Iori always terrible no exceptions.
That awful moment of cringe tho lmao.
Since geeseHoward is actually a buff blonde man.
Tremendous oof
*Brrrrrr*
*Brrrrrr*
*Brrrrrr*
"Ughhh damn..."
Iori cracked open an eye and laboriously rolled over to gingerly pick up his buzzing phone from the bedside table. His fingertips hurt something awful and he winced as the pressure caused a scab to crack on his pinky, and he felt blood begin to seep out.
Shiiit...
Iori had never lost a fingernail before, and he found it not only very painful, but also extremely inconvenient. He could barely do anything without flinching and bleeding - and he had a pretty good pain tolerance. Cursed flames hurt pretty badly, but the pain vanished as soon as the flame extinguished. The duration made things tolerable… but losing all his fingernails? Hell not only did it hurt like a bitch, but it kept hurting… and nobody would give him any painkillers because, 'I won't have you losing yourself to opioid addiction, young heir.'
Who the fuck cares about opioid addiction… I almost started crying trying to wipe my own ass, my hands hurt so bad.
This morning, at about eleven o'clock, Iori had gotten fished - delirious - from the bottom of the bay. After first aid, which consisted of nothing less than two gallons of IV fluids being piped through his veins and being forced to eat what he was pretty certain was baby food, Iori had napped for a few hours before being rudely awakened by his buzzing cellphone.
He gritted his teeth and bravely made the appropriate finger-taps to answer the call, then answered with his usual greeting.
"Hello, who the fuck?"
A gravelly voice responded to him across the line.
*... Yagami, this is Geese Howard.*
Iori barked out a laugh. There was no way in hell Geese Howard decided to call him after locking him in a box for three days. This was probably a salesperson. A really gutsy salesperson.
"Yeah, sure you are. What'cha selling?"
A short pause over the phone, then the man spoke. The guy actually did sound a lot like Geese Howard. This must be his sales gimmick. It was pretty amusing, so Iori decided to entertain him.
*I'm not selling, I'm buying. I have a proposition for y-*
Iori groaned and rolled his eyes. These car dealerships were always after his beautiful red mustang.
"I'm not selling my car. Stay away from her, she was the final gift from my neighbor… she's also fucking expensive to upkeep 'cause that bastard Rock Howard keeps taking her drag racing and I swear the little shithead is trying to ruin her. Have you seen what he can do? Manages to hit every single pothole in the stre-"
The salesman interrupted him. He was beginning to sound annoyed.
*I don't want to buy your car, Yagami. I'm here to buy your… * a pause, *your peculiar services. In exchange I-*
Iori didn't miss a beat. He was bored, and set his heart on harassing the cold-caller.
"My services? Sorry, I'm not selling ass either, and even if I did, you couldn't afford me, and even if you could, I wouldn't even consider it… unless you're a buff blonde man. Are you buff blonde man?"
*What!? You-*
The salesperson seemed shocked, then added disgust into his tone before he continued. His voice was authoritative, and Iori hesitated before egging the man further. He was suddenly struck with the sense that this man wasn't one to be trifled with. Strange.
*Enough!*
Iori blinked and kept silent. There was a moments pause before the Geese Howard sound-a-like continued.
*Tomorrow morning, Rock Howard and Kain Heinlein are going to attempt a raid on Geese Tower.*
Iori opened his mouth, then shut it again. Hold on. Was this man actually Geese Howard? No fucking way.
*And when they do, I will kill both Kain and Rock. They don't stand a chance against me… I am giving you the opportunity to intervene on your beloved employee's behalf. Are you listening, Yagami?*
A pause. Iori's mind spun. Rock wasn't supposed to be doing any fighting. In fact, no one was supposed to know he was involved with Kain at all. Iori had recalled giving his nutjob employee strict instructions not to participate in any of the vigilante operations… but the very fact that Geese Howard knew the boy's name meant that Rock did not take the warnings seriously.
Shit! Is that why Geese kidnapped me? Because he drew the connection between me and Rock? Howard you little fuck… I swear you're nothing but trouble…
Iori grimly confirmed the speaker.
"So... Oh hell...You're actually Geese Howard."
Geese didn't honor the inquiry with a response. It was already an implied: 'yes'
*Kain Heinlein is a flames user. Intercept him as he climbs my tower, and kill him and his men before they reach my penthouse. Rock Howard will be with them. Murder him, extract him, do whatever you want with the boy. I won't demand his death… however, if I see him in the penthouse - he will die by my hand. Do you understand the conditions of my proposal?*
Iori frowned. He didn't do contracts often at all. Was Rock really about to fight one of the scariest gang leaders on the western hemisphere? If this were true, then Iori absolutely needed to stop him. Geese Howard was giving him that opportunity for the small, small price of a couple hits… but why the hell would he do that?
Iori voiced his concerns.
"Why would you bother offering me this? You sound fishy."
Geese didn't hesitate in his answer.
*Because I don't want my men to fight their old boss. I also don't want to kill my own son. Is that good enough reason for you, Yagami?*
Pretty reasonable.
Iori pondered for a short moment, but in the end could not come up with any argument against why he shouldn't take this offer. It was possible that this was a trap - but something told Iori it wasn't. It felt clean... And besides, Riot was hungry. It had been bitching and moaning about Big Man for the past several hours, and… wait…
Iori spoke up, inadvertently squeezing his cell phone until his bandages were dyed red. He stared at the phone screen as if he could see the man across the line.
"Okay Howard. I'll take your offer. I'll kill Kain's crew for you, and I don't want you coming after Rock once this is all finished-"
*... Good, I'll send a car to fetch you.*
"-But I want one more thing."
Silence over the line. Geese's tone went dark.
*Are you really in the position to make demands? I'm already doing you a service by talking to you.*
"Well I want something, so I'm going to ask for it. Have you got a problem?"
Iori shrugged. Not seeing the issue. He could almost hear Geese rolling his eyes.
*What is this 'else' that you want.*
"I want Big Man."
A long silence. Geese was certainly consulting with someone. After a moment, he returned to the phone.
*Would giving you Big Man motivate you?*
Riot had started salivating, and Iori was fairly certain Geese could hear it in his voice. He panted an answer.
"Yes, yes… very much so. I want him alive. I have all sorts of things planned for him."
*Then I'll give him to you for a job well done. A car will arrive at your hotel in 20 minutes. Don't be late.*
When you sneak out of the house to do some vigilante operations for your enemy gang. Ggyag. And also thanks devil mom.