LIFE IS THE ART OF CHOICE-3

Hello my dear friends. Nice to be with you again. I missed writing whole week, so I'm back today to write another chapter. In this one, I will present Charles's point of view regarding this harsh situation...Also, Elsie will meet Joe Burns and that will lead to another complications... I hope you will like it...

A week and a half has passed, ever since that memorable evening in Elsie's sitting room and Charles still felt like he was living in the middle of somebody else's nightmare...They didn't say a word to each other since that day, besides the casual and necessary conversationsd regarding the household matters. That was the only time when they couldn't avoid each other. Earlier on, they willingly spoke about family matters, changing one short question into long conversations. Now, Charles felt like it was a military talk-short, concrete, without any prolonging of the subject. Ever since that evening, Elsie never looked him in the eyes. Not even once. She never looked at him at all now. Earlier, he sometimes caught her staring at him, when she thought he didn't see that. It always nicely tickled his man ego, although he was not a vain man...Now, she acted like he didn't exist at all. Like he was just a part of Downton accessories. Even during meals, she always spoke with someone else, never with him. After the dinner, she went straight upstairs to her bedroom, not even saying goodnight.

Charles saw and felt her enormous pain...He knew that she suffered, he knew how much...Even though, she never said a word. The reason he knew how much she was suffering, was that he was suffering as much as she was or even more...When he went to bed a t night, he was tortured, every time he reminded himself that scene, the way he spoke to her-so coldly, so cruelly.. He thought that this was the only way for them to both forget their plans...He changed his mind overnight, when he realized, that it would probably be impossible for them to get together. Lord Grantham might have been tolerant at times, but Charles thought, that he would not be comfortable with such a modern idea, as a married butler...Even if Elsie would resign from her job...Because he was sure, that it would not be possible that she could stay on her position. He earned enough to provide for both of them, but that wasn't a problem...Charles didn't want to admit, even to himself, but he was afraid that it might have caused him his job...He might have lost everything he worked so hard for. He wasn't a crazy twenty something boy. He was a middle age man, who earned the position he held, with a very hard work. Ever since the day he came into this house, to start as a young footman, gradually, day by day, he was leaning towards a higher position and he got it. Could he really thrown that away and start somewhere else? Charles couldn't imagine working in a shop or a factory...He was amazed when Elsie asked him once, if he wished going another way-to work in a shop or a factory and have wife and children...He understood now, what was the purpose of that question then...She wanted to inquire, whether he would be willing to give everything up for her...It turns out he wasn't...He felt ashamed, when he realized that, because he loved Elsie with all his heart. If someone has ever asked him, about his ideal of a wife, he would have no doubts about that. He would have pointed Elsie, because in his eyes she was perfect in every way...Beautiful, smart, intelligent, funny, sometimes even witty, but in a harmless way...She managed to run the great house without any bloopers...What more could he want from a potential wife? He sometimes had that sweet image in his head-that he comes back to the cottage, after a hard day of work and he sees her, serving him a delicious dinner and a great wine...She knew exactly what he liked.. She would have taken care of him like nobody else could...He was sure of that...

There was another matter...After their meaningful meeting in her sitting room, he still wasn't able to forget what happened that night between them...On a very personal level...When he lied awake at night, he constantly reminded himself the touch of her little hand on his chest, while they kissed...He reminded himself how her sweet, soft lips felt on his..How it trembled from love and desire, that she felt then...How her eyes looked at him, with such trust and devotion...He writhed from embarrassment, realizing, how she must have felt, when she heard those cruel words from him the next day..How he humiliated her...Treating her like woman to have fun with, for one night...When she was dreaming about being his wife...He dreamt about that too...Especially imagining how sweet it would be to go further with showing her his love...

It was like a constant battle inside him...Between the fear of loosing the position that he held and loosing the love of a woman, who was so dear to him...His fear about his job won...Unfortunately..He acted that way, because he knew, that it was the only way to reject her...He sensed, that if he had told her about his fears, about his doubts, she would tried to persuade him, to go along with the idea of their marriage...After all, she was always the one who solved all the problems for everyone...

He wondered, how it will be possible to go on like this...How will they be able to live like nothing happened. Few times, he wanted to discuss with her, to explain, but she was so cold and distant towards him, that he didn't have the guts to do that...And so day after day go by and he was still in a state of suspension...

When the first shock has gone and Elsie was able to think straight, she immediately decided, that she should have quit her job and go away..Far away, so she would never have to see Downton and Charles Carson again...When she read the note from Joe Burns, she thought that this has come in the right time...She suspected, knowing Joe, that he wants to propose to her again...He wrote some time ago, informing her, that he became a widower few years ago...Good, old Joe...He was crazy about her ever since they were young...And obviously this was still the case...Elsie never thought about him seriously. When she was young, she wanted to leave Argyll and see a different way of life and she didn't love Joe. God knows, that is she was in love with him, she would have married him back then and she would be a mother and maybe even grandmother by now...

She was going to inform Her Ladyship about her leaving, but when she received a note from Joe, she decided, that she should wait to meet with him...If he will propose, she was ready to accept him...Even though she didn't love him..She loved Charles, but Charles didn't want her...He despised her and probably thought of her as a fallen women, who forced herself on him...She still felt a great shame, when she reminded herself, how eager she was to show him her love and how he behaved later...

She was hoping for a day or two, that he will maybe try to talk to her, to explain something to her, she still couldn't believe, that he could have behaved in such cold and unfeeling way towards her...She thought that she knew him pretty well..But that was all her fault..She forced herself on him and he got carried away, by the moment and by the large amount of alcohol they had that night..Besides, the way she..She touched him and kissed him...Which man wouldn't go crazy, being seduced by a woman like that...But as the morning came, he realized, that he felt nothing for her...She didn't exist to him and she decided that until all her matters will resolve somehow, she must act the same way he did... Act aloof, pretending that he didn't exist...It was more difficult that she expected it to be, as every fiber of her body ached for him and wanted him, but whenever a sudden rush of feelings came into her heart, she immediately froze, reminding herself, that she didn't exist as a woman for Charles Carson...

Few days later...

Elsie felt rather nervous...In the day of the fair, she was constantly making sure that everything was all right and there will be no unpredicted problems, which would prevent her to have her night off...She drove Mrs Patmore crazy, asking her few times about the same things...They were both great friends and Elsie confied in her, telling her about her old beau and a possible reason of his visit...She didn't mention anything about her and Charles, but Mrs Patmore was not blind...She noticed those two dancing around each other for years and she wondered what has happened between them, that they suddenly behaved like they didn't exist for each other...She didn't ask Elsie about that, sensing that something must have gone very wrong with the butler, since Elsie was considering to take her old beau's proposal...She sighed deeply, thinking that Downton without Elsie, would be an awfully lonely place for her, but she couldn't do anything about it...If that will be Elsie's decision, she will have to accept it...

Charles felt uneasy too today...Elsie almost never took the day off and he he had a feeling that something was very wrong...Of course, considering the current situation, he couldn't have asked her about that.. Was she getting ready for some drastic step? When he passed her room, on the corridor, he noticed how she was getting ready to go out, trying a hat and he saw how Mrs Patmore helped her...The thought have stroke him-he has to ask Mrs Patmore what was that all about. As soon as Elsie left, he went into the kitchen, by the pretext of checking if everything was all right and ready for the dinner, when she confirmed, that indeed everything was ready, he innocently asked her:

"Mrs Patmore...Do you maybe know when Mrs Hughes is going to come back? I'm not sure at which hour I can lock the doors for the night..."

"I wouldn't expect her to go back quickly Mr Carson...You know she took the night off and since she is meeting her old friend, they will probably have some catching up to do.."

"Oh, really? Her female friemd came here especially from Scotland, just to meet her? How nice.."

"Isn't it? But that's not the whole truth Mr Carson...Her friend came to the fair and to meet with her and it's not a female friend, but a male friend...His name is Joe Burns and I believe that he is her old beau, so you never know how things can go..."

"I see. I will go to my pantry now, if anybody needed me"-Charles came to his room, as quickly as he could and closed the door. He sat in his chair, breathing heavily. So his worst assumptions became true...Elsie was meeting with a man...Her old beau...No doubt he will propose to her and she will quit her job and go back to Soctland and he will never see her again...He felt a sudden panic attack. This couldn't be true! She can't do that. She can't go away and leave him here all alone...Forever...She can and she will do that...He was the one who caused it, by rejecting her so harshly that night...There was nothing what kept her here any longer...She was never in love with Downton Abbey and the family like he was and he knew that there was absolutely nothing that kept her here...She will go and he will stay here, as an old, pompous fool, who rejected the woman who loved him, just because of the fear about his position...

He swiftly decided, that it couldn't be that way..That he must do something! That it was the last moment to make the decision...He already made that decision. He wanted Elsie...He wanted to marry her, he never wanted to let her go. He wanted her to be his wife, to live with him, to love him and to never part with him, until the day he dies.

As soon as she will come back from the fair, he will ask her for a conversation and he will explain everything to her...He will talk to His Lordship tomorrow and he will ask for the permission to get marry. His Lordship was a good man, he will understand that the world has changed and things that were not possible few years ago, are now socially acceptable...Calmed down by the plan that he has thought of, he poured himself a glass of his favorite Margaux, once again reminiscing how they drank it on that adorable night...

Elsie was indeed having a good time with Joe Burns...Thye were talking, laughing, participating into different attractions of the local fair...As the evening went on, they decided to eat a dinner at the local inn, in which Joe has stayed...They were talking and catching up with the stories of their lives...

After a while, Joe has told her what was the real reason of his come back..He told her that he never stopped thinking about her and that he wanted her to marry him...That was exactly what she was expecting from him...Elsie was about to say yes, when she felt a sharp pain in her heart, with an image that appeared in her head suddenly, without warning-she saw Charles's face and his brown eyes, looking at her with such sadness, with so much love and her lips which were ready to give Joe a "yes" for his proposal, has turned into a different direction...She told him, that she has to think it over...That because of her career, the position that she had and the complete change of her lifestyle, that this marriage would bring, she has to think it through...

Joe was a little susprised, but he already knew that Elsie was a hard nut to crack..She was completely different and more unusual than other women that he knew...That was what has always attracted him in her so much...He told her, that it's not a problem, because he rented the room in the inn for few days...

They were still sitting and talking, but after while, Elsie figured, that it wa high time for her to go back home, so they went outside the inn...

"I'm so glad that we finally met Elsie...It was difficult not to see you all those years..I was still wondering how you were doing...Were you...? Were you thinking about me sometimes too?"

"Yes Joe...Of corse I did...You are a significant part of my past Joe..."

"I hope that I will be a significant part of your future too Elsie...There is nothing in the world, that I would want more, than to be your husband and to take care of you...I know that you were afraid of the hard work in the farm, but it's different for me now...I have managed quite well..I'm not a Croesus, but I have workers..You wouldn't have to do much and I would take a good care of you..Believe me..."-He took her hand in his and he shyly put it into his lips and kissed it...

Elsie was amazed by this gesture and by his words...So here she was, standing with a man who was clearly in love with her, offering her to take care of her and she still wasn't able to get the image of Charles Carson from her head! That thought was infuriating!

"Joe...I believe you..."-Elsie wanted to break the tension a little between them..."Tell me, how do you find your room in the inn? I was always curious how do these rooms look. It's funny, that I live here so many years and I never had a chance of finding that out..."

"The room is really lovely...You have a chance to see it now...You can come up and I will show it to you.."

"Joe that wouldn't be appropriate...What would people think?"

"Come on Elsie! You were always a brave one, who didn't care about other people's opinions. Remember how you shocked everyone at Argyll by leaving to England? You gave them something to talk about for months! Of course, most of them were sure, that you will fail and they couldn't have been more wrong! We are not a pair of youngsters anymore...We will just go there for a minute and then I will walk you back to the Abbey. It's dark already.

"Well...I guess it's all right, if we will only come for a minute..."

Joe opened the door leading to the rooms, as the pub an the rooms were located in a seperate part of the building, and he let Elsie to go in first...He entered behind her and locked the door. He wasn't surprised, when he saw a woman standing on a pavement and looking at them. He thought, that she was probably waiting there for someone...What he wasn't aware of, is that was Miss O'Brien-Her Ladyship's maid from the Downton household, who was just passsing by, coming back home from the fair..She saw the whole scene and she was already glad about it...That would be a saucy story to tell in the house...She decided, that the first person who she should tell about that, was Mr Carson. He was the one who was in charge of the staff and he always had such a high opinion about Mrs Hughes...He will want to know that...

Back at the Abbey...

Charles was really concerned about Elsie...It was very late and she still wasn't back...He tried to calm down, but it was getting harder and harder to do that, as the time passed...He comforted himself, thinking, that she maybe with the others of the staff-few of them have also went to the he heard laughs and talks by the back door, he sighed with relief...They were finally back...Now, he will be able to talk to her...

He watched as a youngsters group went inside and his face frowned, as soon as he realized, that Elsie was not among them. They were all very amused, they were laughing, bantering etc...When they saw him, they all said good night and went straight upstairs to their rooms..Charles sat at his desk again, wondering what to do next...When he heard the back door opening again..Now it was her for sure...She came back...To his disappointment, it was also not Elsie, but Miss O'Brien, who had the same sly smile on her face as usual...He didn't like this woman, but right now, she was the only one who could know something about Elsie. So he decided to ask her:

"Miss O'Brien...Was Mrs Hughes with you at the fair? I would like to lock the door and she is the only one who has not come back home yet..."

"No Mr Carson...Mrs Hughes was certainly not with us, but I wouldn't expect her to go back soon Mr Carson..Especially considering the circumstances..."

"What are you talking about? Did you see her?"

"Yes, I did, about ten minutes ago, I saw her standing with a gentelman friend outside the inn. They were so busy with each other, that they didn't even see me...He was making some sweet talk to her apparently and he kissed her hand and later..."

"What... happened later?..."

"They both came inside the inn-the part of the inn, in which there are rooms to rent...I bid you good night Mr Carson..."

Sara O'Brien left, with a sign of triumph on her face..She has gotten even for tonight with Elsie Hughes, when she told her to serve all the three ladies...She didn't think of the shock on Mr Carson's face as anything more, than a reaction to Mrs Hughes inappropriate behavior...What she wasn't aware of, was that she just ripped his world apart...

That's all for today...I am mean, I know...But I will update tomorrow, so you won't have to wait long, to find out what happened in Joe Burns's room and how will Charles react for the news, that he has just received ;-) I know that O'Brien was not at the fair, where Elsie met with Joe, but I figured, she was the best person to give such news. She was always gratuitously mean ;-) Sorry for any errors. I hope you liked that chapter, if so, you know the drill ;-) Stay safe and see you soon!