"And then," says Deidara enthusiastically. "It went BOOM!" She throws her arms apart, making her ponytail bounce.
"That's nice," says Kisame, dismissively.
"Shut up or I'll kill you," says Kakuzu, flatly.
Haku laughs and says, "But how could that village appreciate your art if you blew them up?"
"Ah…" Deidara looks stumped. "I didn't think of that." Deidara is the newest member of Akatsuki. She is a couple of years older than Haku, and a little too obsessed with explosions. Deidara is paired up with Kakuzu, who does not like her at all and would have killed her by now if Yahiko hadn't threatened to cut Kakuzu's pay in half if he did. "But I appreciated it."
"Don't encourage her, Haku," scolds Kisame. "We don't want any of her 'art' while we are in the Hidden Leaf."
"Deidara won't do any art while we are in the Leaf, will you, Deidara?" says Haku, smiling winningly.
"No, un," says Deidara, her verbal tic coming out.
"Shut up, we're there," says Kakuzu sternly.
Haku looks away from Deidara and sees the Gates to the Hidden Leaf up ahead. Finally, she gets to see the village Team Seven comes from. As they walk through the gates, Haku looks around at what she can see of the Hidden Leaf. The most obvious things she can see are the Four Great Stone Faces on the mountainside, and the fifth one under construction. Kakuzu, Deidara and Kisame stop at the guard booth just inside the gates and collect their visitors' passes.
Kisame hands one to Haku and says, "Stop staring, we need to get moving. It is only a few hours until the meeting."
Haku looks around as they walk through the village, noting that trees and bushes fill as many spaces as they can throughout the village. Every building has at least one tree or plant either beside it, on the roof or on a balcony. People openly stare at the four members of Akatsuki as they pass. Haku mostly ignores them, but Deidara grins and waves at the people they pass. Finally, they reach the Hokage Tower and head up to the Hokage's office.
Kakuzu knocks on the door.
"Enter!" calls a voice from inside, and they do.
The Hokage sits regally behind his desk, his chin resting on his hands, and a fluffy grey kitten sitting on one shoulder. Purple rinnegan eyes gaze upon the four members of Akatsuki with a seriousness that does not quite fit with the presence of the kitten.
"Oooh, a kitty!" says Deidara. "Can I blow it up, un?"
"No you can't," says the Hokage. "I am Fugaku Uchiha, Fifth Hokage of the Hidden Leaf. Who are you?"
"I'm Deidara. I like art."
"She means she likes blowing things up," says Haku.
"A unique art style, nice," says the Hokage. "And the rest of you?"
"I am Kakuzu, Akatsuki's financial manager," says Kakuzu. "The blue guy is Kisame Hoshigaki, and the girly-girl here is Haku. Ignore Deidara, she's new."
"Nice to meet you all," says the Hokage. "I assume you are all here for the meeting about killing Zetsu?"
"Can I use him for my art, un?" asks Deidara enthusiastically.
"As nice as it would be to burn him with fire," says the Hokage seriously. "I don't think that will actually kill him."
"Aw…" Deidara droops sadly.
"The meeting is at 2:30 this afternoon," continues the Hokage. "Come back here a few minutes before it starts and someone will show you to the meeting room."
Kakuzu inspects the quality of the room he is sleeping in. Konoha has a free hotel for guests. Kakuzu approves because he is a guest. If he was the one running the hotel's funds, he might not approve quite as much. The hotel is nicer than he would expect a free hotel to be, but not as nice as he would expect a hotel for political guests to be.
But, then again, Kakuzu only accepts the best (unless he's going for the free option, then he commits murder if the free option is not good enough). Pleased enough with his accommodation, Kakuzu heads back into the longue area of the suite he is sharing with his companions. Kisame is sitting on the puffy couch, flicking through TV channels. Haku is making iced lemonade and feeding it to Samehada, which is wagging its hilt like it is a tail.
Blood Mist? More like Weird Mist.
Something appears to be missing. Ah well, Kakuzu flops down on the couch and watches the program Kisame just settled on - something to do with food. Kisame approves of this show: one of the chefs saves money on cooking clothes by just wearing an apron while he cooks.
A few hours later, at about two in the afternoon, Kisame asks, "Where's Deidara?"
"Oh, she hasn't come out of her room yet," says Haku flippantly. "That is nothing unusual, though. She often shuts herself in her room all day planning her art projects."
"Oh, so that's what's missing," says Kakuzu, mentally kicking himself for forgetting about his field partner. "I better go get her, the meeting is in half an hour." Kakuzu heads to Deidara's room and knocks on the door. He receives no answer, so he knocks louder. Still receiving no answer, Kakuzu opens the door.
Deidara is not in there. The window is open,though.
Kakuzu takes a deep breath and goes back to the lounge room. "Deidara is gone," he tells the other two.
"Did you kill her?" demands Kisame, getting up off the couch and making frantic hand gestures. "You know you are not allowed to do that!"
"Of course not!" snaps Kakuzu, angrily. "Maybe Samehada ate her!"
Samehada responds to that accusation by biting Kakuzu.
"She probably just wandered off, or something," says Haku. "You guys go look for her. I'll wait here in case she decides to come back in time for the meeting."
Kisame pulls out a dog leash and collar. "Come on, Samehada! Walkies!"
Samehada runs over to Kisame, using four of its spikes as legs. It sticks its tongue out and wags its tail like a dog.
Kakuzu refrains from pointing out that Samehada is not a dog. Samehada does not need to know that.
Once Kisame has put the collar and leash on Samehada, they head out, leaving Haku to paint her nails purple. Kakuzu and Kisame head to the nearby park, to see if Deidara went there. Unfortunately, there are no explosions nearby they can follow. Kakuzu is disappointed, even though the lack of explosions is a good thing. If Deidara was blowing stuff up, she would be a lot easier to find. Deidara is not at the park.
"Do you have any idea how long Deidara has been gone?" asks Kakuzu, feeling a bit fed up.
"Nope," says Kisame cheerfully. "She could've left as soon as our backs were turned. We have twenty minutes to find her and still arrive in time for the meeting."
"If you were a 17 year old pyromaniac, where would you go?" asks Kakuzu.
"I'd probably find a demolition site and help destroy it," says Kisame, scratching Samehada behind its non-existent ears.
"Hey, you," says Kakuzu, grabbing a random passerby by the collar. "Are there any demolition sites around here?"
"Not that I know of," says the Leafy. "But there's a construction site over that way." The Leaf Villager points towards the southern part of the village.
"Thanks," says Kakuzu, releasing the local. "That is helpful, so I will not charge you for wasting my time."
"Wow," says the local, sarcastically. "Thanks. I really appreciate it." The local wanders off muttering, "Weirdo."
Kakuzu and Kisame head in the direction the Leafy indicated. After walking through the village for some minutes, they entre a section of the village that is under construction. Construction workers and a few assorted genin are building houses, erecting fences and planting trees.
Samehada gets excited and practically drags Kisame through the construction zone. Kakuzu follows, hoping that Samehada smelled Deidara. They only have ten minutes until the meeting starts. Samehada leads Kisame and Kakuzu to a walled compound with the Uchiha symbol on the front gates. The gates are wide open, but the distance from the centre of the village gives the place the feeling of a ghetto. Kakuzu realizes that the construction projects are an attempt to fill in the gap between the compound and the rest of the village. Samehada tears right through the open gates and runs up to a pregnant girl sitting on a porch reading.
Kakuzu recognizes this girl. "Hello," he greets her. "It's been a while since we met in the ruins of the Hidden Whirlpool."
"Hello," says the girl, stroking Samehada like it's a real dog. Samehada wags its tail and licks her hand. "I remember you: you're the one who beat up two shinobi with moderately high bounties with a briefcase full of cash."
"How did you know I had cash in my briefcase?" asks Kakuzu, surprised and impressed that she figured it out.
"Simple logic, really," says the girl. "I am Itachi Uchiha. I did not tell you at the time, but my ANBU identity has a very high bounty. Obviously, I have retired from ANBU."
"So you are pregnant," comments Kakuzu, sceptically. "I thought you had better financial sense than that."
"It was an accident," Itachi says evenly. "I am going to need a very high paying job to support him while his father looks after him. Maybe I'll collect your bounty and steal your job."
"Oooh!" says Kisame, grinning. "I like her! Do you think if we bring her back with us, they won't notice we lost the blonde one?"
BOOM! The entire wall around the Uchiha compound explodes. Deidara leaps out of the explosion screaming excitedly while some nearby builders cheer.
"Too late," says Kakuzu. "We found the blonde one." He marches over to Deidara, grabs her collar and drags her off in the direction of the Hokage Tower. "We are late for our meeting, you idiot!"
"But I made beautiful art!" protests Deidara.
Kisame and Samehada follow along, laughing.