Minato is confused (a new feeling for him, and one he does not like). What did he miss while he was dead?
Naruto has green hair, an Uchiha is learning fuuinjutsu, Minato's parents are alive, he has a brother, the Temple of Jahsin is under attack for some reason, Obito and Rin are alive, Kakashi seems chill as f*** and Naruto can apparently bring the dead back to life.
Seriously, WHAT did Minato miss?
"Brother!" snaps Iruka. "Stop staring into space like a moron and teach the kids! Damn, that felt weird to say." Iruka shakes his head. "Too much telling someone else to teach the kids and I might have an existential crisis."
Naruto laughs and picks up a scroll. "Here's the jutsu, Dad. Well, my half of it. Sasuke has her half."
Minato looks at the scroll with wide eyes. "This is the Sacred Scroll from the Temple of Joe!" he says, recognising the scroll from the time he went to the Temple of Joe. Kushina made him go in alone for some reason.
Sasuke finishes swallowing her medication and hands Minato a piece of paper. "Here," she says, shyly, and then looks down at her lap.
"We had to copy Sasuke's half onto a piece of paper because you can only read the Sacred Scroll of Dave with base level sharingan, 'tebayo," says Naruto cheerfully. "And since Iruka-nii and Kakashi sensei were gonna teach us the jutsu, they had to be able to read it, since neither of them has base level sharingan. Kakashi sensei has something called a Main Geko."
"It's Mangekyo," corrects Obito.
Minato quickly reads through the jutsu formulae. They don't seem too complicated, but then again, Minato is a master…
No, actually he's not a master. Minato weeps internally as he remembers that he died failing the Masters Test. He can't call himself a master. Expert? Yes, Minato decides. He is an expert!
There is a whirl of ice, fire, lightning and dirt as the four shinigami appear just outside Iruka's barrier. "Naruto," says Jashin calmly. "After some deliberation over whether or not blackmailing us counts, we decided that it does. You used fuuinjutsu to get to us, and fuuinjutsu to get your parents to your location, therefore: it counts."
"What does it count towards, 'tebayo?" asks Naruto, sticking out his bottom lip and cocking his head to one side.
"Congratulations, Naruto Uzumaki," says Steve. "We, the Four Shinigami, grant you the rank Grand Master of Fuuinjutsu, a rank only attained by two other people. You earned this rank-" here Steve stops to sigh "-by blackmailing us into bringing your parents back from the dead."
"Yay!" rejoices Naruto, throwing his fists in the air. "Hear that, Iruka-nii? I'm a GRAND MASTER, dattebayo!"
"And yet you still can't understand the Second Hokage's jutsu," says Iruka, dryly.
Naruto pulls an angry face.
"'Kay, Bye," says Joe, and vanishes with a pop. "I gotta go gloat over one of my followers who just had a baby."
"I'm off to smoke some weed," says Steve.
"Gimmie some," says Dave, and the two of them vanish.
"Just an update for you, Naruto," says Jashin seriously. "Only one of the Five Trainee Priests you sent with Madoka and Namiko survived. But they have nearly made it to the Leaf. Help will be on the way soon." Jashin vanishes in burst of fire.
"No…" whispers Naruto, hanging his head sadly. "My followers, 'tebayo…"
"It's okay, Supreme Leader," says a tearful Jashinist, from down below on the Temple stairs. "Our brothers and sisters go to rest in Jashin's loving embrace…"
"I guess they are hanging out with Hidan now…" says another Jashinist, rubbing his eyes with his sleeve.
"What...did I miss?" asks Minato, internally weeping over the fact his son is a Grandmaster but he, himself, is still only advanced level.
"Naruto is the Leader of the Order of Jashin," says Iruka. "Now please, hurry up and teach the kids that jutsu: we need it to defeat Black Zetsu."
"Oh, okay," says Minato, remembering what he was supposed to be doing. "So, Naruto, Sasuke: what part of the jutsu do you not understand?"
"ALL OF IT!" both Naruto and Sasuke shout, turning in unison to glare at the jutsu formula.
Oh, s***. Minato has a lot of work ahead of him.
"LORD HOKAGE!" Madoka barges into the Hokage's office without even knocking. Even Burifu knows that's rude, and she lives in the forest. Oh well, it's an emergency.
"Madoka!" Lord Hokage says, looking up from his game of shogi. He is playing against Neji's Dad. "What happened?"
"Black Zetsu attacked the Temple of Jashin with hundreds of clones," explains Madoka.
Namiko, who is still clinging tightly to Burifu, starts crying again. Seems like the liquid courage is wearing off.
"How long ago was this?" demands the Hokage, making a move with one of his shogi pieces.
"I don't know, a few hours?" guesses Madoka. "I lost track of time while we were running for our lives. Everyone else is still at the Temple, and they need help."
"Grandpa Pantsu is taking a bunch of the Order of Steve to the Temple to help," says Burifu, patting Namiko's head comfortingly. "But that won't be enough if the Zetsus really are unlimited like that one said."
Neji's Dad makes a move of his own and says, "Checkmate."
"Dammit!" curses Lord Hokage, then he stands. "We need to get help to the Temple now, not in a few hours. NOW. Nagato showed me a little trick last time he was here that will allow me to transport people long distances. Is Rain at the Temple?"
"Yes, he is," says Madoka.
"Good." Lord Hokage pulls out three metal rods. He hands two to Madoka and says, "Take one of these to Hiashi Hyuuga and the other to Shisui. Tell them to gather as many people as they can find and get them ready for battle. Hiashi has five minutes from when you give him the rod, Shisui has ten. When they have run out of time, everyone they find is to grab hold of the rod and pour some chakra into it. Can you remember that?"
"Yes," says Madoka, nodding.
"Good, now go and see who is in the mission office and send them up here," says Lord Hokage. "Then go and find Hiashi and Shisui."
Madoka runs downstairs.
"Burifu," says Lord Hokage, crouching down to Burifu's level. "Can you take Namiko to her Grandparents? I'm am sure you would love to join the battle, but your friend needs you to stay with her right now."
Burifu nods gravely and says, "I know. And I have to stay here just in case Grandpa Pantsu is killed. I am the next leader of the Order of Steve. I have to stay safe."
"Good girl," Lord Hokage smiles. Then he stands as the reanimations of the First and Second Hokages walk into the office along with three genin, one of whom is Neji.
"We came because we sensed that there is an emergency," says Lord First. "What is going on?"
"Black Zetsu attacked the Temple of Jashin," says Lord Hokage. "I am going to transport some people there with my rinnegan." He turns to the two genin boys Namiko does not recognize. "You two are from Root, aren't you? Shin and Sai are your names, if I remember right."
"Yes we are, Lord Hokage," says one of the boys. "I am Shin, he is Sai. Do you want us to go and defend the Temple?"
"Yes I do," says Lord Hokage. "Hizashi and Neji, you are coming too." He holds out the third metal rod. "Grab on to this and channel some chakra into it." All six Leaf ninjas all do as the Hokage says. A second later, all seven vanish as Lord Hokage activates his rinnegan.
"Come on," says Burifu, patting Namiko again. "Let's go see your Grandma."
Clang! Clang! Mito's chakra chains collide with Kushina's in a deadly dance. They seem to be evenly matched, but Kushina plans to tip things in her favour soon.
"Is that all you've got?" Mito mocks Kushina, throwing a kunai with a paper bomb attached at Kushina.
Kushina dodges and throws a volley of kunai at Mito. She needs a plan, and fast. She needs to distract Mito long enough to draw an attack seal. One of Kushina's only weaknesses is her inability to draw seals fast or create them instantly with chakra. She was training to rise above that weakness when she died.
Poof! Seven people appear in a puff of smoke. Hizashi Hyuuga, with long flowing hair and pristine battle gear. The First and Second Hokages reanimated. Three random kids in ninja getup. And last of all, wearing dark glasses and a mustache is Fugaku Uchiha, dressed in the robes of the Hokage.
"That'll do," says Kushina, and draws an attack seal on her hand while Mito is momentarily distracted. "Fuuin: Wrath of Jashin!" A jet of fire shoots out of Kushina's hand, engulfing Mito.