempt, perhaps even harried, making it obvious he'd just finished a shift. He still wore a pair of gloves, little bits of dried blood flaking off near the fingers.

When he noticed where I was looking, he was quick to snap them off, balling them up and burning them. The stench of melting latex burnt my nose but I couldn't help laughing. He must have come in a hurry.

"Good to see you can still laugh even after murdering a quarter of the city," he spat.

My jaw clamped shut with that and I cast him as scathing a look as I could muster. "I didn't kill any of those people."

"You did nothing to stop it, which is worse. They didn't die by a merciful hand."

Hiei—a killer himself—harbored a code of honor I sometimes forgot about. His devotion and trust of Yusuke certainly changed the man, shaped him further than the horrors of his past ever could. Now he stood before me, proudly wearing the uniform of a person who saved lives every day of their life. No one would believe it—not unless they saw it with their own eyes.

"Why are you here?" I repeated.

His glare deepened, but he fished something from his pocket and handed it to me. The second it touched my fingertips, he was gone.

I was left to stare at empty air, the buzz of my high gone, fingers pinched around a thin envelope.

The scrawl across the front told me everything I needed to know.

. . .

April 4th, 2005

Two weeks later the envelope remained unopened, tossed on the top of my dresser to be forgotten about. I assumed it was passed along from its original sender to Kurama...and from Kurama to Hiei. Most likely because Kurama wanted even less to do with me than Yusuke and Hiei combined.

Also because Hiei was the fastest and the most suitable for delivering letters across long distances.

But that was beside the point. I wouldn't be opening it no matter who delivered it.

"I had your bike stored...after you left."

Currently, we were in my kitchen having an awkward chat over fresh coffee. And by we, I meant Shou and I. I wasn't sure who told him of my return and when I opened my door this morning to find him behind it, I almost shut it in his face. There was only one reason why he was here...and I already knew what my answer needed to be.

"It's good to see you, Ettie...you look..." he was at a loss for words when he gave me another once over, saw the pale skin and my eyes sunken in and tired, he trailed off.

"I can't come back to the crew," I said, a preemptive strike to stop anymore pointless small talk. "I have no place there now."

"That's not true! We would all take you back no questions asked! You can even have your old position back, I'm sure Eric—"

"No, Shou. My answer is final." I rose from my seat with all the grace of an ancient old crone and went to rinse my mug in the sink. "Besides, I trained Hiei. He knows everything I know and then some."

I was happy Hiei stayed. Ecstatic even, that my fuck up didn't royally ruin his life as well.

"Hiei has been a great asset," Shou assents, "but he isn't you."

I sighed, growing weary of the conversation already. "Shou...a lot of things happened while I was away. I no longer have the ability to heal as I once did—in fact, I have no Magiks at all anymore. Only my hands and my knowledge."

"Both of those are valuable enough," he said, trying his hardest to keep the obvious anger out of his tone. "Don't sell yourself so short."

"I think it's time you left, Shou. You have overstayed your welcome." The cold finality in my voice made him rise, his face carefully flat.

Shou nodded a sad smile on his lips his only goodbye.

Not long after he left, I found myself standing in front of my dresser, the envelope in hand. Part of me wanted to rip it to shreds and loose the pieces over my balcony.

In the end, I once again tossed it across my dresser and watched as it slid down the backside, pinned against it and the wall. Good enough.

. . .

I wasn't foolish enough to believe he hadn't seen me, the crush of people in the tiny cafe, not even a slight deterrent. I clutched my coffee and tried to wade my way through them so I could disappear like a specter.

The hand that grabbed my shoulder made me spit a curse.

Apparently, he was just going to forego his coffee.

He dragged me to a booth already occupied by a group of college students and menaced his way into stealing their seats. They practically tripped over themselves in their rush to get away from him. I wanted to laugh but knew it would do me no favors, so I bit my tongue and let him shove me into the booth. He crowded in beside me, clearly cutting off my most obvious escape route.

"I know you've been keeping tabs on me. Cut the shit."

He was so close I could feel his body heat. It made goose-flesh prickle across my arms and the back of my neck.

"I won't," was all I said, taking a careful sip of my still hot drink and wishing I still had the ability to quickly cool it. Such minor inconveniences, but annoying nonetheless.

"You won't? That's all you have to say about it, huh?" He made a sound of disgust, snatching the paper coffee cup from my hands and petulantly chugging it like a child.

He released a pained puff of breath after, sticking his tongue out both to cool it and to try and rid his mouth of the bitter taste. I preferred dark roasted coffees and put no sugar and very little cream in them. Yusuke, who drank cappuccinos and other equally sweet beverages, would find what I drank horrid.

"Still don't know how you can stand that stuff," he said, shaking his head vigorously as if that would clear the taste faster.

"By the goddess, Yusuke, that was my first damned cup of the day."

"Sucks to suck," was his reply, before crumpling up the cup and dropping it in my lap. "Stop sending your fucking birds. I mean it."

With that, he was out of the booth and gone before I could get another word in edgewise.

Later that day, I stood on the railing of my balcony, my feet bare and called to the sky. The ravens were the one thing I was happy to have stolen from Einarr. They would only answer to me now because I treated them kindly, fed them, gave them trinkets to bring back to their nests. The birds were intelligent and easy to train.

The ravens were anomaly's, having the ability to seamlessly travel between dimensions without ever disturbing a thing. It was as if they were ghosts sent from Valhalla by the gods.

I loved them. I didn't want anymore to die.

So with Yusuke's warning...I knew I would need to send them back home.

I whispered this message in the raven's ears, running my fingers down the silk of its feathers. With a yell, I threw it in the sky, dislodging its sharp talons from my arm and shooing it away. The bird circled for a long time, just watching me, now seated on the railing, back against the building.

Stubborn old thing, I thought. Just go. Be free.

Only when the sun started to set did the massive bird leave, a great caw its final farewell.

Tomorrow I would finish what they couldn't. If Yusuke thought the birds were a nuisance he was in for a rude awakening.

. . .

As promised, the next morning I tracked down the king and made my presence instantly known. He saw me the second he stepped out his apartment door and he looked less than impressed. It only took him a couple of blocks down the street to realize what I was doing.

"So this is what's happening now?"

When I didn't say anything he spat some insult under his breath and shoved his hands in his pockets, hunching over as he continued on his way.

I kept back a healthy distance, but never let my eyes off him. He was slick and almost managed to slip me a few times. To his utter disappointment, I still managed to keep up and walked right through the door of the mayor's office along with him.

He rolled his eyes but pointed to a seat in the lobby. "Wait here."

Sitting, I put on a good show of obeying, but the second he was out of earshot I was up from my seat and trekking towards the room Yusuke's been ushered into by a harassed-looking secretary.

Said secretary was bustling her way back down the hall and she called after me when I breezed by her, "Miss! Miss, you can't go in there!"

I didn't plan to go in, I just planned to make sure I knew exactly when Yusuke left. I took up a post outside the door, leaning against the wall and raising an eyebrow at the woman gaping at me in the middle of the hall. After a moment of staring she considered it a lost cause and mumbled something about not getting paid enough to be a security guard too before she wandered back to her desk.

The meeting between Yusuke and the mayor was long winded and most of it was spent with Yusuke taking verbal abuse from the lazy bastard who seemed to think he owned the entire city. When it was done, Yusuke banged the doors open and gave them the bird when they closed behind him.

"You're funding the rebuilding of the district Einarr burned down."

He glared at me. "You mean the part of my goddamn city that your brother and you burned to the ground? Yeah, I'm fucking funding it, what does it matter to you?"

"It matters a great deal," I said. "Because from what I've heard, you aren't just funding it, but helping build too. With your own hands."

"Yeah, so's Hiei, Kuwabara, and even Kurama. We live here. It's our fucking home. Maybe you don't understand that, but I'm not about to roll over and let it turn into some dump."

He walked away and I trailed behind him, stopping myself from reaching out a hand and grabbing him. He had every right to be bitter and angry with me. I didn't expect anything less and in fact should be grateful he didn't just downright kill me himself.

After his meeting with the mayor, he went to one of the many construction sights scattered across the city and let off some steam. He helped lift heavy masonry and kept the workers safe and used his own brute strength to pitch in as much as he could.

On the ground, I spent my time watching and patching up small cuts and scrapes incurred by the workers. Some of them recognized me from my work as an EMT and the ones who didn't never questioned my presence, they just assumed I was a friend of Yusuke's and left it at that.

Yusuke stopped working when the crews broke for lunch. He returned home, showered, changed into sweats and a tank and left the building again.

First, he jogged. When he grew tired of that he hit up the first nearby gym.

Yusuke never spoke to me. He spent the entire day ignoring me, even well into the evening when he met up with Kazuma at the bar for drinks. His friend was vexed about me taking up a booth across the room instead of joining them, but neither made an attempt to lure me over.

When they parted ways, Yusuke once again returned to his apartment and I dutifully followed him up the stairs, just wanting to make sure he made it inside unscathed. What greeted me when I crested the final staircase was a sword pointed at my throat. I came up short, taking a single step back down and away from the tip of the blade.

Hiei stood at the end of it, fire and fury in his eyes, and jerked his head at me to leave.

"We do not need help from the likes of you," he said. "Stay away from him."

. . .

I waited around a corner, sucking the remnants of my last dose off my teeth, and took a few deep breaths.

Giving up wasn't an option. Hiei would have to kill me first.

For the past two days, the fire demon never left Yusuke's side. He was trying to deter me from following him but it wasn't working, it was just him disturbing my duty and making me want to wring his neck.

I wasn't afraid to die. I knew what waited for me.

Hiei was out on a run today, his shift the only thing keeping him from Yusuke, and I was shocked at his devotion for the job considering he was once so against it.

Hiding in an alley, I watched him run his team at the scene of a car accident and wondered when he'd usurped Eric's position. It was obvious they deferred to the fire demon now and I felt a swell of pride in my chest at the thought.

Just as the last of the patients were loaded into an ambulance, Hiei rounded the corner and down the alleyway, his gait menacing and face even more so. "You have a death wish," he growled.

Stalking up to me, he backed me into the wall and tried to look imposing.

"Why haven't one of you just killed me yet?" I asked.

His jaw clenched, his teeth gritting together. "The detective wants you alive."

"He could have fooled me."

"You betrayed us, Etternia. Just like I knew you always would. You gained his trust and devotion and spat on it like it was shit on your boots."

"That isn't true—!"

Hiei stepped back, hand waving in front of him, shaking his head. "No, I'm wrong. You loved him so fiercely that you burnt down the city he calls home and killed its citizens just to show how much you care. You ruined any development he'd made in the community and now people are once again so wary of demons that many have been run out of their homes and jobs."

What started off sarcastic and bitter turned crazed and angry with every further word spat from his mouth.

"You single-handedly destroyed everything we have worked towards for all these years. For what? Your selfish agenda to find a son who wanted nothing to do with you."

Hiei's words bit, sliced, and rent me open. I swallowed thickly and tried to keep the emotion off my face with herculean effort. He was right after all. What was there for me to say?

"Now, because Yusuke and Kurama and that idiot Koenma bought you some mercy, you are still alive and once again disturbing Yusuke. What do you plan to fuck up now? Hmm?"

I couldn't remember a time I'd ever heard Hiei talk so much. His entire body revolted against it, from his standoffish body language to the grimace across his face, but he couldn't stop. His voice and tongue had remained silent in this for too long.

"Are you done?" I asked, though my voice lacked the confidence I desperately searched for.

His chest was heaving with his rage and I expected him to turn and leave. Instead, he grabbed me around the throat and slammed me into the brick wall behind me.

When my Magiks didn't rise to defend myself he let go with a noise of disgust, wiping his hand against his uniform as if I'd left something dirty behind. "Stay away from him," he snarled, before fleeing from the alley.

This was going to be hard. I expected nothing less.

But as I spread a thin layer of powder across my gums, the drugs whispered to me in their ever alluring tongue—just give up and let the world burn.

Part of me wondered if that's what it needed—to burn...and be reborn anew.

A much bigger part knew he would never let that happen.

My fate would keep its course, until the day I was delivered to the hands of Hel herself.

. . .

A/N: Ettie isn't in for an easy road with the boys. She's two steps back from square one and making very little headway. Also, what's up with that letter, hmm?