A/N: The title comes from a beautiful poem I found in the back of a Hospice booklet when I did my roation there called "Gone From My Sight" by Henry van Dyke. An incredible read that I highly recommend.
_GFMS_
The loud clang! of metal on metal shook Tenzin abruptly out of his meditation. Upon opening his eyes, he was blinded by the sun reflecting off the harbor and the overall brightness of the beautiful day. The sky has only two clouds in it and, upon focusing, Tenzin can see the glittering water of the harbor holding ships of people and goods making their way into the bustling city. Looking down towards the dock closer to the city, he could see his cause for distraction. The building of a newer, bigger ship had begun. Its metal frame was in its infancy and if Tenzin wasn't familiar with construction or blue prints from his uncle, he wouldn't have guessed it was a ship at all.
It is not often that Tenzin finds himself so easily brought out of meditation, but his unbalanced state of mind led him to an unproductive and easily distracted rumination. He ran a hand over his eyes palpably feeling the growing bags under them. He rolled his shoulders and tried unsuccessfully to shrug the weight off of them. He flexed his legs and went against his inner desire to stretch them out completely from his lotus position. He tried to settle himself back into another meditative state, but the best he could do was close his eyes and that was mainly to fight off the brightness.
Behind him, he heard the quiet gasp, before the footsteps that were imprinting in the overgrown grass.
"Tenzin," the voice said quietly, like he was unsure if Tenzin would hear him or if he would be in another world. At that thought, Tenzin sighed. If only.
"You should be with mom," Tenzin said. He stretched his legs out in front of him, refraining from groaning in relief before manipulating the air to get to a standing position. Still looking at the harbor he brushed himself off. After a moment, he turned to look at his Uncle Sokka.
"I was. Everyone was...well except you. I came back to help with the White Lotus." His uncle stared at him and Tenzin fought the urge to squirm under his gaze. This was the most somber and restrained he had ever seen his uncle and he didn't know if it were due to age or the circumstance.
"Good. She needed it." The words were stale in his mouth and while he believed them, part of him wished it weren't true. His uncle stepped forward and embraced him tightly, all emotions transferring through the squeeze of aged, gentle arms and the comfort of polar leopard fur scraped against him. Tenzin allowed himself to sag into the embrace. His entire family and friends were very physical- hugging, kissing, smacks to the head- all things Tenzin missed when he wasn't around them. While life at the temple wasn't bad, he sometimes missed the intimacy of family. Here, people tended to steer clear of him, exacerbating his loneliness. Given his last conversation with his family, he wouldn't be surprised if it would be a long time before feeling the same comfort again. Part of him was surprised that his uncle had come at all.
"Yeah, Katara did. Kya moved back in for the meantime," he released the hug and held both of his shoulders and examined him closer, concern flickering in his cerulean eyes. "Bumi even took leave and stayed for a few weeks." The unspoken 'Where were you?' didn't need to be said nor answered. While many people took Sokka's aloof nature at face value, those who knew him knew he was just as smart, if not smarter, than all of them. Tenzin, who had grown up admiring his uncle's analytical mind, internally praised him for not making him answer such a heavy question.
Sokka released his nephew and slung an arm around him, walking towards the temple but sticking close to the shore. The two of them were silent for many steps, only hearing the sound of the ocean and the occasional chiming from the temple.
"How long have you been back in the city?" Tenzin questioned. He had an inkling that it was a stupid, or at least the wrong, question to ask when he saw the incredulous face Sokka made. The arm on his shoulder squeezed and his uncle searched his face again. For what, Tenzin didn't know.
"Tenzin," Sokka enunciated slowly, making sure that he was paying attention. "I just hit land a half hour ago. I haven't been to the city. The first place I came was here. To see you." A tone of disbelief was heard.
"Oh," Tenzin whispered.
"Oh," Sokka echoed just as softly, disbelief still coloring his tone and face.
The mood dampened, becoming the antithesis of the glorious weather and overall day. The two of them walked towards the favored spot on the island: the little gazebo overlooking the water. Once inside the both of them looked towards the harbor. Along with the ship that was being built, Tenzin could see the patch of land that was dedicated to his father. Building had already begun and made substantial headway. Even in his death, Avatar Aang exuded progress.
"I passed a cute gal on the way here," Sokka elbowed him gently, teasing. The tips of Tenzin's ears burned. "Pema? I think her name was. She seemed quite worried about you." It was obvious that the worry therefore extended to his uncle as well.
"Pema, yes. She's been...most helpful the past few weeks." Ears still red, Tenzin avoided his uncle's knowing gaze and favored looking out to the water.
It's funny, Tenzin thinks, looking at the water and past it towards the city. All of those who were bustling, laughing, working, everyone who was just there seemed to move in a much more streamlined manner than Tenzin could at the moment. For him, his whole world had stopped. For them, it was only a headline.
A tear leaked out of his eye and hit the wooden rail of the gazebo. He looked at his uncle who's glittering eyes emulated the harbor down below. Glancing at his nephew, Sokka grasped him again and held Tenzin's sobbing form. In between bouts of tears, Tenzin uttered the same words over and over again.
"I know," his uncle replied. "I know." His grip hadn't relinquished on Tenzin and he only squeezed tighter when he uttered the words again.
"I'm so alone now," Tenzin weeped.
His uncle stayed with him for three days following the events at the gazebo and then went to the city with clear instructions to come see him as he would be there for quite some time. Nearly a month had passed since then and Tenzin was beginning to find it easier to see Sokka every week for their weekly dinner.
Traveling in the city, however, was still an unfavorable task.
At the same time, it was calming.
Things were rushed. People whizzed by him, not minding to even step out of the way if Tenzin blocked their path. Nobody paid any mind to him and it was something in which he secretly relished. Talking and yelling could be heard in almost every part of this city. Once or twice he thought he might've had to step in when an older woman got into a screaming match with the man from the produce stall, but somehow the situation solved itself. Apparently, yelling was the way people communicated here.
He didn't often travel to the city by boat, and therefore foot, since he had Oogie, but when he did he always found it a different experience. On Oogie, people stopped and stared as if he had announced his status and identification. After all, there were only two airbenders.
Were, his mind cut in. Now, there is only one. He shook that thought out of his head fast.
By boat, it normally took people longer to recognize him. It seemed that nobody had the time nor patience to stop and ogle at him if he were acting like everyone else. He sometimes fought the urge to cover himself, cover the bright blue tattoos that marked him as different from everyone. But when he did, he thought of his father's face and his pride when he had received them. So now he tries to stand straighter instead.
(Sometimes, his shoulders fought hard against straightening. Sometimes, Tenzin feared they would be weighed down forever. Like the old spiritual tales his parents told him. He shakes off those thoughts quickly, though. After all, those who had a burden like his had gotten it as punishment.)
And, as much as Tenzin despised the fast pace of the city, he could admire it as a man of purpose himself. Every time he came to the city, he immediately set right to the task, never straying or wandering. Today, however, was different.
Today, he would be going to city hall as the Air Nation's new representative.
Maybe he should go see the park or something….
He sighed. While avoidance was praised upon by the Air Nomads for violence, it would not be for a situation such as his.
"You see, Tenzin, while we value freedom, we also value the ability to overcome. Air itself overcomes. It drifts all around us, it squeezes into nooks and crannies, it does not allow itself to become void." His father's voice rings out in his head. "When the time comes, air is almost as immovable and stubborn as the earth is."
He steps in front of the ostentatious building. City Hall must've been designed by his uncle.
The mazed walkway reminds Tenzin of the Earth King's garden he used to get lost in when he was younger. The long pathway frames the nearly heinous building. It's grand and marble, gleaming in the sunlight so painfully Tenzin has to squint his eyes against it. The green dome almost looks translucent in the sunlight, the panels glittering looking like water trickling down a stream. The gold finishes add the haughty tone that many world leaders, especially the ones now, loved to exploit. It was much too gaudy for Tenzin, but the effect of power and leadership rang out immediately when he looked at it. Even though it was a building he had seen, had been in over a hundred times, it felt new today, maybe more dull. He sighed again and went for the front doors.
Inside it wasn't much different. Beautifully lit by the skylit with gold molding lining the arches and leading you down the aisle to the pulpit. The pews were wooden and Tenzin saw most of the other representatives already there sorting papers and giving introductions. His robes flowed as he hurried down the aisle, his shoes almost slipping on the recently polished marble floor.
"Ah, there he is, speak of the spirit!" the older Northern Water Tribe representative spoke. Hanalok, Tenzin's mind supplied. At Hanalok's exclamation, the room went silent and everyone turned to look at him. Tenzin did not need to be an airbender to sense the heavy shift in the air. He stared at the wooden desk in front of him, avoiding their eyes.
He thought he would be used to stares by now.
The council looked at him as if he were a ghost walking, they looked at him with such pity gracing their eyes that Tenzin fought against the temper that his mother gave him. He clenched his fists and exhaled.
"I apologize for the tardiness, the boat was running late this morning," he says with a bow. The others hastily return it. It's a white lie, but the council could hardly call him out on it, even if they did see him loiter out front. Hanalok and the others nod and the group goes to sit down in the wooden chairs that creak and echo obnoxiously throughout the room.
Even after taking his seat and throughout the whole meeting he could feel their eyes bore into him. He could see them twitch as if they didn't know how to handle him being there. He sees something else too, beyond the pity. He can't place it, but whatever it is, it makes his stomach uneasy and his eyes want to water.
He wonders if he weren't the last and only airbender, if he were his brother or sister- if people would still look at him like that.
He thinks that this is the price of being an airbender. The Tui and La, the good, but also the bad.
The meeting is quick and painless, though, as far as governmental meetings can go. They ease through their minutes, with only one or two minor arguments over building the new apartment complexes in the lower majority of the earthbenders' territory, but no major fights. Besides, compared to the stories he's heard around the dinner table, he wouldn't really call these kinds of little tiffs fights.
The scribe is ready to start packing up when Hanalok raises his hand and speaks.
"Just one more thing I would like to add." The council members look curiously and Hanalok gives the scribe the OK to start packing up. The scribe hastily obeys, getting the message that this is off the record. "I would just like you all to know that the White Lotus has already begun the search for the new Avatar."
The word doesn't have a hold on Tenzin as much as it used too. He can see all of them looking for his reaction, which isn't surprising, but still emotionally exhausting to deal with. Part of him was tired of saving face for them, while the other half was glad nobody spoke of it. Seeing that he isn't overtly upset by the news, one of the council members pipes up.
"That's good news," she says. The others nod in agreement and Tenzin finds his head bobbing as well, not trusting his voice. Hanalok waves his hand to dismiss them and Tenzin can't get out fast enough.
He laments his decision of not taking Oogie because he could really use a flight right about now. Instead, he finds himself walking aimlessly in the city. The noise soothes his inner turmoil and allows him to relax minutely. Unsurprisingly, he finds himself by the water.
Growing up, he spent his time in two places, either the water or air. The water always held the mothering and nurturing trait he sought after if he was upset. Right now, he knew he missed his mother, his whole family actually, but he knew it would be better for now if he stayed away.
As expected, the ebb and flow of the water soothed his mind and he found his breathing to be in time with it. It wasn't the prettiest site he could've chosen. It was rundown and rusted near the guard rails, bits of trash and debris were in the water and on the dilapidated, cracked sidewalk. The water looked murky from pollution, very much not the dark, clear blue it was in the South. Still, it was water and it calmed him just the same as it would have had he been in the South.
He closed his eyes and allowed for the sound of the waves and city to overcome him. He went into a light meditative state, a very light state, when the 'ah-oo-ga!' of a boat horn came from out in front of him.
He doesn't know how he didn't notice it before, but when the tiny steam boat left port, behind it is the new ship being built. From the looks of it, it is the largest one he had ever seen and it is coming along quite quickly, more so than Tenzin would've thought.
Having its shell now, the ship is easily bigger than some of the naval vessels he's seen. Apparently, from the talk of the town, the ship is designed to be some sort of luxury ride that can go longer and faster than any ship like it. Seeing it in front of him is daunting, in its vast size, nearly covering the sun and putting Tenzin in its shadow.
The thought of this progress oddly frightens him. He longs for the days of simple Southern Water Tribe travel by wooden boat or long rides on Appa. It feels like the world is moving too fast and Tenzin is out of breath, sprinting to keep up with it.
He shakes his head, even his own thoughts are too maudlin to handle anymore.
He starts walking to the port before realizing that the boat horn he heard was actually his boat. He sighs, but waits for the next one, feeling claustrophobic by the vast ship being built next him.
It happened gradually, if Tenzin were to really think about it. As most things do, of course, but the way that it happened so naturally almost perturbed him. One minute, he is merely a resident in the temple, the next, he is running it.
It's not like he hadn't had to make decisions before. He is used to people asking for his input, but on a smaller scale. On a 'what are your thoughts on this?' scale and not a 'where do you think we should put the new garden?' scale. Tenzin doesn't notice it really happening, because at first, he welcomes the distraction. No longer is it him, hiding in his room or pretending to meditate to avoid the other acolytes. He has some control now. It helps that he likes the control, he always has. It's another trait from his mother, one that would make his father laugh hard and ask if he should be water bending instead.
So yes, it takes Tenzin a bit of time to realize that he's actually running the temple and people are actually looking up to him. It was jarring and a bit concerning at first.
As the youngest sibling, it was never his 'job' to be looked up to, he would be the one looking up to his brother and sister. He was used to the attention of course, his father was the Avatar after all. And after that, he got used to the more eccentric attention that came with being one of the only two airbenders left.
(He never wanted it though.)
So, of course it took some getting used too. He had to watch his temper more, what he said, how he said it. He would make sure he always looked presentable, always having a smooth head and clean robes. Things that he never really thought about before now. He tried to be the ideal airbender.
(It was more exhausting than he thought. He wondered if he would have to do this at all if he weren't the only one left. He wondered how his father had shouldered the weight of this on his own for so long. How he hid this from Tenzin up until now.)
But as with his air and water heritage: he adapted and made peace with the change.
He made a new routine, and yes, it worked.
He would sit with the acolytes, do the appropriate readings and scripture based practice, he would attend the City Hall meetings, defending the rights to a nation that barely existed. His life, for the first time in almost a year, was looking up. He could get out of bed with a purpose and more importantly, he could meditate longer than he had before. His shoulders were starting to straighten and strengthen.
It wasn't always easy however. There were times when he would go to turn to his left, a place his father had always been, to ask a question, to ask for guidance, before he realized that he was alone. There were times alone in the sanctuary where he truly felt the weight of his people whom he had never known. It was the little things, like not being able to throw an airball because there was nobody to catch it.
The little things hurt the most. His morning formations were stunted and he thought he could feel the air ask for more, because it wanted to be utilized. Before, his airbending was his pride and joy and he loved to share it with his father and his family. Now, he wondered if he could ever share it again. Tenzin knew the air shared his loneliness.
But, he overcame. The same way water and air eroded a mountain was the same way it sculpted him. His shoulders might ache, but he would rather his ache than those of his siblings or an acolyte. The air chose him, his people had him, he could do this. (He had too.)
It was a true testament of how much time had passed when he was in the city getting supplies for the temple. It's a quick errand and one he does every two weeks like clock work. The owner of the stall even sets aside his supplies and gives Tenzin a tiny nod and smile when Tenzin pays him. Today though, as Tenzin hands him the same amount he does every time, the shop owner smiles brightly and speaks to him.
"Did you see her yet?" He says, holding the canvas bag with Tenzin's supplies in one hand and the bills in the other. Surprised, Tenzin merely shakes his head.
"See her?" He parrots back. The owner nods.
"Yeah! The huge ship in the harbor she's getting ready to go on her maiden voyage!" Tenzin worries that the shop owner's movements will spill his bag, he's gesticulating so wildly.
"Oh, you mean the new ship," Tenzin replies. He's passed it many times and can see the construction of it from his meditation spot, but other than that, it's not at the forefront of his mind currently.
"Yes I mean the new ship! It's making history! I'm so happy to be alive in this day and age of invention!" Clearly the shop owner must be some type of ship enthusiast because Tenzin couldn't fathom being this excited over something that seemed so trivial. What made history in his book was way different from the young shop owner.
As if recognizing that Tenzin was not a kindred spirit, he handed over the canvas bag that Tenzin slung over his shoulder. He nodded his thanks at the owner and made his way back to Oogie who was entertaining a few children. The children disbanded as soon as they saw him and scampered away even after Tenzin gave them all a small smile.
The ride on Oogie was peaceful and brief. The sky was a bit grey and dull, but the weather was pleasing if a bit chilly. He breathed deeply, feeling the air move within and around him. Fastening the canvas on himself tighter, Tenzin went against his normal routine and took a circle around again. Oogie didn't hesitate, clearly wanting more air time.
The fog and misty clouds sunk down into the harbor, casting an eerie mood to it. At a glance it was obvious what the shopkeeper was gushing about. The once barely recognizable metal frames were now an enormous ship. Even in the gloomy weather and fog, it gleamed with fresh paint and wax. The water lapped up to it barely rocking the sturdy bow and stern. Tenzin was glad to see that the constructors and builders saw to it that it was a respectable black and white with a red line donning the bottom and nothing as ostentatious as its size. Smoke and steam billowed out of the large smokestacks, no doubt from coal being burned by teams of firebenders. Overall, it was an impressive and respectable sight. Being near it somehow humbled him.
It was odd seeing the ship done, he thought. Tenzin had not realized how much time had passed nor how much the world seemed to move forward. Pulling the rein on Oogie he turned back towards the island, which was barely visible in the haze and journeyed home.
Three days after the shopkeeper exclaimed his love and news about the ship, Tenzin heard the acolytes murmuring about it too. It seemed wherever he went, the ship followed.
He was stopping by the garden, it was one of his favorite places, and as one of the leaders he was in charge of checking their food supply. A few peach trees lined the perimeter of the rectangular patch of an assortment of vegetables. The acolytes were charged with planting, weeding, and harvesting. It was hard work, but it was one they all took great pride in. Their small patch of land on the island could hardly be the glorious gardens that he had read and heard about, but it was enough to have fresh produce every day. At a glance, he could almost picture this over a hundred years ago, the original Air Nomads sharing songs through the breeze as they weeded. Just as his father said it was.
"Did you hear the name?!" One excited acolyte told his friends as the group tended to the garden. There wasn't any singing or air bending, but the echo of it remained.
Tenzin internally groaned, enough of this infernal ship! The others shook their heads before pulling a few weeds.
"It's Mirai! "*
Tenzin walked away after that, ignoring the exclamations and love for the name, and headed for his favorite meditation spot away from the temple. Unfortunately he miscalculated as his desire to get away from the ship, the Mirai as it was now deemed , had brought him to a full view of it.
He groaned, sitting in his lotus position, accepting the fate of staring at the nuisance. He closed his eyes, inhaled, exhaled, inhale ….
He grumbled, opening his eyes and staring straight ahead at the ship. People were lined up at the harbor cheering and waving as it was about to take its maiden voyage. In all actuality, the ship cut a good figure idling in the murky blue water. The ramp that led the way onto it was being pulled back as the Mirai gave what Tenzin thought was a joyous horn sound.
He watched as the ship pulled away from the dock, the people cheering and clapping. It was a smooth ride out of the harbor, smoke billowing behind it as she sped away, faster and smoother than any ship Tenzin had ever seen.
He was entranced watching it glide away. It seemed too simple of an exit for something that extravagant. The buildup, the excitement- everything surrounding it had come to one final hurrah as it approached the edge of the harbor and into the open sea.
It was getting harder to see with the sun blazing. Tenzin squinted his eyes to see the last of the smoke disappear into the air. When he realized he could no longer see the ship, he felt a strange sadness. Back at the dock, the others started disbanding and going back to their normal lives as if the ship had never been there.
But it would come back, Tenzin thought.
Maybe not today or tomorrow, but Tenzin knew that he would see the ship again. Something that wondrous and lavish was bound to would also be people excited to see it and welcome it back again. And, oddly enough, Tenzin was excited to see it too.
The sun cast a great ray on him and he soaked in the heat. His eyes slipped shut as he fell into the familiar breathing pattern of the waves and he felt his shoulders loosen.
He would see it again, he thought.
_
A/N:
*Mirai is Japanese for "the future" (or so says google translate)
This is part of my "oh, how i mourn my people" series that I cross post on Ao3 under the same name. Head there for more infor about this piece.