Iruka has a splitting headache by the time they reach the Temple of Jashin. Namiko, it turns out, can talk just as much and just as loudly as Naruto if provided with the right topic. Madoka, it turns out, is very good at coaxing Namiko to talk about that topic: mermaids. In the month he's known his daughter, Iruka learned that she liked mermaids, but he never actually got her talking about them. In the 12 hours since Zetsu's Lucky Thirteen left the Hidden Leaf, Namiko has not stopped talking about mermaids. And all because Madoka asked if she likes them.
The joys of parenthood, my ass, thinks Iruka as they approach the Temple of Jashin, which is still a few hundred metres away. At least Naruto has a volume button of sorts. Still, I don't want to shut her up, since she very rarely talks this much and it's nice to see her getting along with someone.
"...And I'm sure I saw one swim away," Namiko is saying excitedly to Madoka. "There was something shiny in the water and I heard singing, I know I did!"
Iruka is a little glad that Namiko has not yet brought up the mermaid from Gravity Fails. He is sure it is only a matter of time, though.
"Did you know that there's a parallel universe?" says Namiko, making Iruka sigh for speaking too soon. "It's where Sparky and Mrs. Sparky and Moonbeam and Sparkles come from. They have mermaids there, I saw one at Gravity Fail. She was very pretty, only she wanted to eat my brains. That wasn't very nice of her, although she did say 'please' when she asked if she could. She's ever so nice for someone who wants to eat people's brains."
"Whaaa...bu...why...eh...?" Madoka fumbles over his words with an astonished expression on his face.
Luckily for everyone, Namiko's explanation is interrupted before it can begin. The Order of Jashin runs up to the team, all excitement and cheering. "Our leader has returned!" they rejoice, lifting Naruto onto their shoulders and holding him high in the air. "Hooray for the Leader!"
"Who are all of these people?" demands Kakashi, frowning.
"The Order of Jashin," says Naruto, grinning. "They're cool, 'tebayo."
"Leader, how long are you staying with us this time?" asks one of the Jashinists.
"I don't know," admits Naruto. "We're here to learn a jutsu to kill a black and white plant monster, so we'll be staying until Sasuke and I've learned the jutsu, tebayo. Everyone else is here as guards, and to help us learn the jutsu. I looked at it and it's really complicated, 'tebayo."
"I am sure you will learn the jutsu easily!" declares one of the Jashinists. "Will you introduce us to your friends, Great Leader?"
"Sure!" agrees Naruto, and proceeds to introduce Zetsu's Lucky Thirteen to the Jashinists. Once the introductions are all out of the way, Naruto, still on the shoulders of his followers, says, "Onward to the Temple, dattebayo!"
"Yes, Leader!" chouruses the Order of Jashin, and marches towards the Temple.
"Come on, then," says Kakashi, following the Order of Jashin, and motioning for the rest of his team to follow.
Killer Bee is trying to write a rap song. Gyuuki is concerned. Very concerned. "Bee," he says sternly. "The problem with this rap is not your lack of enthusiasm. The problem is the words. They don't flow."
"But my style…" Bee tries to argue, but she is interrupted by the sound of rap music.
"YEAH!" Screams a voice, followed by the unmistakable beat of shoes dancing out a rhythm on the ground. And then a voice begins to rap:
"Have you heard the word on the street?
Have you heard the word around town?
Hell yeah, my brother, I heard from another,
It looks like Gyuuki's been found!"
Bee, who is lying in the grass with a notebook and pen, looks up to see who is dropping those sick beats. Coming towards Bee and Gyuuki are ten people, five men and five women. All ten are dressed alike in high tops, jeans, tank tops, leather jackets and crooked caps. They all have shiny, golden bling hanging around their necks and wrists. They dance as they come, stomping out the rhythms on the grass with their feet, and on their bodies with their hands.
"Since ages past we've filled a grand role,
To guard a bijuu, that's what we've been told.
But for a hundred years, no bijuu's been there!
Now we've found you, and we'll guard you too!
We're Gyuuki's Guards! YEAH! Wee!"
Their rapping is not as a good as their beats, but it is still far, far better than Bee's. The guards all finish up in what they probably think are epic poses, but Gyuuki thinks that they could all do much better. They are not bad poses, they are just a bit cheesy.
Bee does not share Gyuuki's opinion on the matter. She leaps to her feet, her fists clasped in enthusiasm, and her eyes sparkling. "AWESOME!" she yells. Then she tries rapping too. "You drop sick beats and your bling is gangsta! We should throw a rap concert right now, fool ya fool! YEAH!"
Gyuuki sighs.
"YEAH!" Gyuuki's Guards agree, fist-pumping the air enthusiastically.
Black Zetsu straightens his bowtie nervously. Then he picks up the bouquet of flowers he bought from a florist and the wrapped box containing the florist. The florist is not happy about being part of Zetsu's romantic gift, but Zetsu thinks that the mermaid would prefer a fresh human brain. Now that he is presentable and has his gifts in hand, Zetsu, who has never tried to woo a female before, breaks into the mermaid's enclosure at the Gravity Fails petting zoo.
The mermaid is sitting on a rock combing her long, wavy, turquoise hair and arranging it over her bare chest. "Oh, hello," she says, when she spot Zetsu. "Have you come to stare at my breasts like every other man who breaks in here?"
"No we have not," says Zetsu, honestly. "We heard you also like to eat humans, so we brought you gifts." He hands the mermaid the flowers and the box. "Usually the humans in this world give females chocolate or some other treat, but we just brought you a human."
The mermaid accepts the gifts gracefully. "I am flattered," she says. "But I do wonder what you taste like."
"We probably taste of shadows and plantlife," says Zetsu. Now for the real question. "Would you consider going on a date with us?"
"Oh!" the mermaid's eyes widen and she covers her mouth with her hand. Then she blushes in embarrissment. "You are very sweet, but I only date my own species. I am sure you can see why it is not a good idea to date someone you want to eat."
Zetsu feels sad. "Oh," he says. "Well, thank you for hearing us out."
The florist wakes up and starts banging on the side of the box. The mermaid jumps. "Oh!" she says, startled. "He's alive! Oh, that makes it so much more fun."
"Hey look!" says a voice from outside the enclosure. Zetsu and the mermaid turn to see two of the Uzumaki zoo keepers standing by the enclosure gates. "That plant monster is back, and he's trying to woo the mermaid. Cute."
"That is cute," agrees the other zoo keeper. "Hey that reminds me: apparently Akatsuki and the Leaf managed to learn the secrets of our sacred scroll. They've found the reincarnations of Indra and Ashura and they've taken them to the Temple of Jashin with a sizeable guard detail. I heard they're going to learn a jutsu that will kill some creature called 'Zetsu'."
"Huh, good for them," says the other zoo keeper and the two move on.
"Oh my!" says the mermaid, looking astonished. "What is this 'Zetsu' and is it tasty?" she asks.
"We are Zetsu," says Zetsu. "We must leave and deal with the annoying humans who wish to destroy us. Goodbye, fellow human-eater."
"Goodbye!" says the mermaid, smiling. "Thank you for the flowers and the human. I shall have to eat him before the head human comes. He sees all but he is slow."
Zetsu sinks into the ground and speeds away as the mermaid opens her box of florist and starts to seduce the poor human into wanting to be eaten. Zetsu feels a pang of sadness. It's a pity the mermaid sees him as food.