Evan had been hoping he would feel better after getting some sleep, but it seemed he was going to have to put up with the slightly hot, achy, dizziness for a while longer. It wasn't like he could just call off and take a sick day; everyone was still recovering from the Kirsan Fever. But at least that meant everyone else felt like crap, too, so he didn't have to overachieve today. Just survive.

He was sure he probably could have stayed in bed, but he didn't feel that terrible, and someone needed to coordinate the clean up and reordering of the city after the near disaster they'd had yesterday. With Sheppard just released from the infirmary this morning, that responsibility fell to him. And really, he wanted to do it. He was, after all, responsible for a lot of the mess.

He felt his chest tighten again, the anxiety over his actions yesterday washing over him and making him feel sick. What was going on with him lately? He couldn't seem to keep his head on straight. First, the alien entity when he'd held up Operations, then almost shooting Sheppard because he dreamed he was a replicator, and now chasing down his own people and accusing them of evil plots? At least for the first two he'd been under the influence of an alien entity, so that kind of excused his behavior, but this time... How stupid was he, taking all those pills?

He sighed, forcing himself to calm down. It wouldn't do him any good to get worked up over it again. He'd done that plenty yesterday as his memories started coming back and he realized he'd almost sabotaged the people trying to save the city, and all it did was give him a near panic attack. What he needed to do was talk to Sheppard about all of this. Get it off his chest. It was stressing him the hell out.

If only Kate was still around. She would know how to fix this. She'd always helped him work through stuff, and not just because it was her job. Well, maybe because it was her job, but even outside of official sessions, he'd been able to talk to her. She'd kind of been the only one in Atlantis that he could talk to. And for some reason, even knowing all the shit she did about him, she had still seemed to genuinely enjoy his company. That kind of friendship was hard to come by, and he'd only gotten her a few months until...

It only got harder to breathe thinking about her, so he pushed her out of his mind. No time for that right now, he had work to do.

He rounded the corner into the mess hall, sighing because that name was really fitting right now. The place was wrecked. He had secretly hoped that maybe someone else would have cleaned some of it up by now, but that had been a pipe-dream. And since half the city was still recovering, it fell to a small group of them, which meant it was going to take a lot longer.

The few Marines there already seemed to know what they were doing, and he didn't particularly feel like giving orders, so he left them to it and grabbed a cart to load up. Sighing again, he started with the pile of boxes closest to the door. He usually didn't mind manual labor like this, but today, he would rather be doing anything else.

"Major Lorne."

He glanced over his shoulder to see Doctor Zelenka entering the mess hall. The small man was wringing his hands nervously.

"Hey, Doc," he said, picking up a heavy box to set on the cart. "Feeling better?"

Zelenka smiled weakly, nodding. "Yes, much, thank you. And you?"

Evan shrugged, grabbing another box. "I can remember my name again, so that's a good sign," he said.

"Yes, always a good thing," Zelenka agreed, and then motioned toward the pile of boxes. "Would you like some help with those?"

Evan motioned for him to help himself to the boxes and Zelenka lifted one to set on the cart. After moving a couple more, the scientist cleared his throat. "I, uh, wanted to apologize. For giving you such trouble yesterday."

Moving the boxes was harder than Evan had anticipated, so he took the opportunity to lean against the cart's handle and catch his breath. Man, maybe he was still sicker than he thought. He ignored the cold sweat prickling at the back of his neck and smirked at Zelenka. "Yeah, who knew you were so scrappy?"

The scientist blushed, laughing nervously. "I certainly did not."

Evan shook his head in bemusement. "I would be more upset, but honestly, I did some pretty stupid stuff, too." Like stunning a bunch of his own people and locking up the person trying to save them. "It's actually good you were on the lam so you could free Teyla."

Zelenka's expression was somewhat chagrined. "Well, technically Rodney was the one who led us to her and Colonel Carter stunned you, but that is neither here nor there." He squeezed one more box onto the cart. "I have not been able to find Sergeant Leopold yet. Did I injure him badly when I hit him?"

Evan started pushing the cart in the direction of the infirmary, and again, was surprised at how much effort it took. "He's fine." Man, why was he still so out of breath? "I think he's in the armory." He'd sent a couple of guys down there to account for all the weapons and ammo. Had to be sure no one had broken in and squirreled any away while they were out of their minds.

"I should probably go apologize to him as well," Zelenka said, following him out of the mess hall.

Evan had hoped that the breathlessness would pass, but if anything, it was getting worse. His hands felt weird, tingly, and he could suddenly feel his heart thumping, like he'd been sprinting or something. Except it hurt.

"Major, are you sure you're feeling all right?" Zelenka was eyeing him with concern.

No, he really wasn't. "Guess not," he said between breaths. He'd gotten a couple of spells like this before, but they'd always passed quickly and he assumed it was because he'd been stressed about yesterday. Why wasn't this one going away? He wasn't even thinking about that stuff right now. Maybe he should have just stayed in bed today.

"Perhaps you should sit down? I could call Doctor Keller..."

Evan shook his head. They weren't that far from the infirmary. As much as he wanted to simply go back to his quarters and lie down, this warranted getting checked out. But it wasn't bad enough to ride on a gurney, which is what Keller would make him do if Zelenka called her. "I'll get checked out when we get there," he said. "It's not far."

"Then at least allow me to push this before you faint," Zelenka offered, shooing Evan away from the cart and grumbling something under his breath that definitely wasn't English.

Evan gladly surrendered the cart to him, too focused on taking deep, even breaths to care much about anything else. The tingling in his hands was getting stronger, and spreading to his legs. He was starting to rethink his decision to not call Keller as the need to lie down grew stronger. But they were only a hundred yards away now, certainly he could make it.

He didn't make it. The dizziness that had slowly been creeping up on him hit with sudden force and he was on the floor before he knew what was happening.

"Major Lorne!"

Zelenka's face appeared in his tunneling vision, but he couldn't respond. Couldn't breathe. He panicked as he tried in vain to get oxygen into his lungs.

Over the buzzing in his ears, he heard Zelenka shouting, but he must have been speaking in Czech again because Evan couldn't understand any of the words he was saying. A strange calmness washed over him, and his last thought was that he'd always expected dying to be a little more impressive as a wave of darkness dragged him under.

"Be sure to get plenty of rest," Jennifer said one more time as Rodney helped Katie walk slowly out of the infirmary. The botanist threw a grateful smile over her shoulder before turning her gaze back to Rodney lovingly.

Jennifer watched them go with a goofy grin on her face. The two of them seemed so happy together, and she had to admit, a worried McKay had been quite the sight to behold. Sure, she'd seen him fret over Colonel Sheppard's injuries before, but this was different. He was clearly in love with Katie Brown.

Sighing, Jennifer headed back to her office for a quick break before her next set of rounds. It had been a long two days, but things were finally winding down. Only a few patients left; two still sleeping off their fevers and one who had done a number on his ankle during the prison break from the mess hall yesterday. Thankfully, the worst of it was over.

She'd managed to sneak out for a few hours earlier today, long enough to eat a proper meal, take a hot shower, and grab a long enough nap to not be completely exhausted. Even so, she was looking forward to things returning to normal so she could actually have a day off. She'd tried to give most of her staff time to recuperate, and had luckily gotten over the virus fairly quickly herself, but she had a feeling it would still be a few days before things were completely "normal." Or as normal as they got in Atlantis.

"Doctor," Marie said, poking her head in the office door. "I'm ready with the casting supplies whenever you are."

"Oh, good," Jennifer answered. That would get another patient out of here. "Just let me—"

She was interrupted by Zelenka's panicked voice on the radio. "I-I need a medical team in the corridor outside of the infirmary."

Jennifer jumped out of her chair, hitting her radio to respond as she shared a worried glance with Marie. "Copy that. On our way." She hurried out of her office to grab the emergency kit. "What's going on, Radek?"

"It's Major Lorne. He collapsed and is not breathing well," Zelenka answered quickly.

Jennifer grabbed a gurney and threw the kit on it, Marie joining her on the other side. They rushed into the hall and spotted a small group of people down a little ways. Radek was kneeling next to the unconscious major.

"What happened?" Jennifer asked, dropping to her knees, eyes running over her patient for signs of what was wrong. He was already cyanotic, barely breathing in tiny gasps. She ran the scanner over him. Heart rate was way too high, blood pressure dropping quickly.

"I don't know," Radek answered. "It came on suddenly. He was fine and then he couldn't catch his breath, and the next thing I knew, he was on the ground."

"Help me get him up," she ordered a couple of the people standing around, and they quickly obliged, lifting him onto the gurney. "Marie, bag him and let's go." They didn't have time to waste.

Thankfully, they were close to the infirmary and thus the crash cart, because in the short time it took to get him into the trauma room, Jennifer lost his pulse. She pulled out the scanner again. "Dammit," she muttered, flipping on the defibrillator before starting compressions. "He's in v-fib," she told Marie, and then added quietly, "Don't you do this to us, Major." What the hell had caused this? He'd been fine yesterday as far as she knew.

As soon as the machine was charged, she cut his shirt open and grabbed the paddles to shock him. It took two rounds before she got a pulse back, but once she did it was strong and he pulled in a breath on his own.

"Okay," Jennifer sighed, meeting Marie's gaze with cautious relief. "Let's get him on a monitor and hope that doesn't happen again."

As they went to work hooking up the equipment and starting an IV, Jennifer ran through the possibilities of what could have possibly triggered a cardiac arrest. The stimulants? But he would have had to have taken a ton, and certainly he wouldn't... Then again, if he hadn't remembered how many he'd been taking, it was entirely possible he'd accidentally overdosed and had been walking around for a full day with symptoms that had strained his heart to the point of shutting down. She should have been more thorough checking everyone over before she released them yesterday.

She couldn't help but be reminded of a very similar experience caring for the major only a couple of months ago. He hadn't crashed that time, but he'd been close; one more seizure and she was sure she would have lost him. Had she missed something again, like she had that time when he'd come to her thinking something was wrong before the seizures started?

She looked down at his slack face, which was thankfully pinking up again under the oxygen mask, and couldn't help but brush some stray hairs back from his forehead. Carson had always complained about his "frequent fliers," joking that if he had a nickel for every time certain members of the expedition ended up in his infirmary, he could retire early in luxury. But, of course, as much as he whinged about them, he'd been diligent, some might even go so far as to say overbearing, in his care of them, perhaps because they returned so often. It seemed she was going to have to work on her sense of who was more likely to end up in here.

"Looks like I'm going to have to keep a better eye on you, Major," she murmured, watching him breathe and wondering if she'd ever be half the doctor Carson had been.

He heard voices first, and then a soft beeping, fading in like someone was slowly turning up the volume on the world. Harsh lights shone on his face, blinding even against his closed eyes, and he rolled his head away from them, wanting to fall back into the empty blackness he had just been floating in.

"Doctor, I think he's coming around." He couldn't place the voice and didn't really care who it was. He was wiped out, sore, like he'd gone a few rounds against a Wraith. His chest ached. He wanted to go back to sleep.

"Major Lorne?" That was Keller. "Can you hear me?"

Crap, he should probably acknowledge her. He tried to move, to make a noise, but everything was too heavy; his arms, his tongue, even his eyelids. Mustering his strength, he eventually managed to blink against the lights above him, squinting up at the doctor and Marie standing over him.

"There you are," Keller said with a tired smile, her stethoscope in her ears. "Welcome back."

Had he gone somewhere? Some of the grogginess fell away as he remembered the panic attack or whatever the hell that had been. Heart attack? He studied the doctor's face as she listened to his chest, trying to glean any clues from her expression. She looked exhausted, with circles under her eyes and her hair rumpled, but he couldn't tell if it was because she was more anxious than usual or just hadn't had a break since this whole thing with the virus started.

Blinking a couple more times in an attempt to wake himself further, he lifted a leaden arm to push aside the oxygen mask covering his face. "Hey, Doc," he said quietly, drawing her attention.

She frowned a little and put the mask back. "You need to keep this on, okay?" she ordered, and then turned to Marie. "Will you go tell Doctor Zelenka and whoever else is lurking out there that he's stable now?"

Marie nodded, looking just as exhausted as Keller, and promised to return in a bit with some scrubs for Evan. He glanced down at himself and saw his shirt was gone and in its place were a bunch of wires and an IV. That probably meant he would be staying a while.

"What happened?" he asked, his voice muffled by the mask.

Keller pulled up a stool and sat next to the bed, focusing her attention back on Evan. "You went into cardiac arrest," she told him bluntly.

His eyes widened. Shit, that wasn't good.

"We were able to correct it with the defibrillator," she continued. "Your oxygen levels are still a little low, but your heart rate is back where it should be. You're doing fine."

He absorbed the information, still reeling from the news. A heart attack? Wasn't he too young for that? Wait, was cardiac arrest the same thing as a heart attack? Why had it happened? He tried to sort all the questions into something sensible. "What...?"

"What caused it?" Keller guessed, and he nodded. She pursed her lips thoughtfully. "I'm not sure yet."

But she had a theory, he could tell by her expression. He waited for her to share it with him. "Major, how many of those pills did you take?" she asked slowly.

Dammit. He knew that was going to come back and bite him in the ass. He looked up at the ceiling and shook his head, biting back the wave of anger. Of course he'd done this to himself. Idiot.

Keller sighed. "An overdose of stimulants could definitely be responsible for the tachycardia, but I think it was more likely a combination of factors that led to this. You're still running a low grade fever and Teyla mentioned you'd been stunned, which could have triggered an arrhythmia. Any of those things on their own likely would have been fine, but when you put them all together..."

He mimicked the doctor's sigh. Lucky him.

"We'll run some tests to determine the causes and assess any long term damage," she said. "But I'm hopeful you'll make a full recovery."

"How long am I stuck here?" he asked.

"Well," she said, "that depends on the results of the tests and how long it takes you to kick this fever. Honestly, I'm a little concerned given your recent medical history that you're more at risk for complications. You've put a lot of strain on your heart lately, and you have a pretty stressful job. I don't want to send you back before you've had a chance to fully heal or you'll end up right back in here."

He frowned. Wait, was she talking about the thing with the alien entity and the seizures? That just couldn't leave him alone, could it? He reached for the mask again, "Doc, I—"

She cut his protest off with a glare and he meekly replaced the mask. "Like I said, we'll get some answers and then figure out how long until you can go back to work. But I'd expect you to be in here a couple of days and off duty for at least a week."

Great. Once again, he'd be useless to pick up the pieces after another disaster. Well, he couldn't be too mad. At least he was alive. Still, if he hadn't been so stupid in the first place, he wouldn't be here right now. He supposed he deserved to be benched for a while.

"I'm sorry, Major," Keller said quietly, breaking him out of his self-loathing. He glanced at her and was surprised to see her looking miserable. "If I hadn't given you those pills... And I should have caught this yesterday. Should have noticed something was wrong."

He let out a long breath, and with it, his building irritation. So he wasn't the only one beating themself up. But Keller had no reason to feel bad. He had done this to himself. Once again, he pushed aside the mask, deciding he didn't care if she yelled at him. It's not like he could feel much worse than he already did. "Doc, you had 200 patients yesterday," he told her, "on top of being sick yourself. And the pills really did help for a while, I just kept forgetting how many I'd taken. It's not your fault."

She gave him a small smile before reaching over to replace the mask again. "Thought I told you to leave this on," she scolded lightly. "But thanks. Can we just agree that the last two days sucked?"

He huffed a laugh. Yep. Definitely sucked.

Her smile grew as she stood. "You should get some rest, Major. I need to go track down everyone else who was taking the stimulants, make sure no one else is having side effects."

Oh yeah, that was a good idea. He probably hadn't been the only one popping pills like candy yesterday. "Thanks, Doc," he mumbled, shifting to a more comfortable position.

"Marie will be back soon to get you settled," she said as she left.

He focused on the beep of the monitor, letting the sound remind him that he was alive. He was alive, and that meant he had another chance to do things right. Because he sure was tired of messing things up.

Teyla watched Major Lorne from across the infirmary, unsure what exactly had prompted her to come in and visit him. They were acquaintances, had worked together on many occasions, but she had never spent time with him outside of that. Their conversation yesterday was one of only a few times he had addressed her directly. Yet, when she'd heard of his collapse, she had simply felt the need to come. Except now that she was here, she hesitated to actually speak to him.

The major was much like John in her opinion. He was friendly and easy to hold a conversation with, and she had never heard anyone say anything negative about him (with the exception of Rodney, but he complained about everyone). John seemed to have a high opinion of him, often joking that Lorne was the kind of Air Force officer they wished they had running Atlantis. He did seem competent, and despite the way he teased Rodney, he took his job seriously. And yet, even though she had known him for two years, Teyla was realizing she hardly knew anything about Evan Lorne.

In fact, almost everything she did know about him was from what Kate Heightmeyer had told her. Her late friend had become close with the major after his encounter with an alien entity that had been trapped in the city. Teyla knew he must have taken Kate's death hard, but she had been too absorbed in her own grief to notice. Perhaps that was what drew her here now, guilt over not recognizing that she had not been the only one mourning the loss of a dear friend.

Or perhaps it was that she could see his self-incrimination over his actions the last couple of days. She had spent enough time with John to recognize the behavior. Though he had apologized for his treatment of her, and she had forgiven him, she knew it was unlikely that he had forgiven himself.

"Hello, Teyla," Jennifer greeted, walking out of her office.

Teyla noticed the lines of exhaustion on the doctor's face and frowned with concern. "Jennifer," she said. "What are you still doing here? I thought you left to get some rest."

"I was just on my way out," Jennifer replied, stopping next to her. "What are you doing here?"

Teyla was glad to hear that the young woman was getting out of the infirmary. She had been here far too long. "I thought I would check in on Major Lorne," Teyla told her, nodding toward the man. He was propped up in his bed and appeared to be drawing.

Jennifer followed her gaze and smiled. "I'm sure he'll appreciate the company. I won't let him have his laptop, so I think he's pretty bored."

"How is he?" Teyla asked.

"Oh, he'll be fine," Jennifer assured her. "I'm sure he'll be released tomorrow. He's mostly just bummed out that he's not going to be back on duty right away. You know how those guys are."

Teyla shared a smile with her. It did sound familiar. "I will not keep you. Please get some rest, Jennifer."

Jennifer answered with a yawn and a nod. "Will do," she said through the end of her yawn. "See you around, Teyla."

She waited until Jennifer left and then took a deep breath and strode across the infirmary. "Major Lorne," she said as she approached his bed, getting his attention.

Lorne looked up from his drawing, surprise on his face. "Teyla, hi," he said, scooting more upright and adjusting his blanket awkwardly. He was dressed in the scrubs that were the usual garb of the infirmary, but Teyla knew from experience that they felt more like pajamas than proper attire.

"Do you mind if I join you?" Teyla asked, indicating the empty chair near his bed.

He still looked slightly dumbfounded that she was here, but he motioned for her to sit. "Please," he said.

She smiled warmly at him as she sat, hoping to put him more at ease. "I wanted to see how you are feeling," she explained.

"I'm fine," he said quickly. "Doc said I should be out of here tomorrow." He played with his pencil, spinning it easily through his fingers. Teyla wondered if he even realized he was doing it. It seemed the kind of habit one practiced often enough not to notice.

"I am glad to hear," Teyla said. They sat in a somewhat awkward silence for a moment, the easy conversation now used up. She searched for another good question to ask him, and her eyes fell on his book which he had set aside. She nodded towards it. "What are you drawing?"

He glanced at it, again seeming surprised by her question, and tapped it with the pencil. "Oh, just doodling. Nothing specific. Sometimes I just let my mind wander and see what comes out."

"May I see?" she asked.

He hesitated ever so slightly before picking up the book and handing it to her. "This one is mostly just sketches of the city. There's a few birds in there. I've been trying to do more wildlife, but I'm not very good at it."

Teyla wasn't sure what she had expected; she knew the major enjoyed art, but she was stunned by the level of talent in the sketches. Even the one he had called "doodling" was a beautiful depiction of one of the songbirds common to many of the planets in Pegasus. She turned the pages slowly, studying each drawing with interest. "These are wonderful, Major," she told him, enamored by the images. "You are very talented."

"Thanks," he replied, back to fiddling with the pencil. She could tell he still felt uncomfortable. Perhaps he didn't want her here.

She closed the book and handed it back to him. "I should let you rest," she said, beginning to stand.

"Teyla, wait," he blurted, stopping her. He sighed and she could see that he was struggling internally with something. He finally met her gaze, looking miserable. "I know I already said it, but I'm really sorry about yesterday. I was way out of line."

Ah, so he was still feeling guilty about that. She settled back into the chair. "Major," she told him, "I have already said that I do not hold it against you. You were affected by the fever, just like everyone else."

"Yeah, but I put you in the brig and interrogated you like you were the enemy," he argued.

She shook her head. "You were trying to protect the people of this city, and you did not harm me."

"Still," he said, dropping his eyes in embarrassment, "I could have handled things better. Thank goodness Carter and McKay showed up when they did, or I'm not sure what I would have done."

Teyla tilted her head. "I believe you handled yourself admirably, given the circumstances. You continued to search for a solution to help the people of Atlantis, even when you did not know what was happening. And Ronon told me that it was your idea to photograph Colonel Sheppard which then allowed him to deliver the enchuri plant."

"That was mostly Sheppard's idea," Evan mumbled, still not looking at her. "I just came up with what to write on the picture."

"Whoever's idea it was, you knew to trust him, and that is what matters." She touched his arm gently to get his attention. "You should not feel guilty over things that could have happened. What did happen is the plant was distributed and all is well now."

He considered this for a minute before the corners of his mouth quirked into a smile. "That sounds like something Kate would have said," he told her.

Teyla returned the smile. "She used to tell me that I would have made a good counselor," she admitted.

"She wasn't wrong," he said with a chuckle, and then his expression grew somber again. "Isn't the same without her around."

Teyla nodded, feeling her chest tighten at the memory of her friend. It had only been two months since Kate had been killed by the crystal entity, and while life had continued on, the wound was still raw and caught her at unexpected moments. Not just her death, but that of Carson and Elizabeth as well. Three friends she held dear, no longer here with them.

Major Lorne must have seen the tears forming in her eyes. "Sorry, Teyla," he apologized, though he didn't seem as uncomfortable as he had been a few minutes ago which surprised her a little bit. The men on her team never seemed to know what to do with crying. "I didn't mean to be such a downer."

"No," she said firmly. "It's good to speak of her. I do not wish for her to be forgotten." She wiped at her eyes, chuckling softly to herself. "She always said the best way to grieve for someone is to speak about them. I suppose the best way to honor her memory is to follow her advice."

"She was smart like that," he agreed, and then broke into a wry smile. "Although, can we just acknowledge the fact that she had the worst taste in music?"

Teyla laughed at this. She'd heard the same sentiments from others who had known Kate. "I wouldn't know, I suppose," she said. "I have only ever heard the music that John and Rodney listen to to compare."

Lorne made a face. "Sheppard's got a weird obsession with Johnny Cash, and I don't even want to know what McKay listens to. Kate was stuck in the 90s. I promise, Teyla, Earth has better offerings than Backstreet Boys and TLC."

Teyla enjoyed all the music she had heard from her friends, and was always awed by the variety of sounds and styles that the different songs carried. She found it amusing that so many of them complained of certain types of music, though she supposed she did prefer some genres more than others. "Perhaps when you have recovered, you could introduce me to your favorite songs," she suggested. "And we could speak more about Kate. I would like to hear your stories of her."

"That would be nice," he agreed.

She stood, stretching. It was getting late. "I really should let you rest."

Lorne nodded, running a hand over his face. "Yeah, probably a good idea," he said, setting his book and pencil on the bedside table. "Thanks for stopping by, Teyla."

"I am glad that I did," she said with a smile. And she really was.

A/N: Hey hey hey bo diddly bob, you should review this story like it's your job.