Chapter Three: Bar None
Chris: [narrating] Last time on Total Drama Reloaded, the teams ran a non-stop race across the island in a fight to see who could take the heat and who'd be trailing far behind! In the end, a surprising twist of fate rendered Steele as the ultimate winner of the challenge, sending Team Punisher to the elimination ceremony. Talk about a cruel irony, am I right? [chuckles] Meanwhile, in an effort to stay above water, Jo tried to commission the assistance of Crystal Gem Bismuth, but with a watchful eye from Octavia, this ultimately led to Bismuth getting eliminated that same night. [on-screen] Guess you could say they gave her a stone cold departure. [chuckles] How will Jo manage to stay one step ahead of her teammates and will we see some more tension between the canines of Nome? Find out right here, right now on Total...Drama...Reloaded!
[cue theme song, the episode continues]
[scene shows Camp Wawanakwa at night just shortly after the elimination ceremony from the previous episode. Jo is seen walking through the forest on her lonesome sulking to herself]
[static buzzing]
Jo: Well, isn't that just brilliant? With Bismuth outta the game, I'm now stuck on the sidelines at risk for elimination. But I'm not down for the count just yet. While my fellow female comrades may be out to get me, I've still got one venue I can take; forming an alliance with the guys. I protect their hides from the other gals, they in term protect me from elimination. If all goes according to plan, I'll be running this game on the clock.
[static buzzing]
[scene cuts to Jo arriving back at the cabins where Robin and Axel are seen on the steps, the English fox humoring the gangster wolf as apparent by his boisterous laughter]
Axel: Man, you've got a disguise for everything it seems. It bet it must have felt pretty moseying around in drag.
Robin: Quite honestly, that was probably my favorite disguise of the lot. Really allows me to get into character, as well as show off my more glamorous side~
Axel: Hehe, well, makeup or no makeup, ya' look pretty glamorous regardless.
Robin: Ooooh, you~ It's nice to know someone else has a taste in style.
Jo: [to herself] Bingo…[to Robin and Axel]...uh, hey there, you two. Enjoying the night air?
Robin: You could say that. I take it that you're doing the same?
Jo: Ah, yeah. I needed a bit of fresh air to clear my mind, after all, that was a long ass run we took together.
Robin: Indeed, you did pretty well for getting second place.
Jo: [her eye twitches at the phrase "second place", but she tries to maintain her composure] Yeah...thanks...anyways, I actually wanted to speak to you two about something.
Axel: Alright, what's the dealio?
Jo: It's about our position in the game, surely with the superior number of girls on our team, that kinda puts you two at a bit of a disadvantage, but I can safely say that I know of a way to make things work for all of us.
Robin: Mmmmmm...elaborate.
Jo: It's very simple really, I keep the other gals off your backs and in return you don't vote for me at elimination under any circumstances.
Axel: And if we agree to this shindig, you're being 100% honest that you're not gonna turn tail on us under any circumstances?
Jo: [makes a sign with her hand] Scout's honor.
Robin: Well...when you put it like that...I suppose we can come to an agreement.
Jo: Ah, good to know. Well, I'm gonna hit the sack, I'll see you maggots bright and early tomorrow…[walks up the steps to the girls' side of the cabins and enters the bedroom]
Axel: Ya' think that chick's pullin' our tails?
Robin: Well, I'd say that it's too early to judge and draw a conclusion, thus why I'm giving her a trial run to see if she's going to prove her worth. She does raise a valid point in that we'll need to stick together being the only males on the team.
Axel: Yeah, I suppose ya' got me there...say, back to our previous discussion, you wouldn't happen to have any of them kits for ya' little getups, would ya'?
Robin: I believe you'll find that I brought a few just in case the occasion called for it…if you would like to do the honors~
Axel: Hehehe, well, my dear, [extends out his hand for Robin] shall we retire to our quarters?~
Robin: [takes the lupine's paw in his hand] Ooooh, I detect chivalry before me...it would be my pleasure~
[the two male members of Team Punisher walk up the steps to the males' side of the cabins and shut the door]
[scene cuts to the interior of the males' bedroom of the spa hotel as the male members of Team Pulverizer lay down to bed]
Steele: [sighs contentedly] Now that's what I'm talkin' about. That masseuse can work wonders by feelin' these legs all over, especially after having to run through hell and back today.
Rufus: And these beds…[sighs in bliss]...it's like being on a cloud. All nice and soft, truly this is the life of champions. One which I don't want to depart from any time soon.
Steele: Heh, amen to that…[looks over at Balto who seems to be turned away from the conversation]...what's bitten you up the ass?
Balto: Huh? Oh, it's nothing really. Just...thinking is all…
Steele: Hmph...just thinking...you got somethin' on your chest, don't you?
Balto: What's it to you?
Steele: I'm just saying it is, am I not allowed to pose questions because it goes against what I'm supposed to be? Is that it?
Balto: What? No, it's not that, I'm just…[sighs]...look, it's nothing you need to concern yourself over...not that I'm sure you'd concern over anything I'd say…
Steele: Wow, you're really playing moral superiorist here, aren't ya'?
Balto: Steele, it's late, I'm tired, can we please just put this to rest? [covers himself up with the sheets]
Steele: Mmmmmmm…
[static buzzing]
Balto: [sighs] Am I really that obvious? I know I'm probably coming off a little too strongly onto Steele for my own good, but it's best to just keep it under the radar for now.
[static buzzing]
Steele: If there's one thing I know about wolfdog, it's that he's a terrible liar. He's hiding something, I can tell. I know I said I was gonna play it safe with him, but if there's crucial information he's not telling me, then I'm gonna find out what it is.
[static buzzing]
[scene cuts to the sun rising over the horizon. It then cuts to the interior of the spa hotel where Rarity is seen brushing her hair in the mirror when she spots Dawn out on the balcony with a bird perched on her hand]
Rarity: Mmm…[goes over to inspect as the moonchild lets the bird fly away]...so what did it say?
Dawn: Mmm? Oh, the bird was just telling me that they're expecting a flock in the coming days. So I bid her safe travels knowing the danger that's on the island.
Rarity: You really seem to have a knack for this sort of thing, although it must be odd to balance out talking to animals like me who can talk and then those who are still feral.
Dawn: It is a different experience, but life is full of mysteries, I suppose. And this happens to be a pleasant mystery.
[unbeknownst to the two, Emerald is standing at the end of the hallway listening in on the conversation with a rather unpleasant expression on her face]
[static buzzing]
Emerald: One thing that those two have in common is their attitudes generally resonate positive energy that will ultimately give them an advantage in terms of willingness for others to work with them. As a result, it is in my best interest to intervene with that possibility and make sure that I remain on top of the others. The question is, who to get rid of first…
[static buzzing]
Loudspeaker: Wakey-wakey, early birds! The more time you're lounging around, the less time I have to laugh at your misfortune!
[scene cuts to the twelve contestants standing outside of their quarters as Chris stands in front of them]
Chris: Alright, today's challenge is about…[notices Vinyl nodding her head with her eyes shut to the sound coming from her headphones]...um, if I could everyone's attention…[his face contorts into a look of annoyance as Vinyl continues not to pay attention...until he pulls out a megaphone] EARTH TO VINYL SCRATCH, DO YOU READ ME?!
Vinyl: [the volume of the megaphone is enough to get her attention as her eyes open wide] Huh?! What…[notices the host staring at her coldy and sheepishly puts down her headphones]...hehehe, sorry about that…
Chris: [clears his throat] As I was saying, today's challenge is about testing your ability to hold on tight. I'm sure you've all seen and tried out the monkey bars at least once in your life. Today, you're gonna wanna hold onto the bars for as long as you can, the last player on the bars wins invincibility for their team while the losers will be sending someone home. And to add to the level of difficulty, there will be a few "surprises" in store in case I feel like things are getting a bit boring.
Steele: So, yesterday you essentially ran our legs into the ground, and today, it's our arms. What's next on the checklist?
Chris: Oh, you'll see in time…[chuckles]
[static buzzing]
Steele: I legitimately cannot stand how smug that guy is. Every word that comes out of his mouth is something condescending with that s**t-stirring smile of his. How does one put up with something like that...oh…
[static buzzing]
Jo: The Pulverizers got lucky yesterday, but their luck is about to change once they realize they're messing with a top gymnast.
[static buzzing]
Chris: You've got ten minutes to head over to the river where your challenge awaits. Hope you can still feel in your arms when this is all done…[chuckles as he walks away]
Anne Maria: Ugh, another one of dese athlete challenges. Why can't the bozo just give us a break fa' once? [pulls out her hairspray to spray her hair]
Octavia: [coughs as the fumes of the spray are closest to her] Must you do that so close to me?
Anne Maria: It ain't easy gettin' ta' look dis good, so I got's ta' do whateva' I can.
Octavia: [rolls her eyes] Well, isn't that just peachy?
[static buzzing]
Octavia: Are manners simply nonexistent in today's world? It doesn't hurt to show at least a little common courtesy every now and then.
[static buzzing]
[scene cuts to the contestants walking through the forest]
Octavia: You know, those headphones are going to be the downfall of you someday if you're not careful.
Vinyl: Wait, these things? I'm just livin' in the moment, Tavi. You gotta learn to lighten up a little.
Octavia: Does being shouted at by a megaphone count as "living in the moment"?
Vinyl: Okay, that was a fluke on my part, but the point stands.
Octavia: I don't think it does…
Vinyl: [sighs] Fine, you got me on that one, but still, it wouldn't hurt to not be so...nitpicky all the time.
Octavia: I'm just trying to look out for you because I care.
Vinyl: Awww, so you do have a heart after all.
Octavia: [deadpan] Very funny.
Vinyl: But, yeah, I get it. You look for me and I look out for you. Plus...that's very sweet of you, Tavi.
Octavia: [her face turns a light hue of red at this, but she tries to compose herself] Um...right...
[scene cuts to the contestants arriving at the river where the monkey bars are stretched across from one side to the other]
Chris: Right then, each person will climb up the monkey bars and go just far enough till we have everyone on the bars and they're gonna stay on their respective bar for as long as they can hold out. Will this experience possibly render your arms numb by the end of it? I'm saying...hopefully. [chuckles]
Octavia: You just laugh at any sort of pain that isn't inflicted upon you, don't you?
Chris: I mean, you're not off on that account.
Octavia: [looks at the camera with a half-lidded expression of annoyance]
Jo: [to Steele] You may have gotten lucky yesterday, but this time, I'm kickin' your rear.
Steele: Riiiight, and how many times have ya' said that to someone?
Jo: Don't get funny with me, furball. Get in my way, and I'll make your life a living hell.
Steele: [rolls his eyes as he climbs up the ladder to the bars] Don't see how you could make it anymore of a hell than it already is.
Jo: Hmph! [climbs up the ladder to the bars]
Rufus: Woof, she's got quite the sting on her.
Emerald: Rather amusing if I do say so myself.
Anne Maria: [clears throat] Would one of ya's mind movin'?! Ya' holdin' up the line!
Emerald: [under her breath] Give me orders, will you…[climbs up the ladder to the bars]
[scene cuts to all twelve contestants now hanging on the monkey bars]
Axel: Yo, dis s**t ain't easy on the arms.
Robin: I suppose that's what he was going for. Pain for us, pleasure for him.
Axel: Heh, ain't dat the truth. This'll be no issue fa' you I reckon, ya' prolly done this kinda thing many times before.
Robin: Well, all that tree-climbing wasn't for not. My arms have gotten rather flexible as time's gone on.
Axel: Not the only thing dat's flexible~
Robin: My, my, you've certainly got a tongue for suggestive language whenever, don't you.
Axel: I'm sure you would know, tck-tck~
Jo: [rolls her eyes] Ah, great…
Chris: Five minutes and everyone's still holding on. I think it's time we kicked things up a notch…[presses a button on a remote that causes grease to pour out onto the bars, coating them to make them slippery]
Rarity: UGH, that's disgusting!
Anne Maria: Hey, no fair!
[with the newly greased bars, Rarity, Rufus, Anne Maria, Axel, Octavia, and Vinyl find themselves slipping off into the river]
Rufus: [spits out water] Oh, come on! Now I'm greasy and wet!
Anne Maria: ARGH, you're so gettin' a beatdown fa' dis, McLean!
Rarity: I'd say he's more than deserving of it...
Axel: [sighs] How ironic dat a greaser got taken out by grease…
Octavia: [wipes herself off as she exits the river] This is disgraceful…
Vinyl: Yo man...not cool.
Chris: Dunno, it looked pretty cool to me. [chuckles] Six down, six to go. Who will remain on the bar long enough to win the challenge and how will I make the experience all the more humiliating for these guys? Find out when we come back on Total...Drama...Reloaded!
[scene cuts to black, the episode continues]
[scene shows the six remaining contestants: Balto, Dawn, Emerald, Jo, Robin, and Steele still hanging on the monkey bars, trying to maintain grip through the grease while the six eliminated contestants watch from the sidelines]
[static buzzing]
Jo: And once again, my teammates leave me to pick up the slack. I'd say that I'm flattered, but it wouldn't hurt for the others not to me and Arrowhead to fill in the gaps
[static buzzing]
Jo: So...feeling tired over there? Maybe you feel like taking a breather and just letting free?
Emerald: Don't patronize me, earthling. I've taken on tougher things you couldn't even begin to imagine.
Jo: Oh, really? Is that how you lost your eye?
Emerald: How dare you, that is my gem! Human scum, you've some nerve to insult an elite leader!
Jo: Yeah, yeah, how about you run off back to the jewelry store?
Chris: [chuckles] Now that is television! And I believe I know how to kick it up a notch. [presses a button on the remote which causes a vibrating shock to run through the bars]
Balto: YIP! [lets go and falls into the water]
Steele: AH, DAMN! [lets go and falls into the water] You've got to be kidding me…
Emerald: VVVVVVVVVVVVV-YAH! [lets go and falls into the water] Curses! Blast! Damnation!
Jo: ARGH! [lets go and falls into the water] No!
[as soon as the vibrating stops, Dawn and Robin are the only two contestants left on the bars]
Rufus: How is she doing that?!
Rarity: Hang in there, darling! You're our last hope!
Dawn: Oooooooh, I don't know how much more of the pain I can take. My arms have never felt this sore...
Robin: Hoooooboi, I've had to do some pretty major climbing in the past, but this simply takes the biscuit.
[static buzzing]
Dawn: And just like that, it all came down to me. Although the pain in my arms was severe and all I wanted to do was to retreat to the shelter of the trees and regain my senses, I knew that I had to carry on for the sake of my team.
[static buzzing]
Chris: After all this pain and anguish, it's down to Dawn of Team Pulverizer and Robin of Team Punisher! You've both stuck it out well, maybe a little too well. Cuz one of you's about to give out before the other. And I'll be more than happy to assist with that…[presses a button on the remote which sends out a mechanical hand with a feather for the respective bars that Dawn and Robin are on]...ah, the classic game of tickle till ya' break.
[the hand on Dawn's bar begins to tickle her face as she struggles to remain composed. Meanwhile, the hand on Robin's bar goes down lower, below his head, below his middle section, all the way down to…]
Robin: Oh, bloody heHEHEHEHEHE!
[unseen to the viewer, the hand has gone down to tickle Robin's undercarriage. While Dawn continues to forge on with the risk of bursting into laughter, Robin fails in this endeavor as he finally lets go of the bar and falls into the water]
Robin: [spits out water] Well, that's a relief in some aspect...ooooh, my arms…
Chris: And thus, Robin Hood falls, leaving Dawn as the winner for Team Pulverizer!
Dawn: Oh, thank goodness. [lets go of the bar and falls into the water, but smiles nonetheless]
[Rarity and Balto cheer for the moonchild while Rufus claps his hands and Steele gives off a small smile. Emerald meanwhile tries to look supportive by giving off her best "supportive" face]
Chris: Team Punisher, I'll be seeing you at the Campfire Ceremony...again. [chuckles]
Jo: [kicks the ground and storms off in aggravation]
[scene cuts to the evening as Robin is having his arms tended to by Axel as they sit on the steps of the cabins]
Axel: I gotta hand it to ya', you stuck it out like a pro. Arms feel any better?
Robin: [sighs] Well, they're feeling a little better with your tender touch. And I appreciate the compliment.
Axel: So, ya' given any thought to Jo's proposal?
Robin: After today's events, I can safely say that I have.
Axel: So...we in?
Robin: To that I say...yes…
[unbeknownst to the males, Jo is secretly eavesdropping from behind the left side of the cabin]
[static buzzing]
Jo: I knew I'd get through to those two eventually. After all, no one can resist any of my offers.
[static buzzing]
[scene cuts to black, at the Campfire Ceremony]
Chris: Welcome back, Team Punisher. I gotta say, you're doing quite a lot of punishment on yourselves by sucking so much. [chuckles as Jo rolls her eyes with an unamused scowl] Now, time to get to my favorite part of the ceremony, to the votes you go.
[static buzzing]
Jo: You know what they say, pride comes before a fall.
[static buzzing]
Chris: Alright, now that the votes are tallied, the following members of Team Punisher are safe: Anne Maria [catches the marshmallow]...Axel [catches the marshmallow]...Jo [catches the marshmallow]...and Octavia [catches the marshmallow]. And now we come to the final two, who will get the last marshmallow; Robin the Ticklish or Vinyl the Wireless...
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Robin!
Robin: [catches the marshmallow with a grin]
Vinyl: Aw…[sadly stands up]...I guess it's the Dock of Shame for me then…
[scene cuts to the Dock of Shame as the members of Team Punisher watch Vinyl board the Boat of Losers]
Vinyl: [stops beside Octavia before the boat] Hey...chin up...I know you'll do great out there…[pulls the cellist into a hug which she returns with a still sad expression on her face]
Octavia: [sighs as Vinyl lets her go and she watches her DJ friend board the boat] Goodbye...Vinyl…
[the Boat of Losers departs from the Dock and sails off into the night]
Chris: Huh, now I know why they call her DJ-PON-3...cuz she's the third person to get the boot! [chuckles as the rest of the contestants give him unamused looks] Will Team Punisher be able to rise up from this hole they've dug themselves in? I sincerely doubt so, but you'll just have to find out next time on Total...Drama...Reloaded!
[scene cuts to black as the episode ends]