Harry and his friends didn't say a word as they left History Class. Not because they were shocked or appalled by the her horrific teaching. Mostly because they were immune to the pink blob's inability to actually teach anything, let alone the truth. To call what she did a 'lesson' was not just an insult to the teaching profession but to the English language as applying that definition to Umbridge's fanatical ramblings was blasphemous. She couldn't even be accused of being a teacher who put her own biased views on display as 'teaching' was something that also seemed well beyond her grasp. Mostly the class just sat there as she rambled on, dancing from one topic to the next. Even the first years had begun to question if the woman even had a syllabus. Luna had complained that she was worse than 'Miss Wilson and her Tandy Computer talks', whatever that meant.
No, their silence came from them knowing that if they uttered a word in earshot of the slimy Seismitoad she would use it as a reason to give them detention and none of Harry or his friends were in the mood for that. Cormac had gotten enough of them for all of Gryffindor and the tales Harry had heard (not from the puffed up braggard himself as he hated Harry's guts) was that Umbridge was doing things in detentions that would force Harry's hand. Tales of her Chansey using Double Slap on students that didn't work fast enough, of her Wigglytuff letting out ear-piercing shrieks if one dared to yawn let alone talk, and the like showed that Umbridge wasn't interested in teaching. Even Snape, at his most gruff, had never resorted to violence. 'Foolish waste of time and energy', Harry could hear the man snapping. 'If a lazy child doesn't want to learn they never will. Better to shame them into at least being quiet so others can learn than to expend strength on trying to change them'. Snape appeared to be a cruel bastard but there was a method to his madness and once Harry had come to see it he had actually begun doing rather well in the class. Oh, he still got insults thrown his way, mostly because now that he knew Snape was his uncle in all but blood that meant there was more pressure to do better, but after his summer training in the Whirl Islands he understood how important it was to master his skills and thus never let the insults and mocking questions bother him. He knew that the Severus Snape who pondered aloud if Harry was trying to poison his Pokémon with his pathetic brewing methods and the Snape who quietly inquired about his well being when they were outside of class were merely two facets of the same man.
But Umbridge? Umbridge was cruel because she wanted to dominate and control.
Harry mentally sighed. 'And I honestly don't know what I'd do if Umbridge pulled me into one of her detentions.' He scowled. 'Not sit meekly and take it, no matter what anyone might say.' Harry had heard from one first year Gryffindor who hadn't listened to his warnings and gotten a detention from Umbridge that he'd gone to see McGonagall afterwards. All he'd gotten was a comforting smile… and a warning to keep his head down. 'Not doing that if she feels like attacking me. I'd either get Remus and Sirius involved and now isn't the time to throw my political weight around... or, when she first struck me, I'd strike right back.' As appealing as that thought was Harry knew he couldn't risk hurting Umbridge... yet.
She didn't make it easy though.
'Bitch is trying to rile me up. And when she fails she just moves on to another annoying tactic.' First it had been mocking Harry's parents, diminishing their achievements and trying to convince the class that James and Lily Potter were hooligans that merely had good press. But that fell flat on its face because of that exact point: they had good press. As such no matter what she said people didn't believe it. The students of Hogwarts wanted to believe in his mum and dad and nothing some government toady said would change their minds. And she could only press SO hard with that because too much would have seen angry parents storming the ministry. Then she'd tried to go after the likes of Jack but Harry had heard worst things said about Jack from, well, Jack himself during his dark moments, when all he had done pressed down upon him and he entered into a black mood. At best Umbridge could only repeat the tired played-out song and dance of Jack being a murderer, a monster, a killer. It was rather infantile.
About the only thing that had almost worked was when she had begun going after his friends. She'd decided to spend a week covering the gym leaders and their histories. She'd of course praised Lucius Malfoy and how he was from such a strong and noble family ('which was why said family had banished him from Kalos after they'd found out that he'd stolen money from the family vault to set himself up in Avalon') and the Parkinsons (though that was before Pansy's father had ran off with half the family money and left the Ministry scrambling to figure out how to handle having only seven operating gyms, especially with the looming deadline of Harry's 18th birthday meaning both the Potter and Black gyms would be returning). But when it came to others? Cedric's family was little more than sycophants who had a history of switching sides according to Umbridge, though they had at least until recently honored the traditions of noble breeding (all said while smiling directly at Hermione). The Lovegoods were mad and she'd happily dredged up rumors about them marrying sisters to brothers and how they had weak minds susceptible to mind tricks and foolery. The Longbottoms were toadies who latched on to whoever was in power at any one time and the tales of their noble ancestors were merely lies, the Longbottoms finding tales of others and creating connections to their own bloodline that didn't exist. She spoke of how Ron's great grandfather had made poor investments that doomed the family to ruin and claimed that there had been talk of them losing their gym only for it to be saved by them selling daughters (Ginny had later told him if that were true Fred and George would have stuck Percy in a dress and sold him off years ago).
He hadn't liked her taunting his friends and had considered breaking with the plan if only to draw Umbrige's attention back onto him but his friends had told him no, that he had to stay the course. They reminded him that they were just as strong as him, trained and ready for this fight, and that they could easily take her weak jabs at their lineages.
"Barty told me once that words do have power but only if you give it to them," Neville had informed him. "He also told me, 'Nev, why care what the small say about the mighty?'."
Harry had been ashamed that he'd forgotten just how strong his friends were and the next time he'd had class he'd merely taken notes without reacting in the slightest; considering that Umbridge had moved on to actual history (only with a pro-Ministry twist) had shown that she had been hoping for him to react and when once again she had failed she'd just moved on to her next scheme.
'Getting called on is easy enough as well,' Harry thought with a smirk. 'I just have to remember: "What is the best answer that makes the ministry look amazing". Say that and she can't argue I got it wrong.'
It was a dance the two of them were engaged in. Harry had to play nice when all he wanted to do was scream at her and she had to keep up the façade of friendly professor because if she slipped even once it would be the end for her. Harry already had Remus' number locked into his dex and every day he recorded the entire class session in secret; if Umbridge stepped over the line he would forward it to Remus who would then leak it to the presses. And she knew he was willing to do such things, as that was the only reason she hadn't attacked him without mercy.
It was only when Luna and Ginny joined them from their just ended Pokeball making class that the group began to talk.
"Good group tonight, assuming they all show up," Hermione said.
Neville nodded. "And even if we only get half of the ones that signed up it will still make for a good first Battle Club."
"Not the first class that we need to worry about but the second," Ginny pointed out.
"What do you mean?" Ron asked.
"If our numbers decrease a little from the first to second it means that it isn't going to be popular but we are going to have a core group that we can build around. But if they go down by large numbers..."
Ron instantly clued in. "Right, then word is getting around that it's a bad club and we are dead in the water."
"But we could also see an influx of people who want to take part if the first meeting goes well," Harry pointed out. "Word of mouth can work both ways."
"True," Neville said.
Luna nodded. "The important thing is no one jinxes us." When the others stared at her she smiled. "There was no reference in there."
"Ah," everyone stated before continuing on.
"Still,' Harry admitted, "I'm surprised we got the numbers we did."
"Part of that is Prof. Slate," Ginny reasoned.
"I think more of it is curiosity," Hermione stated. "This is something new and after the disaster that was Lockhart's Battle Club I think many people are interested to see if there will be a similar situation or if we'll manage things better."
"Hoping for something to mock, will be okay if it's just a really good class," Harry said.
"Pretty much," Hermione echoed as they all turned and made their way up the stairs to the Gryffindor common room.
Later that evening their hopes had borne fruit. The large lecture hall that had been provided to them was full of students who murmured and mumbled to themselves as they waited for everyone to get seated and for the club's first meeting to begin. While not everyone had come that had signed up they still ended up with more people than they'd originally planned for. Mostly because some 3rd years had realized that the club meant getting out of their common rooms after curfew. With Hogwarts so structured in its schedule any chance to break up the monotony was treated as the most wonderful of things.
They had upper classmen that were interested if any of them would reveal what they had learned over the summer and students their own age who hoped Prof. Slate would take a large role (he'd proven to be a very popular choice for Battle Instructor and was now competing with Remus and Barty as best in recent history). Several clearly has heard about Lockhart's club and expected more humor and others were there just because they were bored.
'I'll take what I can get,' Harry thought to himself as he glanced at his dex to confirm the time before pocketing it and moving towards the Battle Platform at the head of the room. Prof. Slate stepped forward to join him while his friends remained off to the side; they'd all agreed to let Harry take the lead for the first club meeting.
"Okay everyone, settle down!" Harry called out, the room slowly going from a dull roar to a muted murmur. Most of that was Prof. Slate's presence but Harry wasn't complaining. "So today will be the first meeting of the Hogwarts Battle Club. I know we all tried this a few years ago... with less than desired results-"
"You going to teach us how to comb our hair like Lockhart did?" a Hufflepull 6th year called out, causing the group to burst into laughter.
Harry, good-naturedly, pointed at his own wild mass of hair. "Do you really think I know how to do that?" He was rewarded with another peel of later and he felt a bit of tension leave him. "Now then, my friends and I spent the summer learning and training under some very impressive people and this class is going to be our chance to share what we learned. So-"
"Hemhemhem."
Everyone turned and Harry could feel more than hear the groan roll through the air as the gathered students caught sight of the pink clod that was standing in the doorway of the lecture hall.
"I don't know if the lessons from radicals and terrorists are things that good, kind, decent future members of Avalon's great society should be learning," Umbridge said, tutting lightly.
"I don't know if I'd call Coach Gambol a terrorist," Harry said, easily slipping into his cover story that he'd spent the summer working out and training with the Johto Gauntlet team. "Radical perhaps in his strategies, but that is what I want to teach here. After all, Gauntlet matches are merely 'on the run' Pokémon battles-"
"That's not what I meant," Umbridge said with a sickenly sweet smile. "I was referring to-"
"-and besides, the Avalon Ministry has already accepted the paperwork that states that the only person I worked with last summer was Gambol." Harry smiled, Umbridge's own interruption petering off in the face of his own. He didn't need to say it but the threat was clear: 'you aren't going to claim the ministry is WRONG, are you? Because their own records use my story'.
He so did love using politics to screw with people. He didn't know why he hadn't begun doing this sooner.
"Professor," Prof. Slate said, stepping forward, a frown on his lips and his eyes somehow even more narrowed than normal. "I am curious why you are here harassing my club."
Umbridge's mask cracked for just a moment, showing her anger at being talked down to by the Battle Instructor. Maybe because he was a foreigner. Maybe because of the color of his skin. Maybe because she simply didn't like anyone daring to actual question her. It didn't matter because the clear rage at Prof. Slate's question flickered on her features before she once more wore the look of a polite, kindly, prim-and-proper woman. "My apologizes Prof. Slate but as a member of the Ministry it is my duty to ensure that the students are being taught properly."
"And you believe I can't do that," Prof. Slate said coolly, folding his arms over his chest.
"Your choice in having Mr. Potter lead this meeting-"
"Is mine," the Battle Instructor said with all the strength of a mountain. "As a professor of Hogwarts it is my duty to see students grow... not just in learning but also how they use that knowledge. This club is a wonderful opportunity for Mr. Potter and his friends to showcase what they have learned. He very well could be a professor in this very school and what better way for him to understand what that means than by practicing here."
Umbridge tittered at that. "Mr. Potter? An educator?" She shook her head. "I'm sorry but I have had the boy in my class Slate and I find that idea rather preposterous."
Harry didn't even blink at Umbridge insulting him so publically. That was her weapon of choice, humiliation.
Prof. Slate though was having none of it.
"I don't know... the fact that they made you, someone who thinks its polite to talk about a student like they weren't even right in front of her, a professor at this school shows that anyone can do it."
The toady's face went beat red for just an instant before should pursed her lips. "This is an open meeting. I am allowed to be here if I wish. To observe and ensure that what is presented here is befitting the future leaders of our country."
Harry rubbed his mouth with his hand, doing his best to appear nervous when in reality he was mentally dancing a jig. As soon as Umbridge had shown up Harry had known that she would cause problems with the first meeting and what he wanted to cover (non-verbal Pokémon commands for Two On Two Battles that later could be used between trainers in an actual fight) as she would accuse him of teaching Speaking skills to his classmates. Which was foolish as non-verbal had nothing to do with Speaking as they were in fact opposites, but knowing Umbridge she would twist it into him trying to make it some sort of cult induction. During her and Prof. Slate's back and forth he had been trying to figure out exactly what he could talk about that would pass Umbridge's demands… without boring everyone to death. Something that was actually useful that she couldn't object to.
And he'd just figured out what to do.
'And more than that… something that will ensure she never bothers us again.'
"Well then, Prof. Umbridge, I think you'll enjoy our first topic for the club." Stepping forward before she could say a word he began to address the gathered students. "We've learned a lot about how to battle. Strategy and combos and typing and advantages. And while that is simple enough in Hogwarts that isn't enough for the world out there." He made a wide sweeping gesture with his hand. "Tradition and ceremony must be considered when it comes to starting a Pokémon battle and that is what we are going to cover tonight." The crowd began to murmur and he saw one person already standing up to go; he didn't blame them, as if he had heard that spiel without any background he would be ready to leave himself. "Prof. Slate, how important are battle customs?"
"Oh, very important," Prof. Slate said, moving to also ignore Umbridge and answer Harry's question. "Of course it is all regional. In places like Unova they aren't big in such things at all but Kanto or Kalos? Very important. You approach someone for a battle and don't properly bow to them or look at them the wrong way and you could find yourself kicked out of the gym or tournament arena." He chuckled. "Something my friend Ash has never learned."
"And Avalon?" Harry asked.
"Probably the most focused on proper battle decorum of all the regions, with maybe Galar or Kanto being second."
Harry nodded and saw that some of the students were now interested again. "And what would happen if someone were to challenge the Avalon Elite 4 and not give a proper introduction? What would the battle be like?"
"There wouldn't be a battle," Slate said firmly. "You would be cast out and most likely blacklisted for at least ten years." That got the students murmuring to themselves in surprise, having not realized just how important such things were. They were used to 'Oh, we looked at each other, that is good enough, fight!'. The one student that had been moving to leave quickly found a new seat and sat down.
Harry looked over to his friends. "Neville, would your grandmother ever do business with someone that was blacklisted?"
Neville shook his head fiercely. "To associate with someone who had such a mark against them would taint not just yourself but your entire family. Gran would have such a person banished from our home before they could even knock on the door."
Ron quickly chimed in. "And not just with the Elite 4, either! We had this kid from Alola who just stomped in and expected that he could get a battle by simply demanding it. A real as-er, jerk, that one. Didn't show my dad an ounce of respect, ran his mouth, was real impolite. Dad told him that he would need to wait three days for his battle because of the 'customary waiting period'." Ron chuckled. "No such thing. Just wanted to see the kid cool his heels. Also told him he couldn't leave town as that would restart the clock… and then dad made sure none of the motels in the area would let the kid stay. Guy had to sleep in the Pokémon center and the Nurse Joy there made sure to wake him up plenty of times when she was 'cleaning'. By the time he finally got his battle he was a wreck. He did win but it was a lot harder than it needed to be."
Harry now had all of their attention. Each one of them were envisioning what it would be like for them to be shunned and mistreated in such a way; worse, for such a thing to happen only because they made a mistake that they could have easily corrected if only they had known the proper way to act. Careers derailed, lives destroyed, failure and embarrassment purely out of a social faux pas. In a few minutes they had gone from bored and ready to give up on the group to hanging on Harry's every word.
"As such for our first meeting we will be going over the proper introduction one must make towards a member of the Ministry, especially the Elite 4, if one were to battle them." Turning he finally focused on a… rather confused Umbridge. "Prof. Umbridge, would you please assist me?"
The toady narrowed her eyes as she looked down her nose at him (which was impressive considering that Harry was well taller than her). "Excuse me?"
"Would you assist me in demonstrating proper greetings between trainers?" Harry said slowly, making sure to linger on each word as one would when talking to a child. He saw her color slightly at that and quickly added, "As a member of the Ministry you are the closest we have to a member of the Elite 4 and thus our best choice to play the role of one. I wouldn't want to disrespect any of them by having a first year pretend to be one."
"Well… I suppose," Umbridge said, preening at the idea that she might be a member of the Elite 4.
"Prof. Slate, will you act as the ref?" Harry asked. "Hermione, could you get the professor a chair?" His friend nodded, having already begun to catch on to what Harry was about to do, and Umbridge finally sat down and faced Harry as he backed up to the side door. "We will run through the proper introduction with pauses when needed to explain things." With that Harry marched forward, stopping about halfway between the door and where Umbridge sat. He looked straight at her and shifted nervously from one foot to the other. Not because he was anxious, only to simulate how a challenger might be, but he also hoped-
"Hemhem," Umbridge said, a sugery sweet smile, like the one a witch might wear when inviting travelers into her gingerbread house, upon her lips. She rose and turned towards the attendance. "It seems Mr. Potter is suffering from stage fright, as he has forgotten to introduce himself. You should all remember that it is important when dealing with someone from the ministry that you must address them and state who you are. It is only polite to greet your betters." She said the last by turning towards Harry, her smile becoming all the more sweet and false.
"I'm sorry, Prof. Umbridge," Harry said politely, pausing just long enough for her to savor her small victory… before tearing it away, "I should have been more clear that we were following official Avalonian Procedures." He took a step forward and continued on before she could take over the conversation. "While some regions like Hoenn have the challenger introduce themselves first in Avalon the challenger makes no introduction before the battle. To do so would be utterly disrespectful, as no challenger is allowed into an Elite 4 member's chamber without submitting their information to the attendant stationed outside the Pokémon League's headquarters. Thus each member of the Elite 4 knows who their opponent is… if they don't then it is a sign that they are not properly versed in their position." Harry turned and saw Umbridge's cheeks had grown red in embarrassment at the way he had chastised her without ever saying anything mocking. She couldn't get mad at him, in public at least, without coming off at worst as one holding a grudge and at best claiming that she disagreed with her beloved ministry. Thus all she could do was move back to her chair and allow Harry to reenter again.
Umbridge waited till Harry was settled, in fact waiting a few extra seconds just to try and catch him into thinking she'd forgotten what they were supposed to do, before she spoke. "Greetings, Mr. Potter. To face the Elite 4-"
"I'm sorry, Prof," Harry said, taking great joy in interrupting her. "But I believe you are mixing up Sinnoh and Avalon customs. In Sinnoh they address a trainer who has come to battle the Elite 4 by name." He turned to the group. "But in Avalon if you are considered a superior trainer you never refer to the person by name, at least in an official Ministry-sanctioned battle. Instead the person is called 'challenger', as they only earn the right to be called by their given name when they are seen as the equal of the Elite 4 member, which occurs when they have defeated the Elite 4 member OR if they have accomplished a feat that has earned honor and praise." Umbridge opened her mouth but Harry waved her off. "We'll just continue on."
The ministry bootlick glared at him for a moment. She understood that by not allowing her to repeat the greeting Harry was making it clear to all that he and Umbridge were on the same level. Still, after making two mistakes she couldn't throw a fit as already her standing had taken a hit. All she could do is continue on.
"It seems that I have another challenger-"
"Actually, Professor, Elite 4 members would rise to greet the new arrival-"
This continued on for another 10 minutes, with Harry going through the entire process for starting an Elite 4 challenge, constantly correcting Umbridge every time she did something wrong. By the end, when Harry had done a quick verbal review, the ministry lickspittle was silently fuming at how she'd been treated. Harry, while maintaining utter politeness, had made her look like a complete fool and by breakfast the entire school would be abuzz with all her mistakes and errors.
A better man would have just let it end there.
Harry wasn't that man.
"You can't win," Harry whispered with a smile as he moved to stand next to her, watching as the club broke up into groups of three to practice their greetings. His friends moved about, checking on people and offering suggestions when needed. "You are motivated by greed. I am motivated by honor and vengeance. Those will always trump people like you." Harry didn't bother to even turn his head. "And before you think of trying to punish me for this keep in mind that everyone is watching us smile and stand next to each other like teacher and student. You make a scene and it will be the end of you." Though he kept the smile on his face his tone grew hard. "You stop going after my friends. You stop verbally attacking my family. Because if you don't what happened here will seem like a tea party. I will end you, Dolores Umbridge. Take my advice… get through this year, report to the minister I'm not a threat, and then disappear. My war is with Voldemort, not the minister. Not yet, anyway."
"You are nothing more than an arrogant child," she said back with false cheer. "I will enjoy destroying you for daring to go against the ministry."
"I'm not the child playing at a game they can never win."
Umbridge did not say a word as she stalked out of the room.