Fugaku heads to the Village Gates to see off Nagato, Mei and the little Mist kid. What was her name again? Iruka's brat? Nah, that's not a name. But for some reason, when Fugaku arrives, Iruka's Kid is not standing with Mei and Nagato, but with Kazama. "Is she staying?" Fugaku asks when he is close enough to hold a conversation with the small gathering at the gate. Kazama, Arashi, Jiraiya, Iruka and Nagato are there to see the 'prisoners' off.
"Yes, she is," says Mei, with a determined expression on her face like she is fighting off the urge to change her mind. "Namiko will probably be able to help with Dave's Scroll."
Oh, so her name is Namiko. "She will, indeed," says Lord Fugaku. "But what she really ought to be doing is playing with other little toddlers."
"I'm not a toddler, I'm a big kid!" announces Namiko, glaring defiantly at Fugaku.
"Oh, sorry," says Fugaku, trying to to grin. "Then you should be at school with the other big kids your size." Her size is tiny and chubby enough to be considered fat.
"I'm a genin!" says Namiko, proudly. "The Academy was boring and far too easy so after a few weeks I graduated. Now I'm Nagato sensei's apprentice! That's way better 'cause it's ak-chully hard."
"And you let her?" says Fugaku, frowning at Mei.
"She just decided to take the test, the teachers humoured her, and then she cried when I told her she is too young to graduate," sighs Mei. "And when I say cried, I really mean she screamed for three hours and made herself sick from the effort."
"That sounds an awful lot like something my son would do," says Fugaku, remembering that Itachi also decided the Academy was boring and too easy and then came home one day with a graduation certificate and a forehead protector. Eizo is the one who screams, though. Sasuke does not know that Fugaku knows that Eizo screamed at her until Sasuke hugged him. Fugaku has weird kids. "The screaming thing, I mean. My son would do the screaming thing. My oldest kid already did the whole 'deciding the academy is boring and coming home a genin' thing. They grow up so fast."
"I'm glad you understand," says Mei, in a tone of voice that gives Fugaku the impression she is just glad SOMEONE understands.
"We'll make sure she spends plenty of time playing," promises Arashi. "Have a safe trip."
"Well, goodbye then," says Mei, reluctantly.
"Bye Mummy!" says Namiko, grinning and waving cheerfully. "You don't want to be late home, do you?"
Mei's face takes on an irritated, somewhat angry expression. She sniffs, turns on her heel and marches away, muttering something about marriage.
Nagato waves goodbye and heads off to catch up to Mei.
"Right," says Fugaku, when Mei and Nagato are out of earshot. "Now that they are gone and we don't have to keep pretending: Namiko, you are not doing s*** while you are here. Have fun with your Dad's side of the family, okay."
"Oh!" Namiko gasps, putting her hand over her mouth. "You said a bad word!"
"Since when was 'fun' a bad word?" asks Fugaku, frowning and pretending he doesn't know what word she actually meant.
"Lord Fugaku…" says Kazama, raising a threatening eyebrow.
Fugaku suddenly remembers he has a meeting to go to. "I have to meet with Wind and Rain," he says, and shunshins away before the angry old civilian lady beats the crap out of him for swearing in front of a little kid.
"That was a close call," says Fugaku, relieved, when he arrives in his office via the window.
Wind and Rain are waiting for him in the Hokage's office. "What was a close call?" asks Rain, scratching his head like a confused cartoon character.
"Oh, I swore when speaking to Namiko, and her Grandma was right there," says Fugaku, closing the window he just climbed through. "Kazama was not impressed."
"Would you be if someone swore in front of your kid?" asks Wind, unimpressed.
"They would know the true meaning of pain," says Fugaku, shrugging. He sits down. "Now, what did you want to tell me, and no one else?"
"First, we need to make sure no one can eavesdrop on us," says Wind, heading over to the windows and doing something to them that blocks them out completely. At the same time, Rain casts a genjutsu that blocks out everything they say and do to anyone outside the jutsu.
Fugaku rests his head on his hands and his elbows on his desk. "What exactly is it you need to tell me?" he asks. "That's a lot of security."
"Our enemy has many ways of finding things out," says Wind. "It is almost impossible to know who to trust. But we know we can trust you, Lord Fugaku." She raises her hand and lowers her mask.
Fugaku sits up straighter. "You…!"
Then Rain reaches up and takes off his mask. "Lord Fugaku, we have quite a story to tell."
"But you're…!" Fugaku cannot quite believe what he is seeing.
Tsunade is drunk. Just how she likes it.
What's Great Uncle Pantsu doing here? "Oi!" she yells at him, waving her bottle of sake at him. "You were right! Drinking made my boobs grow!"
"Lady Tsunade, anatomy doesn't work that way!" says Shizune, who is sitting across from Tsunade with Tonton, ready to carry Tsunade home once she passes out.
"Which one of us has bigger boobs?" demands Tsunade, waving her bottle at Shizune. "Me! Which one of us drinks? ME!"
"I'm a man, Lady Tsunade," sighs Shizune. "I am never going to grow boobs, no matter how much I drink."
"Of course not!" says Pantsu, sitting down beside Shizune and giving him a noogie. "You'll just get hair on your chest like this!" Pantsu pulls open the front of his shirt, mentally scarring Shizune for life.
"I want some of that!" says a little girl with shaggy, wild, red hair and muddy, tie-dyed clothing. She climbs up onto the tabletop, leaving muddy footprints from her bare feet, and grabs Tsunade's bottle. Then she drinks the rest of what is left in one long mouthful. "This stuff tastes better than moonshine," comments the girl, shaking a few of the remaining drops of sake onto the table.
"Hey!" yells the bartender, running over to their table. "You can't let her drink in here! It's against the law! She's not the legal drinking age yet!" He seems unreasonably flustered for some reason. "I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you all to leave."
"Now listen here, you…" Tsunade slams her fist down on the table, ready to pick a fight.
Pantsu interrupts. "Let's go hang with my peeps," he says. "We dudes have so much of that good, sweet booze, and the best hangover treatment in the world."
Tsunade blinks a couple of times. Then she grins, stands up, tucks the little alcoholic kid under her arm and says, "LET'S GO THEN!"
"I'll just be going…" Shizune says, trying to sneak away with Tonton.
"Oh, no you don't," says Pantsu. "You're coming with us.
"Then, can I at least send a message to Lady Okami to tell her where we are in case she needs us at the hospital?" asks Shizune.
"Send Tonton!" orders Tsunade.
Team Kakashi is finally back together, and back at Training Ground Seven. "So, what do we want to practice today?" asks Kakashi sensei, rubbing his hands together. "Remember, it must be something Sasuke can do in that chair. Strategy, perhaps? I could help you learn some hard kanji, or teach you a bit about puberty?"
"NO, not puberty!" says Madoka, wondering how traumatized they would be after discussing puberty with Kakashi sensei. "My parents already told me everything."
"Same," agrees Sasuke, nodding, her eyes wide from the potential horror.
"Sasuke and Madoka want to learn fuuinjutsu," says Naruto. "Do you know fuuinjutsu, Kakashi sensei, 'tebayo?"
"Yes, I do," says Kakashi sensei. "Your Dad tried teaching the whole team, but my teammates weren't very good at it. One of them was an Uchiha, and everyone knows they usually aren't very good at fuuinjutsu. The other one was just not too interested in learning. I got up to inventing my own jutsu for the advanced test." Kakashi sensei sighs. "But I could never teach it to anyone until I taught it to Sasuke." Kakashi sensei scratches the back of his head in embarrassment. "I guess I'm an Advanced Fuuinjutsu user now that I've taught Sasuke chidori."
"Alright!" says Naruto, grinning. "So you can help us then? You must know so much about fuuinjutsu since you've been learning it since you were our age!"
"Actually, I started learning when I became a genin," says Kakashi, sensei laughing nervously.
"How old were you when you became a genin?" asks Madoka, curious.
"Five," says Kakashi sensei.
"Wow!" Naruto's jaw drops. "I wasn't even allowed in the academy when I was five!"
"Ah, well, they changed the minimum entrance age because of me," says Kakashi sensei. "Now about learning fuuinjutsu…?"
"MADOKA!" a voice yells. Madoka turns to see Neji running towards Team Kakashi.
"What's up?" Madoka asks, when Neji is within reasonable talking distance.
"I need an excuse to throw a party-" Neji starts to say.
"You are getting way too into the Order of Steve's Partying," says Naruto.
"Whatever," says Neji, waving at Naruto to be quiet. "I need to throw a party. Madoka, your birthday is the next one out of all the people I know. Your birthday party is at my house."
Madoka grins, suddenly feeling very excited. "Awesome! You'll have to come to my house so we can sort out the details with my parents," he says. "Is this evening at five good?"
"Yep, I'll see you then," says Neji. "Where do you live?"
The Order of Steve's Never Ending Party is in full swing, with Tsunade drunkenly telling everyone about one of her adventures with the Sanin in the Third Shinobi war. Shizune is off to the side, hitting it off with one of Pantsu's grand daughters.
Suddenly, the air goes dark and a great wind swirls around the camp, blowing out the bonfire. Pantsu feels suddenly afraid, there is only one person who makes an entrance like this…
A woman with purple eyes and short red hair appears, standing atop the bonfire, a red glow illuminating her face. "Why was I not invited to this party too?" she demands, her eyes as cold as ice and her voice as sharp as a thorn.
"TSUNADE!" Pantsu snaps, turning to his Great Niece. "Why didn't ya tell me the Queen was in town, eh?"
"I was drunk," says Tsunade.
"You're still drunk," says The Queen, turning a withering gaze upon Tsunade.
"Well, since ya here," drawls one of Pantsu's offspring, one who does not know the terror of an angry Queen. "Do you wanna get down off the fire pit so we can relight it? Ya just in time for the dancing and music and moonshine."
Pantsu holds his breath.
"Yeah, join us!" yells one of the others. "There's no room for party poopers, but party crashers are welcome to join in! EVERYONE'S INVITED TO THE NEVERENDING PARTY!"
"Hm," says the Queen, folding her hands and descending from the top of the fire pit. "Do you have marshmallows?"
Pantsu breathes a sigh of relief. That could've been worse.