Chapter Seven: Style Over Substance
Chris: [narrating] Last time on Total Drama Reloaded, the teams went on a little deer hunt, well, more like shot at targets resembling deer props with rifles! Meanwhile, in a stunning turn of events, as well as some weird mystical...stuff, the canines of Nome, Balto and Steele, officially put an end to their quarrel after giving out their emotions to one another, along with a little help from everyone's favorite moonchild, Dawn. Unfortunately for Team Pulverizer, it was her anxiety of being unable to shoot at anything resembling something from Mother Nature, and resulted in their team losing the challenge. Meanwhile, Robin's initial anxiety about using a firearm led to him overcoming his adversity in scoring Team Punisher the win! In the end, it was a sad and somber Dawn who walked the Dock of Shame and left the island for good. Hey, at least she didn't get tossed like a trash bag this time, not that I would have minded a second round. [chuckles, on-screen] Eight players remain, who's still willing to take the pain? Find out right here on Total...Drama...Reloaded!
[cue theme song, the episode continues]
[scene shows the interior of the spa hotel. It shifts over to Anne Maria walking out of the steaming bathroom and towards the girls' bedroom]
Anne Maria: [as she plops onto the bed] Haaaaaa, this is the life. Livin' like a queen, das what I am.
[at that moment, Jo walks into the room with a pompous demeanor]
Jo: And thus another victory is secured through my expertise and leadership.
Anne Maria: Oh, God, here we go…
Jo: You say somethin', poof head?
Anne Maria: Actually, yes, I did. I don't need ta' hear you braggin' about you being some hotshot who can do anythin' just you're the "leader" or somethin'.
Jo: Except I actually have something to congratulate myself on because I'm an actual valuable asset to the team, not like your piss-poor performance today was anything to be cheery over.
Anne Maria: Dat gun was rigged and you know it!
Jo: Oh, bulls**t! You just don't know how to do anything besides hairspray and nail polish! All that generic girly crap, UGH!
Anne Maria: And you don't know how to do anythin' besides yellin' at people and lookin' like a dude! Have you taken a look at ya'self ever?!
Jo: I don't need any stupid makeup on my face or on any part of my body to look feminine. Like I give a s**t about trying to look like those bare bone, superficial runway models who you could break like a twig or in your case smearing paint all over my body!
Anne Maria: Oh! Whoa, whoa, whoa! You did not just insult da' tan!
Jo: Oh, and so what if I did? What are you gonna do about it, bitch?
Anne Maria: You wanna throw down, sista?! Cuz I can throw down, Jersey style!
Jo: Hah! I could turn you into mincemeat if I wanted to! I've kicked quite a bit of ass in my time and I'm still rarin' to go!
Anne Maria: You say dat now, but you're gonna find out what happens when you mess with da tan!
[the two females start to roughhouse with one another as the scene shifts over to the males' bedroom where Robin and Axel are listening to the noise from the other side of the wall]
Axel: Yeeeesh, them gals sure like to wrestle.
Robin: I must say, I'm glad that the two of us aren't engaging in such heated activity.
Axel: Weeeeell, we could engage in some other activity if ya' know what I mean~ [wiggles his eyebrows]
Robin: Oooooh, you and your ways of making everything suggestive~ Still, I would just like to thank you for what you did for me today.
Axel: Aww, well, I was just lookin' out for my favorite red foxy. It's what any good partner would do for their own. On the streets, we look out for our own no matter what, all got each other's backs, stickin' together like a pack.
Robin: Well, I certainly know that feeling...well, I used to before I forgot about it before getting it back…
Axel: You mean...you know…
Robin: The very thing...I remember the days of when Little John and I would prance around the forest for as long as I can remember, from the time of our youth, we were inseparable, working alongside each other for the good of the common people. That was until my...feelings for Maid Marian started to arise as I started to have visions of reliving that childhood memory of us together, but this time, something more...throughout the whole debacle, I was trying to perform my duties while at the same time trying to prove my worth to take Marian's hand in mine, as if she was now the most important person in my life, more important than the partner who had stuck with me for all those years...he might not have shown it, but it was apparent enough that Little John wasn't taking this new side of me when me and Marian eventually married and I began to dedicate my life to her...while she wasn't malicious or disgraceful towards me, after a while, it was starting to become clear to me that I just...didn't fit in her world, I could never get used to dressing up professionally or having to act more like a gentleman, the happiest years of my life was when I had my freedom...and Little John by my side…
Axel: Whoa...I mean...whoa...so...are you and him…
Robin: The two of us have reconciled our previous relationship, even if I had to give a long apology from the heart to Little John who had every right to be disappointed with me for my callous decision of choosing a childhood fantasy over a partnership that had been built on for many years.
Axel: Wow...that's some deep stuff, Rob...tho I'm glad to see ya' being chipper in spite of it all.
Robin: Well, I try not to let negativity get to me as I like to look on the positive side of life, amidst all the fighting and banter, it's nice to have a state of peace in all this, especially during the likes of being on a reality show that can damage you both physically and mentally.
Axel: Heh, amen to that, brotha'.
[just then, a loud crash is heard from the other side of the wall as the two males turn their heads to the wall]
Axel: I see the wildcats are still dukin' it out. Heh, imagine that, while the girls are out beatin' the s**t out of each other, we're bein' all sappy and sensitive to one another.
Robin: Well, I particularly don't mind that we're doing the latter, especially since I'm the presence of someone so...grrrrraceful~
Axel: Oooooh, I like the way you rrrrrrroll your tongue like that~ Bet you could put it to good use somewhere else~
Robin: Oh, and just where would you suggest I do that, ma' dear?~
Axel: How about I...show ya'?~
[the grey wolf pulls the red fox by the shoulders onto their bed into a rather comical kissing spree]
[static buzzing]
Robin: It's so nice to have a partner like Axel, I've never felt this free to express myself since the days when it was just me and Little John. Oh, and if you're watching this, old friend, I believe you would like Axel, in more ways than one. [winks]
[static buzzing]
Axel: If there's one thing I like about Robin, it's his sweet honesty. Coming out like that to me was both the cutest and most heartfelt thing I've ever seen. The man's clearly been through a lot to come to that point and I'm glad to be the one to hear him out, and they say us gangsters can't be all sensitive for another's feelings. Pfft, get outta here with dat s**t.
[static buzzing]
[scene cuts to the cabins where Balto and Steele are seen sitting on the steps]
Balto: [sighs] I still feel bad that Dawn got eliminated. She was a nice girl when all said and done, even if she was a little...different with her being able to auras and things like that...still, it was what made her interesting.
Steele: Yeah...I get what you mean...not a bad kid, I'll admit...but still, I think we can at least agree that it's nice not have to have kind overlaying tension between us, seeing as she was at least able to assist us with that…
Balto: Yeah...and I guess Rufus kept his end of the bargain so-
Steele: Bargain? What's this then?
Balto: Oh...well, Rufus made a deal with me that if I didn't eventually tell you about my...thing, he would tell it to you himself, given that he heard me and Dawn talking about it not too long ago…
Steele: Cheeky f**ker, ain't he...perhaps he needs a bit of a lesson taught to him…
Balto: Now, wait a moment, he wasn't inherently malicious about it...or at least I think, and he does seem to be a man of his word...so I think we can let him off the hook...although, is it just weird, or did I see him trying to flirt with you a couple days ago?
Steele: No kidding, he was playing all these...word games with me the night before...heh, maybe he just wants some if ya' know what I mean.
Balto: [blushes] Oh, stop…
[unbeknowst to the two, as the scene cuts to the interior of the males' side of the cabins, Rufus is seen still awake, seemingly listening to the conversation intently]
[static buzzing]
Rufus: I can't fall asleep. For some reason, listening to those two has become a bit of an addiction for me, almost like...what, could it be that I'm...oh, no, definitely not, they're probably not even going that far...ugh, there it goes again! What is going on, am I feeling the need for...companionship…?
[static buzzing]
[scene cuts to the interior of the females' side of the cabins where Rarity is seen trying to fall asleep]
Rarity: You know...I never realized how lonely these cabins can be without other people around...it's rather daunting actually…
[just then, an owl hoots from outside, using the unicorn to pull the sheets over her face]
[static buzzing]
Rarity: It feels good to have gotten past my highest placement from the last time I competed, but seeing as I'm the only girl left on the team, as well as the fact that I just barely escaped elimination last time, I need to be wary of my current position in the game. No doubt that if we lose the next challenge, I'm going to be on the chopping block, unless I can think of a plan. With any luck, if we do win the next challenge, no elimination for me as a golden ticket to the merge.
[static buzzing]
[scene cuts to morning as the sun is seen peaking over the horizon. It then cuts to the interior of the spa hotel where Team Punisher is seen eating breakfast in the dining hall. While Robin and Axel are seen contently eating with one another, Jo and Anne Maria are giving each other death glares as they eat]
[static buzzing]
Anne Maria: I've heard people say dat Jo is the "betta version" of Eva. If ya' ask me, she's hardly the betta version of anything!
[static buzzing]
Jo: Personally, I'm not intimidated by the likes of Anne Maria as I've got something she doesn't: allies. I've got Robin and Axel on my side so it's only a matter a' time before the Jersey Reject gets the boot, and I'll make sure of that.
[static buzzing]
Loudspeaker: Attention, teams! Please report to the beach for today's challenge! You might wanna be ready to get all done and dirty, ladies! [chuckles]
[scene cuts to the contestants walking to the beach through the forest. On Team Punisher's side, Jo and Anne Maria are seen still glaring at each other]
Axel: [to Robin] Yikes, them gals be glarin' daggers at each other for a while now.
Robin: Indeed, I can only hope that their rationale doesn't distract them from the day's challenge.
[scene shifts over to Team Pulverizer as Rufus is seen giving an awkward stare at Balto and Steele in front of him]
Rarity: What are you doing?
Rufus: [snaps out of his gaze] What, huh? Oh, it's just you...nothing…
Rarity: Rrrrrrright...you're hiding something, aren't you?
Rufus: [scoffs] Whatever's on my mind is none of your business, so leave it be.
Rarity: Fine, have it your way, I won't press on…
[static buzzing]
Rufus: Phew, that was a close one. I honestly don't know what's happening to me as of late, why can't I just look at those two normally...my God, I think I have that…"thing".
[static buzzing]
[scene cuts to the beach as the contestants stand before Chris]
Chris: Today's challenge is a good old fashioned treasure hunt. You see, it appears that the key to the spa hotel has been lost and buried somewhere on the beach. Where it's buried is for you to find out.
Rarity: I have a question, where are the shovels?
Chris: Here's a better question; who said anything about shovels? For this challenge, it's all in your hands to dig up the key, that cool, Rarity? [chuckles as he sees the fashionista cringe as she looks down at her nails]
Anne Maria: Whoa! Whoa, whoa, whoa! You kiddin' me right now? I ain't about ta' ruin dese nails! Especially afta' I had them polished!
Jo: Oh, you're digging! I don't care if you're the Queen of England, either you dig, or I'm gonna stick your head in the sand!
Anne Maria: Oh, you wanna second round, I see. [punches her palm with her fist]
Chris: Ladies, as much as I'm sure we'd all love to see you brutally maime one another, ya' might wanna conserve that energy for participation in the challenge...or don't and give me a real catfight. [chuckles]
[the two girls glare at the host, then at each other, then turn their backs with a huff]
Chris: Right then, first one to find the key wins invincibility for their team and a night at the spa hotel, the losing team will be sending someone home on a journey to Loserville! Aaaaaaaaand...go! [blows the air horn]
[scene cuts to the contestants looking in various spots on the beach to dig]
Rarity: [as she digs near some rocks] Ooooooh, there's bits of sand in my nails...I need a bath after this…[suddenly, she feels contact with something solid]...wait a minute, I think I…[upon pulling out the object from the sand, it's revealed to be a part of a chain]...phooey…
[scene cuts to Anne Maria standing on another section of the beach. Once she's sure nobody's looking, she pulls out her nail filer and begins to file away at her nails]
Anne Maria: Heh, dat Jo wouldn't know a thing about proper care…
Jo: [off-screen] Hey! Tan in a can! [on-screen] What'd I say about digging?!
Anne Maria: Hey, I'm searchin', alright?! No need to get ya' knots in a twist!
Jo: I have every right to do so when you sit around on your lazy ass and don't do s**t!
Anne Maria: How about you get ya' loudmouth outta my face before I sock it?!
Jo: You think you scare me, don't ya'?
Anne Maria: I've actually got da guts to stand up to an intolerant bitch like ya'self!
Jo: This "bitch" has been carrying this team since day one! I practically carried you and the other maggots back on Revenge of the Island! And if I recall, you quit the show because you thought you found some priceless diamond that was actually a fraud, real smart move on your part.
Anne Maria: Hey, don't you eva' bring that up in front a' me! Don't forget, you got voted out by your underling turnin' on you, guess you ain't as powerful as you think, especially seein' as you got the third boot in the All Stars season!
Jo: That s**t was bogus on both occasions, I know it, you know it, everyone knows it!
Anne Maria: Pfft, yeah, keep tellin' ya'self that!
Chef: [with a megaphone in hand] Hey, you white girls gon' keep bitchin, or you gon' start diggin'?! Cause lemme tell you that hearing you two squawking is givin' me a headache and you do not wanna know what happens when I get a headache!
[the two girls stare at Chef rather apprehensive, then they glance at each other, then they walk off in separate directions]
[static buzzing]
Chef: Those two have been at it fa' over a week now and if I had to hear one more instance of them shouting over some bulldung I couldn't care less ova', somebody's gon' get hurt…
[static buzzing]
[scene cuts to Robin and Axel searching near a rockface]
Axel: Ya' know, I gotta say, I think it's about time we split the wildebeests apart, if ya' know what I mean.
Robin: Hmm, yes, I do agree that all this arguing is getting rather...overdone. I mean, I don't think I've ever seen those two exchange so much as a friendly greeting with one another.
Axel: Personally, I say if we lose, snookie's the one gettin' the boot. After all, we got ourselves aligned with Jo and even if she's a grade A bitch, she's at least got the "leader" aspect to back it up.
Robin: Well, I suppose you have a point there.
[scene cuts to Chris having watched the discussion from a distance]
Chris: Ya' know, it's funny when you think about it, it's normally the girls trying to stop the guys from beating each other, but in this case, it's the other way around. Then again, these guys definitely got some girl in them, if ya' know what I mean. [chuckles] As the teams continue to search, it's still anyone's game. Who will be the one to find the key and win the challenge for their team? Find out when we return on Total...Drama...Reloaded!
[scene cuts to black, the episode continues]
[scene shows Balto and Steele digging near the shore, many holes surrounding the area]
Steele: I swear to God, the bastard must have chucked the key into the lake or something cuz this is f**king ridiculous.
Balto: [sighs] Can't say I disagree with you there, I feel like I've got sand in my...everything.
[scene cuts to Rufus digging just a few yards away, watching the two Nome canines with envy]
Rufus: [groans] Get a hold of yourself, Rufus, you were just fine a few days ago, but they look so...content with one another…
[static buzzing]
Rufus: [sighs] I might as well come to terms with it; I envy those two. While they overcome their adversity, I'm still stuck on my own, still stuck with having to survive with life on the lamb, only to be reminded of the time when that stupid Mao Mao made a complete fool of me and then had to top it off with screwing with my mind. If someone with a track record like Steele's can find someone to be content with...why can't I after all I've been through…?
[static buzzing]
[scene cuts to Anne Maria digging into the sand with a deep scowl on her face]
Anne Maria: Lousy Chris, lousy Jo, makin' me ruin my pedicure, this two-bit show ain't my style in the slightest...ya' know, I think momma might have a plan that'll please everyone…[sees Robin and Axel digging not too far away from her and then goes up to them]...you two got a minute?
[scene cuts to Jo digging near the shore, looking rather aggravated]
Jo: Argh, this is stupid! That key could be anywhere on this beach! Stupid host and his stupid challenges and his…[descends into incohernt grumbling]
[scene cuts to Rarity searching for another place to dig]
Rarity: Okay, it's been several hours and still...nothing...great...hmm? [sees Chris sitting on a deckchair, drinking from a coconut] Wait...could it be that…?
[static buzzing]
Rarity: It was then when I realized, this entire time, the key had been right under our noses in the most obvious spot possible, it would only make sense that Chris would hide it where we would least expect it. Of course, I had a little…"fun" with that endeavor.
[static buzzing]
Rarity: [whistles innocently as she lights up her horn...and then aims underneath the deckchair, causing a burst of sand]
Chris: WAH! [coughs] What the heck was that?!
Rarity: [as she approaches the location] Oh, nothing much...but, I do believe I found something…[reaches down into the sand and pulls out the key]...ta-da!
Chris: [as he cleans himself off] Normally, I'd be uber ticked off with you, but considering you actually used your brains and looked in the place no one would think to look for, I decree that Rarity wins the challenge for Team Pulverizer!
[Balto and Steele breathe a sigh as they finally settle down from the instance digging]
Rufus: Oh, what a relief…[plops down in the sand from exhaustion]
[static buzzing]
Rarity: That feeling you get when you win a challenge for the whole time...best feeling ever! [squeals giddly]
[static buzzing]
Chris: Team Punisher, I'll be seeing you at the Campfire Ceremony, hope I didn't rub any sand in the wounds. [chuckles]
Jo: [kicks at the sand in frustration, but steadies herself before doing anything too rash] Just...you know what to do…
[scene cuts to black, at the Campfire Ceremony]
Chris: Welcome back, Team Punisher, it's all come down to you guys. Which one of you will be heading home tonight, I'm just dying to know.
Jo: [looks toward Anne Maria] What are you looking all smiley about?
Anne Maria: Oh, no reason…
Jo: Hmm…
[static buzzing]
Anne Maria: I wouldn't mind winnin' a million big ones, but not at the expense of all dis. I mean, all dis crazy s**t I've had to do on this show simply ain't worth my time.
[static buzzing]
Chris: Alright, now that the votes have been cast, it comes as a surprise to me to see a unanimous vote among you all. As it stands, the vote stands against…
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Anne Maria!
Anne Maria: [stands up] Oh, finally. I can't wait ta' get outta' dis dump.
[scene cuts to the Dock of Shame as Team Punisher stands at attention as Anne Maria boards the Boat of Losers]
Anne Maria: [breathes a sigh of relief] Hooooo, it's so good ta' have some quality time with you, baby…[kisses her can of hairspray as she applies it to her hair]
Chef: [as he smells the fumes from the driver's cab] Oh, for cryin' out loud…
[the boat departs from the dock and sets off into the night before it disappears into the distance]
Chris: Well, I guess the atmosphere will be a little easier to breathe without Anne Maria's noxious fumes. [chuckles] With that, we're down to seven. Who's next to take a ride to loserdom, and who will stick around to win the big ones? Find out next time on Total...Drama...Reloaded!
[scene cuts to black as the episode ends]