Disclaimer: I don't own Stargate, as much as I wish I did. Also, I am not a doctor, so please don't pay too much attention to the accuracy of the medical stuff in the story. I googled some and made the rest up...
A/N: The lovely feedback y'all gave me on Dopplegänger prompted me to continue on with this series. I always wanted to see what happened to Lorne at the end of Tabula Rasa, and felt like taking that many stimulants should have been more problematic. Or, possibly, I just wanted an excuse for some whump. Either way, this is what came out. Hope you enjoy it!
Big shoutout to my very first beta StaticWarpBubble! I do hope that there are less mistakes than usual in this story, but if you find any, blame me. :)
Tabula Rasa Revisited
By Minnicoops
In retrospect, maybe he had taken a few too many of the pills.
Of course, for proper retrospect, you had to remember things, and Lorne only half remembered. Or, at least had only a vague recollection of what was going on. There were a disturbing number of gaps in his memory, things he should definitely know. Like his first name. That's the kind of thing people should know about themselves, but he couldn't for the life of him remember it. Hell, he only remembered that his last name was Lorne because people kept calling him that.
He apparently wasn't the only one struggling with sudden onset amnesia. It seemed that almost everyone in the city was affected by... Whatever this was. Another thing he couldn't remember. Had they been attacked? Was this some kind of alien device screwing with them? And why did he not think it was completely outrageous that aliens might be involved in whatever was happening?
Whatever. He couldn't dwell on these questions for too long otherwise he fell down logic holes that carried him nowhere. He had to focus on the things he did know, had to keep repeating them to himself so he wouldn't forget. It was vital that he didn't forget. If he did... Well, he wasn't sure exactly what would happen, but it wouldn't be good.
He knew he had to keep the people in the city safe. That was his job. They were counting on him. And so he and his men (apparently he was in charge?) had been rounding them up and quarantining them in the mess hall to keep them out of trouble. Most of them had come willingly, but there had been a few who had resisted. Namely, the one who kept giving them the slip and disappearing into the access tunnels. The last time they'd encountered him, he had gotten Sergeant Leopold over the head pretty good with a metal pipe.
They couldn't get sidetracked by one uncooperative person, as much as Lorne wanted to track him down and give him a good whack for all the trouble he'd given them. That wasn't the priority right now. He had to focus on the bigger picture. Had to figure out what was causing this and make it stop before he forgot everything.
The pills seemed to help him focus, and so he kept taking them, even though he didn't exactly know what they were. At this point, he didn't really care, as long as they helped. The problem was, he couldn't remember how many of the things he'd taken, or how many he was supposed to take, so anytime he felt his memory slipping, he popped another one. In fleeting moments of clarity, he wondered if maybe they were the reason he could feel his heart pounding, why he felt so dizzy and hot, but then he forgot again and took another pill.
This wasn't the time to worry about that anyway. He just had to hang on for a little bit longer, long enough to get to the bottom of this and make it stop, whatever it was. And he had a plan for that.
"Go check this level again," he ordered Jones and St. Clair as they approached the brig. "Make sure there aren't any more stragglers wandering around."
"Yes, sir," they responded, taking off down the hall with their stunners raised.
Lorne didn't slow his pace, but walked right into the brig, glad to see the woman up and moving. Good, he didn't have time to wait any longer. He needed information now. She turned to face him when he entered.
"You're awake," Lorne noted, stopping in front of the cell to stare the woman down.
She looked back at him with a hint of desperation on her face. "Major Lorne, you must set me free."
So she knew his name. What else did she know about his people? This base? "Save it," he snapped, shifting his weight back and forth uncomfortably. His skin felt itchy, like there were tiny bugs crawling around under it, and he had to concentrate on not twitching. "You're not going anywhere 'til I get some answers. I need to know what you've done to my people."
Her brow furrowed in confusion. "What I've done? You believe I'm behind this?" She had the innocent face down pat, he'd give her that. But he wasn't falling for it.
"Is it a drug? Some kind of bioweapon?" What else could it possibly be?
She shook her head. "Major, they're sick. You as well. The entire base is infected with a disease."
"Everyone except you," he said incredulously.
"Yes, I'm immune to its effects," she answered with a sigh, as if they'd already had this conversation. Had they already had this conversation? He couldn't remember. He needed another pill.
"Isn't that convenient?" he scoffed, fishing out the bottle and shaking a couple of the pills into his hand.
She watched him, frowning. "How many of those have you taken?"
He ignored her, throwing back the pills. It didn't matter how many he'd taken. He had to focus, had to figure this out. Had to stop it. "Why don't you just let me worry about that, okay?"
"It's the pills," she said quietly, her eyes begging him to believe her. "They're making you act like this. They're confusing you. They're making you unstable."
No, he wasn't buying it. "Making me unstable?" he snapped, his voice rising in anger. His heart was pounding furiously now. "Well, I'm not the one who unleashed a disease on my people, okay?" He could feel the sweat dripping down his back, and the room was starting to spin. He needed answers. Now. "Quit stalling. I want to know what you were doing in the hall—"
A bolt of electric pain cut him off, and he barely had time to think "Oh, shit," before everything went black.
Teyla was struggling to keep the frustration out of her voice. Raising her voice would only serve to further antagonize Major Lorne, and that would do her no good. She hoped that if she continued to reason with him calmly, she could break through his confusion and convince him to trust her, though she was beginning to have doubts; he was only growing more irritable as their conversation continued.
She was surprised at his behavior, despite the fact that she could see he was visibly sick. Major Lorne had always exhibited a calm and thoughtful personality, often counter-balancing John's more bold and rash approach to problems. One thing the two had in common was an extreme sense of duty to protect Atlantis, and it seemed that this, combined with the effects of the illness, were causing Lorne to act contrary to his usual self. He was disregarding logic in favor of panic, and unknowingly working against the people he was trying to help.
It wasn't until he reached for the bottle of stimulants that she connected the pieces. She remembered Jennifer warning about the side effects of the pills, cautioning not to take more than the recommended dosage lest these become more pronounced. Raised blood pressure, increased heart rate, irritability.
"How many of those have you taken?" she asked, now realizing that the symptoms she was observing were not only due to the Kirsan Fever, but also because he had likely taken far too many of the pills.
His posture immediately changed to a defensive one. "Why don't you just let me worry about that?" he said coldly.
This wasn't just confusion, it was paranoia. "It's the pills. They're making you act like this," she said, keeping her voice even. "They're confusing you. They're making you unstable." She hoped something of her words would break through, make him see that the things he was saying made no sense.
It had been the wrong thing to say. "Making me unstable?" he spat angrily. "Well, I'm not the one who unleashed a disease on my people, okay? Quit stalling, I need to know what you were doing in the hall—"
Teyla jumped slightly in surprise as the major's body stiffened and dropped to the ground, revealing Colonel Carter holding a stunner. Rodney and Doctor Zelenka stood next to her in the doorway.
"Rodney," she said hesitantly, unsure if he would remember her or the work they had been doing.
His eyes were wide, confused, but there was a spark of recognition there. "Teyla," he said.
"Yes," she sighed in relief. "It is good to see you. Colonel Carter, Doctor Zelenka, you as well," she added with a nod in their direction. They wore the same looks of confusion and trepidation, like they didn't know what exactly to think of the situation. But Rodney knew who she was, which was a good sign. "How did you find me?" she said.
Carter was the one to respond. "Uh, well, we were having trouble finding you by ourselves, so we followed him." She motioned to the unconscious major.
Teyla thanked the Ancestors that, even in their confused state, her friends were resourceful. "Did you finish your work?" she asked Rodney hopefully.
He looked at her blankly. "What do you mean?"
She sighed. Of course, things couldn't be resolved that easily. There were still hurdles to overcome. The first of which was getting out of this cell. "Can you disarm the force shield?" she said, walking toward the control panel.
They followed her, and Rodney looked at the panel with wide-eyed panic. "I-I don't know," he stuttered, studying it, and then something seemed to spark a memory and he pulled up his sleeve to look at his arm. He had scribbled notes all over himself, she noted, again, relieved at his forethought.
He typed in the numbers and the shield dropped, opening the door. She hurried out of the cell, turning back to call to the others to follow her. "Quickly," she encouraged. They needed to get Rodney's program up and running, and soon. The disease had already reached an advanced state; the residents of Atlantis did not have much time left.
They didn't make it very far before they heard a warning shout behind them. Teyla spun to see Sergeants Jones and St. Clair down the hallway, raising their stunners. She reflexively grabbed Rodney and ducked around a corner as Carter shot back towards the two soldiers.
"This way!" Zelenka hissed, hurrying into a nearby lab. "There is a good spot to hide in here."
Teyla and the others followed the Czech man into the dark room, where he led them to an access panel which he crawled inside easily.
"Oh, no, no, no. I'm not sure about that," Rodney said, eyeing the crawlspace with panic. "I don't like small spaces."
Teyla could hear the footsteps of the soldiers approaching and pushed him toward the space. "It is this, or be caught by the soldiers," Teyla told him shortly. "You will be fine."
He begrudgingly climbed in after Carter, and Teyla followed after him, swinging the panel closed behind her. "On second thought, I think I'd rather risk being caught than be in here," Rodney moaned, looking around himself miserably and beginning to hyperventilate.
"We can get out as soon as they pass," Teyla assured him. "Close your eyes and focus on breathing."
He did his best to follow her orders, though he continued to whimper quietly. While she was glad the essence of his personality remained intact, she could have done without his claustrophobia right now. Ignoring him, she listened for any indication that someone was close to the access panel.
After a few minutes of anxious waiting, Teyla peeked out of the access door. The soldiers seemed to have moved on. "Quickly," she repeated, sliding out of the tunnel and holding the door open for the others. "We must get to your lab, Rodney."
"And once we get there?" he asked, gladly exiting the small crawlspace and shaking himself off.
"Once we get there, you will save the city," she told him, trying to keep her voice calm. Hopefully, that would motivate him to finish his program in time for Ronon and John to return with the plant. If he didn't, she feared there was no time for a backup plan.
Apparently he could feel worse, because when he woke up, not only was his body tingling painfully, but he also couldn't quite seem to catch his breath. He groaned, trying to get his bearings.
"Major?"
A young black soldier moved to help him sit as he awkwardly forced his unresponsive muscles into action. "What happened?" he asked, attempting to shake the fog from his mind.
"They got you with a stunner, sir," said another kid, this one with dark hair and blue eyes. He knew these two, their names were on the tip of his tongue, but he couldn't quite place them.
"Who?" His head was pounding, but the tingling was starting to recede a little bit.
"Some of the civilians," the black guy said, handing him a bottle of white pills. "The ones who escaped earlier. We tried to stop them, but we lost them."
Hardly thinking about it, he shook a couple of pills into his hand and threw them back, hoping they would clear his mind. "What happened to...?" he trailed off and motioned toward the open cell in front of him. There had been a woman in there, someone important. She had answers.
"They took her," blue eyes said with a shrug.
Great. They'd lost the one lead they'd had in figuring out this whole mess. He pinched the bridge of his nose, trying to relieve the headache pounding there. He needed to think. Why was it so hard to think?
He staggered to his feet, the two soldiers reaching out to steady him as he lurched to the side. Jones and St. Clair, those were their names.
"You okay, sir?" St. Clair asked.
"I'm fine," Lorne said with a wince. He rubbed at his chest, willing his heart to slow down. The fog was receding ever so slightly, and he was remembering what a shit storm they were in. He gave the two soldiers a once over; they looked terrible. Did he look that bad? He felt that bad.
No time to worry about that now. "We need to find that woman," he said. "She knows how to stop this."
"We don't know where she went," Jones said. "One of the ones who took her was the guy who hit Leopold."
Lorne remembered the slippery man, though he couldn't picture a face anymore. He did recall that the man had been avoiding them at every turn and had been frustratingly hard to track down. If he'd helped the woman escape, they likely wouldn't find her. Damn.
Before he could come up with a back-up plan, his radio crackled to life, startling him. He'd forgotten he was wearing one.
"Major Lorne?"
Again, the frustration as he couldn't place a name with the familiar voice. "Go ahead," he responded.
"Sir, we picked up some intruders entering the jumper bay. Lieutenant Kemp is headed down there now."
Great. More problems to deal with. "Copy that. I'll meet him there." He needed to move anyway. He was getting that itchy feeling again.
Jones took the lead toward the jumper bay, which was appreciated as Lorne couldn't really remember which way to go, though he kept that to himself. Wouldn't do his men any good to know he was losing it. But that didn't change the fact that he was starting to feel like an impostor in his own body.
He threw back a couple more pills on the way to the jumper bay. Just had to hold out a little bit longer.
Lieutenant Kemp was already there with some of the other soldiers. They were blocking the route into the city from two men who had just exited one of the jumpers.
"What the hell is going on here?" Lorne demanded, walking through the group of soldiers to face the intruders. One was tall with dreadlocks and the other looked nearly as confused as Lorne felt.
"Sir, we caught these men trying to infiltrate the base," Kemp reported, holding his stunner on the men.
Tall Guy held up his hands in a placating gesture. "Lorne, you have got to listen to me. Everyone on this base is going to die if you don't." So this guy knew his name, too?
"And who are you?" Lorne asked, frowning. Was he working with the woman?
"Look in your pocket," Tall Guy said, motioning toward his vest.
Look in his... "What?" What was this guy talking about?
Tall Guy looked at him the same way the woman had, with that hint of desperation for Lorne to listen to him. "Just look in your vest pocket," he repeated with thinly veiled patience. "You took a picture of him," he jerked his head toward Confused Guy, "just in case it came to this. I was there."
Lorne narrowed his eyes suspiciously, but checked his pocket. He was surprised to find something there. A picture of Confused Guy. And there was a note at the bottom in his own handwriting. Lt. Col. John Sheppard. He is your commanding officer. Trust him!
A flash of a memory came back to him, of holding a camera and snapping a picture. He'd taken this. He looked up at Tall Guy's impatient face, then over to the guy who he now knew was John Sheppard. It was good enough for him.
"He's telling the truth," Lorne told his men. "This is our commanding officer." Kemp and the others slowly lowered their stunners.
A flicker of surprise crossed Sheppard's face as he realized Lorne was talking about him, but he recovered quickly. "That's right. I am your commanding officer," he said, rocking on his feet smugly. And then, as if he'd just realized what that meant, he added, "So you should do what I say."
"Yes, sir," Lorne said, realizing himself this meant he didn't have to be in charge anymore. Oh, thank God. He straightened to attention, despite still feeling like shit, as the weight of responsibility fell off his shoulders. "What are your orders?"
Sheppard considered this for a moment, eyes searching uncertainly, and then he jerked his head at Tall Guy in the same way Tall Guy had done to him. "Do what he says."
"Gun," Tall Guy demanded immediately, holding out his hand for his weapon like he'd just been waiting for permission to take over. He started walking away at a brisk pace, throwing back a, "Follow me," to the rest of them.
Lorne could have happily collapsed right then and there, now that someone else was handling the problem, but he forced his legs to follow. Just because he wasn't the one in charge anymore didn't mean they wouldn't need his help with whatever they needed to do to fix this. And he really hoped Tall Guy knew how to fix it, because he didn't think he was going to last much longer.
"How are you holding up?"
Teyla looked up to see Jennifer approaching her. "I believe I am the one who should be asking you that question," she responded, raising an eyebrow.
"I'm not the one who's been dealing with a couple hundred panicky amnesiacs all day," Jennifer pointed out with a smirk.
Teyla smiled. "Yes," she breathed. "It has been a long day for everyone. I am just glad that the enchuri plant worked so quickly."
It had been five hours since she and Ronon had successfully managed to distribute the vapor of the plant through the ventilation system, and Teyla had to admit that she was exhausted. She'd spent the better part of the last few hours trying to calm her confused friends and convince them to lie down and sleep. While many were happy to comply, there were some who had been more of a handful.
Fortunately, Doctor Keller had been one of the first to regain her memories. She took over caring for everyone a couple of hours ago, insisting she felt well enough. It did seem the fever had affected some more than others, and while many were still sleeping, at least a third of them had already broken their fevers and regained most of their memories.
"Yeah, it seems like most everyone is on the mend," Jennifer agreed, scanning the busy mess hall. "That's actually why I wanted to talk to you. I think we're going to start sending folks back to their quarters as long as they're doing okay. They'll be more comfortable in their own beds and it'll help free up some space."
"I will help spread the word," Teyla said, inclining her head.
"Thanks." Jennifer nodded toward Sheppard, who Teyla was sitting next to. "Has he woken up at all yet?" she asked.
Teyla sighed and turned back toward the sleeping man. "No, not yet." John had immediately curled up on one of the cots once they'd gotten to the mess hall and hadn't moved since. It had taken little prompting from Ronon to convince him to do so, as with many of the other soldiers who had started feeling the effects of the fever more acutely once Teyla confiscated the stimulants from them.
Jennifer laid a hand across John's forehead and then took out her scanner to run over him. Usually, the devices only worked for those with the Ancient gene, but they'd found them to be so useful in medical situations that they'd designated a few that were always powered on so anyone could use them. It drained the power supply, but given that they were designed to last thousands of years, it wasn't a large problem.
"He's all right," she said after a beat. "We'll keep an eye on his temp, make sure it doesn't get too high. Some people are just taking longer to get it out of their system."
Teyla gave another nod. She wasn't too concerned about her friend, though she had hoped that he would have woken by now. John always seemed to get the worst of every illness that swept through Atlantis, so it was no surprise that this was no exception. "I will go check on some of the others and begin sending them to their quarters to rest," she said, standing. She had been sitting here long enough; she should get back to helping.
"Thanks, Teyla," Jennifer said, moving on to another patient.
Teyla moved through the rows of beds, speaking to those sitting or standing near them to ask after the ones who were still asleep and inform them that they could leave if they felt well enough. Many offered to stay and help, but most were relieved to get out of the chaotic mess hall and return to the comfort of their own beds. Before long, the crowd thinned to a much more manageable level.
When she reached Rodney, she had to smile. He hadn't wanted to lie down when they first arrived in the mess hall, but eventually exhaustion had won out and he and Radek had fallen asleep sitting against a wall and leaning on each other. Teyla had never been one for taking photos, but for once she wished she had a camera to capture the moment.
She crouched in front of them and gently shook Rodney's shoulder, causing him to snort and lift his head, looking around with half open eyes. "Wha-? What's happening?" he mumbled.
"Rodney," she said quietly, "how do you feel?"
He ran a hand over his face and sat up straighter, knocking Radek loose from his shoulder. The other man copied the routine, groaning at being woken and taking off his askew glasses to rub at his eyes.
"Teyla?" Rodney moaned. "Oh God, why do I feel so terrible?" He again scrubbed at his face and blinked a few times in an attempt to fully wake himself.
"Do you remember what happened?" Teyla said.
"Yeah, I think so," Rodney answered, his eyes going distant as he recalled the events. "I guess that explains this headache."
Radek put his glasses back on, mumbling in Czech until he spotted Teyla. "Did we find a cure?" he asked sleepily.
She smiled. "Yes, we distributed it a few hours ago. Are you feeling better, Radek?"
He hummed thoughtfully, frowning and taking off his glasses again to pinch the bridge of his nose. "I am remembering things, which I suppose is good, except I am not proud of some of these memories."
Rodney let out another long moan. "Oh, God. Me, too." He suddenly sat up straighter, eyes going wide. "Wait, did it work? Is everyone okay?"
Teyla put a hand on his shoulder to calm him. "Many have already awoken, and the others should soon. You are all on the mend."
"Oh," Rodney said, relaxing a bit. "Good. That's good."
"If you are feeling well enough, Doctor Keller has said you may return to your quarters to rest."
Radek nodded and then winced and rubbed the side of his neck. "Yes, I believe this would be a good idea," he said, getting to his feet.
Rodney also made to get up, and Teyla held out a hand to help him to his feet. "What about Katie?" he asked, scanning the room for her and spotting her lying in a bed nearby.
"She has not woken yet," Teyla told him. "Neither has John. But Doctor Keller said that it will take some longer to fight off the fever than others."
Rodney's eyes didn't leave Katie's still form as he nodded. "Yes, yes. Makes sense. I think I'll, uh, stay with her for a while." His eyes flicked back to Teyla, as if asking her permission to do so.
"I believe she would like that," Teyla told him, her mouth curving up again. She watched as he made his way to her and sat down, taking her hand in his. Katie had brought about many interesting changes in her friend.
"Teyla?" a voice behind her said, and she turned to see Major Lorne. He looked tired like everyone else, but the strange intensity from earlier was gone.
"Major," she said, "are you feeling better?"
"Yeah, thanks," he answered, not meeting her eyes. He was shifting his weight nervously. "I wondered if you had a minute."
She creased her brow slightly. "Of course. What can I do for you?"
"I wanted to apologize. For my behavior earlier." His eyes flicked to her face. "I'm really sorry, Teyla. I was out of line. I feel terrible about it."
Ah, yes. This was more like the Major Lorne she knew. She sighed. "Major, you have no reason to feel badly. You did not know what was happening."
He winced and she could tell her words didn't make him feel any better. "Yeah, well. I'm sorry anyway. It wasn't my finest moment."
"Think nothing of it," she told him with a wave of her hand.
He bit his lip before asking, "Is Colonel Sheppard up yet?"
She shook her head. "Not yet."
"I was hoping to talk to him, too," Lorne said.
"I will let him know when he wakes," she promised. Talking to John would probably relieve some of Lorne's misplaced guilt. "For now, Doctor Keller has said you may return to your quarters to rest."
"You don't need more help in here?" he asked, surprise tinging his tone.
Teyla shook her head again. "There are enough of the medical staff who feel well enough to care for those who still need it, and we will worry about cleaning everything up once everyone is healthy again."
He nodded, looking around at the jumble of beds and equipment cluttering the mess hall. "Can't say I disagree with that plan. All right, I'll see you later, then."
As he left, Teyla wondered just how many messes they would be cleaning up over the next few days.
A/N: Please review!